Hi Everyone!

I am super excited to join this site - the tools and the community seem awesome and I am really hoping for some encouragement and hope as I begin my weight loss journey.

I have always had a complicated, complex relationship with my body. And with food. There have been some incredibly difficult and painful times in my life. I think I can grasp the idea of being a survivor now, but for the longest time, I felt like a victim. I felt safer and more...invisible if I was heavy. I hated my body, the way that I looked and the way that it felt to be in my skin. But, I just couldn't handle the idea of looking...well...I had a problem with people looking at me. Food has been my comfort, my creative medium (I love, Love, LOVE to cook) and companion for so long. I have made a thousand excuses for why I don't want to start a diet. My favorite one was, "Not today - Monday next week, I will start." But it wouldn't start (or it would for an hour and then end in a sea of potato chips). I didn't want to start before I had that last piece of fried chicken or cheesy French fry to comfort me. And then I realized that the food wasn't helping me feel better. It made me feel worse. But it was my companion and I came back to it again and again. Not today - I would say again - Monday next week, I will start.

I got on the scale the other day. The one I bought back in January on a Friday so that I could begin my diet on Monday but hadn't actually stepped on until Saturday. 317. The highest it has ever been in my entire life. I don't know what went through me (shame, anger, sadness) but it was powerful enough to make me say, "Enough!"

I am so looking forward to getting to know all of you and share this awesome and difficult experience. I look forward to today - not next Monday - and changing my whole life!