I need a friend...

NikkiLynn76
NikkiLynn76 Posts: 40
edited September 24 in Health and Weight Loss
Ok, that sounds pathetic. I have wonderful MFP friends. I have a wonderful support group through the WTE Moms I met when I was pregnant with my now two year old. But...

Last Oct I had a falling out with my best friend. We talked/texted/chatted every single day. A lot. We supported each other. We were alike in a lot of ways. Personality wise. Weight problems. Depression issues. She had two kids (and a hubby which I don't have) and although she was almost ten years younger she and I had lived a lot of the same kind of life.

We have not spoken since the very beginning of Oct. I really don't know anyone where I live now. I've been here for almost two years, but it's a tiny town and I'm a single mom. I don't go "out".

One of my weight problems comes from depression/emotion/boredom eating. Food became my friend. I have gone up and down since I started in Dec. I have let myself become discouraged. I have kept on logging but I stopped exercising, and didn't watch what I ate as well.

I am back on track. I have walked for the last three days. As in out in the fresh air walking. It felt good. I have made a commitment to myself to exercise in some form every single day. I'm eating good, or better. I opened my diary to make myself more accountable to the public. (hard for me because I am terrified of criticism.)

I can only say I have a different frame of mind this time. I wish I could say I won't get discouraged again, but I can only say that I will do my best one day at a time. Luckily I haven't back slid in my weight loss. I did allow myself to become a slave to the scale. It's now put away and I will weigh on the 1st and only on the 1st of each month.

I also meal plan but I just buy meals for seven days and various other things. This time I am literally planning every breakfast, lunch and dinner by date. So there's no question about what to eat and hopefully no allowing for cravings.

Maybe someday I will find a "friend" again. Someone I actually have a lot in common with and we can support each other daily. Maybe not. But until then... I guess I'm still here.

Replies

  • Zuznana
    Zuznana Posts: 284 Member
    It's hard to lose a friend. When I moved back to England when expecting my first child, I thought I will just take off when I left off. But things were different with child and I lost touch with all my friends as I wasn't going out anymore so felt very lonely too (even though I had husband as well). So I fully understand the boredom, depression eating. It got me to size 18 (UK. I think it's 16 large in US). I do hope you find a good friend again. Until then, we are here for you (well, sorry for talking for other people, lol). I know I won't criticise your diary as I still have days where I allow myself to cheat a bit or have more or have junk food or take-outs.

    This is a lifestyle change and I always have on my mind what I was told here at the beginning, when I was stressing about eating birthday cake I made for my son.. "Unless you are planning on never having cake again, have a slice and log it in".

    Good luck on your journey, you will get there. :wink:
  • carguy42503
    carguy42503 Posts: 24 Member
    Good luck finding that close friend that you need. I know how you feel. I have lived here in Phoenix for almost 4 years & have had a very difficult time trying to find someone that I can connect with. However, mfp has been great & if you need another friend on here, please send me a request. It is great that most of us on here are going through a lot of the same things & can relate...
  • OBXGal
    OBXGal Posts: 113 Member
    Yay to you for posting this! First off, although I've been on here for one week, I don't think that anyone on here would be critical of you. If anything, people offer advice and encouragement. We are all in the same boat in some way and many on here have great info to share with us :)

    I too, like you, don't have a huge friend circle right now as I just relocated in December. I definitely eat out of boredom, snack late night, etc which I'm trying to cut out or at least make healthy choices. I am the ONLY one that I know that's doing I this, and you know what, that's okay, because I'm doing it for me :) Just be really active on the site, become friends with people that will offer encouragement and help you along the way...which is everyone that I've talked to!

    Good luck and stay strong girl! Friend me if you like, I promise to give you advice and encouragement! :flowerforyou:
  • anthonybc
    anthonybc Posts: 13
    Losing any friend is tough. Even though I am only 22 I have lost many close friends for various reasons. Coming back from it can be hard. But whatever happens you have yourself and your children.

    You seem to have the right idea with beginning to exercise and planning your meals. Committing to a exercise program is hard at first. Give it a month of trial and error to see what fits your lifestyle. As long as you are consistent you should be just fine. And dont worry if you miss a day or a week of exercise and eating right. Realize your goals and then just move forward.

