Have to VENT/Encouragment PLEASE

dmb0174
dmb0174 Posts: 31
edited September 25 in Health and Weight Loss
A post I read earlier today from one of my MFP friends got me thinking. WHY do I have NO support (in real life) with trying to lose weight??? Honestly, my husband SAYS that he supports me but then EVERY night it is the same thing. "What do you want for a snack? Want some ice cream? How about some popcorn? Chips and Salsa?" I say no. No thanks. I'm not hungry. NO! But it still continues... "You know you have to eat." Argh! I DO eat. I actually am eating VERY healthy. I always eat three meals a day and often will throw in a snack or two. So why? WHY? Why does he persist with this food pushing? Does he NOT want me to lose weight? Sigh...

And unfortunately it is not just him. I recently started walking with a friend a few nights a week, which is a blessing, but she is forever saying, "Want me to make you some cookies? You like brownies don't you?" She knows that I am trying to lose weight but she always just kind of blows it off and says, "Eh, let's wait til summer and then we can DIET together." (which is not at all what I feel like I am doing) I truly am trying to make a lifestyle change but just really feeling bad because I feel like no one supports it.

So, WHY??? This is hard for me. I have been overweight since having my first daughter almost 8 years ago and I also feel like I am fighting a time clock because it seems as each year passes it gets harder so I want to do this NOW. I want to be healthy. I AM doing this. I am *almost* to the 20 pound lost mark and would be THRILLED to lose another 15-20 pounds but I just wish I had some support in day to day life.

Okay, I am so sorry for the long whining post but I just had to get this out! OH, and one tiny other little sore spot, same non-supporting people, have not made a single comment about the weight I have already lost. NOTHING. People who I barely know have noticed (so I know that there is a visible difference) but not darling hubby or friends. ARGH!

I promise, I am done now. LOL! Thanks for listening and I would love to hear anyone's thoughts, comments or suggestions.
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Replies

  • kgillikin
    kgillikin Posts: 191 Member
    I feel the same way. My husband tries to be very supportive. Bless his heart though he will actually come home with my favorite desserts, or chips, or soft drinks. I know he is just trying to be kind and thoughtful but I am trying to lose weight.
  • clioandboy
    clioandboy Posts: 963 Member
    Congrats on your loss!

    You are doing this for you, get your support from the guys on here - everyone has a similar objective here so we are a bit in the same gang....... You are doing great keep up the good work!!!!!!!!
  • shulaw
    shulaw Posts: 160 Member
    i have family like that in some cases people are jealsous that your doing so well and in other cases i think people just dont think . is the only thing i can think of sorry im not that helpfull but good on ya for venting:)
  • MichelleOnTrack
    MichelleOnTrack Posts: 73
    I think we are in our own mindsets. My husband says he supports me, too, but we just aren't on the same page. I also think that others secretly don't like it when friends or loved ones succeed if it's a different goal than what they want. Does that make sense? They say they support us, or want to see us happy, but they really don't want us to succeed. We might change and move on or leave them. Just my little theories :-)
  • gregh74
    gregh74 Posts: 16 Member
    Get it off your chest! It's ok to vent. Some people just don't understand. I love the support from FMP. Keep it up! Stay strong!
  • LOVEsummer
    LOVEsummer Posts: 304 Member
    It could be jealousy from some, (most probably) and maybe the hubby doesn't like that you are being healthy if he isn't being as diligent... girl stick with it, 20lbs is an amazing benchmark! Say no to those cookies every time and all of the other junk and the offers will stop :) I'm sure the DH will notice when you are rockin that bikini this summer :-D every time he offers you some chips offer him some carrot sticks haha <3 you've got this
  • SaraTonin
    SaraTonin Posts: 551 Member
    I think a lot of people need a "buddy" to justify their own snacking, hence all the offers. You don't need that stuff! As long as you can say no they'll learn to stop asking.
  • BrendaBlis
    BrendaBlis Posts: 165 Member
    It's the same thing at my house! I feel for you! Keep doing what YOU'RE doing. :flowerforyou:
  • LuckyLeprechaun
    LuckyLeprechaun Posts: 6,296 Member
    That's what we are here for!!! Friend a bunch of supportive people and communicate with them when you're feeling frustrated, because we are experiencing a LOT of the same things you are.

