Stop beating yourself up please!

RachVR6
RachVR6 Posts: 3,688 Member
edited September 2024 in Health and Weight Loss
Seriously...

I realized today that I get really drained after reading posts on this site now. It seems that every other post contains a person bashing themselves because the scale is showing a pound higher than the day before. This site is littered with posters constantly telling people 'That pound is NOT fat', 'It's water weight', 'You would have to overeat by 3500 calories to gain a pound of fat overnight'. Why does no one listen? :noway:

We all have days when we let the scales dictate our moods and days when we know we could've done better, but why the constant negativity? Unless you learn to love yourself as a whole and know that you are worthy of not just being thinner, but HEALTHIER, you are never going to reach your goals.

Where does the self-hatred stop and the love for oneself begin?

:heart: :flowerforyou:

Replies

  • RachVR6
    RachVR6 Posts: 3,688 Member
    Seriously...

    I realized today that I get really drained after reading posts on this site now. It seems that every other post contains a person bashing themselves because the scale is showing a pound higher than the day before. This site is littered with posters constantly telling people 'That pound is NOT fat', 'It's water weight', 'You would have to overeat by 3500 calories to gain a pound of fat overnight'. Why does no one listen? :noway:

    We all have days when we let the scales dictate our moods and days when we know we could've done better, but why the constant negativity? Unless you learn to love yourself as a whole and know that you are worthy of not just being thinner, but HEALTHIER, you are never going to reach your goals.

    Where does the self-hatred stop and the love for oneself begin?

    :heart: :flowerforyou:
  • RachVR6
    RachVR6 Posts: 3,688 Member
    You are more than a number on a scale or a size tag in a pair of pants.

    :heart:
  • lotusfromthemud
    lotusfromthemud Posts: 5,335 Member
    Here, here!

    I understand that the scale can cause you to lose your damn mind. . .

    but

    You have to love yourself to change yourself!

    :flowerforyou: :heart: :flowerforyou:
  • kellch
    kellch Posts: 7,849 Member
    For me it's not beating myself up...It is venting and looking for support. We all need a little support now and then....Whether we know it's "just water weight" or not. And you're right you do have to learn to love yourself. But this site is such a success because of the support that is offered and given. And everyone needs to vent and have someone give em a little nudge every now and then. :bigsmile: :drinker: :flowerforyou:


    :smooched: :heart: *hugs*
  • RachVR6
    RachVR6 Posts: 3,688 Member
    I agree that we all need the support! :flowerforyou:

    I think this song explains my feelings... :heart:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pGkvvaKpkAM
  • Jackie_W
    Jackie_W Posts: 1,676 Member
    Yeah I'm with you:
    We have to love ourselves before we can change ourselves :flowerforyou:
    Share the love, we all have down days, and unfortunately only tend to post downer days.

    However, I think we should keep posting those downer days - AND the good days, we need to be open about our feelings.

    Don't forget, a problem shared is a problem halved :flowerforyou:
  • bugs_mom
    bugs_mom Posts: 20
    i think ppl post things like that because they are looking for support and understanding. the journey to weight loss is full of ups and downs as we all know and it's nice to have ppl to listen even if it's just water weight.
    honestly if the posts bother you, then don't read them. i am fairly new to this site and i've come here for support. i would hate to think i couldn't post when i'm having a bad downer day just because i might make someone mad or have someone tell me it's stupid know what i mean? the way i see it, we are all in this together, good days and bad.
  • RachVR6
    RachVR6 Posts: 3,688 Member
    i think ppl post things like that because they are looking for support and understanding. the journey to weight loss is full of ups and downs as we all know and it's nice to have ppl to listen even if it's just water weight.
    honestly if the posts bother you, then don't read them. i am fairly new to this site and i've come here for support. i would hate to think i couldn't post when i'm having a bad downer day just because i might make someone mad or have someone tell me it's stupid know what i mean? the way i see it, we are all in this together, good days and bad.

