Toxic and Negative Friends

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rks6902
rks6902 Posts: 29 Member
in Motivation and Support
Does anyone have friends that fall into this category? Either on MFP or not? I have two friends on here and they don't post so I doubt they will read this but are so negative to me with every choice I make. I have been physically active for several years now and encouraged them to join and because they have been more successful then me, have critisized every time I eat something or gain 4 ounces.

We both have different lifestyles, they don't work or work very little. I work 2 jobs and have physical fitness goals, not just weight loss goals. Of course I get frustrated when the scale does not go down and I ate fairly good and worked out everyday, but I don't need people to keep informing me that I ate too much everytime I talk to them. I hike, swim, ride bike, elliptical and have a current goal of doing a 17 mile walk for charity in May. They have no fitness goals.

I am currently not tracking my food diary as an experiment. I seem to get obsessed with it when I do and it consumes hours of my day when I should be working and then I think about food more than if I just make wiser choices and only eat when I am hungry. This may not be the answer but I have always been told when something is not working, then something needs to change.

How would any of you deal with these kinds of friends?

Replies

  • miznel80
    miznel80 Posts: 46 Member
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    Get rid of them.
  • pell53
    pell53 Posts: 20 Member
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    I don't know how I would deal with them, other than not see them very much. I recently read something that changed the way I decide who I'm going to interact with regularly - "You are the average of the 5 people (non-family members) who you interact with the most" - if you think of it that way, there are usually 1-2 people that seem to drag the average waaaaay down. :-)
  • ileana84
    ileana84 Posts: 163
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    I agree with the second comment. I did the same to some chic here who drove me nuts! If they dont support you, then thats not a friend.
  • CallMeMamaBoo
    CallMeMamaBoo Posts: 295
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    I HAD friends like that.... key word being HAD!
  • hammersue1
    hammersue1 Posts: 96 Member
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    I totaly agree get rid of dead wood and you will be fine. you certainly dont need people thats making you unhappy.
    As Miznel80 said Get rid. Im sure that will be a big help as well. hugs x
  • angelicpiece101
    angelicpiece101 Posts: 40 Member
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    I agree with getting rid of them. this site is for you to get positive feedback, to help you want to reach your goals...not make you feel like crap. good luck and keep your head up!
  • mazomama
    mazomama Posts: 138 Member
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    I have them every where! Family & friends. I sometimes think to myself that honestly they might not even know how they are effecting me

    The best thing that i can think of is simply saying "hey, this is how you make me feel when u ______"
    Funny thing is sometimes it works, other times they just dont get it.
    Its tough and in the end it always comes down to our will power on making choices of who to surround ourselves around.
    goodluck :-)
  • josavage
    josavage Posts: 472 Member
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    I HAD friends like that.... key word being HAD!

    Exactly!
  • jessimacar
    jessimacar Posts: 291
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    They're called "energy vampires" (I didn't make it up) because they suck the life right out of you. I had a friend like that in college, and am very glad to not talk to her as often. I feel much happier and at peace with myself.

    I think you have 2 options. Either start distancing yourself from them, or just let it roll off your shoulders. You don't need their approval. You're doing an amazing job regardless of what they think.
  • audjrey
    audjrey Posts: 360 Member
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    I know a lot of people but have no friends like that because I don't accept negativity in my life. That's why I make real friends VERY slowly. If I detect someone is chronically negative I simply don't make room for them in my life. Life is too short to live in despair. Negative people suck the life and enthusiasm out of you and make you second guess your every decision because they don't know how to be happy for themselves so how can they possibly know how to be happy for you? As the old adage goes, with friends like that, who needs enemies?

    What you need is thoughtful, encouraging and positive upbeat people in your life, people who add to your life and not take away from. Because we seldom do anything without a reason or motive, my question to you is this: what do you get out of being associated with negative people?

    I find that sometimes we purposely have one or two negative friends around as scapegoats for the reasons of our failings because we oftentimes don't want to take full accountability for our decisions and because it's easier to blame someone else for our weaknesses. Not saying this is your reason of course, but it is something to consider when questioning yourself why you allow negativity in your life at all.
  • picturesing
    picturesing Posts: 228
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    My journey is personal, but all the wonderful support of this site just makes me feel so blessed. I would not have someone negative or caustic anywhere near me - much less "let" them look at my food intake and criticize me.....NO WAY!
    Get rid of them....Just Saying!
    Friend me - nuttin but positives here!
  • EJWoolcock
    EJWoolcock Posts: 60
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    I have friends that show no support whatsoever - mainly out of jealousy I think. I have simply stopped talking about my weight loss with them. I'm doing it for me anyway, not them, so I no longer care what they think. Constructive critism is one thing, but some people are not being constructive, they are just negative and want to drag you down. Life is too short and the weight loss journey is hard enough as it is, surround yourself with supportive people and let the rest go
  • pickledlilli
    pickledlilli Posts: 14
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    Toxic friends...out the door immediately.

    Negative friends...depends on the interpretation of negative. If someone just points out you may have made a wiser choice or stated be careful with that exercise could be viewed as possitive because they are pointing out what they have learned. Friends that whoot whoot all the time even when you've had burger and fries could be viewed as negative because they are supporting bad eating. I find 'tomorrow is another day' a weird phrase because it supports the overeating of that day and gives no advice for the following day.

    If it upsets you, tell them as they may not realise what they are doing.

    I'm very senstive and insecure about being overweight and I found I hid my feelings and laughed with them. If you explain how you feel and they don't listen they are not real friends. If this is the case...dump them.
  • rks6902
    rks6902 Posts: 29 Member
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    I just get the response that "I guess you must not be ready if you are not losing weight"

    That is not it at all, if I was not "ready" then why do I pack healthy food for lunch everyday and make sure to do something that raises my heart rate for an hour each day.

    I could go on and on about this, but as someone said, I am doing this for myself so I just will stop talking to them about my personal journey. I now have added several new friends to MFP and I think they will bring so more more positive energy to me than the specific other two.

    Today is a new beginning!

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