Still seeing the fat girl!
HelenTheKitchen
Posts: 383
First and foremost I hate the term "fat girl," but I'm disappointed to say that was my label. When people were talking about me I was, "y'know, the fat girl."
Here I am 70 lbs later, still looking to lose another 10-20lbs, and I just can't see it.
There are some days that I feel great and think I look great, but there are other days (the majority of them unfortunately) where I'm still avoiding the mirror like the plague. Despite compliments and praises from loved ones, I still have those same horrible moments that I had 70lbs ago where I just hate my reflection.
I'm happy to say there are far less of these thoughts, and I feel for the most part my self-esteem is higher, but they still creep up on me like cheap underwear.
How do you all get past seeing the old-you to seeing the new-you? Is anyone else having these problems?
Here I am 70 lbs later, still looking to lose another 10-20lbs, and I just can't see it.
There are some days that I feel great and think I look great, but there are other days (the majority of them unfortunately) where I'm still avoiding the mirror like the plague. Despite compliments and praises from loved ones, I still have those same horrible moments that I had 70lbs ago where I just hate my reflection.
I'm happy to say there are far less of these thoughts, and I feel for the most part my self-esteem is higher, but they still creep up on me like cheap underwear.
How do you all get past seeing the old-you to seeing the new-you? Is anyone else having these problems?
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Replies
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ME TOO!!! I still see that fat girl, especially the way my body/skin is if i look down it still looks fat- i am starting to see a difference if i stand up but mostly i just see the fat chick. I takes time for the mind to catch up i guess.0
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this is why they say you need the fix the inside as well as the outside.....if you FEEL better hopefully your eyes will catch up with your brain!0
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Take tons of pictures of yourself:) Seeing is believing, pictures don't lie!0
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I have the same problem. I wish I could say that I am proud of myself, but every time a smaller size fits me, I can't believe it. I still see fat thighs and stomach in the mirror. I hate my arms. Some guy called me "hot" tonight and it made me laugh. I actually told him he was kind for it. I keep telling myself my brain will catch up with me eventually, but I don't really know if that's true.0
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Take tons of pictures of yourself:) Seeing is believing, pictures don't lie!
pictures totally lie. at the very least they exaggerate.
everything is about angles. and people see through their experiences, not yours. so if you're seeing the fat girl, just remember, other people really aren't, unless they are the fat girl, too, in which case, they'll only be looking at you with empathy, not judgment.0 -
Maybe more before and after pictures might start you seeing the difference. I don't think the change in your own views will not happen until you find a way to disconnect your self-perception from your bodies appearance.0
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How do you all get past seeing the old-you to seeing the new-you? Is anyone else having these problems?
Obviously, I can't relate from a gender perspective. However, I know that one of my co-workers lost a ton of weight and was having the same issue that you are. She went and got a professional makeover. Hair, makeup, clothes, the whole shebang. She said that made a MAJOR difference for her because she really felt beautiful after that.0 -
I know exactly how you feel. I was doing a weight loss program and lost 20lbs but yet I was still wearing the same size jeans. I was so frustrated I really felt like giving up. It's hard to see it in yourself sometimes but I'm sure other people have commented on how great you look. That scale is not going to lie so keep telling yourself that you are beautiful and don't give up!!!!0
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At least I know I am not the only one that feels this way. After being obese, for over 28 years now, I still can't stand the way I look. I have lost almost 100lbs now, and I am no longer labeled "obese". When I crossed the line, I said to myself hmm, I'm no longer obese, now I'm just very overweight. Was that supposed to make me feel any better? I look in the mirror and still hate how I look! Hopefully someday, this feeling will go away. :-(0
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You know I really worry that this thought process with never go away, I tell myself that it's okay right now because I still have a way to go... having lost 86 pounds myself and I still have another 15 or so more to lose. I'm afraid that when I "get there" I'll still feel the same way and then what??? I've reached my goal and I'm still not happy with the way I look, then what do you do? Sister love!
It's not about how other people perceive you... it's how you see yourself. *sigh*0 -
I have lost 43 lbs so far and when looking in the mirror....a smaller me.....the older "fat" me still stares back. I have had this issue and wonder when it will ever go away. When will the skinny girl inside me finally surface and shine? 23 lbs left to go and what happens when I reach my goal weight and the fat me is still staring me down??
