non supportive friends

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laurenms88
laurenms88 Posts: 10 Member
in Motivation and Support
I am looking to see if anyone else is in the same boat as me. It isn't that my friends aren't supportive it is more I don't feel like they get the message they are sending out by the things they say. For example, one of my friends probably weights 130 max and yet she constantly tells me how fat she is and she looks gross. She was showing me a picture of one of her friends and telling me how she used to be really skinny but has since gotten really fat. Then she shows me a picture of a girl smaller then me and keeps saying see how fat she got (I know she is being a b**ch) when really she looks healthy/ slightly overweight. So the message I get from her is that I am a huge gross fat person since she at 130 is fat and her friend who looked HEALTHY was really fat. I doubt she would ever tell me to my face but I know that is probably feeling.

How do you deal with someone who isn't exactly supportive?

Replies

  • LiveLife73
    LiveLife73 Posts: 73
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    U hit that little x button that says delete....
  • catcrazy
    catcrazy Posts: 1,740 Member
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    Someone thats b!tching on her friends and flashing their "fat" pics around isn't worth keeping in touch with. Nicely bought up girl eh!?
  • CassieLEO
    CassieLEO Posts: 757 Member
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    Im the type of person who would look at my friend and say "Then I must be one fat cow or something?? Whats your problem???" Dont let some ignorant person who makes fun of other people to make themselves feel better define how you feel about yourself. All she is doing is fishing for compliments from you and whoever else is there when she calls herself fat.
    She may just be a "toxic" person in your life and OBVIOUSLY not doing you any good with this journey. So tell her to shut up or ship out. If she is a good enough friend to you then she will stop her crap. Otherwise, you will know what type of person she is.
  • CallousMalice
    CallousMalice Posts: 32
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    LiveLife- Wouldn't it be great if we could deal with real live people that way?

    Telemarketer: "Hello, I'm calling about your current mortgage rates..."
    Me: *delete*

    Boss: "You didn't turn in the TPS reports!"
    Me: *delete*

    Girlfriend: "You're an *kitten*."
    Me: *mute* THEN delete*

    Sadly, I think the original poster was talking about in person friends. I don't understand how you can be friends with someone who doesn't relate to you on a level as deep as self image, but maybe a long, candid conversation is in order. If she still doesn't get it, it's time to get better friends.
  • locomotion
    locomotion Posts: 67
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    Someone thats b!tching on her friends and flashing their "fat" pics around isn't worth keeping in touch with. Nicely bought up girl eh!?

    Exactly.
  • fuzzymel
    fuzzymel Posts: 400 Member
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    I would bet that she actually looks in the mirror and sees herself as a girl much bigger than you.

    Don't take it personally its probably more about her distorted view of herself.
  • diverchic73
    diverchic73 Posts: 314 Member
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    Someone thats b!tching on her friends and flashing their "fat" pics around isn't worth keeping in touch with. Nicely bought up girl eh!?

    I agree with this statement. I'd feel sorry for her, she obviously has body issues of her own she is dealing with but would also tell her that while I was working on getting myself healthy and losing weight I would appreciate her being either supportive or keeping her comments to herself as that is what I need from her.

    If she doesn't get it, get out.
  • missbeezy
    missbeezy Posts: 198
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    I would not take it personal. All of my friends are smaller than me and they all complain about how fat and gross they are it used to hurt my feelings because I felt like Gosh I'd love to be that size. Now I ignore their comments or I point out it does hurt and they don't need to complain around me. I'm making changes so hopefully I won't feel offended too much longer!
  • debbiequack
    debbiequack Posts: 275 Member
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    Recognize she has a problem and try not to take it personally?
  • whoisgoingtosaveher
    whoisgoingtosaveher Posts: 14
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    There's nothing more dis-heartening than having friends who put you down. The thing you have to understand is no matter how great you look WOMEN will hardly ever tell you that you look great unless they are on a similar journey to you. You could have the figure of beyonce and they would still find things to jibe about.
    You need to lose your thoughts of negativity and put yourself first for the time being, make some new friends who are more willing to understand and offer help and support when you need it. Delete friends who arent making you feel great because at the end of the day you will only fail yourself... :))

    PS. I'm 5"10 and i'm 155lbs and although people might think i'm "fat" (disgusting word) I feel fantastic, who cares what other people think??
    XxXxXxXxXxX
  • julie4760
    julie4760 Posts: 125
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    Hit the remove as friend, it takes all sorts to make the world go round and there will always be someone who is willing to point out that there are others who are so much better (in their opinion). Guess what it doesn't matter i'll never be perfect but i'd love to be healthier and comfortable in my clothing and i'll never have the figure I had as a teenager but it doesn't matter. We all have someone in our lifes who appreciates us for who and what we are and we should respect ourselves and do what we need to do for us, Good luck to you and if you need support feel free to add me.
  • FILLE
    FILLE Posts: 45
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    Frustrating to have un-spportive people in your life. You are currently on a journey here on MFP. Maybe this journey will help you shed a few pounds as well as a few friends. I hope you can connect with someone that will empathize with you and support you through the highs and lows. (I have one fabulous friend that has been there for me - i wish you that) You can add me as friend if you wish... hope you have a great day
  • MinxMooMoo
    MinxMooMoo Posts: 24
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    Hi

    I think she has her own body issues too , I know that even when I was slinky ( many years ago !!) I still thought I was fat and grotesque . I dont think she is intentionally being unsupportive. I long to be able to like myself .
    I wish you all the best on your weight loss journey x
  • becka63
    becka63 Posts: 712 Member
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    I agree with the people on here who are suggesting that this person has her own issues.

    It may have been cos I skim read your post (sorry!), but I didn't see anything in it that suggested she was openly having a go at you. It's purely how she sees herself. You could ask her how she sees you and then base your actions (ie to keep her as a friend or not) upon that. She is seeing herself one way. You are interpreting her comments as how she views you...best way is to find out by talking to her! She might feel negative about her own body image just because you're making such a great effort in losing weight yourself!
  • callipygianchronicle
    callipygianchronicle Posts: 811 Member
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    This is about her, and not about you. The fact that she is this obsessed with other people’s bodies and weight, tells you how much self-hatred she must have for her own.

    Just know that if she will talk about other people like that when they’re not there, she will talk about you the same when you’re not there. And, if you didn’t stop her from talking about other people’s bodies, you must also own your part in that nasty conversation.

    Now that she has shown you who she is, you have a decision to make. Does it aid your journey, or detract from it, to keep someone with that much toxicity in your life?
  • florange323
    florange323 Posts: 50 Member
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    U hit that little x button that says delete....


    What he said!
  • sammyjj53
    sammyjj53 Posts: 54 Member
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    Growing up I always thought I was a lil on the chunkier side and now when I look at those pictures I think to myself how thin I was and wish I could get back to that size...... Like a lot of people said on here, it's something she sees within her self and she jus mite be putting her own foot in her mouth when she makes comments like that, you never know. Or she could jus be being a *itch!! Either way, jus tell her how you feel and move forward with the friendship depending on how she responds. If she takes offense to it then keep her a distance, if she understands forgive and forget and move forward!!!
  • FearAnLoathing
    FearAnLoathing Posts: 4,852 Member
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    I think you are putting your own issues on her issues obviously she dosent see herself the way you do.Ive known plenty of thin people who seriously saw themselves as fat.How do you know that this isnt whats going on with her?You just made it all about you when it probobly isnt
  • FearAnLoathing
    FearAnLoathing Posts: 4,852 Member
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    another question it dosent seem to me you are being very supportave to her,she obviously has some issues with the way she looks mabey she needs some support to.

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