Still seeing the fat girl!

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HelenTheKitchen
HelenTheKitchen Posts: 383
in Motivation and Support
First and foremost I hate the term "fat girl," but I'm disappointed to say that was my label. When people were talking about me I was, "y'know, the fat girl."

Here I am 70 lbs later, still looking to lose another 10-20lbs, and I just can't see it.

There are some days that I feel great and think I look great, but there are other days (the majority of them unfortunately) where I'm still avoiding the mirror like the plague. Despite compliments and praises from loved ones, I still have those same horrible moments that I had 70lbs ago where I just hate my reflection.

I'm happy to say there are far less of these thoughts, and I feel for the most part my self-esteem is higher, but they still creep up on me like cheap underwear.

How do you all get past seeing the old-you to seeing the new-you? Is anyone else having these problems?
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Replies

  • TabiHerbalifeCoach
    TabiHerbalifeCoach Posts: 691 Member
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    ME TOO!!! I still see that fat girl, especially the way my body/skin is if i look down it still looks fat- i am starting to see a difference if i stand up but mostly i just see the fat chick. I takes time for the mind to catch up i guess.
  • Poehlerbear1983
    Poehlerbear1983 Posts: 63
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    this is why they say you need the fix the inside as well as the outside.....if you FEEL better hopefully your eyes will catch up with your brain!
  • autumn13
    autumn13 Posts: 295
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    Take tons of pictures of yourself:) Seeing is believing, pictures don't lie!
  • ickybella
    ickybella Posts: 1,438 Member
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    I have the same problem. I wish I could say that I am proud of myself, but every time a smaller size fits me, I can't believe it. I still see fat thighs and stomach in the mirror. I hate my arms. Some guy called me "hot" tonight and it made me laugh. I actually told him he was kind for it. I keep telling myself my brain will catch up with me eventually, but I don't really know if that's true.
  • kayemme
    kayemme Posts: 1,782 Member
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    Take tons of pictures of yourself:) Seeing is believing, pictures don't lie!

    pictures totally lie. at the very least they exaggerate.

    everything is about angles. and people see through their experiences, not yours. so if you're seeing the fat girl, just remember, other people really aren't, unless they are the fat girl, too, in which case, they'll only be looking at you with empathy, not judgment.
  • rileysowner
    rileysowner Posts: 8,228 Member
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    Maybe more before and after pictures might start you seeing the difference. I don't think the change in your own views will not happen until you find a way to disconnect your self-perception from your bodies appearance.
  • Celo24
    Celo24 Posts: 566 Member
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    How do you all get past seeing the old-you to seeing the new-you? Is anyone else having these problems?

    Obviously, I can't relate from a gender perspective. However, I know that one of my co-workers lost a ton of weight and was having the same issue that you are. She went and got a professional makeover. Hair, makeup, clothes, the whole shebang. She said that made a MAJOR difference for her because she really felt beautiful after that.
  • abray84
    abray84 Posts: 55
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    I know exactly how you feel. I was doing a weight loss program and lost 20lbs but yet I was still wearing the same size jeans. I was so frustrated I really felt like giving up. It's hard to see it in yourself sometimes but I'm sure other people have commented on how great you look. That scale is not going to lie so keep telling yourself that you are beautiful and don't give up!!!!
  • Melanie1967
    Melanie1967 Posts: 238 Member
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    At least I know I am not the only one that feels this way. After being obese, for over 28 years now, I still can't stand the way I look. I have lost almost 100lbs now, and I am no longer labeled "obese". When I crossed the line, I said to myself hmm, I'm no longer obese, now I'm just very overweight. Was that supposed to make me feel any better? I look in the mirror and still hate how I look! Hopefully someday, this feeling will go away. :-(
  • Fesse
    Fesse Posts: 611
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    You know I really worry that this thought process with never go away, I tell myself that it's okay right now because I still have a way to go... having lost 86 pounds myself and I still have another 15 or so more to lose. I'm afraid that when I "get there" I'll still feel the same way and then what??? I've reached my goal and I'm still not happy with the way I look, then what do you do? Sister love!

    It's not about how other people perceive you... it's how you see yourself. *sigh*
  • TheNewLK
    TheNewLK Posts: 933 Member
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    I have lost 43 lbs so far and when looking in the mirror....a smaller me.....the older "fat" me still stares back. I have had this issue and wonder when it will ever go away. When will the skinny girl inside me finally surface and shine? 23 lbs left to go and what happens when I reach my goal weight and the fat me is still staring me down??

