My sister sucks lately!
WinKitty
Posts: 119
I'm pissed off.
My sister appears to be competing with me with this weight loss thing, and the sad thing is that I really could use her support! The kind of stuff she does is over Facebook, but she's stopped calling me, too. When I post something like, "Down 12 pounds," like I did today, I kind of expected her to say congrats and acknowledge my hard work. She didn't say anything. When I said I was down 10 pounds she was snarky in her response to me, and condescending. On top of that, she keeps posting things like, "Just left the gym after a great workout with a big smile on my face, knowing I can take on ANYTHING!" which is great, but that's a response to MY status update saying, "Ate emotionally today. I guess yakisoba tasted better than skinny felt...."
Do I ignore this? She's my sister! Do I say something and then have her tell me that I'm just jealous that she's more successful at losing weight than I am (not the case). I guess it's a little more complicated than this; history: she's always been "the fat one," I've always been "the skinny one," and ever since I gained weight and found out I couldn't drop it without medications (I have PCOS), it just feels like she's eating this up (no pun intended).
I'm mostly just venting, but I'm also curious if anyone has run across this kind of competition, or hating and how they dealt with it.
My sister appears to be competing with me with this weight loss thing, and the sad thing is that I really could use her support! The kind of stuff she does is over Facebook, but she's stopped calling me, too. When I post something like, "Down 12 pounds," like I did today, I kind of expected her to say congrats and acknowledge my hard work. She didn't say anything. When I said I was down 10 pounds she was snarky in her response to me, and condescending. On top of that, she keeps posting things like, "Just left the gym after a great workout with a big smile on my face, knowing I can take on ANYTHING!" which is great, but that's a response to MY status update saying, "Ate emotionally today. I guess yakisoba tasted better than skinny felt...."
Do I ignore this? She's my sister! Do I say something and then have her tell me that I'm just jealous that she's more successful at losing weight than I am (not the case). I guess it's a little more complicated than this; history: she's always been "the fat one," I've always been "the skinny one," and ever since I gained weight and found out I couldn't drop it without medications (I have PCOS), it just feels like she's eating this up (no pun intended).
I'm mostly just venting, but I'm also curious if anyone has run across this kind of competition, or hating and how they dealt with it.
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Replies
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I think you should ignore her comments, and lead by example. Don't let her get to you, but when she writes something like her just left the gym comment, I would write, "That's great, I'm soo excited for you. I had a rough day today with the emotional eating, maybe next time you go to the gym we can go together... sister power : ) "0
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I dont know your sister and it will be nice to hear her side of the story.
The most important thing though is to have a talk with her. She is your sister after all. IF it bothers you, then it should be aired. She may not know that she is coming off that way/or she may, either ways, call her out on it and gently i might add. The whole point is to get her to see that as sisters, you are meant to support each other in what ever you choose to do.
Good luck and i hope you can work something out with her0 -
I'm sorry your sister sucks. I wish I had a sister, so know that you are lucky. But it stinks that she's being so snarky. I think you should talk to her and maybe you guys could work together to support one another. I posted a few days ago about my husband want to lose weight and get healthy and how I totally let my pregnant self, horomones insecurities and all try to sabotage his new mental state. I said some pretty crazy things and tried to discourage him. I soon realized what a nut I was being. I want nothing more than for him to be healthy and help support me once the baby is born. It's probably hard for your sister since she has been "the fat one." But still, that doesn't give her the right to bring you down. I know I didn't offer any advice, but I was recently the on doing the sabotaging because I felt insecure so maybe that's why she's doing it too.0
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I started a thread about this last night:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/200051-lack-of-family-support0 -
I think you should ignore her comments, and lead by example. Don't let her get to you, but when she writes something like her just left the gym comment, I would write, "That's great, I'm soo excited for you. I had a rough day today with the emotional eating, maybe next time you go to the gym we can go together... sister power : ) "
I agree! Take the high road. Whenever I see people have put something on facebook that seems directed at me I click "like" and leave a sunny comment. Haters only bring you down if you let them.0 -
I guess yakisoba tasted better than skinny felt...."
First off...that is hilarious. You've got to be funnier than her, so high five on that!
Secondly, I have friends JUST like your sister sounds. When a co-worker today noticed (for the first time) that I had lost weight, my dear friend chimed up that I have a birthday party this weekend...a jinx, perhaps with that jab? When another co-worker asked me about going out tonight, I declined for non-diet reasons, and my dear friend added "She probably can't count the calories on all of those Jack and Diets". Hmmm. I might have to try out my Tae-Bo skills on her.0 -
Don't let her get you down.You have a medical condition and can't help the fact that its going to be harder for you.You will get there.Keep your chin up and take it day by day. You can add me as a friend. Lord knows we need all the support we can get.0
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Stay focused on your goals and have a talk with your sister.0
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Ahhhh does this sound so familiar to me!? In my situation, my sister had to have her thyroid 'killed' and in doing that she lost about 60 lbs over the course of a year a few years ago and she then decided to finally start working out and she was doing great and I was very supportive and while that was going on in her life I was getting pregnant, packing on the pounds, and spent the first year post baby being completely unselfish and giving everything to my daughters and stopped taking care of myself. I started to get off my couch at the end of December and started losing weight pretty quickly and fortunately for me I've always been smaller than my big sister so it wasn't hard to by pass her current weight of 190 and when I did, she quit talking to me completely and unfortunately for me, I haven't had a 'sister' to talk to during this journey. She even refused to come to my daughter's 1st birthday... I have no advice for you other than sometimes we need to walk our own paths and do what it is right for us and sometimes the best form of support is knowing that we are doing this journey for all the right purposes. There is no competition here. This is life. This is our health and wellness. This is our happiness and I don't think any of us deserves to have any of those things belittled or ignored but the fact is that they will be and it is up to us find enough strength to move past the negatives and the people that try to bring us down. Chin up! You are doing a fabulous thing for YOU! and there is no need to dwell on the stress of having a sister. Be happy that she will at least attempt to be some part of your life where as my sister, stepped out on me...when I needed her the most. G'luck0
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If she was your friend, Id definately say ignore it because you dont see your friends all the time, but since shes your blood, I would definately muster up the courage to talk to her (nicely but firmly). Its not fair for her to be like this to you, which makes the matter even worse.
