Up date on Nebraska safe haven law

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Anna_Banana
Anna_Banana Posts: 2,939 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Okay for those of you who read my post about this law you know what I'm talking about.

This is on the news on the radio every day.

Okay they just were talking about the lady who drove 10 hours from Detroit to drop off a 13 year old boy. My first question is how you can give up a kid that you raised for 13 years, crazy. Any way, I guess this wonderful mom has 4 other kids at home and now the state (I'm not sure which one) is going to try to go after them.

Okay how do you choose which kid to dispose of. Hey Timmy I don't want you anymore, no your brothers and sisters are okay and I'm going to keep them. It's just you I don't want around. So we're going on a road trip for 10 hours to some state that won't ask me any questions if I just dump you.
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  • Anna_Banana
    Anna_Banana Posts: 2,939 Member
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    Okay for those of you who read my post about this law you know what I'm talking about.

    This is on the news on the radio every day.

    Okay they just were talking about the lady who drove 10 hours from Detroit to drop off a 13 year old boy. My first question is how you can give up a kid that you raised for 13 years, crazy. Any way, I guess this wonderful mom has 4 other kids at home and now the state (I'm not sure which one) is going to try to go after them.

    Okay how do you choose which kid to dispose of. Hey Timmy I don't want you anymore, no your brothers and sisters are okay and I'm going to keep them. It's just you I don't want around. So we're going on a road trip for 10 hours to some state that won't ask me any questions if I just dump you.
  • gglenn
    gglenn Posts: 19 Member
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    OMG!! What is wrong with these people?!!

    There was also the guy who dropped off ALL of his kids and the oldest was 17!!!!
  • Marla64
    Marla64 Posts: 23,120 Member
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    OMG!! What is wrong with these people?!!

    There was also the guy who dropped off ALL of his kids and the oldest was 17!!!!

    Seriously-- my hubby and I joked when we first read of this law over the summer (that says you can drop your kids off, up til age 19-- ) that we needed to move to Nebraska 'cause then we could legally get rid of our eldest. Nyuk-- nyuk-- it was a little joke-- we giggled.

    And then I saw the headline-- "Father drops off 9 kids, eldest is 17," and I was, like, "Honey? Uh, where are the kids?" Hee--

    The law is great to spare the lives of these babies being born and dumped down toilets by teen mothers, or whatever-- but this is so totally out of hand.
  • Phoenix_Rising
    Phoenix_Rising Posts: 11,417 Member
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    OMG!! What is wrong with these people?!!

    There was also the guy who dropped off ALL of his kids and the oldest was 17!!!!

    His wife died. He couldn't support nor take care of the children. I think what he did was acceptable. It's the modern day equivalent of putting your kids in the poor house/working house, except you know they will actually be cared for and taken care of.
    Okay they just were talking about the lady who drove 10 hours from Detroit to drop off a 13 year old boy.

    This sounds like a mom at her wits end with an out of control child. Not that I'm excusing her -- that out of control child is still all yours!!





    I agree this law is being misused, but leave a huge hole, people will jump right through it!
  • souxieredglow
    souxieredglow Posts: 1
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    But what might those parents do, at their wits end, if that option (appropriate/reasonable or not) was NOT available?

    No one wants to call the state and say "Hey, can't handle 'em any more- come and provide services!"

    At least by providing the illusion of a 'consequence-free' option, the state social services providers (and in several of the cases, they now have to determine WHICH state) now knows that some intervention is needed to head off true disaster.

    But I agree, the emotional damage to a child from having your parent(s) state openly for all to see/hear "I don't want you any more" is probably irreparable. "I can't take care of you any more" is less personal, but still much more surrender than would be expected of a parent for a beloved child.
  • jojo52610
    jojo52610 Posts: 692 Member
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    I thought well that's pretty messed up -

    but people do pretty desperate things now days - like the guy who went home and killed his whole family and them himself cause he lost his job and was going to forclose on his house -

    we don't know that woman's situation - and Nebraska made the law for a reason -

    Oh and by the way I have a 16 old daughter at times I'd love to drive to Nebraska and drop off - except it's too far :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • Anna_Banana
    Anna_Banana Posts: 2,939 Member
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    I guess the crazy part to me was that she drove 10 hours to get here. What do you talk about in the care.

    And Maybe the kid was out of contol, but why push him off on to someone else? She created the monster let her keep him in Detroit and be a problem there.

