what to do if your significant other doesn't want to lose we

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themrsbriggs
themrsbriggs Posts: 151 Member
in Motivation and Support
my BF of 4 years is watching me workout and try to cook better things. he doesn't want to workout with me and doesn't find walking our beagle high quality entertainment lol. (not to put him on blast but he's around 255lbs and is 5'11) since we have been together, he has put on about 25lbs. we could both benefit from weight loss. we have been having frequent arguments and i get really loud and upset (what woman doesn't lol) and i'm thinking that i need a better way to let off my steam= WORKING OUT. any words of wisdom out there???

Replies

  • rebawagner
    rebawagner Posts: 199 Member
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    You can never make someone WANT to lose weight! Think about yourself ... would you have started a year ago because someone wanted you to or did YOU need to be ready? Just keep improving yourself and maybe he will want to join you in your success!
    PS I say this from my own life experiance and I would love nothing more then my hubby to work out with me and stop pushing for take out instead of salad and grilled chicken! HE is not ready!
  • Hikaroo
    Hikaroo Posts: 16
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    Just keep working hard for yourself.
    He may change his mind when you start to look better.

    For my husband, at one point, it was because he was worried I'd go to someone else since I was starting to look better, it made him want to look better as well.

    Just do what you feel you need to do, eventually he'll either join you, or stop giving you a hard time about it.

    Good luck!
  • Dreamerlove
    Dreamerlove Posts: 441 Member
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    Do it without him, and once he sees you get results, and sees how much better it is making you feel, he will jump on the wagon. My husband hated the idea of eating right and working out but now he goes to the gym with me, he doesn't eat right, but He is 5"9 and 145, sooo its ok, lol
  • wewon
    wewon Posts: 838 Member
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    I just file this under "different hobbies" and move on.

    I don't try to get my wife to be a runner and she's not trying to get me into yoga or spinning classes.

    I find that the real problem isn't when people are different, but when they try to change the other person by imposing on their differences.
  • morganadk2_deleted
    morganadk2_deleted Posts: 1,696 Member
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    Oh belive me i KNOW were your comming from!! My other half has way more to loose than me , talks about doing it, has for years! to be fair he has lost 60lbs in the last 18 months! i used to log his food for him , it caused so many arguments , now he does not log , i don't nagg , they are (supposed adults) they have to want to do it for them self, it like getting people to give up smoking they have to want to do it.. But i do feel your pain...
  • tscott10
    tscott10 Posts: 53 Member
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    I agree with everyone else. Do it for yourself and the change he sees in you and your attitude will start to change him. Remember it is a personal decision to loss weight and keep it off. My husband was just like Hikaroo husband. He wanted to look for me since I was changing.
  • ShellyMacchi
    ShellyMacchi Posts: 975 Member
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    you cannot change him, or his 'mind'
    i had to learn this lesson the hard way after years of battling with my hiusband over same things.

    i told him if he wanted to be selfish and kill himself with food then go ahead, i was NOT going to enable him and not going to care anymore that he did so, as i was not going to let his habits influence mine anymore.

    Oddly enough, within a couple of months of me finally just ignoring his choices (i only bought and cooked healthy meals that fit in my plan/goals, he could eat them or not...his choice).. he actually started noticing i was doing well and he very quietly sorta slipped into some of the same habits now... and yes, he is losing weight, though if i tell him so, and that i think he is doing well or looking thinner, he gets disgusted and doesn't want to hear it *L*

    stubborn!

    good luck *S*
  • skinnyjeanzbound
    skinnyjeanzbound Posts: 3,932 Member
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    My husbadn does not need to lose weight, although he would definitely benefit from better eating habits. I do not let his lack of interest in a healthy diet deter me. He does most of the cooking and if he makes something unhealthy I won't eat it. To some extent it is rubbing off on him, because part of why he loves to cook is to share his food. In any event, I know better than to try to force him to only eat what I'm eating. Bottom line is, do want you need to for yourself; walk the dog alone and eat your veggies while he eats his fries. When you start looking and feeling great, perhaps he will want to follow your lead.
  • crazytxmom
    crazytxmom Posts: 166 Member
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    My BF is not ready yet either. He is willing to eat whatever I cook though. It doesn't matter if it's fried chicken, mashed potatoes with gravy or grilled fish with a salad, he'll eat it.

    He may or may not come around, but nagging & fighting will never change his mind. If anything, those will only make him resist all your efforts to 'make him do what you want'. Just do your thing, quietly. Hopefully he'll celebrate your victories with you (luckily mine does). If not, find a friend that will.