    ***big sigh****
  • HelenTheKitchen
    HelenTheKitchen Posts: 383
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    You are all so sweet and supportive. Although, I feel like we should all be breaking into that "Reflection" song from "Mulan."
  • mrmarius
    mrmarius Posts: 1,802 Member
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    think of yourself as awesome like I think of myself lol... As a guy when I take pics I dont see much difference people tell me they see a difference but I dont however I feel much better all around and clothes that were too tight are now too big for me its all about those nsv's
  • TonyTrinch
    TonyTrinch Posts: 48
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    I'm so glad this topic was posted and that I ran across it tonight. I don't see "the fat girl" in the mirror, partly because I'm a guy (hehe), but I absolutely see and have seen "the fat boy" in my mirror for years. I've had a love/hate relationship with food and my weight since as long as I can remember. I'm 41 years old and I still hear my mother's voice calling out "rollie pollie" as I walked by. I spent several years as an active anorexic and saw nothing but fat rolls and blubber in the mirror when I weighed 105lbs. I was also an active alcoholic and got sober 20 years ago. During the time I spent working on my sobriety I faced alot of my self image and self esteem issues, got to a nice and fit 125lbs and felt really good about myself, for a while.
    I dealt with and faced my alcoholism, but never "really" dealt with my eating issues or body image issues. As a result, now I'm 155lbs and don't need my mother to call me names, I do that all by myself just fine. I started up here at MFP this Wednesday and for the first time in a long time I feel good about starting to work on this issue. I know from my experience dealing with my drinking problem that support from others struggling with the same thing is extremely helpful and that openly and honestly talking about what I'm struggling with actually helps me to deal with it.
    I tried posting before and after pics, charting weight loss progress, focusing on the compliments others gave me, all in the past, but when I still believe I'm a little fat kid, nothing in a picture or chart or that someone else says matters, all that matters is that in my head, I'm a fat kid.
    What I found in my recovery from alcoholism is that when I say stuff like that out loud to other folks who get it, it loses it's power in my head. Just writing down that I'm 41 and still think I'm a fat kid makes it a little less overwhelming, because I'm not a kid, I'm a grown up who is responsible for his own choices. Since Wednesday I made a choice to change and now that's who I am. Whenever I forget that and start thinking I'm that fat kid again, I need to come on here and tell you all about it so I can remember I'm not. The power of connecting with others beats the power of my inner demons. It's only when I try to hang out alone with them that they have the ability to stomp me.
    Thank you for the courage to post this topic.
  • traceyrbb
    traceyrbb Posts: 39 Member
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    I'm so glad this topic was posted and that I ran across it tonight. I don't see "the fat girl" in the mirror, partly because I'm a guy (hehe), but I absolutely see and have seen "the fat boy" in my mirror for years. I've had a love/hate relationship with food and my weight since as long as I can remember. I'm 41 years old and I still hear my mother's voice calling out "rollie pollie" as I walked by. I spent several years as an active anorexic and saw nothing but fat rolls and blubber in the mirror when I weighed 105lbs. I was also an active alcoholic and got sober 20 years ago. During the time I spent working on my sobriety I faced alot of my self image and self esteem issues, got to a nice and fit 125lbs and felt really good about myself, for a while.
    I dealt with and faced my alcoholism, but never "really" dealt with my eating issues or body image issues. As a result, now I'm 155lbs and don't need my mother to call me names, I do that all by myself just fine. I started up here at MFP this Wednesday and for the first time in a long time I feel good about starting to work on this issue. I know from my experience dealing with my drinking problem that support from others struggling with the same thing is extremely helpful and that openly and honestly talking about what I'm struggling with actually helps me to deal with it.
    I tried posting before and after pics, charting weight loss progress, focusing on the compliments others gave me, all in the past, but when I still believe I'm a little fat kid, nothing in a picture or chart or that someone else says matters, all that matters is that in my head, I'm a fat kid.
    What I found in my recovery from alcoholism is that when I say stuff like that out loud to other folks who get it, it loses it's power in my head. Just writing down that I'm 41 and still think I'm a fat kid makes it a little less overwhelming, because I'm not a kid, I'm a grown up who is responsible for his own choices. Since Wednesday I made a choice to change and now that's who I am. Whenever I forget that and start thinking I'm that fat kid again, I need to come on here and tell you all about it so I can remember I'm not. The power of connecting with others beats the power of my inner demons. It's only when I try to hang out alone with them that they have the ability to stomp me.
    Thank you for the courage to post this topic.

    great job on your sobriety. my husband has been a little over 4 years sober (he's 44) and drank for more than 20 years. i can't even imagine what he goes through or thinks about because drinking seems to be everywhere. i can only relate to the addiction as i am addicted to food. i've even been to the point countless times of actually hiding food or eating it fast before he came home so he didn't know exactly how much i ate. wasn't even because i was hungry.

