Have to VENT/Encouragment PLEASE

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Replies

  • jms023
    jms023 Posts: 37 Member
    It is really hard to find support sometimes in the people who are closest to you. My husband is kind of the same way, except he does it on purpose to get a response out of me. He knows I'm trying to eat healthy, but he often buys ice cream or cookies or other unhealthy stuff and then eats it in front of me. Yes, it may have been funny the first time, but when it starts to be a continuous thing it just gets really frustrating and annoying. A few weeks ago he left some ice cream in my freezer (he doesn't live with me currently due to work and school situations, but he visits or I visit every weekend). I was pretty fed up at this point, and I just threw it in the trash. He hasn't done anything like that since then :) I guess he finally realized how annoying it is and tried to tone it down a bit. I mean, I'm not going to tell him to eat healthy and ban him from eating what he wants to eat, but he doesn't have to shove it in my face to get a rise out of me. He only usually gets to see me once a week, and I think he can manage to abstain from junk food for 2 days and not buy unhealthy stuff and then leave it at my place instead of taking it with him. At least buy smaller portions and just eat it instead of buying a huge box of it and then leaving 90% of it with me.

    I look at it as a test of willpower. There are always going to be people who don't get why you would want to stop eating like crap and actually start putting food in your body that's going to give your body the nutrition it needs. Part of the reason in my case is because I'm actually thin already and just want to be healthy, so when I count calories or watch my portion sizes people give me weird looks, like "Why are you dieting, when you are already skinny?" Just shrug it off, find support where you can, and maybe eventually people will start to understand if you stick with it long enough for them to see it is not a diet but a healthy lifestyle.
  • courtrptr13
    courtrptr13 Posts: 272
    It can be very frustrating when your spouse isn't on the same page as you when it comes to losing weight/eating healthy. I'm trying to lose pregnancy weight and I'm 40 and it's hard! My husband is a thin guy and can eat just about anything (and does) and doesn't gain weight. I can work out daily and eat healthy and drop a few pounds here and there, but he never works out and eats junk all the time and stays thin. Fortunately he doesn't offer me junk to eat, but his idea to lose weight is to eat chicken and broccoli every day :( Have you sat your husband down and told him you need his support, that you're really trying hard and need him to back off on pushing food on you? As long as you're not limiting what he eats, he shouldn't care what you eat, as long as you are eating. Explain to him that you aren't happy with yourself the way you are and you're doing this for YOU and if you're happier, he'll be happier too!

    As for your friend, it sounds like she isn't ready to do this yet and she's jealous that you are and wants to make herself feel better by having you join her rather than her joining you.

    Your husband may not notice the loss as much because he sees you daily. Maybe look at some pics with him when you were heavier and I'm sure he'll notice the difference. Good luck to you! You're doing great! And if you need support, come here and get it. Some people are just not capable of supporting others, especially if they haven't struggled with it themselves.
  • neelia
    neelia Posts: 750 Member
    My husband was the same way once...until I gave him a swift kick in the @$$. :wink:

    Seriously, though, we had a serious chat. I also told my friends and coworkers that I did not appreciate the lack of support. Some stopped being my friend...and I've been better ever since!
  • shaunshaikh
    shaunshaikh Posts: 616 Member
    I think the explanation is actually very simple. When people go on very restrictive diets, it basically puts everyone around them on a very restrictive diet that they didn't sign up for. My friend's wife, who is a healthy weight, exclaimed to me the other day, "Ugh, I don't think I'll eat a burger ever again!" She's frustrated because she's been forced to be put on a diet to be supportive and can't have some of the tastier things in life that she enjoys responsibly (because she's obviously a healthy weight).

    I know that it kind of sucks to make food or go out to eat with people on the Atkins Diet or vegetarian/vegan. You have to go out of your way to make sure they have something that fits in your diet, and it may not be something you want. Normally, people won't complain about it here and there, but when people feel deprived for months I think some resentment could set in. Even I hate when people on diets or crazy workout plans try to make you feel guilty for skipping a days workout or making a bad choice in your diet here and there.

    Personally, that's the biggest reason that I'm not having a super restrictive diet. I'll have ice cream, just a small portion size within my diet. I'll have a brownie, just a small piece within my diet. I'll have the kolaches at work for breakfast, but just one and I'll make up for it somewhere else. I'll go out to eat at work for lunch and get a healthy option or only eat half of my unhealthy choice. You talk about this not being a diet and being a lifestyle -- isn't that what a lifestyle is? Eating the things you like, but responsibly? You're never going to eat ice cream again in your life? You're never going to have pizza again in your life? In my opinion, that's unrealistic and that's what leads to binges and to setbacks.

