I am my own worst enemy........

angievaughn
angievaughn Posts: 655 Member
edited September 25 in Motivation and Support
I started this journey back in December....and have lost 42 pounds and over 10 inches this last month doing the 30 DS. Dropped 4 sizes.
Last night before my work out....I took a look at myself in the mirror.......and I could not see any changes.....all I could see is the fat thats still there. I then began to beat myself up....telling myself that I must not be working out hard enough, that I must be cheating myself when it comes to food. My mental talk with myself is so damaging....I don't know why I do it to myself.

I don't understand why I am so mean to myself. I told myself...If you can't see the difference then you should just stop and forget. I didn't but after my workout I was still upset with myself for being so mean!!!

Am I crazy??? Or does anyone else have this problem with their mental thougths???

What can I do to stop it???

Replies

  • Jami22
    Jami22 Posts: 253 Member
    Girl! Be proud of yourself! 40lbs and 10 inches is awesome! Think of where you were and where you are now, 4 dress sizes? Wow! There are tons of us still in the beginning stages who can not wait to get to that point! Start being proud of yourself for the accomplishments that you have achieved so far!
    Keep up the good work!
  • bekihughes
    bekihughes Posts: 59
    I feel the same way. I lose weight and people will tell me I look good but I find myself picking apart how I look and beating myself up for not doing enough. You are not alone. Weigh loss is a big mind game. The scale, the mirror, and food. I actually have a group of friends that I talk to everyday, a few times a day and we are all going through this weight loss journey. We all express our problems to each other and help each other get through it. It helps to talk to people that have gone through the same things that you do. You are not alone and chances are you look amazing!
  • angievaughn
    angievaughn Posts: 655 Member
    It's hard getting past all the negative mental talks I have with myself!!! I truly want to be happy with myself......but one look in the mirror......and it all goes south!!!
  • jagh09
    jagh09 Posts: 555 Member
    The scale and the dress sizes don't lie! That's amazing. Congratulations on your achievements. The sad thing is, the mirror does lie. At least, in our minds it lies. We spend so long feeling bad about ourselves and being the "fat girl" that it becomes part of our brain. It takes real training to beat that! Look at what 42 pounds of potatoes looks like. That came off your body. Or a big ol' bag of dog food from the store. That's huge! Youv'e done that, you made that happen for your body.

    Years ago, when I was about 10 pounds from my goal, and I had dropped about 8 dress sizes, and was feeling so much better, I still looked in the mirror and saw a fat girl. I couldnt' get past it. I tried and tried, but I got stuck. And sadly, although I had kept that weight off for years, it slowly started to creep back up on me. And now, 10 years later, I am starting over. Don't give into that angry little feeder in your brain. You have accomplished so much and you look amazing! There is no way 42 pounds doesn't show. Keep working at your goals and know that you are worth this work and this journey will take you where you want to be - a healthier, happier, stronger you!

    Make yourself time to look in the mirror, look yourself in the eye, and really tell yourself that you deserve this and you are worth it and that you have accomplished so much already! Love yourself, and let the rest go. The negative self talk can be the most damaging thing in the world. Take it from someone who knows!
  • suzysinghigh
    suzysinghigh Posts: 2
    I can relate to what you are saying. On one level you acknowlege that you are making progress (and it's fantastic progress) but since you are so used to putting yourself down, you can't truely see how far you have come, just how far you still have to go. Take heart, being negative is a learned behavior and if you have learned it, you can unlearn it. You may have to seek the help of a counselor to unlearn it or maybe you can do it by reading books or just by practicing positive thinking. You do however have the potential to change the way you think about yourself if you are ready to take on the challenge. It is a battle I fight almost every day, but I'm not giving up. I think learning to be more positive about myself will help me to change some of the behaviors that have lead to my obesity in the first place. Best of luck, I will be rooting for you.
  • Imthatg1rl
    Imthatg1rl Posts: 109
    I do , but I have a distorted body image
    You have really come so far and that's so awesome. Really try to train yourself in self affirmations instead of mental bashing. When you start to beat yourself up, make your best effort to stop it. I know it's hard, and probably seems like the most silly advice. Try making a list of things you love about yourself.
    If this type of thinking persists, maybe talking to a counselor will help out.
  • Jami22
    Jami22 Posts: 253 Member
    Have you tried comparing pictures? Find a picture of you before you lost the 42lbs and compare it to a picture of you now. I bet you'll see the difference!
  • Amblyn88
    Amblyn88 Posts: 1
    A few days ago I went to the gym with my friend to do body combat. It was like all of my worst fears were realized. I was in a room full of mirrors, filled with very pretty, attractive, and very thin girls. I had a melt down. I kept looking at myself and comparing myself to those girls. I went home and baked cookies... I used food to make myself feel better. The next day all I could do was beat myself up about it.