    I hope you reach your goals :) And I hope you can reconcile with your friend or move on to better things. Best wishes
  • MeghanAM
    MeghanAM Posts: 222 Member
    I totally hear you. I moved back to my hometown after college, and I know no one here now. I want to meet new people, and maybe find a friend who is on the same page as I am (overweight but trying to lose) that I can walk with and have healthy dinners with... I have my husband, but it's not the same.
  • NikkiLynn76
    NikkiLynn76 Posts: 40
    Thanks all. Some days it's just harder than others. I normally keep things like this to myself, but for some reason I felt like "venting" so to speak. I have three great kids so I'm never really "alone" but it's not the same as having another adult to talk to. My best friend lived six hours from me. We didn't get to hang out, or anything... but we texted and chatted everyday and played video games at night (yes I'm a total geek) and it made me feel like I wasn't alone in life. I wish I could find some more Xbox 360 friends... I miss that outlet! LOL

    Everyone tells me someday I will find someone "special" (male) but I think I have myself convinced that I'm never going to find that person... especially not being where I am with my weight. Every time I find even a male friend, they judge on weight and that hurts. I mean because I'm fat (sorry I am fat) that means I'm not a good friend?

    I can do the exercise. I can eat right. But I think it's an emotional and mental commitment as well as a physical one, and I just feel like most days I am alone in this. Even though logically I have MFP (and truly wouldn't have made it this far without).

    Feel free to add me if anyone wants to.
  • Zuznana
    Zuznana Posts: 284 Member
    xbox 360 rocks, lol. I use to play a lot...until few months ago. I just can't afford cold anymore atm and I started exercising so between that , kids, husband (who is on it all the time) and a dog, I don't get much chance to play. Shame you are on such a different timezone. What games do you like playing? My all time favourites are Elder scrolls Morrowind and then Oblivion, but I use to love Gears of war and CoD4. Gears was so just addictive.....the online bit. We even had Czech republic (me and my czech friends) vs England (my friends in here) match and we kicked their bottoms, lol......will be quiet now, could probably talk a bit more about games, but that is going completely off topic, lol:laugh:
  • TabiHerbalifeCoach
    TabiHerbalifeCoach Posts: 691 Member
    Hunny read my profile, i have almost the same story a few tweaks here and there, I'm a single mom two kids, active duty military no family for friends to speak of for hundreds and hundreds of miles!. If you want to talk, message me, you can find me on FB too sassy0913@gmail.com
  • NikkiLynn76
    NikkiLynn76 Posts: 40
    xbox 360 rocks, lol. I use to play a lot...until few months ago. I just can't afford cold anymore atm and I started exercising so between that , kids, husband (who is on it all the time) and a dog, I don't get much chance to play. Shame you are on such a different timezone. What games do you like playing? My all time favourites are Elder scrolls Morrowind and then Oblivion, but I use to love Gears of war and CoD4. Gears was so just addictive.....the online bit. We even had Czech republic (me and my czech friends) vs England (my friends in here) match and we kicked their bottoms, lol......will be quiet now, could probably talk a bit more about games, but that is going completely off topic, lol:laugh:

    Xbox is definitely awesome! I used to play a lot as well, but now I'm usually doing house stuff, homework or chasing my toddler. Sometimes my older two watch her and I can play. I love love both Gears and cannot wait for 3 to come out in Sept. I never played much CoD4 but I played CoD 5 (world at war) all the time and love it, especially zombies. Also MW2 and Black ops. Still a zombie freak with black ops. I have never played Elder Scrolls but I want to. I have FF13 still to try. I bought it brand new and my "friend" borrowed it and I just got it back a month ago.
  • NikkiLynn76
    NikkiLynn76 Posts: 40
    Hunny read my profile, i have almost the same story a few tweaks here and there, I'm a single mom two kids, active duty military no family for friends to speak of for hundreds and hundreds of miles!. If you want to talk, message me, you can find me on FB too sassy0913@gmail.com

    Thanks. I will add you on FB. Mine is facebook.com/ceismomma

    I read your profile and I went through a lot of the same stuff during my childhood. You are doing an amazing job, btw!
  • ngory07
    ngory07 Posts: 194 Member
    I actually went through a similar thing a few years ago. Right before I started nursing school my best friend and me had a falling out and never spoke again. She eventually moved to New York. We talked everyday and about everything. We had kids only 5 months apart in age. Both single moms both overweight. I understand the longing for someone to talk to and be there. I have "friends" at my church but no one that I can tell all to w/o fear of judgement. If you ever need to talk Im here. Im still a single mom and have depression issues. I actually just had WLS so it kind of forced me to look at why I eat b/c Im not hungry just in my head. But I was a big emotional/binge eater too. Hope things start looking up.
  • Court2180
    Court2180 Posts: 17 Member
    I know how you feel. My good friend & I had a falling out in December but for me it was actually a good thing. She made me feel worse about myself than I should! And I moved back to Texas, where I had tons of friends in my junior high days, but 16 years later we've all lost touch and it is hard to make new friends as an adult.
    AWESOME job on your success so far, keep it up you CAN do it!
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