Had a very tough weekend. Just about quit

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I experienced the strangest thing Friday night. I gave up.

I don't know why. My goals remain, but they didn't seem that important anymore. I don't know if it's because I am looking to win the two BiggestLoser competitions I'm involved in, or my head is telling me I'm going to get there. But I just....stopped counting, didn't want to exercise. I saw what was available to eat, and rather than saying, "I used to eat that one, but now I'm losing weight, so I'll choose this one", I said, "I've been doing good. And I don't care. I'll eat a little of what's good for me, and a little of what I really want."

Sunday night I said to my wife, "I'm slipping" because I didn't want to say what had really happened. In so doing, I guess I was back on the horse. Maybe.

So what put me here? No idea. Part of me wants to say it's because I have a lot of balls in the air, and weight loss is one of them. It requires my attention and energy, much more than just eating and living does; it's not automatic. And sadly, like some of my juggled balls do, I think this one was dropped.

The worst part? I know it takes energy and attention, and I'm hesitant to give it. It's SUCH a SLOW process. It's so challenging to stay on top of it. And it's expensive! It costs SO much more to eat healthy. I'm frustrated that my kids are already programmed to like processed foods more than healthy, whole foods. I hate making a good meal and having them pick it apart and leave half on the plate.

Whine whine whine. Life is tough, I have to keep remembering that.

No, I'm not going to give up. I really do want to lose this weight. Perhaps I need to change my focus from my three-year, not-sure-if-it's-possible goal of 120 pounds back down to a shorter, easier to hit goal. Small rewards.

Has anyone else felt like they were looking over the edge of a cliff, and rather than running away, sat down, dangled their legs, and seriously contemplated jumping? I'm not going to jump, but I'm still swinging my legs.

Replies

  • NAMsMommy
    NAMsMommy Posts: 132 Member
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    Keeping up this routine is HARD. I am not going to lie, but I am proof that slow and steady it does come off. Prior to MFP I was on another site tracking, and lost 30 lbs already.

    The rule I live by is 10% goals. I make a goal to lose 10% of my body weight and set a realistic goal. My first was like six months and I didn't meet it, one month later I did. Right now I am aiming for 175, just shy of 10 away, my next 10% goal by June.

    Keep at it. I am a full-time student, work part time for the school, am in the middle of my internship, and have three kids at home. If I can do this, you can do this. Keep going!
  • Newfiedan
    Newfiedan Posts: 1,517 Member
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    its about finding balance, no one is going to be a nazi drill sergeant on the diet regimen unless they are a personal trainer or are paranoid about it, so you had a hiccup big deal the main thing is that you got back on the horse and got back in the game. Its not how many times you fail, no one remembers the failures everyone remembers the success, hence the reason why I started a mens group with diet/workout tips and general support, feel free to join in and add me as a friend if you like.
  • baisleac
    baisleac Posts: 2,019 Member
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    Definately consider smaller, intermediate goals. Don't give up on the Big Goal, but allow yourself rewards for small successes.

    Every little thing helps and should be celebrated.
  • 3kidsin3years
    3kidsin3years Posts: 116 Member
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    Keep at it, you're doing well! The most important part is that you DIDN'T quit, so that shows that you really don't want to, that you want to be a healthy person and are willing to work at it! Give your kids time, as they get older and if you keep putting it in front of them, I bet they'll be more willing to eat better. (I heard somewhere that it takes babies up to 50 times to finally like a food?? I know yours aren't all babies, but still, persistence, it works in our household most of the time!) You can do this, don't give up, you have great motivators. I think the small goals thing will be a big help, that way you an see that you've met past goals and motivate you to keep going! Good luck and hang in there!
  • efry200894
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    Keep at it - just had a weekend like that - had too much on and when it came to sitting down and eating I went for convenience rather than healthy - so thats another pound or two that I'm not going to count this week ... but don't stop ... I'll hit it the week after.

    I'd worry if I was doing it every day - or even every week - but every now and then I think I can live with. I've got around 20lbs off so far this year - and admit that I do feel better for it ... still got a way to go ... but not going to give in .... :-)
  • t_rog
    t_rog Posts: 363 Member
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    YES. I want to quit everyday. I got extremely motivated a few months ago to lose weight, and started going to the gym 6 days a week. Well, two months later my only result was gaining 6 pounds. I was frustrated, pissed off, sad and just wanted to quit. But someone pointed out to me "This is a life-long issue. It's not like you're just giving up trying a hobby. You'll ALWAYS need to strive towards being healthy." I realized that it's really not something I can give up on. Even if i'm not seeing my desired results, i'm still doing something good for myself. And with a little tweaking, i'll improve.

    As for it being expensive, yeah...not much to say on that except that it SUCKS. It seems unfair and backwards. Fruit is fairly inexpensive, though. And I find little snacks (ie: Bumblebee Sensations Tuna Medley, yogurt, Ready Pac Ready Snax) are about the same price as a bag of chips.