Take your time to cool off and think about it without anger. Good Luck!0 -
Sibling rivalry is a powerful thing. You spend your entire life trying to get along so naturally it hurts when you feel slighted or insulted.
Have you sat down with her and told her how you feel? Sometimes these are opportunities to build relationships.
Most of all though, be proud of yourself!
There is one person on this whole planet that can control how you feel every day. And that person is you!
With or without her approval... You are doing something fantastic and should celebrate your milestones and achievements!
Above all else... remember that You do have people in your corner!
Keep up the hard work!0 -
Sibling rivalry is a powerful thing. You spend your entire life trying to get along so naturally it hurts when you feel slighted or insulted.
Have you sat down with her and told her how you feel? Sometimes these are opportunities to build relationships.
Most of all though, be proud of yourself!
There is one person on this whole planet that can control how you feel every day. And that person is you!
With or without her approval... You are doing something fantastic and should celebrate your milestones and achievements!
Above all else... remember that You do have people in your corner!
Keep up the hard work!0 -
Aw, sorry to hear this
All I can say is that my sister (in real life) has never ONCE supported me in ANY of my endeavors, including having my son. She never made it to ANY of his B-days, christening, school functions, or even his High School graduation. Never RSVP'd and never even sent him a card.
I know this is not the same thing, but I KNOW how this feels. I have un-friended her on Facebook (I love her, but I don't LIKE her very much), but I have found most of my MFP friends have been MORE like a sister to me than my own. I get the support, emails, 'congrats' responses to my successes, and a virtual hug when things go wrong. I have quite a few that I have FB friended, and even a bunch that we exchange workout tapes, clothes, etc. with. I'm not sure what kind of relationship you have had with your sister in the past. But I would say to keep her in your life as family, but TREASURE the sisters you have here on MFP. I know *I* treasure all of mine! I would be lost without them....quite seriously. Take comfort in knowing that you are not alone, but that there are MANY more 'virtual sisters' that will go to the (exercise) mat for you! :bigsmile:
Hang in there, kiddo! You are doing an awesome job for yourself and a better, more healthy life. Embrace it! :drinker:0 -
Sibling rivalry is a powerful thing. You spend your entire life trying to get along so naturally it hurts when you feel slighted or insulted.
Have you sat down with her and told her how you feel? Sometimes these are opportunities to build relationships.
Most of all though, be proud of yourself!
There is one person on this whole planet that can control how you feel every day. And that person is you!
With or without her approval... You are doing something fantastic and should celebrate your milestones and achievements!
Above all else... remember that You do have people in your corner!
Keep up the hard work!
AMEN and well put, Jeff!0 -
Sorry, I highjacked your thread with my own vent about my sister behaving the same! (now deleted)
Do this for you, don't let her pettiness distract you let it drive you0 -
Is she younger than you?
**Don't let it get to you. I totally agree with the poster who said to respond happily to her "gym" post.
**Maybe she has PCOS as well, and doesn't know it. Very often it hits multiple members of the same family. If she has PCOS, it is possible that she is having huge hormonal mood swings that further fuel her jealousy.
**How is the rest of your family dealing with your weight loss? Are they quietly supportive, or praising you loudly and telling your sister "why don't you try what she's doing?". If so, it may just be a temporary form of rebellion.
Your sister sounds like she is rather unhappy - possibly at her life in general, and is using you as a way to vent her crankiness. Also pretty low self esteem (?). Maybe if you try to be extra nice to her a little (genuinely), and tell her *why* you'd like her support (she's intelligent, good sense of humor, is a good example of tenacity/willpower), she'll come around sooner. If you tell her truths about what you value in her, she will see that value more clearly. You can start developing a relationship as equals, and move past the "skinny one/fat one" label, and all the other labels you have grown up with.
I hope things improve for you soon with your sister! Keep focusing on all the things that *are* improving in your life, and use them as motivation.
Not meaning to sound preachy - sorry if this comes off seeming that way. Best of luck!0 -
My sisters are total *****es so I feel your pain. Kill her wth kindness and don't stoop to her level.0
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You should add me to your friends list. I was diagnosed with PCOS when I was 16 years old. I have been obese my entire life. My sister has always been the skinny one. Until about 2 years ago. She packed on about 125 pounds, became an alcoholic, and a pill popper. Now she's "trying" to clean up her act and loose weight. According to her, she has lost 39 pounds. OK, sure. Whatever. I can't tell my family how much weight I have lost because it would seem as if I am trying to compete with her. Believe me, my journey has nothing to do with her. I have went from 308 pounds to 279 pound since February. Yay me right!!!! BUT, it's all about her. Always has been, always will be. So I suppose my advice would be to look to other sources, such as this page, for support. Sucky as it is, because we should be able to get support from our families, it just doesn't alwayys work that way. I have my closest friend, my "Real" sister, helping me. She motivates me, she congratulates me, she boos me when I need it, she helps pick me up when I am down. This site also helps. Being able to share feelings, thoughts, and milestones on here is amazing. So, here you go.... FANTASTIC job on your weight loss!!!!!! If you feel as if you are about to eat the contents of your kitchen, look me up, we can do this!!!!0
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