    and great job on your weight loss. it's hard and probably even harder to fight the addiction because food is part of our daily lives. i'm sorry to hear your mom said that to you. it was all the kids in grade school that made fun of me that put this "fat girl" in my head as who i am. i often wonder when i get to my goal that i will actually see myself as thin. i always think i look fat. stupid kids in grade school!

    i'm glad you found this site. i've been on here since january but i love this site! i've turned my food addiction to mfp addiction! i'm on here daily and usually 3-4 times a day if not more. i record everything i eat, obsessed with recipes and figuring out calories and what i can eat, exercising and how much i need to do in a day to make sure my bottom numbers stay in the green. LOL i guess this is a "good" addiction to have.

    keep up the good work!
  • HelenTheKitchen
    HelenTheKitchen Posts: 383
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    I'm so glad this topic was posted and that I ran across it tonight. I don't see "the fat girl" in the mirror, partly because I'm a guy (hehe), but I absolutely see and have seen "the fat boy" in my mirror for years. I've had a love/hate relationship with food and my weight since as long as I can remember. I'm 41 years old and I still hear my mother's voice calling out "rollie pollie" as I walked by. I spent several years as an active anorexic and saw nothing but fat rolls and blubber in the mirror when I weighed 105lbs. I was also an active alcoholic and got sober 20 years ago. During the time I spent working on my sobriety I faced alot of my self image and self esteem issues, got to a nice and fit 125lbs and felt really good about myself, for a while.
    I dealt with and faced my alcoholism, but never "really" dealt with my eating issues or body image issues. As a result, now I'm 155lbs and don't need my mother to call me names, I do that all by myself just fine. I started up here at MFP this Wednesday and for the first time in a long time I feel good about starting to work on this issue. I know from my experience dealing with my drinking problem that support from others struggling with the same thing is extremely helpful and that openly and honestly talking about what I'm struggling with actually helps me to deal with it.
    I tried posting before and after pics, charting weight loss progress, focusing on the compliments others gave me, all in the past, but when I still believe I'm a little fat kid, nothing in a picture or chart or that someone else says matters, all that matters is that in my head, I'm a fat kid.
    What I found in my recovery from alcoholism is that when I say stuff like that out loud to other folks who get it, it loses it's power in my head. Just writing down that I'm 41 and still think I'm a fat kid makes it a little less overwhelming, because I'm not a kid, I'm a grown up who is responsible for his own choices. Since Wednesday I made a choice to change and now that's who I am. Whenever I forget that and start thinking I'm that fat kid again, I need to come on here and tell you all about it so I can remember I'm not. The power of connecting with others beats the power of my inner demons. It's only when I try to hang out alone with them that they have the ability to stomp me.
    Thank you for the courage to post this topic.

    I think you're very brave for putting this all out there, and I hope that you are very proud of yourself for what you have accomplished.
  • Lauriee2014
    Lauriee2014 Posts: 183 Member
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    I am the same way. Some days I feel like a ROCK STAR, others I feel there is sooo far to go.

    From your profile dual pic I CAN see a big difference in you. You even look younger! It may take a while for your mind to catch up..but it will! :-}
  • ahsongbird
    ahsongbird Posts: 712 Member
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    honestly , i still see the fat girl too but I have three babies two step kids and a great husband , the fact that i have those things makes the way i look seem so insignificant, my health and fitness is what motivates me, I can only ever be me , whether skinny or fat , I will always have too many flaws to mention and will always have something to complain about if i let myself , but I will always be a very blessed woman who wants to live her life to the fullest and that is more important than my looks.
  • TooFine4MFP
    TooFine4MFP Posts: 134 Member
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    I also still struggle w/ this from time to time. I just like you have days where I see the progress (I used to be 80 lbs heavier) and then I have days where I feel like I still need to lose alot more weight. For the most part I am very happy w/ my progress, but the most important thing to do is not let your weight define who you are. We've all been called plenty of things worst than "the fat girl". My weight doesn't determine my self-worth or self esteem. I am a beautiful woman at any weight and so are you!
  • LG61820
    LG61820 Posts: 372 Member
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    I posted on this topic recently in another thread: Here's what I found to be true for myself: I have a picture in my head of myself as a fattie. It doesn't matter what the scale says, what the measure tape says or what the mirror shows I see a fattie when I look in the mirror. When I was a size 22 I saw a fattie when I was a size 4 I saw a fattie and every size in between the same.

    It's a kind of dysmorphia. I have heavy friends who tell me they never see themselves as heavy and consequently have trouble getting interested in losing weight. Other people who look perfectly right-sized to me are always on a diet or weight-loss plan of some sort,

    I'm finding recently that if I only look at parts of myself at a time I can see them more objectively. For example, I have noticed my collarbone becoming more pronounced, my shoulders looking more rounded in a good way and my wrists are looking HOT!

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