Hidden Blessings.

That is how i view my ex husband calling me a "Fat Cow' then cheating on me and leaving me. I was 260lbs of fat, lazy and pitiful. I was over weight for a number of reasons, i had just had a baby, i had hypothyroid disease, i was an alcoholic, my birth control killed my metabolism, and last but not least i was depressed. I turned to eating as my only comfort and used my son as an excuse to not go to the gym. (child care is too expensive, its to hard to find babysitters, yada yada yada bla bla bla). Then one day my world came crashing down. My now ex came in and said he had filed for divorce and i had 2 months to move out. I had no job and no place to live and no money. But i had a goal. To show my ex what he has lost and make him regret it. Looking back i had alot of resentment in me. not just for him but for my self. How did i become this bad? and i knew the reason, not only was a full of fat i was full of excuses too and the excuses are worse then the fat. So i set out with my goal. I dropped 100lbs over 4 and a half months. It was not healthy weight loss but it was weightloss none the less. all my money went to daipers, food and clothing for my son. i walked places because i had no gas in my car and i stopped going to BK McDonalds and Hardees due to no money in my wallet. I got a job that was commision based and i walked and worked til i collapsed. My ex had deployed for those 4 months so it was a great time to do it. When he came back i walked in 100lbs lighter and looking hot!!! every blister, every night i went to bed hungry, every mile i put behind me was worth it to make his jaw hit the floor the way it did. Goal accomplished. But it did not put my marriage back together. it did not make my world perfect. and realizing this it made alot of that resentment melt away both towards my ex and myself. I have managed to keep the majority of the weight off. (i gained 20 comfort lbs when i married the love of my life) I am working hard and eating healthier to get the last 40 lbs off. My goals are different now too. I want to buy a skimpy black dress and wear it with pride, I want to run a marathon by my 30th birthday, And i want to be there for my great grand children. I want to be able to chase my children around the house and not be winded. and i want my husband to look at me and wonder how he got that lucky to have me. But most important is i want to do this for me. When life gives you lemons make lemonade with low calorie sugar substitute. Find motivation in everything including the bad. Chose goals that drive you the hardest even if they are selfish and self serving because in the end it is you that has to be motivated. Dont let people judge your goals. they are yours not theirs. I view my divorce as a blessing, if he had not pointed out my "issues" at the rate i was going i would have been dead by now. I would never have met my husband and i would never have my beautiful daughter. I have a loving and supportive family and that means the world to me.
sorry this is kind of out of order and jumbled together, its kind of how my brain runs.