    Then my friend texted me saying: Good habits result from resisting temptation. It helped a lot to know that I wasnt the only person going through this.

    Today's text: Think of yourself as a toy train. All toy trains get derailed now and then. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back on track.

    Maybe you could find a group of friends that send positive motivational messages to each other. It really helps me. And I know exactly how you feel. I think we all do here.

    Good luck!!
  • Tree72
    Tree72 Posts: 942 Member
    You are definitely not alone. I think the mental part of losing weight is even harder than the physical part. You've had habits and thought patterns for years that you are now trying to change.

    When you catch yourself in one of those critical moments, try to stop. The critical thoughts are going to happen sometimes, but you don't have to let them take over and beat you up. If you can't see the changes in the mirror at that moment, try to focus on the good things that you can't see with a mirror. I try to think of things that I can do now, or do much more easily, that I couldn't before. Think of how much energy you have or how good you feel after a workout. You have to train your brain with new thought patterns just like you have to train your body with new exercises. But it's definitely worth the effort.

    Congratulations on your weight loss so far, and good luck on the next part of your journey.
  • DarkAngel864
    DarkAngel864 Posts: 229 Member
    I do , but I have a distorted body image
    You have really come so far and that's so awesome. Really try to train yourself in self affirmations instead of mental bashing. When you start to beat yourself up, make your best effort to stop it. I know it's hard, and probably seems like the most silly advice. Try making a list of things you love about yourself.
    If this type of thinking persists, maybe talking to a counselor will help out.

    I agree, I have suffered, as well as some of my friends from BDD. BDD (Body Dysmorphic Disorder) starts with negative thinking, but then becomes a much more serious problem of literally seeing things that ARE not there, or are there but in a distorted, negative manner.

    I'm not saying your thinking is this serious, but hey, I go to a therapist once a week and it has really helped me!
  • jagh09
    jagh09 Posts: 555 Member
    love that toy train reference! I'm going to use that one. :)
  • angievaughn
    angievaughn Posts: 655 Member
    Thank you each and every one of you for taking the time to share with me......and it helps to know I am not crazy and the only one out there with these thought!!!
    My husband does not understand my thought process....so I needed to just hear someone else's thought!!!

    I will keep at this...and I will try all of your suggestions...to see which ones work!!!!

    Thanks a million MFP!!!!
  • SSampley
    SSampley Posts: 153 Member
    get a picture of yourself from before you lost weight, that on that day you thought you looked ok but then you saw the picture and you thought holy cow! I am a cow! (I say this since I have done this!) and really look at it, put it up in your bathroom mirror with a note above it saying never again...or look what a difference a few months made....if you see where you came from you'll see the difference as to where you are now. I havent lost the numbers on the scale that I think I should but my body is so different...today I am wearing a sweater that I use to kinda suck in my stomach when I talked to people cause you could see the tummy roll..I even would streatch it out alittle...today strainght out of the dryer I slipped it on and it is loose!! I have only lost 25lbs, you should look for those victories!! Your doing great and you need to practice having the "GOOD" mental talks with yourself!
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