    Like I said before the law was intended for infants, but they didn't put the age limit on it so they are trying to get that changed, but maybe the first part they need to get changed is that it is only avaliable to Nebraska citizens. We are so over loaded with foster kids and a complete lack of foster parents.
  • monica5237
    monica5237 Posts: 450
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    I agre with most of you.

    I have 3 teenage daughters and they are 18 16 and 14 my oldest has moved out and still is home everyday asking fo rstuff I can't give most of the time. My 14 year old is home with me

    Now about my 16 year old daughter; She was always running away and people woudl say well you must not be doing something right if she keeps running away well what I was doing was I was not letting her go out everynight and hang out with the kids that I felt were a bad influence.

    Well one day she decided to skip school ( I could not keep her in school) and she got in the car of a friends boyfriend she had only met the biy a few times and had no idea how old he was. she was 15 at the time and her friend was 15 also. well he decided that he did not want to bring her home after a night of joy riding my daughter was gone for 3 weeks I had no idea where she was she would not answer her phone. I was so scared I even had her on the missing and exploited childrens website and she had a poster posted in the local wal-mart. It was the scarest thing to ever happen to me. Not to mention what it did to her. She was able to get away from this MAN found out later he was 27) she sent me a message on her MYSPACE i checked that daily and she told me she was in Hollywood california we live in fort worth texas.

    It was not "kidnapping" even though she said she did not want to go with them to california becasue she go tin the car voluntary

    The police were no help they kept her in a juvinile detention center for over a week because i could not come get her due to money issues the judge ordered a plane ticket home for her and she came home

    we tried to press kidnapping charges on this man and NO STATE WOULD help us Texas NOPE california NOPE new mexico NOPE arizona NOPE


    Any way to get to the point of the law we are talking about I had to do something with this out of control kid I loved her so much I had to do something. I called her father and sent her to him He lives in Alabama and that was the hardest thing I had to do in my life was to give up a child I had raised for 15 years and gave birth to

    But it was to saave her life.. so the moral of this is .......................

    sometimes you have to give them up for their own sake..

    yes this is all true!!!!!



    just to let you all know she is doing great all a's and b's on her report card and she is not skipping school and she and I talk everyday now she has changed so much
  • Fitness_Chick
    Fitness_Chick Posts: 6,648 Member
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    I guess the crazy part to me was that she drove 10 hours to get here. What do you talk about in the care.

    And Maybe the kid was out of contol, but why push him off on to someone else? She created the monster let her keep him in Detroit and be a problem there.

    Like I said before the law was intended for infants, but they didn't put the age limit on it so they are trying to get that changed, but maybe the first part they need to get changed is that it is only avaliable to Nebraska citizens. We are so over loaded with foster kids and a complete lack of foster parents.
    sad frustrating eye rolling going on here....... Yea I heard about that last night on the local news....JEEPERS CREEPERS.... we'll be so overloaded with Foster kids here........and it's a roll of the dice if they are good homes.

    :flowerforyou: No disrespect meant to any of you foster parents out there doing a wonderful job....:heart: What an awesome thing you're doing for kids & your state!:drinker:
  • Fitness_Chick
    Fitness_Chick Posts: 6,648 Member
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    OMG!! What is wrong with these people?!!

    There was also the guy who dropped off ALL of his kids and the oldest was 17!!!!
    apparently no proper parenting skills :brokenheart:
  • Fitness_Chick
    Fitness_Chick Posts: 6,648 Member
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    I agre with most of you.

    I have 3 teenage daughters and they are 18 16 and 14 my oldest has moved out and still is home everyday asking fo rstuff I can't give most of the time. My 14 year old is home with me

    Now about my 16 year old daughter; She was always running away and people woudl say well you must not be doing something right if she keeps running away well what I was doing was I was not letting her go out everynight and hang out with the kids that I felt were a bad influence.

    Well one day she decided to skip school ( I could not keep her in school) and she got in the car of a friends boyfriend she had only met the biy a few times and had no idea how old he was. she was 15 at the time and her friend was 15 also. well he decided that he did not want to bring her home after a night of joy riding my daughter was gone for 3 weeks I had no idea where she was she would not answer her phone. I was so scared I even had her on the missing and exploited childrens website and she had a poster posted in the local wal-mart. It was the scarest thing to ever happen to me. Not to mention what it did to her. She was able to get away from this MAN found out later he was 27) she sent me a message on her MYSPACE i checked that daily and she told me she was in Hollywood california we live in fort worth texas.

