Not getting support.

jadehall44
jadehall44 Posts: 4
edited September 24 in Motivation and Support
I only started using my calorie counter the other day but my partner is not very supportive and is being extremely selfish. This morning i got up and made myself 2slices on toast followed by him making cheese on toast waving it in my face and a "mmmm this tastes so good" comment then he decided to get the chocolates down we had left from Christmas and open them and eat them right in front of me, on a normal day he wouldn't act like this and i think he is being extremely selfish as he knows how unhappy i am with my body atm and would love to loose weight i just do not understand why he is waving the temptation in my face.

Replies

  • ryzola
    ryzola Posts: 51 Member
    Sounds like he is just not taking you seriously with your weight loss goals. I had this with various people for the last 5 years. Some times people don't even realise they are doing anything wrong. They mean it in jest, but the truth is they can actually be discouraging you.

    Have you actually told him it bothers you? As in...actually sat down, explained your goals, what makes you happy and that you would like support? If not, I suggest that, otherwise perhaps he is just not looking out for your best interests.
  • JeanMargaret
    JeanMargaret Posts: 69
    I've got to agree with Ryzola. Definitely, express to him how important this journey is for you and tell him that it'd be nice to have his support. Maybe, make him feel as though he could be part of your success. Tell him you'd greatly benefit from his positivity and support in this venture. He may honestly believe he's being funny, in a sarcastic way, or something - let him know that he's not funny.

    I pray it turns around for you.

    *hugs*

    Jean
  • rebrafe
    rebrafe Posts: 64
    I am sorry to hear that. Does he need to lose some weight also? Sometimes people have a difficult time watching the person they are with make these kinds of changes, because for some reason it makes them insecure. Not trying to psycho analyze it, just think it is a great thing to get into a good healthy lifestyle and it would be great to make that change together. My suggestion is just keep it up, keep strong and do this for you. Good luck!
  • SugarHighAbbie
    SugarHighAbbie Posts: 36
    My boyfriend was like this (eating chocolates and packs of biscuits while I was eating apples or nothing). It took me walking off and crying for him to stop doing it...He still eats loads (I have to remember he is male and needs more than me) but he doesn't rub it in my face or scoff while I'm there.
    Try telling him,not just on the off chance, but sit down and tell him it's upsetting you.
    Hope it works :)
  • ScatteredWriter
    ScatteredWriter Posts: 43
    I agree with ryzola...

    I know also that our partners & others can be really threatened when we make life changes. Their not sure what it means for them, if we're gonna force them to eat things they don't want to, if we're going to (as my mother once put it) "leave them in the dust."

    Tell him what you need, be specific about what's ok and what is hurtful, and then just do your thing. You are strong - you can do it!
  • skinnylizzard
    skinnylizzard Posts: 460 Member
    Don't worry, you'll have the last laugh as he puts on weight and you start trimming down! Then you can tease him by grabbing his love handles and patting his belly!!! Hahahahaha!!!
  • ramseyrose
    ramseyrose Posts: 421 Member
    It such a shame that he is being like this. Just walk away and ignore him. He may not know how annoying he is being but could it be he is worried about what will happen if you lose weight. Some men feel threatened when their partners lose weight because we gain so much confidence when we do. My hubby likes it because I feel more sexy (sorry if that is too much info).

    Just ignore him; it will be worth it in the end.

    :flowerforyou:
  • nskerr
    nskerr Posts: 91
    I don't know how much you need to lose. Show him that you are serious and that his temptations mean nothing. Wait a few weeks and hopefully you will be down some weight. If you don't have to lose a ton after dropping maybe 5-10lbs say something like this guy at work or somewhere you go a lot asked if I had been losing weight because you look good. Then see what happens.
  • forty3fab
    forty3fab Posts: 148 Member
    My son makes fun of me weighing my food, counting chips, etc. I just don't let it bother me. I tell him that I gained weight by NOT paying attention to what I was eating, and now I am!

    You are doing this for you. Yes, he should not be so selfish and you should tell him how you feel. But remember, you are doing this for you and if you tell yourself that you will not let anyone get in your way, then you can do it!! Maybe he will stop doing it when he sees it doesn't bother you. Best of luck!
  • NoExcuseTina
    NoExcuseTina Posts: 506 Member
    sometimes our partners do not want us to succeed...it is their insecurity of losing us if we are thinner

    sometimes our partners do not know they are sabotaging us...my hubby will ask me if I want some of the candy bar he is eating...I respond with no and please stop asking...he immediately apologizes (he thinks he is being nice and forgets I have changed my eating

    suggestion...try to get your partner to work out with you...my hubby and I have been working out for a year now lifting weights together...and it has been a blessing...we have gotten so much closer as a couple