    I'm not saying that people can't post them, I'm simply saying that as they're reaching out for that support I hope that they realize they're more than a number on a scale. :heart: I'm constantly encouraging people that have these days because I have them as well, I just want them to know that they are strong and WILL succeed. :flowerforyou:
  • Losing_It
    Losing_It Posts: 3,271 Member
    Well, I'm sure I've been guilty of ranting about ONE pound..cause hell, that's one pound in the wrong direction. We all have bad days and it helps to talk about them on here. I don't mind at all to offer encouragement to someone who's having "one of those days" because I have plenty of my own.
  • sherris
    sherris Posts: 112
    i think ppl post things like that because they are looking for support and understanding. the journey to weight loss is full of ups and downs as we all know and it's nice to have ppl to listen even if it's just water weight.
    honestly if the posts bother you, then don't read them. i am fairly new to this site and i've come here for support. i would hate to think i couldn't post when i'm having a bad downer day just because i might make someone mad or have someone tell me it's stupid know what i mean? the way i see it, we are all in this together, good days and bad.

    i agree!!!! how will the newbies learn anything if we don't help them..... also i haven't been around that long either and there's always something new to learn! i'm sorry if the same things get posted sometimes but you don't have to read them. newbies need the experience and wisdom of the people on here that have got it down pat now.....i know when i post something i really really appericiate the advice as we all do i'm sure and i would really hate to ask a question and have people pissed at me for it. i'd rather not ask if that was the case....maybe this site should think about getting a resource page so that some can read first then ask questions later....that would be helpful
  • Ezzie
    Ezzie Posts: 665 Member
    ...maybe this site should think about getting a resource page so that some can read first then ask questions later....that would be helpful

    Please take a look at this thread if you haven't....it answers a LOT!!! It's near the very top of the General discussion area.

    Sticky: Newbies Please READ ME (2nd edition)

    ( sorry I don't know how to make it into a link....something I need to learn:smile: )
  • lina1131
    lina1131 Posts: 2,246 Member
    I haven't read the replies so i'm sure this has been said but, if we all loved our bodies and we didn't struggle with self-esteem issues, there would be no need for this site. That is the POINT of this site. We are all here for support.
  • RachVR6
    RachVR6 Posts: 3,688 Member
    I feel like everyone is taking this the wrong way...let me clarify. :flowerforyou:

    PLEASE post when your down and need encouragement...we all do!
    PLEASE don't every feel ashamed of asking questions! (Though there are threads pinned for your convenience)

    Everyone has a bad day but they MUST realize that it doesn't matter how much support other people give you (though it helps), it's about supporting yourself and trying not to even letting those 'I did so bad today' thoughts even enter your mind. We're all human and make mistakes...we need to learn that those mistakes don't define us!

    :flowerforyou: All I'm saying is that I wish positivity on everyone throughout their journey! Focus on the good that is coming out of your new lifestyle! When you have to rant about a frustrating day, try including one good thing that came out of it at the end!

    I love you all and I'm sorry if I happened to offend anyone. :smooched:
  • sherris
    sherris Posts: 112
    ...maybe this site should think about getting a resource page so that some can read first then ask questions later....that would be helpful

    Please take a look at this thread if you haven't....it answers a LOT!!! It's near the very top of the General discussion area.

    Sticky: Newbies Please READ ME (2nd edition)

    ( sorry I don't know how to make it into a link....something I need to learn:smile: )

    OPPS! ...guess i should have seen that a while ago :blushing: .....but like i said...u learn something new every day!!! THANKS! this was very helpful!!! :flowerforyou:
  • lina1131
    lina1131 Posts: 2,246 Member
    I feel like everyone is taking this the wrong way...let me clarify. :flowerforyou:

    PLEASE post when your down and need encouragement...we all do!
    PLEASE don't every feel ashamed of asking questions! (Though there are threads pinned for your convenience)

    Everyone has a bad day but they MUST realize that it doesn't matter how much support other people give you (though it helps), it's about supporting yourself and trying not to even letting those 'I did so bad today' thoughts even enter your mind. We're all human and make mistakes...we need to learn that those mistakes don't define us!

    :flowerforyou: All I'm saying is that I wish positivity on everyone throughout their journey! Focus on the good that is coming out of your new lifestyle! When you have to rant about a frustrating day, try including one good thing that came out of it at the end!

    I love you all and I'm sorry if I happened to offend anyone. :smooched:

    No offense taken from me. I know your intentions are good ((hugs))

    The reality is (because your scenerio is a fantasy) that we all struggle and we all feel down and we all have issues that we need to work on and I think it's all a part of this journey. The weight is only a slice of the pie (bad example, but hey) the self-esteem, the positive thinking, all of that make the whole pie. We're working on that. The ones (myself included from time to time) that post the bashing of self, etc. do it for the support and the encouragement and the "hey i've been there and you will get through it"s. I am learning to love my body, but it isn't going to happen overnight or just because someone told me to.