    It was not "kidnapping" even though she said she did not want to go with them to california becasue she go tin the car voluntary

    The police were no help they kept her in a juvinile detention center for over a week because i could not come get her due to money issues the judge ordered a plane ticket home for her and she came home

    we tried to press kidnapping charges on this man and NO STATE WOULD help us Texas NOPE california NOPE new mexico NOPE arizona NOPE


    Any way to get to the point of the law we are talking about I had to do something with this out of control kid I loved her so much I had to do something. I called her father and sent her to him He lives in Alabama and that was the hardest thing I had to do in my life was to give up a child I had raised for 15 years and gave birth to

    But it was to saave her life.. so the moral of this is .......................

    sometimes you have to give them up for their own sake..

    yes this is all true!!!!!

    That must have taken a great deal of strength for you to go through all that...how's she doing now with Dad? It is amazing how sometimes sending the child to the other parent can straighten them up.

    I have to agree it's not ALWAYS the parents....some kids are just very very strong willed and want to test the boundaries BIG TIME.

    But there are certainly parents that have absolutely no boundaries and then the child is a confused mess in society and continues down that road then has kids of their own and the cycle continues... Yadda x 3!
  • Fitness_Chick
    Fitness_Chick Posts: 6,648 Member
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    I thought well that's pretty messed up -

    but people do pretty desperate things now days - like the guy who went home and killed his whole family and them himself cause he lost his job and was going to forclose on his house -

    we don't know that woman's situation - and Nebraska made the law for a reason -

    Oh and by the way I have a 16 old daughter at times I'd love to drive to Nebraska and drop off - except it's too far :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    Hey NOW!!:laugh: We get enough from surrounding states....:huh: So what do oher States have as a law on their books? They just prosecute each time a child is left somewhere?

    The sad part is that this whole law thing was actually created so infants didn't end up in school restrooms, door steps, trash bins......

    Oh sheesh....I'm on to a happier post......:drinker:

    Have a great night all:flowerforyou:
  • Anna_Banana
    Anna_Banana Posts: 2,939 Member
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    I feel so bad for you. I'm glad she's doing well with her dad. At least she's with family.
  • monica5237
    monica5237 Posts: 450
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    I feel so bad for you. I'm glad she's doing well with her dad. At least she's with family.

    Thank you very much and she is doing great now. I still miss her so much and I wish she could be here but I know she can't she might be killed by this man and i found out soooo much more bad stuff about him after the fact he was in a gang and it was bad tehy tried to get my daughter to prostiute but I did instill something she remember and that was that her body was hers and NO ONE had the right to touch it so she never did that and that was how she got away from him he said she was a dead weight and would cause problems so she could find someone else to live with (they had been sleeping in the car) so she went to a coffee shop where they have computers and she emailed me from her myspace.
  • connieq288
    connieq288 Posts: 1,102 Member
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    From my point of view it is so hard on those kids. I was put up for adoption when I was 6 yrs old and I was adopted when I was 8. I was in and out of foster homes since I was a little baby. My birth mother kept my brother and gave my sister and me up. Her excuse was she didnt think anyone would take him because he was mixed. I have had to deal with abandonment issues my whole life. I think just these past 2 years have I been feeling a little better about myself. I also think that is why I am finally able to take control of my weight now. At least try. All these kids will feel like they are not worthy of anyones love. It will be years upon years for them to get over this. I cant believe this.

    Connie
  • monica5237
    monica5237 Posts: 450
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    From my point of view it is so hard on those kids. I was put up for adoption when I was 6 yrs old and I was adopted when I was 8. I was in and out of foster homes since I was a little baby. My birth mother kept my brother and gave my sister and me up. Her excuse was she didnt think anyone would take him because he was mixed. I have had to deal with abandonment issues my whole life. I think just these past 2 years have I been feeling a little better about myself. I also think that is why I am finally able to take control of my weight now. At least try. All these kids will feel like they are not worthy of anyones love. It will be years upon years for them to get over this. I cant believe this.

    Connie

    I hope me sending my daughter does not feel like I abandoned her, Seeing you say that now I am scared.
    I do however talk to her daily and tell her I love her all the time and tell her how proud i am of her change and I send her things when she gets good grades and i just don't want her to feel like i don't love her and we talk about why she is there at her fathers and she sayss she knows but she will be coming home next summer for 2 weeks so we can be together.
  • connieq288
    connieq288 Posts: 1,102 Member
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    From my point of view it is so hard on those kids. I was put up for adoption when I was 6 yrs old and I was adopted when I was 8. I was in and out of foster homes since I was a little baby. My birth mother kept my brother and gave my sister and me up. Her excuse was she didnt think anyone would take him because he was mixed. I have had to deal with abandonment issues my whole life. I think just these past 2 years have I been feeling a little better about myself. I also think that is why I am finally able to take control of my weight now. At least try. All these kids will feel like they are not worthy of anyones love. It will be years upon years for them to get over this. I cant believe this.

