support not coming from "best friend"

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karimiller
karimiller Posts: 22
in Motivation and Support
My MFP is linked to my FB account so when I post an exercise or a weight loss here, it shows up on my FB news feed. A lot of my friends on FB are very encouraging and supportive and help keep me motivated. I have quite a few friends who are also losing weight and post things about their workouts or healthy eating.

Yesterday, my "best friend" for about 12 years posted AS HER STATUS UPDATE..."I just want to say, Kari seriously stop posting all this stuff about your weight loss. Seriously no one cares that much. PS still love but you please stop".

As my supposed best friend, you would think she would be supportive and help motivate me. Especially since I'm getting to the end of a 12 week fitness challenge with a grand prize of $10,000!!!! Most of my friends say she's jealous, which was my first thought as well. She has put on a lot of weight the past few years, and I know she's not happy about herself.

But how do I approach her and tell her how much that statement hurt? I'm not one who cares what people think of me, but I was shocked to see that from my best friend of all people!! I wanted to tell her not to read them or simply use the "unfriend" button on the page if she doesn't like the posts! Otherwise, man up and do something about it if she's not happy with the way she looks!!

Thoughts?
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Replies

  • tknuzum
    tknuzum Posts: 52
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    Tough love personally. That just stinks she isn't supportive. I would tell her to hide them if they bother her so much. Its sad she can't be supportive or even join in. And I agree, I think she is jealous and sees you doing it but won't take the step for herself. Good luck with that. Its hard.
  • CassieLEO
    CassieLEO Posts: 757 Member
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    Tell her that you are going to keep on doing it and if it bothers her that much, maybe she should block you. She sounds like a toxic friend.
  • PoorGirlEatingHealthy
    PoorGirlEatingHealthy Posts: 209
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    I have experienced similar stuff in the past so I just don't post anything on FB. I think a lot of people get defensive because subconsciously they are feeling guilty about leading unhealthy lifestyles. So instead of taking responsibility for there own insecurities they see your successful updates as a personal attack. my friend and I would chat everyday and I would tell her about the good things I had done and she would get PISSED...finally she admitted that she felt like I was telling her to do the same by constantly talking about it.
    I do think she could lead a healthier lifestyle but that wasn't my intention. Some people can't stand weight loss talk..just like some people (me) can't stand sports talk..I would just tell her that if she feels bothered by it then she should talk to you personally and not make a big issue on Fb about it.
  • Dawnzy
    Dawnzy Posts: 12
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    I'd point out the spot where she can hide your posts if she wants. I am so sorry! That doesn't sound like a good friend.. None of my friend would ever do that!
  • 3ur3ka
    3ur3ka Posts: 230
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    I had a couple of friends like this. They're just unhappy with themselves so they take it out on others. I would just tell her that you won't stop because it is something that has built up your confidence and that you'll continue to share it with everyone. I brag about every pound I lose. I post about my bad days. If they don't like it they can block the posts from MFP. Tell her to go suck an egg.
  • zeeeb
    zeeeb Posts: 805 Member
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    just comment on hers and say "thanks so much for your support my dear friend, i'll think of you when i'm spending my $10K" or tell her you can block her from seeing your profile if she'd prefer that, but that you don't need her pesimistic attitude spoiling your healthy vibe.

    it sucks when people aren't supportive, but seriously, when you embark on a goal of any kind you will talk about it alot, that's the way we get things done. obviously if you were talking to her in person, you'd be talking about your current project, which just happens to be losing weight, so what's the problem with posting it...
  • jlewis2896
    jlewis2896 Posts: 763 Member
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    Don't take it too hard. She definitely should NOT have said anything like that, especially not on Facebook of all places, but I am 100% sure she is jealous of your success, which means she is a very unhappy girl if she can't share your excitement.

    Be honest with her about your feelings, but don't bring hers into it. She probably has not come to terms with the fact that she is jealous -- she needs to do that on her own. But you really have the right to let her know what she did was hurtful to you and your friendship.

    Sorry you don't get support from her, that's too bad!! But she will come around eventually.
  • mangos4music
    mangos4music Posts: 126 Member
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    wow, that is a very UN-friend thing of her to say. i would just tell her straight up, "look, what im doing is really important to me. stop trying to knock me down in my goals. a good friend wouldnt do that." i would also ask her, "why does it bother you that much? why arent you happy for me?" ur prolly rite it prolly is cuz she has gained weight and suffers from a low self-esteem. so i would just tell her look, i dont understand why it bothers you so much, but if its something that is actually personal to you and your taking it out on me, whats the real problem? and how can i help you with it?
  • rfcollins33
    rfcollins33 Posts: 630
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    wow, sweetie. I really hope that you don't stop sharing your mfp feeds on fb because of that. I do think it is jealousy. I'd just be direct with her, not rude, but tell her exactly how it made you felt. If she's really your best friend, she will apologize and you guys can move on. Good luck, oh and good luck with that 10k prize!!!
  • ratkaj
    ratkaj Posts: 166 Member
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    I can understand... not everyone whats to hear about someones personal decision ALL THE TIME. Maybe posting less to facebook?? Maybe just talk with her. I can understand, as someone who is doing this program to it can be all encompassing and you sort of lose sight of the fact that some people really close to you just don't want to hear about it all the time. It sucks but no one is perfect.