    :heart:
  • RachVR6
    RachVR6 Posts: 3,688 Member
    Exactly! I'm just hoping that while growing and learning about health and fitness, you grow and learn about the huge impact of your thoughts. Shifting my focus to something positive, always helps me OUT of those 'I can't do this' ruts we find ourselves in. :drinker:
  • lina1131
    lina1131 Posts: 2,246 Member
    Personally, i'm working so hard on being more positive and I have come a long way. I remember when I was younger I would hate going to outings because the only thing I would think about the entire time is "I am the fattest person in this group". I hate the way I felt back then. Now i'm like fluck it, I want to have fun and if that means being a fatso while doing it -so be it. Two different extremes. I need to find a happy medium. :laugh:

    So yes, instead of being all sad and crap about falling off the wagon, I am going to say...

    I will get up and go to the gym. I will have a good workout. I will reach my goal.
  • RachVR6
    RachVR6 Posts: 3,688 Member
    Personally, i'm working so hard on being more positive and I have come a long way. I remember when I was younger I would hate going to outings because the only thing I would think about the entire time is "I am the fattest person in this group". I hate the way I felt back then. Now i'm like fluck it, I want to have fun and if that means being a fatso while doing it -so be it. Two different extremes. I need to find a happy medium. :laugh:

    So yes, instead of being all sad and crap about falling off the wagon, I am going to say...

    I will get up and go to the gym. I will have a good workout. I will reach my goal.

    :heart: :flowerforyou:
  • arewethereyet
    arewethereyet Posts: 18,702 Member
    I believe beating yourself up is covered in the exercise section of the journal.

    How many cals will I burn if I start to do this new exercise??? Hmmmmm:flowerforyou:
  • Fitness_Chick
    Fitness_Chick Posts: 6,648 Member
    I believe beating yourself up is covered in the exercise section of the journal.

    How many cals will I burn if I start to do this new exercise??? Hmmmmm:flowerforyou:
    :noway: :noway: I believe it minus's out your excercise calories is how it works with 'beating yourself up'.........

    Now we don't want to encourage this sort of thing we all do from time to time by rewarding it with calling it calorie burning now do we?:laugh: :huh:
  • Fitness_Chick
    Fitness_Chick Posts: 6,648 Member
    Well, I'm sure I've been guilty of ranting about ONE pound..cause hell, that's one pound in the wrong direction. We all have bad days and it helps to talk about them on here. I don't mind at all to offer encouragement to someone who's having "one of those days" because I have plenty of my own.

    Posting sure beats hiding doesn't it!:heart: Cause with a quick post...even if we're on a true downer....we'll find other folks that have gone thru the very same thing or something quite similiar or even still....are going through the exact SAME thing but were not yet at the posting phase.

    On the other hand....when we hide out, we hide out alone and sometimes don't make it back for much longer than it would take to post!

    Then all that creepy guilt pops up all over the place..........yea, definitely posting our feelings./thoughts on how we're doing is the better pick in my opinion.:drinker:
  • lotusfromthemud
    lotusfromthemud Posts: 5,335 Member
    I think what Rach was trying to say and what I was saying. . .

    is it breaks my heart to hear some of the language that people use towards themselves. Believe me, I'm not perfect in my struggle (by no means. . .not even close) with loving myself. But, I have learned one thing: if you wouldn't say it to your friend. . .or let someone else say it to your friend, you shouldn't let yourself say it to yourself.

    I understand the need to say something like "the scale is up a pound, and that makes me feel bad."

    But, what I really wish people would stop saying are things like "the scale is up a pound, and I hate myself and I'm a bad person." (or something like that. . .)

    And, the last thing I want is for anybody to stop reaching out here for support. It is what we're here for. I also think that we all need to take control of our attitudes towards ourselves. I think that trying to maintain positivity is really a part of a healthy lifestyle.

    :flowerforyou: :heart: :flowerforyou:
  • Fitness_Chick
    Fitness_Chick Posts: 6,648 Member
    Yeah I'm with you:
    We have to love ourselves before we can change ourselves :flowerforyou:
    Share the love, we all have down days, and unfortunately only tend to post downer days.

    However, I think we should keep posting those downer days - AND the good days, we need to be open about our feelings.

    Don't forget, a problem shared is a problem halved :flowerforyou:

    Maybe I'm weird...but here's how it works in my brain.....:laugh:

    Ok, I would NEVER post a downer post here...ok, I say that now.:laugh: ..I haven't yet that I recall...perhaps I should word it like that instead.. but I don't judge those who do....it's just merely not my way. I try to get out of my own head and reach out to help someone else and then it seems to work itself out on it's own. We all have our own ways of working through something....it may perhaps also be that I'm much newer than many of you on this site...so maybe that's what the reason is?:noway:

    I think what I do instead is find a thread, or see someone new and welcome them to MFP, ya know something I feel I'm able to give of freely to remotivate myself in the meantime.....does that make sense?

