Have to VENT/Encouragment PLEASE

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dmb0174
dmb0174 Posts: 31
in Health and Weight Loss
A post I read earlier today from one of my MFP friends got me thinking. WHY do I have NO support (in real life) with trying to lose weight??? Honestly, my husband SAYS that he supports me but then EVERY night it is the same thing. "What do you want for a snack? Want some ice cream? How about some popcorn? Chips and Salsa?" I say no. No thanks. I'm not hungry. NO! But it still continues... "You know you have to eat." Argh! I DO eat. I actually am eating VERY healthy. I always eat three meals a day and often will throw in a snack or two. So why? WHY? Why does he persist with this food pushing? Does he NOT want me to lose weight? Sigh...

And unfortunately it is not just him. I recently started walking with a friend a few nights a week, which is a blessing, but she is forever saying, "Want me to make you some cookies? You like brownies don't you?" She knows that I am trying to lose weight but she always just kind of blows it off and says, "Eh, let's wait til summer and then we can DIET together." (which is not at all what I feel like I am doing) I truly am trying to make a lifestyle change but just really feeling bad because I feel like no one supports it.

So, WHY??? This is hard for me. I have been overweight since having my first daughter almost 8 years ago and I also feel like I am fighting a time clock because it seems as each year passes it gets harder so I want to do this NOW. I want to be healthy. I AM doing this. I am *almost* to the 20 pound lost mark and would be THRILLED to lose another 15-20 pounds but I just wish I had some support in day to day life.

Okay, I am so sorry for the long whining post but I just had to get this out! OH, and one tiny other little sore spot, same non-supporting people, have not made a single comment about the weight I have already lost. NOTHING. People who I barely know have noticed (so I know that there is a visible difference) but not darling hubby or friends. ARGH!

I promise, I am done now. LOL! Thanks for listening and I would love to hear anyone's thoughts, comments or suggestions.
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Replies

  • kgillikin
    kgillikin Posts: 191 Member
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    I feel the same way. My husband tries to be very supportive. Bless his heart though he will actually come home with my favorite desserts, or chips, or soft drinks. I know he is just trying to be kind and thoughtful but I am trying to lose weight.
  • clioandboy
    clioandboy Posts: 963 Member
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    Congrats on your loss!

    You are doing this for you, get your support from the guys on here - everyone has a similar objective here so we are a bit in the same gang....... You are doing great keep up the good work!!!!!!!!
  • shulaw
    shulaw Posts: 160 Member
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    i have family like that in some cases people are jealsous that your doing so well and in other cases i think people just dont think . is the only thing i can think of sorry im not that helpfull but good on ya for venting:)
  • MichelleOnTrack
    MichelleOnTrack Posts: 73
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    I think we are in our own mindsets. My husband says he supports me, too, but we just aren't on the same page. I also think that others secretly don't like it when friends or loved ones succeed if it's a different goal than what they want. Does that make sense? They say they support us, or want to see us happy, but they really don't want us to succeed. We might change and move on or leave them. Just my little theories :-)
  • gregh74
    gregh74 Posts: 16 Member
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    Get it off your chest! It's ok to vent. Some people just don't understand. I love the support from FMP. Keep it up! Stay strong!
  • LOVEsummer
    LOVEsummer Posts: 304 Member
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    It could be jealousy from some, (most probably) and maybe the hubby doesn't like that you are being healthy if he isn't being as diligent... girl stick with it, 20lbs is an amazing benchmark! Say no to those cookies every time and all of the other junk and the offers will stop :) I'm sure the DH will notice when you are rockin that bikini this summer :-D every time he offers you some chips offer him some carrot sticks haha <3 you've got this
  • SaraTonin
    SaraTonin Posts: 551 Member
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    I think a lot of people need a "buddy" to justify their own snacking, hence all the offers. You don't need that stuff! As long as you can say no they'll learn to stop asking.
  • BrendaBlis
    BrendaBlis Posts: 165 Member
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    It's the same thing at my house! I feel for you! Keep doing what YOU'RE doing. :flowerforyou:
  • LuckyLeprechaun
    LuckyLeprechaun Posts: 6,296 Member
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    That's what we are here for!!! Friend a bunch of supportive people and communicate with them when you're feeling frustrated, because we are experiencing a LOT of the same things you are.

