Calorie Worry and Weight Loss

I'm a bit overwhelmed at the moment I guess you could say. I know I'm getting closer to a goal weight- a goal weight I've not even set yet- mainly because I'm not quiet sure what a good,healthy, goal weight for me would be. But, I know I'm within 20-15 lbs of it.

Since the first of the year my nutrition and exercise has been horrible. It's been all over the place. The first three weeks of Jan. were a blur of junk food and laziness (moved in with a couple who apparently has never heard of healthy food). I gained a bit. I had a week in Feb. where I didn't eat so great either (too much stress makes me an emotional eater- ashamed). And then in Feb. I was put on some medication that suppressed my appetite greatly. Because the other meds they had me on sedated me I was sleeping the majority of the day, and when I was up I wasn't even hungry, therefore I was hardly eating 500 cals a day (maybe). Once I realized this problem I set out to correct it rather quickly. I'm still correcting it.
I was worried that jumping up to 1200-1500 calories a day all at once would not only be extremely difficult due to the lact of appetite, but possibly make me feel awful, and I was afraid of what it may do to weight gain. So I started upping my calories by 100 every 3-4 days at first until I started to actually regain my appetite. There were even a couple days where I ate even above 1300, but the next day I'd feel awful and it seemed harder to make myself hungry. Now I'm at 1200 calories a day, at least. I'm trying to still build up 100 a week (I remember the nutritionist I worked with last year had me go up about 100 cals every 1-1.5 weeks when we were trying to build my calories- so I thought I'd just follow that plan again).

The thing is it's getting more difficult. I have a distorted perception of food and weight loss. I thought I'd beat it, but apparently it's still there in my mind even if the really unhealthy behaviors are at bay.

I want to lose this last bit of weight in the healthiest way possible- I don't want to have too big of a calorie deficit at the end of the day- I don't want to sabotage myself and end up losing tons of muscle.

I will say that because of financial reasons it is really hard to eat a lot during the day sometimes. Not only do I have a hard time getting in calories due to whether I feel like eating or not, but also due to what's available (it's not uncommon for us to be down to just canned vegetables and bread).

I guess my question is regarding how to make sure I get my metabolism back on track since I'm sure it suffered from what my diet has been and lacked. I know this website gives you the calories a day it says you should consume, and I don't doubt it's accurate, but I guess seeing that I have some extra anxiety over this and I'm extremely hesitant and find it hard to eat more, I could use a bit more guidance with more explanation perhaps. Also, what calorie deficit should I be aiming for. I know they say to never try to lose more than 2 lbs a week, and that would mean 1000 calorie a day deficit, but is that too much of a deficit? What would the ideal deficit be for me me? [right now I'm slowly decreasing my deficit by upping my calories like I previously mentioned- I'm at 1100-1200 deficit which I know is too much and I'm fighting to get it lower).

BTW, my information is: Height: 5'3" Weight: 146 Female (obviously) I burn anywhere from 400-900 calories through exercise a day. (which I know my daily caloric intake will change depending on my daily calories burned- just providing those numbers for you to get an idea of my lifestyle).

If you have any advice or insight it would be much appreciated. If you'd like to message me that's fine as well.
I hope everyone is having a wonderful and healthy day.
-Alex