    My caveat here is that I'm a very big people-pleaser and I'm always overly-worried about how I'm affecting people. I may be over-stating some things -- but, at the same time you didn't marry your husband because he was some selfish or unsupportive person. Maybe he is everything that you signed up for and you haven't been meeting him half way.
  • trainsweatgrow
    trainsweatgrow Posts: 2
    You're doing awesome! People seem to like company when they eat; food is associated with so many social/emotional elements. But you can have fun without food (it is possible!)...
    I think the key is deciding on your goal and then taking practical steps to get there. Your husband and friend don't have those goals right now, so they want you to keep them company with slack eating. Give in, and eventually you'll end up back where you started.

    My friends and family break out chips, cookies, ice cream etc almost every night. I've just resolved to live a different way. I've found having a schedule really helps:
    I wake up every day at 6AM and put in the work/exercise that some people talk about but never do. I put this on the calendar and treat it like an appointment that I need to keep. I plan to eat clean foods every two hours, ending with dinner at about 6pm. After 7pm, I don't eat. There's no need to. I'm never hungry and so I just tell the people around me I'm not interested in ruining a day's work with junk food.
    If you keep working your plan, it'll pay off huge for you.
    Keep going- you'll inspire a lot of people!
  • Kathleen7r
    Kathleen7r Posts: 1 Member
    Hey i know how u feel!!!! your not alone!!! i live home with my mother and she buys nothing but junk food and she knows im tryin to eat healthy! and as goes for my brother he brings home junk food too...its hard not to eat it but...i pick at it but NOT alot of it!!! i just had a baby 2 1/2 years ago and i been since january tryin to work it off its coming off slowly...but thats what u want the slower it come off the better... cuz if u loose to much in a short period of time you'll gain it back really quick!!! I WANt to get back to my skinny jeans back to my high school weight!!! lol.... BTW 20 lbs is alot for someone thats beenn wanting too loose weight for awhile so IM PROUD OF U!!! :-) i wanna loose atleast 25-30 more i work out on the ellipitical almost every night i love it!!!. not alotta ppl say anythin to me either except "its looks like you lost weight in the face" thats all



    don't worry ur not winning!!! :-)
  • MissMay
    MissMay Posts: 3,749 Member
    As everyone else that has posted before me I too have a husband and family and friends that do the same to me.

    One evening after my husband tried to force feed me junk and I refused(this happens all the time too) I got a great idea. I came in here to MFP,made up a mock days worth of what he had just eaten and printed it off for him. His caloreis for that one day were...are you ready??? Over 5000!!!!

    I told him that I had enough knowledge and willpower to know when I have had my healthy daily calorie intake and when my calories are eaten for that day I will not consume anymore. Unlike the 3100 extra that you have eaten today.

    I didn't want to sound like a meany, but sometimes certain people have to have it shoved right in their face to make them understand.

    Keep strong and keep using MFP!
  • B140
    B140 Posts: 56
    I love all the advice on here. It's reminded me, it's okay to be a little self-focused because you are the one that has to live in your body and your life. Also, sometimes you just have to have "the talk" with your loved ones and they realize that what you are doing is making you happier and healthier and that's exactly what they want you to be. And it's also a reminder that what other people do doesn't necessarily have anything to do with you or your goals, it's just what they are doing, just like the stuff you do isn't always focused on everyone else (right?). I'm the worst for forgetting to focus on myself and putting my unhappiness at other people's feet. It's good to to have reminders that you are responsible for your own happiness. Sometimes it's just a matter of looking a little closer at your plans and seeing where you can be flexible and still reach your goals.
  • meadows654
    meadows654 Posts: 164
    First of all: CONGRATULATIONS! You're doing a great job! :bigsmile:

    My hubby totally supports what I am doing, BUT at the beginning he did forget what I was trying to accomplish. He would ask "Should we get some Dairy Queen?" and I would always cave in in the past because if someone mentioned anything yummy (ice cream, cake, fast food, etc) then I WANTED it! But once I started this journey, I instead made a pouty face and said to him "I WANT it... but I don't NEED it" if I was asked. And he would give me that "Oh YEAH" look and quickly say never mind. This only happened a couple times and once he realized I was truly serious, he's been great. If he needs a snacky fix and it's not something we have in the house, he'll get it on his own and doesn't flaunt it in my face, which I appreciate. Maybe your hubby just needs to know this time you're gonna do it and you're serious. And let him know how much it bothers you. He can't change if he doesn't know what's wrong. As much as we'd love for our men to be mind readers, they aren't!

    Keep it up! And vent as much as you need to here! :flowerforyou:
  • dixedreg
    dixedreg Posts: 276 Member
    ..... last time my fiancée brought home croissants I burst into tears and ran out of the room! I truly don’t' think he ever got how hard it was for me until that moment, he's never done it again!