    Most of all, do not give up or let other people stop your progress. They don't walk around in your skin, you do, so it's your decision, and if they don't like change, tough!
  • HannahPastoor
    HannahPastoor Posts: 303
    I completely understand. I live at home and my dad is always buying oreos or other junk. My mom is always asking me to make cookies or peanut butter pie...Um hello? The funny thing is that they both say they are fat and want to lose weight. I am like its not that hard to not buy the stuff...Oh well...Its good self control practice I guess....
  • AriesGrl
    AriesGrl Posts: 174 Member
    I totoally know how you feel!! My hubby and I started our weight loss together and have both lost over 100 lbs...but now it seems his body has adjusted and he can eat whatever he wants as long as its not 3 terrible meals a day and it does nothing to him. But me I seem to gain it back right away....I am 17 days from my 30th birthday and am trying really hard to lose that last 10 lbs but every day he is pushing bad food at me....want some ice cream? How bout we go buy a pie for dessert? Lets get pizza for dinner? Im like you know I dont wanna eat that stuff and you know Im on a deadline for my bday and cant afford a set back stop asking me!!! But of course it still continues...lol...so...I get it...I am totally here to help if there's anything I can do...been doing this "life style change" (I dont like to call it a diet either) for over 2 years now and have learned alot! Hang in there you can do it and reach your goals!!!
  • jrueckert
    jrueckert Posts: 355 Member
    Do it for you. You have to remember that just because you're eating healthy, doesn't mean everyone else has the responsibility to cater to you. Don't put it on anyone else - encourage yourself! Plus, you need practice saying no because there are temptations all over!
  • Daisy_May
    Daisy_May Posts: 505 Member
    I feel the same way. My husband tries to be very supportive. Bless his heart though he will actually come home with my favorite desserts, or chips, or soft drinks. I know he is just trying to be kind and thoughtful but I am trying to lose weight.

    Do what I did, last time my fiancée brought home croissants I bust into tears and ran out of the room! I truly don’t' think he ever got how hard it was for me until that moment, he's never done it again!
  • A_New_Horizon
    A_New_Horizon Posts: 1,555 Member
    I know it is frustrating. I think people just don't get it sometimes. This is a lifestyle change. I also think men are dense (trust me, my husband is too). Also, I don't think men notice a weight loss until it is significant. Don't take it to heart. You have us to encourage/support you. Stay strong!!! You can do this. It is all about will-power and determination.
  • andipandi
    andipandi Posts: 91 Member
    my youngest son is my 'pusher'...lol...'oh mummy you have got to taste this...mmmmm'. i think he gets freaked out by people staring at me when we're out and would prefer me overweight. my older son is like the police 'hey put that down! you'll regret it...', he's also very proud of my physical appearance. you're gonna have to get tough with your man because in the long run it will cause a lot of resentment, and he could be feeling insecure or fearful of your changes...you'll gain more confidence, more attention...i think you can't rely soley on MFP you need to get him on board for the long haul :)
  • dcrabill10
    dcrabill10 Posts: 24
    Finding that right support is very difficult to do. I haven't read through all of these replies so someone may have already said this same thing, but if there is any way to possibly get him involved in joining you in getting in shape, that is huge. My fiance is in pretty good shape so I had to find a way to get her to join me without being thrown out a window. I mentioned that I was going to be doing a lot of working out to get ready for our vacation. I didn't have a lot of work to do, but some. I asked her if she wanted to do some stuff with me to keep me motivated. Which luckily she was happy to do. And now she's also hooked. :)
  • missy1970eb
    missy1970eb Posts: 1,209 Member
    ur doing really well so take it with a pinch of salt and u have all of us on here 2 give u the encouragement u need, and there probably a tad jealous, come on keep going and stay strong :flowerforyou:
  • tat4fun
    tat4fun Posts: 1 Member
    I have a friend who once told me that when ever her husband asked if she wanted him to pick up a snack. She would reply no thank you I don't need one. It help to remind her it was not a need but a want, and allowed her not to hurt those she loved. I used it the other night when my daughter was sent to pick up two items to complete dinner and she came home with those two items, and two different pints of ice cream. I just reminded myself I don't need it... but just to be safe I worked out too. lol.