    BUT I don't ever mind reading any post where someone is down in the dumps and needs a helping hand.....the only ones I find more difficult is where someones says 'MOTIVATE ME!"...um, what?? lol

    Someone more recently responded to one that asked that very thing and she had some great points ........sorry I can't recall who it was but they too said, they found it uncomfortable to be ask to 'MOTIVATE ME' on someone's post.

    I had never thought of it that way until I read it her thoughts....I realized I feel the same, I'm not sure a person other than yourself can truly motivate you to dusting off your bum and picking yourself up off the ground.

    We an encourage, reach over to help you up....but a person has to truly WANT to get back up and move forward again. Most posters seem to want that........but a few do seem to actually want you to pick them up and carry them until they get remotivated. :::shrugs::::::::: we are all on this journey together...yet each of us has their own individual path to walk.........

    We can share our strength but can't give it all away as we need to keep some for ourselves.:drinker:

    Anything worth having is worth working for ourselves, only then will it truly last and become our OWN treasure:flowerforyou:
  • RachVR6
    RachVR6 Posts: 3,688 Member
    I think what Rach was trying to say and what I was saying. . .

    is it breaks my heart to hear some of the language that people use towards themselves. Believe me, I'm not perfect in my struggle (by no means. . .not even close) with loving myself. But, I have learned one thing: if you wouldn't say it to your friend. . .or let someone else say it to your friend, you shouldn't let yourself say it to yourself.

    I understand the need to say something like "the scale is up a pound, and that makes me feel bad."

    But, what I really wish people would stop saying are things like "the scale is up a pound, and I hate myself and I'm a bad person." (or something like that. . .)

    And, the last thing I want is for anybody to stop reaching out here for support. It is what we're here for. I also think that we all need to take control of our attitudes towards ourselves. I think that trying to maintain positivity is really a part of a healthy lifestyle.

    :flowerforyou: :heart: :flowerforyou:

    EXACTLY!!!! :heart: :flowerforyou:
  • RachVR6
    RachVR6 Posts: 3,688 Member
    Anything worth having is worth working for ourselves, only then will it truly last and become our OWN treasure:flowerforyou:

    Well said! applause.gif
  • cp005e
    cp005e Posts: 1,495 Member
    I think what Rach was trying to say and what I was saying. . .

    is it breaks my heart to hear some of the language that people use towards themselves. Believe me, I'm not perfect in my struggle (by no means. . .not even close) with loving myself. But, I have learned one thing: if you wouldn't say it to your friend. . .or let someone else say it to your friend, you shouldn't let yourself say it to yourself.

    I understand the need to say something like "the scale is up a pound, and that makes me feel bad."

    But, what I really wish people would stop saying are things like "the scale is up a pound, and I hate myself and I'm a bad person." (or something like that. . .)

    And, the last thing I want is for anybody to stop reaching out here for support. It is what we're here for. I also think that we all need to take control of our attitudes towards ourselves. I think that trying to maintain positivity is really a part of a healthy lifestyle.

    :flowerforyou: :heart: :flowerforyou:

    Hear, hear! Let's all be kind to ourselves. :flowerforyou: We are all struggling with some of the same issues, but the very fact that each and every one of you is here is testament to your strength. We all have our weak moments, but we have to keep striving to respect and love ourselves. Food should be fuel, not comfort or reward. Exercise should be empowering, not punishment.

    You all have the power within you to change. Love thyself! :heart:
  • shorerider
    shorerider Posts: 3,817 Member
    Heck, I've ranted and raved and stomped and threw my share of tantrums too much to tell others not to--BUT I agree with the "you're wonderful as you are right now" thought. I just told someone this morning--God don't make junk!
  • arewethereyet
    arewethereyet Posts: 18,702 Member
    Kind of like a hand up, not a hand out...hmmmm
  • jamerz3294
    jamerz3294 Posts: 1,824 Member
    Heck, I've ranted and raved and stomped and threw my share of tantrums too much to tell others not to--

    You? Never! :laugh: :wink: You just knew I had to share a giggle with you on that, huh sis? Luvya!

    But yeah, we all are dealing with the same things, it's not just weight control, it's really LIFE control. And sometimes that one or two measly pounds get inflated, in our lil pickin peabrains, into an emotional issue, and we think that we are being failures (yet again). So I do understand about how it's a nice, easy, rut to fall into about beating yourself up. But it's a far more healthy way to acknowledge what has happened, and then get back on track, and take stock, and push yourself FORWARD.
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