    That's awesome. Sometimes you really have to send a direct message and it looks like that one worked!
  • jen1516
    jen1516 Posts: 77 Member
    Here's a thought on why the people closest to you haven't commented and it may have already been mentioned by someone else, but I didn't read each post. The people closest to you who see you every day may not realize the big change since they do see you every day. The people who don't see you as often are much more likely to notice. So it might not be anything bad as jealousy or anything like that. Kind of like how people say how fast my children are growing up when I may not notice it as much. But great work on the loss!!!! Keep standing your ground and keep up the great work!!!!
  • dmb0174
    dmb0174 Posts: 31
    Thank you, thank you, thank you! I really do appreciate EVERYONE'S comments. It has just been a tough few days for me, not even really sure why... just lacking motivation and I just kept thinking if only I had support at home. Anyway, I do feel so much better after knowing I am not alone and knowing that I sure can get support on here if I just ask!

    Thanks again... you truly are all the BEST!!! :heart:
  • arosegeo
    arosegeo Posts: 254 Member
    A post I read earlier today from one of my MFP friends got me thinking. WHY do I have NO support (in real life) with trying to lose weight??? Honestly, my husband SAYS that he supports me but then EVERY night it is the same thing. "What do you want for a snack? Want some ice cream? How about some popcorn? Chips and Salsa?" I say no. No thanks. I'm not hungry. NO! But it still continues... "You know you have to eat." Argh! I DO eat. I actually am eating VERY healthy. I always eat three meals a day and often will throw in a snack or two. So why? WHY? Why does he persist with this food pushing? Does he NOT want me to lose weight? Sigh...

    And unfortunately it is not just him. I recently started walking with a friend a few nights a week, which is a blessing, but she is forever saying, "Want me to make you some cookies? You like brownies don't you?" She knows that I am trying to lose weight but she always just kind of blows it off and says, "Eh, let's wait til summer and then we can DIET together." (which is not at all what I feel like I am doing) I truly am trying to make a lifestyle change but just really feeling bad because I feel like no one supports it.

    So, WHY??? This is hard for me. I have been overweight since having my first daughter almost 8 years ago and I also feel like I am fighting a time clock because it seems as each year passes it gets harder so I want to do this NOW. I want to be healthy. I AM doing this. I am *almost* to the 20 pound lost mark and would be THRILLED to lose another 15-20 pounds but I just wish I had some support in day to day life.

    Okay, I am so sorry for the long whining post but I just had to get this out! OH, and one tiny other little sore spot, same non-supporting people, have not made a single comment about the weight I have already lost. NOTHING. People who I barely know have noticed (so I know that there is a visible difference) but not darling hubby or friends. ARGH!

    I promise, I am done now. LOL! Thanks for listening and I would love to hear anyone's thoughts, comments or suggestions.


    for the people you see all the time not noticing can be because they have seen the gradual change. like growing up with someone and looking back on old pics and being stunned by how different you were then. they say the more things chang the more they stay the same.
  • amcblee
    amcblee Posts: 3
    Do it for you. You have to remember that just because you're eating healthy, doesn't mean everyone else has the responsibility to cater to you. Don't put it on anyone else - encourage yourself! Plus, you need practice saying no because there are temptations all over!

    Such good advice. It's easy to forget that while you have calorie counting, grocery lists, exercising and good decision-making on your mind 24/7... others don't. Even if they love you. And they don't care about you eating your exercise calories or going over on your protein limit. And they don't want to hear about the apple you had. They just don't want you to change or get all weird and freaked out about food. So go shopping for hot new clothes and strut circles around everyone with your chin a little higher than it was before. They'll notice that!
  • LukeEalden
    LukeEalden Posts: 38
    In a weird way, I like this sort of temptation. I'll explain why...

    I feel I'm much more likely, and have done so in the past, to fall to temptation when it's just me around and I feel I can 'get away with it'. When I'm with people who know I'm losing weight, a barrier comes up and I'm always good.

    So the more people try to tempt me, the bigger and taller this barrier gets for me, thus I don't take the temptation. What it also does though, and this is why I like it, it makes me even more focused and strict with myself not to fall for temptation when I'm on my own like I had been before.

    I hope this makes some sense to anyone, it does in my head!

    Oh you are doing really well with the weight loss, I've learnt that although comments from other people are great, you have to get in the mindset of complimenting yourself on it. Be your own judge, at the end of the day it's you that you are doing it for.
  • ybba12490
    ybba12490 Posts: 252
    I know what you mean! My friends all tell me that I look "fine." I am super tall so it only looks like I don't weigh a lot... I am overweight by about 30 lbs... nothing healthy about that! If I pass on a cupcake, my friend *sighs* and makes me feel guilty saying "UGH, I guess I'll eat alone..." My boyfriend is no help either. He is someone who eats fast food 3 times a day, drinks only soda, and STILL loses weight b/c of a high metabolism and his work is physical labor. Every night I visit him and he suggests dinner, its fast food. I tell him I can't eat it because I'm on a diet and he'll get annoyed! Like, seriously? And then he'll say I can take a "night off"... NO, not after I took a 'night off' 2 days ago! Show some support! (thanks for providing the space to rant, no one else listens :D)
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