    I hope this helps :O)
  • autumn5gabby
    autumn5gabby Posts: 48
    I think its because they have their own issues with food. They are not at the same place as you are. Stay strong and hopefully with time your good habits will become theirs. If you know your friend is going to make a suggestion like lets have brownies beat her to and have a healthy snack already at hand. Same with your husband if you know your going to watch a movie prepare a healthy snack ahead of time. Maybe that will encourge them to start eating healthier.
  • trishgose
    trishgose Posts: 2
    It is VERY difficult to deal with those who want to encourage you to venture off of your plan. It has always been easier for me to make these changes by myself instead of trying to have a "partner". My significant other didn't notice how much I have actually lost until we started looking through old pictures. He tried to shove food in my face at first and finally realized that I wasn't going to bend. Stay motivated! I've found that venting helps A LOT! Oh.. btw. I think my closest friends have been the least supportive. Every time the topic comes up, my success is trumped by their frustrations of not losing weight, even though they're not trying. Anyway - good luck!
  • zulunery
    zulunery Posts: 22
    Try sitting down with them and talking honestly with them. Let them know that you feel blessed that they are "thinking" about you and want to "feed" you but also let them know how dear this commitment is to you and ask them to help you along the way. I had the same issue with my hubby and mom. My mom constantly kept telling me I needed to eat until I finally had a heart to heart with her and now she just says things like; "If you're still hungry, there's food" and she'll actually even have stuff for me that I can eat, like salads, etc. Hang in there and if you can't get motivation/support from real life hang out here, we'll all support you!
  • tiffsallrunout
    tiffsallrunout Posts: 4 Member
    Well, your weight is about you and no one else. I think your husband is just trying to share and be polite. Maybe he feels guilty eating in front of you and figures he has a pass to do what he wants if he's asked you first. Saying know is up to you. Life throws options it's up to you to make the right choice. Be proud of yourself. That's what matters. Not what other people think or notice.
  • DK30096
    DK30096 Posts: 59 Member
    GRRRRRRR My husband is the SAME way! He not only does that but he will eat 3 bowls of ice cream and then tell me he lost 3 pounds!!! I can't STAND it. I think you are amazing and wonderful to be able to watch what you eat in the face of such temptation! GREAT JOB :-)

    I think our friends want us to eat unhealthy so that they don't feel so bad when THEY eat unhealthy. I think it may be a subconsious thing but still it's rather annoying!

    I'm glad at least we all have eachother on the site :-) Keep us the great work and the great will power!!!
  • griffirn
    griffirn Posts: 12
    dmb0174;

    I think you are doing great this is from someone who was around 250lbs in the summer of 2008 after college peaked out weight wise at a nice 190, now back to 230lbs after getting that full-time job LOL ;-(. When I was the avereage un-employed college student I was in the gym ALL DAY lol, but now I'm facing the beast all over again. I don't have any kids, just engaged so your progress is great. It's hard for me to find time with working out now so I give you credit with a child and living married life. I do agree I work out with my fiancee so that is a big help, but you also have to be selfish and just worry about yourslef because you can fall into the trap. As far as people noticing me when I lost it the first time I didn't get "WOWs" until I got down to about 205-210lbs which was 40lbs for me, because by that time i had to by small clothes which fit me better because they weren't big looking so if your wearing the same clothing that may be it. When you lose that next 20 you will have to buy new gear which will force eyes on your new figure so just hang in there!!! You have my support.
  • sacfrazier
    sacfrazier Posts: 53
    I am just taking a guess at this, but maybe your husband and your friend both know that they should also be following a healthier lifestyle and you actually doing it are making them feel guilty. Perhaps they see your progress and wish they were in your shoes. And maybe they feel if they can keep you from meeting your goals they will feel less guilty?! I'm not really sure what to make of all of this. I am lucky enough to have a supporting husband and wonderful friends that have joined me on this journey. Definitely don't give in. If you have lost close to 20 pounds, just keep doing what you are doing because that is amazing! I have been on this journey for about 3 months now and I have no intention of going back to my old ways. Stick to your guns, keep politely turning down the food that they offer you and if they insist on eating unhealthy food, just walk out of the room so you don't have to see it or smell it. Good luck!
  • SammieGetsFit
    SammieGetsFit Posts: 432 Member
    I think a lot of people need a "buddy" to justify their own snacking, hence all the offers. You don't need that stuff! As long as you can say no they'll learn to stop asking.