    Best of luck!
  • jewelzz
    jewelzz Posts: 326 Member
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    LOl sounds like me,without the loudness.My fiance is in the same boat.Now it dosent bother me that he's over weight and has quit a few medical problems and that his doctor has told him he can correct those with weightloss,that being said what does bother me is he is always saying to me that he wants me to help him and what can he do and he should really start being healthy.ha,we have had many starts and endings with him.Dont ask me for help if your going to sabatage yourself behind my back.so i have decided that he will do what he wants when he wants to and I will continue to do my thing and when he's truly ready he will do it.
  • color_me_skinny
    color_me_skinny Posts: 106
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    If he isnt ready he just isnt ready.
  • StefBeeney
    StefBeeney Posts: 32
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    It's hard to make a lifestyle change when part of your lifestyle doesn't want to change... here are some thoughts/ideas

    1. If you don't do the cooking now, start to do it. Show him that eatting healthy you can still have some really great meals.

    2. Join a gym and use it. If you go home and think that you are going to be able to always with the battle of taking a walk or working out, you are crazy... we all lose these battles (some more than others). At first he may feel like he is not seeing enough of you and he will complain abou that, but then he will see that you are losing the weight and looking good...

    3. Understand that you telling him he needs to lose weight will never work, it wil only make matters worse... and he is likely going to continue to tell you that you "don't need to lose weight" and that you should basically just be overweight like him.... he will be pulling you down, don't let it get to you, he doesn't mean it in a negative way.... so just let it go in one ear and out the other

    4. Remember... you can do this!!!
  • arwamya
    arwamya Posts: 304
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    If you repeatedly keep asking him to do it he won't
    Leave him at it, he'd come around to the idea when he is ready. Personal ecperience = people never lose weight when they're asked to .He might join in after he sees substantial changes in you . Good luck
  • bast2112
    bast2112 Posts: 63
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    My husband isn't the diet and workout type either. But if you're doing the cooking, you're making at least a small change toward a healthier lifestyle for you both. He may start making some minor changes on his own without telling you (that's what my husband does!). And since he's a man, the weight will probably drop off quickly with little effort on his part. You just keep taking care of YOU!
  • themrsbriggs
    themrsbriggs Posts: 151 Member
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    wow!!! i love MFP more everyday!!! thanks for so many responses and i agree with everyone!!!!! if he's not ready and i am, i'm doing this for ME :) he does eat whatever i cook and to be honest, if he did workout with me, he'd probably lose a lot more than me and i'd be depressed lol. i am really working on my nagging and trying to cutback on that.

    i think we argue sometimes because we are both stubborn and always right lol i'm a redhead and just naturally loud, that's another task to work on lol
  • patrickobrien01
    patrickobrien01 Posts: 20
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    Very good topic to discuss. I think many couples have the same issue. Relationships are hard to begin with so when you add in trying to lose weight it's an uphill battle. Especially when you both have different ideas bout what you want for yourselves. You have taken the plunge into losing weight and having a healthy lifestyle and he well doesn't want to. First thing to remember is that you can't make anyone do anything they don't wan to do. Even if you feel strongly and it comes from a place of caring. That is probably why you are upset and then you argue. Most likely you feel as if your trying to help him means he will be around longer for you to enjoy him and he does not see that is why you feel so stronly about the weight loss and get upset. Guys just don't think like that. We are much too simple for that. It's not that he doesn't care he honestly just doesn't think about it.

    One thing to try is make it competetive for you both. Guys love a good competition and in the end you both win regardless of who actually loses the most weight. Also, try comprimise. While he may not want to walk the dog there may be a physical activity that he wants to do. Find out what it is and mix it up with both.

    Good Luck and keep up the good work.
    Patrick
  • emourato
    emourato Posts: 29 Member
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    I have this same issue!!! When me and my boyfriend started going out, we both gained A LOT of weight!!! I gained about 50 pounds within 2 years and he gained around 70. I finally had enough of the weight and decided to start trying to lose it and lead a healthier lifestyle. It's a little frustrating because he really wasn't into it but recently, he's been on p90x. He didn't do it all of last week but yesterday was telling me how much of a negative difference he feels when he's not doing it. I try to use competition as both our drives to keep on going.. Hopefully your hubby will come around. I know it's hard not to push him but realize that if you push him, he won't do it as a lifestyle change... More as a "because she's making me".. Good luck! =)

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