***big sigh****0 -
You are all so sweet and supportive. Although, I feel like we should all be breaking into that "Reflection" song from "Mulan."0
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think of yourself as awesome like I think of myself lol... As a guy when I take pics I dont see much difference people tell me they see a difference but I dont however I feel much better all around and clothes that were too tight are now too big for me its all about those nsv's0
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I'm so glad this topic was posted and that I ran across it tonight. I don't see "the fat girl" in the mirror, partly because I'm a guy (hehe), but I absolutely see and have seen "the fat boy" in my mirror for years. I've had a love/hate relationship with food and my weight since as long as I can remember. I'm 41 years old and I still hear my mother's voice calling out "rollie pollie" as I walked by. I spent several years as an active anorexic and saw nothing but fat rolls and blubber in the mirror when I weighed 105lbs. I was also an active alcoholic and got sober 20 years ago. During the time I spent working on my sobriety I faced alot of my self image and self esteem issues, got to a nice and fit 125lbs and felt really good about myself, for a while.
I dealt with and faced my alcoholism, but never "really" dealt with my eating issues or body image issues. As a result, now I'm 155lbs and don't need my mother to call me names, I do that all by myself just fine. I started up here at MFP this Wednesday and for the first time in a long time I feel good about starting to work on this issue. I know from my experience dealing with my drinking problem that support from others struggling with the same thing is extremely helpful and that openly and honestly talking about what I'm struggling with actually helps me to deal with it.
I tried posting before and after pics, charting weight loss progress, focusing on the compliments others gave me, all in the past, but when I still believe I'm a little fat kid, nothing in a picture or chart or that someone else says matters, all that matters is that in my head, I'm a fat kid.
What I found in my recovery from alcoholism is that when I say stuff like that out loud to other folks who get it, it loses it's power in my head. Just writing down that I'm 41 and still think I'm a fat kid makes it a little less overwhelming, because I'm not a kid, I'm a grown up who is responsible for his own choices. Since Wednesday I made a choice to change and now that's who I am. Whenever I forget that and start thinking I'm that fat kid again, I need to come on here and tell you all about it so I can remember I'm not. The power of connecting with others beats the power of my inner demons. It's only when I try to hang out alone with them that they have the ability to stomp me.
Thank you for the courage to post this topic.0 -
I'm so glad this topic was posted and that I ran across it tonight. I don't see "the fat girl" in the mirror, partly because I'm a guy (hehe), but I absolutely see and have seen "the fat boy" in my mirror for years. I've had a love/hate relationship with food and my weight since as long as I can remember. I'm 41 years old and I still hear my mother's voice calling out "rollie pollie" as I walked by. I spent several years as an active anorexic and saw nothing but fat rolls and blubber in the mirror when I weighed 105lbs. I was also an active alcoholic and got sober 20 years ago. During the time I spent working on my sobriety I faced alot of my self image and self esteem issues, got to a nice and fit 125lbs and felt really good about myself, for a while.
I dealt with and faced my alcoholism, but never "really" dealt with my eating issues or body image issues. As a result, now I'm 155lbs and don't need my mother to call me names, I do that all by myself just fine. I started up here at MFP this Wednesday and for the first time in a long time I feel good about starting to work on this issue. I know from my experience dealing with my drinking problem that support from others struggling with the same thing is extremely helpful and that openly and honestly talking about what I'm struggling with actually helps me to deal with it.
I tried posting before and after pics, charting weight loss progress, focusing on the compliments others gave me, all in the past, but when I still believe I'm a little fat kid, nothing in a picture or chart or that someone else says matters, all that matters is that in my head, I'm a fat kid.
What I found in my recovery from alcoholism is that when I say stuff like that out loud to other folks who get it, it loses it's power in my head. Just writing down that I'm 41 and still think I'm a fat kid makes it a little less overwhelming, because I'm not a kid, I'm a grown up who is responsible for his own choices. Since Wednesday I made a choice to change and now that's who I am. Whenever I forget that and start thinking I'm that fat kid again, I need to come on here and tell you all about it so I can remember I'm not. The power of connecting with others beats the power of my inner demons. It's only when I try to hang out alone with them that they have the ability to stomp me.