    I think this might absolutely be true for your hubby. I know that I am MUCH more likely to splurge on unhealthy stuff if I have someone who will "split it with me". Maybe your hubby wants it and he just doesn't want to feel like a hog, but he doesn't even realize how hard he's making it for you. As for those friends and whatnot, there are all types. But I've found that I really just have to focus on me, and when I need it, my MFP community. If you can sustain a healthy lifestyle on your own, you probably won't be able to make it last. But, still, it sucks. *hugs*

    Keep up the fantastic work, and congrats on the amazing loss so far!!
  • jazgal
    jazgal Posts: 122
    So sorry to hear you are having an off day ... you haave some choices to make ...
    1. tell people how what they say bothers you and you would like them to support you ....
    2. just understand that weight loss is your decision and priority and it might not be a priority for those around you and you have to
    let go of the belief that those around you should think as you do ...
    3. only surround yourself with people that you feel support your weight loss ... except for hubby (just tune him out and give him a kiss ... and let it go ... maybe he is insecure and afraid you will look too good to other men ... and if that is the case .. he is not going to tell you)

    Smile ... and have a great day ... and this would be the best place to vent ... we are sort of all in the same boat heading to the same destination ...
  • sallyah13
    sallyah13 Posts: 44 Member
    Just my 2 cents! First I have 2 small children that have bedtime snacks every night or they are up at midnight starved. So every night I have to make the choice not to eat whatever it is they are having. Sometimes dad makes them popcorn, or there is muffins, cookies, you name it for them to choose from. Most the time I have to use a little mental trick and tell myself that I can have those treats just not so late at night, so if I still want it, I give myself permission to have it the next day for one of my normal snacks. By then I normal don't want to have it anyway :). Sometimes I just eat it and log it if I just can't seem to get it out of my head afterall I am a living breathing chocolate loving human being! I also stash hershey's kisses in the cupboard (in the top out of sight) to have one if I just can't seem to get the need for a chocolatey snack out of my head, one of those and I am usually good

    As for the friend always trying to bake for you, I am sometimes guilty of that too, but only because I love to bake and know that me nor my family need to eat an entire pan of brownies or cake. I know sometimes they don't like it, but I hate to throw it away. Just keep saying no thanks or if that doesn't work, take it and give it to someone else or throw it away if it is too tempting.

    Keep at it, eventually everyone will see you are serious about changing your life and will hopefully want to support you or even join you!
  • doobabe
    doobabe Posts: 436 Member
    I would say "lol" because I totally know where you are coming from.... but I guess it isnt funny since you are ranting! :)
    BUT- I am in the same boat.... My husband is terrible. He is CONSTANTLY watching me like a hawk and inserting comments about what I eat or how much (basically that I need to be eating more and more of a variety.... he actually told me that my body needs some grease LOL)
    My family tells me that I am already too skinny and ask when I am going to get over this "phase..".....
    I get it from all sides too, but I look at it this way... It's all just noise really. There are many reasons that our loved ones act the way they do.. simple jealousy or honest concern for your well being. But, in either case it is usually a lack of understanding of what you are doing and why. I sat my hubby down and said "look- I am not comfortable like this and I want to change so that I am happy. Once he understood (after beating it into his head) he is MUCH better. So do this for you- who cares what anyone else thinks! BUT- I would have a sit down with the hubby and get on the same page- I bet it will help. :)
  • nll002
    nll002 Posts: 18
    It's been 12 years since I adopted a healthier lifestyle (and 60lbs down!), and only now are the people around me finally starting to understand. I think it's more the society we grew up in: every event/activity/celebration has centered around food, so people are conditioned to believe that food is the way to say "thanks", or "good job", or even "I love you". They're not doing it on purpose or to be mean (and I honestly don't believe it's a jealousy thing when it comes to family and friends; these people love you!), I think they just don't realize the effort it takes to change. My biggest issue is when everyone says "go ahead and have some: it's Christmas". You know what? It's always something! Birthday, Christmas, Summer Vacation, Easter - you name it and people have an excuse to eat! Just keep focusing on you and stay strong. It may take another decade, but eventually the people around you will realize this is the new you and not some phase you are going through! Good Luck!!
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