    Most of all, do not give up or let other people stop your progress. They don't walk around in your skin, you do, so it's your decision, and if they don't like change, tough!
  • HannahPastoor
    HannahPastoor Posts: 303
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    I completely understand. I live at home and my dad is always buying oreos or other junk. My mom is always asking me to make cookies or peanut butter pie...Um hello? The funny thing is that they both say they are fat and want to lose weight. I am like its not that hard to not buy the stuff...Oh well...Its good self control practice I guess....
  • AriesGrl
    AriesGrl Posts: 174 Member
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    I totoally know how you feel!! My hubby and I started our weight loss together and have both lost over 100 lbs...but now it seems his body has adjusted and he can eat whatever he wants as long as its not 3 terrible meals a day and it does nothing to him. But me I seem to gain it back right away....I am 17 days from my 30th birthday and am trying really hard to lose that last 10 lbs but every day he is pushing bad food at me....want some ice cream? How bout we go buy a pie for dessert? Lets get pizza for dinner? Im like you know I dont wanna eat that stuff and you know Im on a deadline for my bday and cant afford a set back stop asking me!!! But of course it still continues...lol...so...I get it...I am totally here to help if there's anything I can do...been doing this "life style change" (I dont like to call it a diet either) for over 2 years now and have learned alot! Hang in there you can do it and reach your goals!!!
  • jrueckert
    jrueckert Posts: 355 Member
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    Do it for you. You have to remember that just because you're eating healthy, doesn't mean everyone else has the responsibility to cater to you. Don't put it on anyone else - encourage yourself! Plus, you need practice saying no because there are temptations all over!
  • Daisy_May
    Daisy_May Posts: 505 Member
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    I feel the same way. My husband tries to be very supportive. Bless his heart though he will actually come home with my favorite desserts, or chips, or soft drinks. I know he is just trying to be kind and thoughtful but I am trying to lose weight.

    Do what I did, last time my fiancée brought home croissants I bust into tears and ran out of the room! I truly don’t' think he ever got how hard it was for me until that moment, he's never done it again!
  • A_New_Horizon
    A_New_Horizon Posts: 1,555 Member
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    I know it is frustrating. I think people just don't get it sometimes. This is a lifestyle change. I also think men are dense (trust me, my husband is too). Also, I don't think men notice a weight loss until it is significant. Don't take it to heart. You have us to encourage/support you. Stay strong!!! You can do this. It is all about will-power and determination.
  • andipandi
    andipandi Posts: 91 Member
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    my youngest son is my 'pusher'...lol...'oh mummy you have got to taste this...mmmmm'. i think he gets freaked out by people staring at me when we're out and would prefer me overweight. my older son is like the police 'hey put that down! you'll regret it...', he's also very proud of my physical appearance. you're gonna have to get tough with your man because in the long run it will cause a lot of resentment, and he could be feeling insecure or fearful of your changes...you'll gain more confidence, more attention...i think you can't rely soley on MFP you need to get him on board for the long haul :)
  • dcrabill10
    dcrabill10 Posts: 24
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    Finding that right support is very difficult to do. I haven't read through all of these replies so someone may have already said this same thing, but if there is any way to possibly get him involved in joining you in getting in shape, that is huge. My fiance is in pretty good shape so I had to find a way to get her to join me without being thrown out a window. I mentioned that I was going to be doing a lot of working out to get ready for our vacation. I didn't have a lot of work to do, but some. I asked her if she wanted to do some stuff with me to keep me motivated. Which luckily she was happy to do. And now she's also hooked. :)
  • missy1970eb
    missy1970eb Posts: 1,209 Member
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    ur doing really well so take it with a pinch of salt and u have all of us on here 2 give u the encouragement u need, and there probably a tad jealous, come on keep going and stay strong :flowerforyou:
  • tat4fun
    tat4fun Posts: 1 Member
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    I have a friend who once told me that when ever her husband asked if she wanted him to pick up a snack. She would reply no thank you I don't need one. It help to remind her it was not a need but a want, and allowed her not to hurt those she loved. I used it the other night when my daughter was sent to pick up two items to complete dinner and she came home with those two items, and two different pints of ice cream. I just reminded myself I don't need it... but just to be safe I worked out too. lol.

    I hope this helps :O)
  • autumn5gabby
    autumn5gabby Posts: 48
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    I think its because they have their own issues with food. They are not at the same place as you are. Stay strong and hopefully with time your good habits will become theirs. If you know your friend is going to make a suggestion like lets have brownies beat her to and have a healthy snack already at hand. Same with your husband if you know your going to watch a movie prepare a healthy snack ahead of time. Maybe that will encourge them to start eating healthier.
  • trishgose
    trishgose Posts: 2
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    It is VERY difficult to deal with those who want to encourage you to venture off of your plan. It has always been easier for me to make these changes by myself instead of trying to have a "partner". My significant other didn't notice how much I have actually lost until we started looking through old pictures. He tried to shove food in my face at first and finally realized that I wasn't going to bend. Stay motivated! I've found that venting helps A LOT! Oh.. btw. I think my closest friends have been the least supportive. Every time the topic comes up, my success is trumped by their frustrations of not losing weight, even though they're not trying. Anyway - good luck!

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