It's just a number? Or is it?

HelenTheKitchen · March 2011

So as I shift gears into the final leg of my weight loss journey I find myself at a bit of a crossroads with my husband. I've lost nearly 70 pounds and would like to lose about 20 more.

The problem with my husband (who by the way is a very loving and supportive man) isn't that he wants me to stop losing weight, it's that he is hesitant about me losing more for what he admits are very selfish reasons. He has assured me that he would love me and think I was beautiful no matter what, and what I do from here is my decision and he supports whatever decision that may be. However, he says that he likes my body now, and is fearful of me losing the parts of my body that give me my feminine figure. He is definitely happy about me losing the 70 I've already lost, but he keeps telling me that there is nothing left to lose but boob and butt. I should also mention I'm down to the size that I was when we met and got married.

My husband has always been attracted to the girls with a little more substance to them, the "not so skinny girls" he calls them. He thinks Jessica Simpson and Christina Aguilera have never looked better, and is positively enamored by Nigella Lawson and Beyonce.

At my last Dr.'s appointment she said I was perfectly healthy, even my blood-work came back perfect. She told me that if I wanted to lose more weight that would be fine, but it would be for more superficial reasons than health reasons.

I've thought about splitting the difference and just losing another 10lbs, not that my husband has tried to persuade me to do this. He pretty much thinks his place is at the sidelines cheering me on, not coaching me.

So my questions are; Why do we get so set on our goals from the beginning that we are unable to be happy with anything else but that specific number? Am I too fixed on the number? I've reached all my other goals. I'm healthy in every way, I've regained my confidence, I'm able to keep up with my 2 year old daughter, and I can run a 5k. What is it about the number that's got such a hold on me?

ajbeans · March 2011

I think you need to evaluate WHY you want to get to that number. How did you come up with that goal? Was it an arbitrary number that sounded good in your head? If that's the case, then yes, I think you might need to re-evaluate your goal. If it's a number that you've been at in the past, think about what was different at that time in your life. If it's your high school weight, or your before-kids weight, it might not be something that's going to be healthy for you NOW.

I think some soul-searching is in order. What is special about that number? Are they good reasons? Are you unhappy about how you look and feel right now? Other than that number, is there anything that YOU would like to change about your body right now? If you are happy but the only thing pushing you to continue losing is the idea of making it to the finish line, then you should probably re-think some things. But if you truly feel you need to continue losing, then go for it.

Joaninha777 · March 2011

Society makes us think that numbers are what matter. Listen to your husband, at the end of the day you do have to please him. If he likes a bit more meat, give it to him! As long as your are happy that's all that matters, but having your man be happy matters too! I didn't realize how important it was to have my husband happy until he asked me if i would still be attracted to him if he weighed 400 pounds....and I said no! So it was time to do it for me and our family

emrogers · March 2011

I'm with you 100%. My husband is the same way. I'm hispanic and I believe in having a little meat on our bones. However, not too much either. I still wanna rock a two piece you know. My husband and I have this conversation quite a few times because he thinks my goal of 45lbs is WAY too much and that he doesn't know where its going to come from. I think that we are very hard on ourselves personally. I say this because I'm guilty of it 100%. The toughest part for me is that I love my husband and I want to always be able to keep him happy and myself. I think if you're almost comfortable you should maybe focus on toning instead of loosing; since it might just be a few things here and there you're just not quite happy with. Maybe it can be somewhat of a compromise. I wish you luck and I know in the end it'll all work out and be fine! Oh and congrats!!!!

Sacredmaiden · March 2011

Hi Helen,

That's a really good question and it's good that you're struggling with a thought process around it. I guess to answer your question with a question: what do you think you'd earn by losing 20 more pounds? What are the pros and cons of not?

MakingAChoice · March 2011

Well, if your doctor says your healthy, and your body fat percentage agrees with her I would be in sustaining mode. You cannot get fixated on the numbers, because the results are truly what your after, not some arbitrary number. I would never want my wife to be super skinny either, I like the 'not so skinny girls' too. Maybe if you really are stuck on the number you could give it a try and if it is to skinny for your hubby than gradually increase your calories to get back to the weight you are at today. Just a thought, maybe not the best choice. :laugh:

aanddplusoanda · March 2011

Possibly that it has been pounded into your brain. I mean, you don't just lose 70 pounds overnight. Or even in a month. At least I haven't. It takes a long time to lose that much weight and your focus while losing weight is that number and you won't accept anything less in your mind. I may say that I'll be happy at 110-115 but in reality all I really want is to fit into my size 3 jeans, my favorite jeans that I had before I got married and had 2 kids. I'm focusing on the 110 pound goal right now and I remind myself every once in a while that that isnot the number I will ultimately be happy with...it's when those jeans fit me again.

If you are happy wit yourself now, then why lose 20 more pounds? You are healthy and that's all that really matters but if you feel like you want to lose 20 more then go ahead and good luck!

cutmd · March 2011

I feel you, girl. I am actually over 10lbs lighter than my wedding day. My curve-loving husband has decided he likes the more toned look now, but I did lose boob and if I go any further I'm going to need some plastic replacements :noway: On the other hand, ive had this number about 5lbs less stuck in my head. So I know how you feel. I recommend going down a few more pounds and see where it comes from, see if you like it, and then decide how to proceed from there. If you get to a point where your hubby or yourself isnt happy you can always regain a bit - that's the easy part

I do think one should please their partner, but you may be surprised at the results, too

NoExcuseTina · March 2011

not sure...but here is another way of looking at it...I, even at 229 pounds and 40 years old, have excellent blood work and blood pressure...but I want to love what I see in the mirror!

I have always wanted to be thinner...just never mentally thought I could do it...but this time is different!

I want to look GOOD in a swim suit...for ME!!!!

chauncyrenayCHANGED · March 2011

Hi! For us goal oriented people, we tend to fixate on our results and the high of acheiving those goals are what keeps us going. It makes us feel accomplished and proud of ourselves. From what I understand, you made a goal (-90 lbs) and you don't want to let go of it. But, I think deep down you know that you have already achieved your weight loss goals. You can keep up with your daughter, your husband thinks you are gorgeous and your doctor has declared you healthy! You have already reached your goals, and it took you less time than you thought! Congratulations.

It's just a number? Or is it?

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