Thank you for the courage to post this topic.
great job on your sobriety. my husband has been a little over 4 years sober (he's 44) and drank for more than 20 years. i can't even imagine what he goes through or thinks about because drinking seems to be everywhere. i can only relate to the addiction as i am addicted to food. i've even been to the point countless times of actually hiding food or eating it fast before he came home so he didn't know exactly how much i ate. wasn't even because i was hungry.
and great job on your weight loss. it's hard and probably even harder to fight the addiction because food is part of our daily lives. i'm sorry to hear your mom said that to you. it was all the kids in grade school that made fun of me that put this "fat girl" in my head as who i am. i often wonder when i get to my goal that i will actually see myself as thin. i always think i look fat. stupid kids in grade school!
i'm glad you found this site. i've been on here since january but i love this site! i've turned my food addiction to mfp addiction! i'm on here daily and usually 3-4 times a day if not more. i record everything i eat, obsessed with recipes and figuring out calories and what i can eat, exercising and how much i need to do in a day to make sure my bottom numbers stay in the green. LOL i guess this is a "good" addiction to have.
keep up the good work!0 -
I'm so glad this topic was posted and that I ran across it tonight. I don't see "the fat girl" in the mirror, partly because I'm a guy (hehe), but I absolutely see and have seen "the fat boy" in my mirror for years. I've had a love/hate relationship with food and my weight since as long as I can remember. I'm 41 years old and I still hear my mother's voice calling out "rollie pollie" as I walked by. I spent several years as an active anorexic and saw nothing but fat rolls and blubber in the mirror when I weighed 105lbs. I was also an active alcoholic and got sober 20 years ago. During the time I spent working on my sobriety I faced alot of my self image and self esteem issues, got to a nice and fit 125lbs and felt really good about myself, for a while.
I dealt with and faced my alcoholism, but never "really" dealt with my eating issues or body image issues. As a result, now I'm 155lbs and don't need my mother to call me names, I do that all by myself just fine. I started up here at MFP this Wednesday and for the first time in a long time I feel good about starting to work on this issue. I know from my experience dealing with my drinking problem that support from others struggling with the same thing is extremely helpful and that openly and honestly talking about what I'm struggling with actually helps me to deal with it.
I tried posting before and after pics, charting weight loss progress, focusing on the compliments others gave me, all in the past, but when I still believe I'm a little fat kid, nothing in a picture or chart or that someone else says matters, all that matters is that in my head, I'm a fat kid.
What I found in my recovery from alcoholism is that when I say stuff like that out loud to other folks who get it, it loses it's power in my head. Just writing down that I'm 41 and still think I'm a fat kid makes it a little less overwhelming, because I'm not a kid, I'm a grown up who is responsible for his own choices. Since Wednesday I made a choice to change and now that's who I am. Whenever I forget that and start thinking I'm that fat kid again, I need to come on here and tell you all about it so I can remember I'm not. The power of connecting with others beats the power of my inner demons. It's only when I try to hang out alone with them that they have the ability to stomp me.
Thank you for the courage to post this topic.
I think you're very brave for putting this all out there, and I hope that you are very proud of yourself for what you have accomplished.0 -
I am the same way. Some days I feel like a ROCK STAR, others I feel there is sooo far to go.
From your profile dual pic I CAN see a big difference in you. You even look younger! It may take a while for your mind to catch up..but it will! :-}0 -
honestly , i still see the fat girl too but I have three babies two step kids and a great husband , the fact that i have those things makes the way i look seem so insignificant, my health and fitness is what motivates me, I can only ever be me , whether skinny or fat , I will always have too many flaws to mention and will always have something to complain about if i let myself , but I will always be a very blessed woman who wants to live her life to the fullest and that is more important than my looks.0
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I also still struggle w/ this from time to time. I just like you have days where I see the progress (I used to be 80 lbs heavier) and then I have days where I feel like I still need to lose alot more weight. For the most part I am very happy w/ my progress, but the most important thing to do is not let your weight define who you are. We've all been called plenty of things worst than "the fat girl". My weight doesn't determine my self-worth or self esteem. I am a beautiful woman at any weight and so are you!0
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I posted on this topic recently in another thread: Here's what I found to be true for myself: I have a picture in my head of myself as a fattie. It doesn't matter what the scale says, what the measure tape says or what the mirror shows I see a fattie when I look in the mirror. When I was a size 22 I saw a fattie when I was a size 4 I saw a fattie and every size in between the same.