    Don't give up. We're all here when you feel like you want to.
  • crazyfob07
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    First is first, you need to forgive yourself. Dust off and pick yourself up. I agree it is a time intensive process but you gotta remember what is your goal, are you doing this for yourself? Health? For your kids? Your wife? I had a horrible binge this weekend eating everything I shouldn't have but did I enjoy it. Yes I did, can I continue that life style no. I dusted off reminding myself why I am doing this and got back on track.

    Be like water, stop worrying about this and that, just remember 1 pounds loss in a week is just that, 1 pounds lose. Progression is still progression regardless what form it takes. Keep to it, that's all I can ever ask, because you didn't get fat overnight. We all have our own monsters to vanquish you are not in it alone.
  • helthymom6
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    I once heard it said that those that are most sucessful with weight lose long term are those who allow themselves the luxury of a small spluge and don't then feel like they might as well give up since they blew one meal or one day. Keep up the great work and know that you will finally be able to reach your goal.
  • benitocereno
    benitocereno Posts: 101 Member
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    I understand your frustration, but maybe you should think about it in a new light. When you look at it as "quitting" you're already losing, because that is you telling yourself you're doing something "out of the ordinary" or hard. What you're doing isn't "out of the ordinary," it's your new "ordinary." As long as it's something you see as a chore it's not going to be sustainable. Fitness is about a lifestyle change - I guarantee when you reach your goals you'll never believe you did and ate half the **** you did before.

    I'll give you a little anecdote. There are two women at my work who both weigh roughly 250lbs. Woman A met with a nutritionist and started losing weight at ~2 lbs a week about a year ago. Woman B has been on Weight Watchers, Food-Lovers diet, Atkins, and South Beach. I was at lunch with Woman B last week and asked her how her diet was going - she told me she was disgusted because she only lost 5 lbs in her first month and is switching back to Weight Watchers. Later that day I saw Woman A and she looked fantastic. She has always been incredibly quiet about her weight loss and has trouble talking about it, but I dragged it out of her because she noticed my changes as well. What was her secret? She kept going. She didn't quit after a month and "just five pounds."

    Now I doubt Woman A would say her journey has been easy, but with how she looks and feels now, it seems like the easiest thing in the world; a real no-brainer. Woman B struggles every month because "nothing works." "The Tortoise and the Hare" exists for a reason. It's what I tell everyone - it takes you years to put weight on, what makes you think it's going to come off any faster?

    It's cliche and stupid, but true: "Winners never quit, quitters never win." There is nothing wrong with having an "off" day as long as you realize what you are putting in your mouth and the work it's going to take to live with it. For proof: I had ~4000 calories this Saturday at "boys weekend" (there was a lot of alcohol involved...). Today I am sore sore sore from the football and other exercising I did to get "back on track." Monitoring calories doesn't exist to stop your life, it exists to enhance it in the long run!

    You can do it ShunkyDave - stop swinging your legs and get back in that ring! In a few months everyone is going to be asking you "what your secret" is. And deep down inside you're going to know it was one small step at a time, day after day, not a race to the finish line. Good luck!
  • Artemis_Blooms
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    For me, I think I'm kind of used to the discipline. I have celiac disease, and it required a great strength of will to change my diet. That being said, I had trouble with my weight.

    I hated myself too much to try to lose it. I had lost lot's of weight 2 times before, and due to uncontrollable conditions (new medications, lack of all medication) it came back on.

    Then something changed this year. My whole life is falling apart, and turned upside down. And I am just FED UP with feeling like crap! This crap IS hard, but having people to help "ra-ra" you on is very important.

    And when I start to feel like you're currently feeling, I analyze it and then look for ways to feel good about what I'm doing. I try hard not to focus on the total outcome and live in the present. Day by day. Some days I'm awesome, some days I'm not. I talk to friends, read stuff, and post on facebook and here if I feel like I need some support.

    You're doing good just by reaching out to a whole community of humans who are struggling with the very thing you are struggling with!!!

    Good luck to you, and your journey. You will make it! Don't give up!

    P.S.
    I've heard about this book I want to buy. (It's also a tv show) It's called "Cook Yourself Thin" (or skinny, not sure) but basically, these dieticians make all of our favorite foods but with half the calories. They also explain how not to lose flavor either, so maybe the kiddos won't be able to tell! (just as a side not, my mother used to make WW meals that tasted awful! I've learned myself how to start making low cal, tasty food!) Oh, and the ladies made CUPCAKES for half the calories! It looked really good, and the ingredients were weird, but you would never know!

    Sorry my advice is so long winded! Good luck! :)
  • kkellam1
    kkellam1 Posts: 182 Member
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    There have been some really good responses here so far. I hope that you take the time to read them and find what works for you.