    Connie

    I hope me sending my daughter does not feel like I abandoned her, Seeing you say that now I am scared.
    I do however talk to her daily and tell her I love her all the time and tell her how proud i am of her change and I send her things when she gets good grades and i just don't want her to feel like i don't love her and we talk about why she is there at her fathers and she sayss she knows but she will be coming home next summer for 2 weeks so we can be together.

    I think that is a different situation. My mother just gave us up and we didnt know why or anything. You tend to think that things are your fault. You at least talk to your daughter. After I was given up we didnt have any contact with our mother, all we knew was that she didnt want us anymore. I think you and your daughter now have a good relationship. I actually had a great relationship with my adoptive mom as I grew older. I would call her almost everyday. I miss her... she died of breast cancer in dec of 06.

    Connie
  • Phoenix_Rising
    Phoenix_Rising Posts: 11,417 Member
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    From my point of view it is so hard on those kids. I was put up for adoption when I was 6 yrs old and I was adopted when I was 8. I was in and out of foster homes since I was a little baby. My birth mother kept my brother and gave my sister and me up. Her excuse was she didnt think anyone would take him because he was mixed. I have had to deal with abandonment issues my whole life. I think just these past 2 years have I been feeling a little better about myself. I also think that is why I am finally able to take control of my weight now. At least try. All these kids will feel like they are not worthy of anyones love. It will be years upon years for them to get over this. I cant believe this.

    Connie

    I hope me sending my daughter does not feel like I abandoned her, Seeing you say that now I am scared.
    I do however talk to her daily and tell her I love her all the time and tell her how proud i am of her change and I send her things when she gets good grades and i just don't want her to feel like i don't love her and we talk about why she is there at her fathers and she sayss she knows but she will be coming home next summer for 2 weeks so we can be together.

    I think that is a different situation. My mother just gave us up and we didnt know why or anything. You tend to think that things are your fault. You at least talk to your daughter. After I was given up we didnt have any contact with our mother, all we knew was that she didnt want us anymore. I think you and your daughter now have a good relationship. I actually had a great relationship with my adoptive mom as I grew older. I would call her almost everyday. I miss her... she died of breast cancer in dec of 06.

    Connie

    I shouldn't have read this thread. You guys have me crying. :sad:

    I guess since I cannot fathom giving away my child, no matter the circumstance, I try to believe that all these parents are good parents. I know that is a naive thought, stupid and utterly ridiculous, but it's the only way I can begin to process how parents could dump their kids off and leave. They must all be good parents doing what was best for their kid's sake, not just worthless parents who were sick of their kids. People-- the young and the old -- have become disposable these days. Ditch the kids anyway you can, and park your aging parents in a nursing home. It's deplorable.:brokenheart:

    Monica, sending your daughter to live with her father does NOT qualify as abandoning her. I can only imagine how hard that was for you. You did what was best for her... It reminds me of parents who have to put their kids in military schools, in hopes they can straighten out the kid. You are still responsible for her, have a relationship with her, talk to her often, support her, love her. You didn't throw her away, you did what was right by her, for her safety. That took love. That is respectable. :heart:
  • Anna_Banana
    Anna_Banana Posts: 2,939 Member
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    Thank you Connie for your input.

    Here's the deal. No good parent would ever permanitly give up there child after living with them for a number of years(sending them to live with another parent isn't giving them up). Now there are circumstances where I can see having them live with a well trained teaching (foster) family while you work through some issues. The parents and kids both need some trainings, but the intent is for the kids to be placed back with the family after a short time. And I'm not talking about people giving infants up for adoption I think in most instances that if very admirable, but I'm talking when you've raised a kid. How could you raise a kid for, let's say, 8 years and abandon them. There is just no way. You can argue that it might be best for the kid in some cases, but unless there is abuse the kid is better of with at least one of it's birth parents, no matter what the circumstances are. There are no excuses, if you do it you are permantly damaging that child. They will be scared for life. the wounds may heal, but there will still be scares.

    Connie, I can't even imagine the pain you have had to go through. I know you have had to work through a lot and I will pray for you that it will get easier as time goes on.
  • PrincessLaundry
    PrincessLaundry Posts: 2,758 Member
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