It's a kind of dysmorphia. I have heavy friends who tell me they never see themselves as heavy and consequently have trouble getting interested in losing weight. Other people who look perfectly right-sized to me are always on a diet or weight-loss plan of some sort,
I'm finding recently that if I only look at parts of myself at a time I can see them more objectively. For example, I have noticed my collarbone becoming more pronounced, my shoulders looking more rounded in a good way and my wrists are looking HOT!0 -
This is a journey to a lifestyle change for the better, enjoy the trip and chronicle it for your own good, take a day a week to reflect on it and learn to love yourself, you deserve the best in life and to have your health is not something which should be optional, it should be something that is mandatory for you. I can stand here and preach all day to you about how you have done well but sometimes what you really need to do is take some time reflect on what you have been through start to this current point. Sometimes it takes the mind a long time to follow the body, 70 pounds is a huge amount of weight to have lost, what you really need to do is to take some time to attend to the emotional weight that you still carry with you and learn to shed that the same way you leaned to shed the physical weight. That has to be a trip that you do on your own, but my love the road to self love can be harder than the one you took to losing the weight. You have already made a long trip so its time to let the emotional baggage go and free yourself. One of my fav quotes I forgot to add;
"The future is the future, the past is the past but today, today is a gift that is why they call it the present."0 -
Sometimes i feel that way when i look at some pics after being so obese for years and years. I think everyone who has lost weight feels that way, but you have to remember the things you couldn't do before and the things you could do now. For me it's those low back pain, catching your breath on short walks, aches and pain failures all the time. For people who experienced weight loss, the hardships of the "before" and the benefits of the "currently" You become more appreciative of this life and approaching it as each day is a gift.0
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I can totally related. I was overweight/obese my ENTIRE life. At my heaviest, I was 265 lbs and I'm only 5' 1.5" tall. I wore 22/24s and on a few occassions, even 26/28s.
I've lost *almost* 130 lbs (129.2 lbs to be exact ;-) and I've 1 lbs away from my "realistic" goal and then 5 more lbs away from my eventual goal but I keep wondering, "will THAT be enough?" I'm wearing size 6 now, and I have 2 pairs of size 4 pants I can fit into and my shirts are mostly smalls now (even button ups!!!).
And I too get the "wow! look how skinny you are now!".... "OMG! you are so teeny tiny now!" ...."you've lost SOOOOO much weight!!!" and even have a boyfriend who tells me daily how beautiful I am and YET I still feel like a fat heifer. I have the tummy issues, the inner thigh issues, and the triceps flab and it depresses me. I look good in clothes because I wear Spanx and like products to smooth me out and make me look streamlined. I don't wear tank tops or shirts that are too short sleeved because of my arms.
I work out, I take toning classes...maybe I could do more actual weight training but I wonder if any short of lipo will help.
Hang in there! You've done a great job and you are almost at your goal.0 -
I think this is a common issue. I know that I personally have been struggling with this also. I actually just wrote a blog sort of about it last night..haha
There are days when I look in the mirror and I still see a chubby girl standing there. It's frustrating because I know that's not the case. I usually catch myself on it and remind myself "No, you are not fat, NO you are not going to get fat." It's still really frustrating.
We just have to do our best to keep ourselves in check. Be proud! You have come a long way and you look great! It's time to work on the inside now. It would be great if they were one and the same wouldn't it? Unfortunately, it's not....but you can totally learn to love yourself just like you learned how to shed those pounds off. It might take time, but you can do it! We can do it!
Wow, so corny
WOOOHOOO! 0 -
I know exactly what you mean!!! I actually think i'm harder on myself now (always dwelling on the fat that hasn't come off yet or worrying about the loose skin here and there etc) and Yes I am know I am thinner and I do believe I look better and at times I feel on top of the world, but a lot of the time I feel like I'm still the fat girl.
When people compliment me I'm always like oh well I have a ton left to lose but thanks anyway.
Or when I walk into a normal size clothing store and they ask if I need help finding anything I'm always thinking oh they aren't talking to me I don't fit this stuff.
Or even when I'm buying a "cheat" item like chips or a slurpee I feel like everyone is looking at the fat girl buying/eating junk food.
I'm hoping some day my brain will catch up to my body but for now I just do what I can.0 -
I saw this thing on tv that helped. This girls had a unrealistic idea of what her body was like so her therapist had her draw herself on what she thinks she looks like. Afterwards she(the therapist) had her(not really fat girl) lay down in her idea of her body image and then traced on top of her drawing to show (not so fat girl) what her real body image was compared to what was in her head. Theres always an idea.0
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I saw this thing on tv that helped. This girls had a unrealistic idea of what her body was like so her therapist had her draw herself on what she thinks she looks like. Afterwards she(the therapist) had her(not really fat girl) lay down in her idea of her body image and then traced on top of her drawing to show (not so fat girl) what her real body image was compared to what was in her head. Theres always an idea.
I've seen similar things to this too. Maybe I need to go on one of those "How to Look Good Naked" shows or something. Haha!0
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