    I just have two things for you: The advice about the "new normal" is exactly right. You can't look at your eating as a temporary change or that it is some way restricting you. Eating healthy just needs to be the only option. You can't even think about the decision because then you will feel like you are denying yourself something. That leads to cheats, which just leads to making deals with yourself, which leads to more cheats and that defeats the whole purpose. You can find healthy alternatives that you will enjoy. The difference is the mindset. Healthy choices aren't a punishement or a restriction. They are a positive thing that you are doing for yourself. If and when you do slip, don't beat yourself up over it. Learn from it and move on. Make a different decision next time and celebrate the fact that you did. It's all about focusing on the positive.

    Second is the way I look at goals. I, too, have a lofty goal of 100 pounds. I set my goal ticker at 80, but that's because I will be doing the happy dance and then setting a new goal when I get to the 80. But the important thing is that I don't look at my goals as a win or lose situation. I have targets that I would like to reach by a certain time because that helps me visualize what is in my future - I like to know what the prize at the end of rainbow looks like. But I know deep down inside that even if I miss the deadline or even if I stabilize at 75 out of the 100 or whatever, I have won. I won the day that I put the junk food away and walked around the block for the first time. Why? Because I was already healthier than I was the day before.

    You have made the decision to make a change. You have taken some action towards it. You are already a winner. The key now is to get your head into the game and move forward. Look at every day as a victory and focus on the positives. Every step you take, every calorie you don't consume, every meal that you make better choices about is a big win. Use the wins to pump yourself up. Pretty soon the wins will become bigger and bigger and the momentum will take over.

    The fact that you took the time to write and post your story says a lot. You reached out to a great group of people and many have reached back. Not everybody can get the ball rolling by themselves. For a lot people, it's easier with a support group. You clearly have one with the people on this site. Keep using us when you need us. We'll make a difference in our lives and we'll help each other when necessary.
  • dshalbert
    dshalbert Posts: 677 Member
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    I started getting it together April of 2010. I hit 200lbs and had to go on blood pressure meds. I started slowly and have lost 30 lbs so far. While it is coming off slower than I would like, I feel that I have really made a lifestyle change. I can run, excercise most days of the week actually don't eat junk because I don't buy it anymore so it isn't around. It's as if I looked up one day and my life was different. Yeah right, not really, but I think those good habits are finally setting in. I don't deny myself too much but then again the craving are slighlty different and less intense. Yesterday I totally went over my calories and laid around the house all day and thorougly enjoyed it. But didnt beat my self up for it because in my life that is the exception not the rule. So today I'm back on track living my new normal, which for me will include a break every now and then :flowerforyou:

    I like your idea about the mini goals. That's what keeps me going. I sign up to run a 5k every few months.
  • callipygianchronicle
    callipygianchronicle Posts: 811 Member
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    Really wonderful and thoughtful responses so far.

    I’ll just ask you if you’ve given some thought to why you are on the journey in the first place? Maybe you started for one reason (a contest, a bet, just happened to download the app). But maybe the reason you are on the journey now is different. And for a few hours this weekend you just lost connection with why this journey has meaning for you.

    Or maybe, you’ve just been doing and not feeling and thinking. And you’ve just reached the point in the journey where you can’t move forward without going inside. Don’t be afraid of it, and don’t feel shame if it doesn’t come together for you in one hour.

    I just don’t think we can lose 20, 40, 50, or 100+ pounds without some internal shifting as well as the external. But sometimes that internal shift is harder than all the healthy eating and P90X in the world.
  • emrogers
    emrogers Posts: 328 Member
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    I was there 2 Fridays ago when the scale read +2lbs!! I flipped, cried, cursed, prayed; everything you can think of. I thought. WTH am I doing? I've been busting my butt, running, working out hard core and the scale is up!! Reall?! then the though of me having to loose almost 50lbs just overwhelmed me. I was like. I was running the same amount before and eating what I wanted and never gained just stayed the same, why should I care!! The face remained that if I "quit" this, I would always be unhappy for the rest of my life and the older I got the more I would probably pack on; and that my friend made me reconsidere quitting. That Friday, I had to do something and I was determined. 5 days later I broke the plateau and even lost some. Is this hard? Hell yes. Is it going to get easier. Yes!!! Expensive? Well it depends on what you think expensive is. I find it better to say that its quality food that I'm paying for. All that other crap we were used to was just that crap and that's what we paid for. Also, it looks from the pic that you have two beautiful kids. They deserve to have you around. It will be more expensive for you having health problems later on than as you start to get older and your children are there having to witness it all. So invest now or invest later. You can do this!!!!! You will do this!!! Then you'll look back and NOT go back because you struggled and succeeded!!!!! So keep on going!
  • Soupskin
    Soupskin Posts: 74 Member
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    I did the same and gained 3 pounds this weekend.
  • ShunkyDave
    ShunkyDave Posts: 190 Member
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    Profound and insightful answers. Thank you everyone. I'm going to be printing these out and sharing them, along with posting them around my office and kitchen. Such motivation and support is priceless.

    In case anyone wants more, I'm on twitter, @shunkydave, and facebook, http://www.facebook.com/ShunkyDave. And then you'll discover my name isn't Dave. :)