    just a few thoughts!
  • meggonkgonk
    meggonkgonk Posts: 2,066 Member
    I know the mature thing to do is sit and talk about why that kind of behavoir is bothering you, and in most cases I would be completely in favor of the high road. BUT when your partner is being that overtly mean, I say kick him in the shins and tell him to stop being such a douche. Sure there's a lot of guy/girl communication issues esp when it comes to insecurities, but this kind of childish crap is meant to make you feel bad and I think your irritation at it should not be surprising or unexpected.
  • jadehall44
    jadehall44 Posts: 4
    Thankyou all for your comments there are some good suggestions there, He works in the catering department at the hospital and has just had his mum bring me a coronation chicken baguette, packet of crisps, a choclate flapjack and a bottle of full fat cocacola (knowing full well i have NEVER EVER drank full fat coke always diet) i think its all a joke to him, hes a 27 year old man so i think he should know better then this. I just dont think sitting down and talking it over with him would help, He has also mentioned the fact that because im dieting i shouldn't expect him to which i dont i would just like more support.
  • carolyne2
    carolyne2 Posts: 109
    Awe hun, comming at it from another angle, maybe he is trying to get you so mad that your determination to prove him wrong will overtake you.Rise above it babes, its better if he does support you for your sake, BUT if you want to loose the weight that badly you will do it with or without him. Put yourself first and do what YOU need to do to make you happy and if that means letting him eat the chocolates without you, let him get on with it,. It's his waist line not yours. You go girl. :):flowerforyou:
  • carolyne2
    carolyne2 Posts: 109
    Thankyou all for your comments there are some good suggestions there, He works in the catering department at the hospital and has just had his mum bring me a coronation chicken baguette, packet of crisps, a choclate flapjack and a bottle of full fat cocacola (knowing full well i have NEVER EVER drank full fat coke always diet) i think its all a joke to him, hes a 27 year old man so i think he should know better then this. I just dont think sitting down and talking it over with him would help, He has also mentioned the fact that because im dieting i shouldn't expect him to which i dont i would just like more support.


    Ahhhhhhhhhh I see now, he's only 27 bless, what do you expect :) Shoulders back hun, chin up, clench fist and swing in direction of his chin or lower if you so wish to make your point. :laugh:
  • earthymom
    earthymom Posts: 52 Member
    He'll be sorry and jealous when you reach your weight loss goal and he sees everyone admiring your new physique. :)
  • hroush
    hroush Posts: 2,073 Member
    Awe hun, comming at it from another angle, maybe he is trying to get you so mad that your determination to prove him wrong will overtake you.

    Men are not that complicated. He thinks it's funny. You must tell him straight out what he is doing is hurting you (tears work very well). If he still continues... I don't know.
  • Nich0le
    Nich0le Posts: 2,906 Member
    Something I have learned in almost 20 years of marriage is that men DO NOT think like women and if you want his support you need to tell him EXACTLY what help and support you need, no hinting, no halfsies you just have to tell him. For examply, my husband and kids have this incredible metabolism, My husband quit smoking and turned to his candy he would keep at least two dozen candy bars in the fridge at any given time and sit down and eat 4 with a giant glass of milk every night. I finally told him that sweets are one of my weaknesses and him keeping all that candy in the house is the same temptation to me as it would be to him if I left a lit cigarette in front of him everyday.....he got it and candy is no longer kept in the house. Besides I pointed out that he doesn't need candy everyday either.

    My husband is a chef too and I told him I can't have heavy cream and butter in everything either so knock that crap out, sounds like you may need to do the same with yours, if he wants to send food your way tell him you appreciate it but you really need it to be healthy :wink: Otherwise, you have to realize you have a partner that isn't ready or doesn't want to support this and do it on your own, you are your own best support system after all.
  • PoleBoy
    PoleBoy Posts: 255 Member
    My partner actively discouraged me from exercise and food restriction - when challenged about it, it was because they were insecure about me "buffing up" to leave them.

    It is more subtle now, but my weaknesses are tempted (I can't bear to see food wasted, so packets are left 3/4 empty as I'm likely to "finish them off") my favourite snacks are bought (jaffa cakes, malt loaf, hummus) and if I ever treat myself to something, it turns up again and again for a couple of weeks..
  • CassieLEO
    CassieLEO Posts: 757 Member
    Unfortunately guys can just be jerks sometimes. They think they are playfully teasing and it hurts. Keep your chin up and keep coming on here, we will help you feel better about everything. Just because someone holds something by you doesnt mean you arent strong enough to say "Nice try *kitten*" and go about your diet the way YOU feel like doing it.
  • daniran
    daniran Posts: 233 Member
    Sounds like he may be threatened by the possibility of you becoming a new slimmer you... Remember, you are doing this for you! Picture yourself successful and how YOU are going to feel about YOU. Temptation is hard (very hard in the beginning) - but not as hard as your resolve to CHANGE! GO AHEAD, YOU CAN DO THIS!
  • daniran
    daniran Posts: 233 Member
    GOOD LUCK!
  • daniran
    daniran Posts: 233 Member
    Thankyou all for your comments there are some good suggestions there, He works in the catering department at the hospital and has just had his mum bring me a coronation chicken baguette, packet of crisps, a choclate flapjack and a bottle of full fat cocacola (knowing full well i have NEVER EVER drank full fat coke always diet) i think its all a joke to him, hes a 27 year old man so i think he should know better then this. I just dont think sitting down and talking it over with him would help, He has also mentioned the fact that because im dieting i shouldn't expect him to which i dont i would just like more support.
    I've just read your latest comments. He's definitely frightened. But, don't let that deterr you from your goals.
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