    Good luck, and I hope you can stay friends :flowerforyou:
  • brysanch102
    brysanch102 Posts: 8 Member
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    Some of my friends have given me crap about that too, but then again when they see me in person and see how much weight i've lost and how I look they change their tune :-) don't worry about it!
  • Macacadopai
    Macacadopai Posts: 183 Member
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    Autch! Not cool...so she didn't write this to you, she actually posted it as her own update calling u out like that? Wow, I say give her a piece of your mind. Everyone has a right to their own opinion, but on FB u can hide updates if u people post something (like farmville) many times. That was totally un-cool of her, and she made it sound like you're bragging or something. Rude! Friends don't do that..
  • rharris86dc
    rharris86dc Posts: 635 Member
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    You can reply to her by saying, "Please stop being a b*tch. P.S. I still love you, but please stop."

    LOL. Seriously though, that's not cool of anyone, especially a close friend to say/do. I agree with the person who said to tell her to hide the posts if it bothers her so much.
  • mrsblair84
    mrsblair84 Posts: 62
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    As your best friend, you'd think she'd be your #1 supporter. Sounds like she's not doing so hot in that department. High possibility she's jealous b/c she sees your weight loss success and she's not doing anything about hers. Or that she feels you're in the spotlight and nobody is paying her any attention. Either way, if she's your best friend, you should be able to talk to her about what she said. If there's nothing she'll do to change it, she probably doesn't need to be your best friend. Good luck.
  • countrygirl_717
    countrygirl_717 Posts: 204
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    That is so tough! I know how you feel, I have some friends that are the same way. Like they're just trying to get me down about myself or something with their comments. It is really hurtful, even if you don't usually take that stuff to heart. Just coming from someone so close makes it hurt more :(
    I would just send her a message telling her that her statement bothered you. Your status updates are supposed to be what YOU'RE going through right now, how YOU fell right now. If fitness and nutrition is what's on your mind, then by all means you should be able to post about it! It's not like you're bragging, you're just telling the world what you're going through. Isn't that what everybody's status's are about? I hope that she would understand :)
  • kcanoni
    kcanoni Posts: 31
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    I agree that telling her (in a nonthreatening way) to hide them if she doesn't want to read them. Kinda like "Well did you know that you can hide posts from people you dont want to read?"

    Does she say anything like that to you in person or just on facebook? If she doesn't say anything like that off of facebook then I would talk to her and tell her or ask her to hide the posts. If she does say stuff like that then it's time for a sit down to explain to her that she's hurting you.

    Either way, you should be proud of your accomplishments. Keep it going!
  • cherbear7
    cherbear7 Posts: 37
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    I think this happens a lot to us girls.... It could be a lot of things but maybe it isnt something as serious as jealousy. People like to be surrounded by those that are "into" the same things as them. So, maybe she just isnt into the fitness scene.... doesnt really give an excuse to bust your bubble though... It def stinks that she is not being supportive but maybe you could suggest to her that she should hide you in her newsfeed until your competition is over b/c its something really important to you and posting your achievements encourages you to work harder. I wouldnt read too much into it and just focus on all of the positive people around you. Good luck on your competition by the way and keep up the hard work =))
  • CaptainGordo
    CaptainGordo Posts: 4,437 Member
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    I'd point out the spot where she can hide your posts if she wants.
    Bingo! I block most apps, as I find them annoying. I do, however, appreciate the encouragement I get via the posts.

    Maybe in a blanket status update -- not a specific wall post or message to her -- you could say something to the effect of...

    "I appreciate the encouraging responses to my workout/weight loss posts. It's been a big part of my motivation. If, however, you find them annoying, please feel free to block them."
  • kuhristeee
    kuhristeee Posts: 100 Member
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    I agree with CassieLEO. If it were me, I'd post my own status saying something along those lines. You can do whatever you want.
  • lizvanb
    lizvanb Posts: 66 Member
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    :huh: WOW. I don't even know what to say to that one. My first guess would also be that she's jealous (I know that sounds petty but usually it's true). She could hide your posts or....I don't know, IGNORE THEM. I know she's your best friend, but take it from someone who has had a parade of sh*tty best friends, it's not worth it to keep stuff in like that. Facebook is a public place where people can say/do whatever they want (within reason, obviously). And it's not like you're just there gloating like "OMG I'M AWESOME, LOOK AT ME GO." It's linked to your MFP account, it's automatic.You just so happen to be kicking some serious butt right now. Definitely confront her about it.

    If anything, people will read her status and see it as petty, childish, selfish. And obviously people DO care that much, because everyone else seems to be supportive. Keep doing what you're doing, she'll just have to get over herself.

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