support not coming from "best friend"
karimiller
Posts: 22
My MFP is linked to my FB account so when I post an exercise or a weight loss here, it shows up on my FB news feed. A lot of my friends on FB are very encouraging and supportive and help keep me motivated. I have quite a few friends who are also losing weight and post things about their workouts or healthy eating.
Yesterday, my "best friend" for about 12 years posted AS HER STATUS UPDATE..."I just want to say, Kari seriously stop posting all this stuff about your weight loss. Seriously no one cares that much. PS still love but you please stop".
As my supposed best friend, you would think she would be supportive and help motivate me. Especially since I'm getting to the end of a 12 week fitness challenge with a grand prize of $10,000!!!! Most of my friends say she's jealous, which was my first thought as well. She has put on a lot of weight the past few years, and I know she's not happy about herself.
But how do I approach her and tell her how much that statement hurt? I'm not one who cares what people think of me, but I was shocked to see that from my best friend of all people!! I wanted to tell her not to read them or simply use the "unfriend" button on the page if she doesn't like the posts! Otherwise, man up and do something about it if she's not happy with the way she looks!!
Thoughts?
Yesterday, my "best friend" for about 12 years posted AS HER STATUS UPDATE..."I just want to say, Kari seriously stop posting all this stuff about your weight loss. Seriously no one cares that much. PS still love but you please stop".
As my supposed best friend, you would think she would be supportive and help motivate me. Especially since I'm getting to the end of a 12 week fitness challenge with a grand prize of $10,000!!!! Most of my friends say she's jealous, which was my first thought as well. She has put on a lot of weight the past few years, and I know she's not happy about herself.
But how do I approach her and tell her how much that statement hurt? I'm not one who cares what people think of me, but I was shocked to see that from my best friend of all people!! I wanted to tell her not to read them or simply use the "unfriend" button on the page if she doesn't like the posts! Otherwise, man up and do something about it if she's not happy with the way she looks!!
Thoughts?
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Replies
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Tough love personally. That just stinks she isn't supportive. I would tell her to hide them if they bother her so much. Its sad she can't be supportive or even join in. And I agree, I think she is jealous and sees you doing it but won't take the step for herself. Good luck with that. Its hard.0
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Tell her that you are going to keep on doing it and if it bothers her that much, maybe she should block you. She sounds like a toxic friend.0
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I have experienced similar stuff in the past so I just don't post anything on FB. I think a lot of people get defensive because subconsciously they are feeling guilty about leading unhealthy lifestyles. So instead of taking responsibility for there own insecurities they see your successful updates as a personal attack. my friend and I would chat everyday and I would tell her about the good things I had done and she would get PISSED...finally she admitted that she felt like I was telling her to do the same by constantly talking about it.
I do think she could lead a healthier lifestyle but that wasn't my intention. Some people can't stand weight loss talk..just like some people (me) can't stand sports talk..I would just tell her that if she feels bothered by it then she should talk to you personally and not make a big issue on Fb about it.0 -
I'd point out the spot where she can hide your posts if she wants. I am so sorry! That doesn't sound like a good friend.. None of my friend would ever do that!0
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I had a couple of friends like this. They're just unhappy with themselves so they take it out on others. I would just tell her that you won't stop because it is something that has built up your confidence and that you'll continue to share it with everyone. I brag about every pound I lose. I post about my bad days. If they don't like it they can block the posts from MFP. Tell her to go suck an egg.0
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just comment on hers and say "thanks so much for your support my dear friend, i'll think of you when i'm spending my $10K" or tell her you can block her from seeing your profile if she'd prefer that, but that you don't need her pesimistic attitude spoiling your healthy vibe.
it sucks when people aren't supportive, but seriously, when you embark on a goal of any kind you will talk about it alot, that's the way we get things done. obviously if you were talking to her in person, you'd be talking about your current project, which just happens to be losing weight, so what's the problem with posting it...0 -
Don't take it too hard. She definitely should NOT have said anything like that, especially not on Facebook of all places, but I am 100% sure she is jealous of your success, which means she is a very unhappy girl if she can't share your excitement.
Be honest with her about your feelings, but don't bring hers into it. She probably has not come to terms with the fact that she is jealous -- she needs to do that on her own. But you really have the right to let her know what she did was hurtful to you and your friendship.
Sorry you don't get support from her, that's too bad!! But she will come around eventually.0 -
wow, that is a very UN-friend thing of her to say. i would just tell her straight up, "look, what im doing is really important to me. stop trying to knock me down in my goals. a good friend wouldnt do that." i would also ask her, "why does it bother you that much? why arent you happy for me?" ur prolly rite it prolly is cuz she has gained weight and suffers from a low self-esteem. so i would just tell her look, i dont understand why it bothers you so much, but if its something that is actually personal to you and your taking it out on me, whats the real problem? and how can i help you with it?0
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wow, sweetie. I really hope that you don't stop sharing your mfp feeds on fb because of that. I do think it is jealousy. I'd just be direct with her, not rude, but tell her exactly how it made you felt. If she's really your best friend, she will apologize and you guys can move on. Good luck, oh and good luck with that 10k prize!!!0
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I can understand... not everyone whats to hear about someones personal decision ALL THE TIME. Maybe posting less to facebook?? Maybe just talk with her. I can understand, as someone who is doing this program to it can be all encompassing and you sort of lose sight of the fact that some people really close to you just don't want to hear about it all the time. It sucks but no one is perfect.
Good luck, and I hope you can stay friends :flowerforyou:0 -
Some of my friends have given me crap about that too, but then again when they see me in person and see how much weight i've lost and how I look they change their tune :-) don't worry about it!0
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Autch! Not cool...so she didn't write this to you, she actually posted it as her own update calling u out like that? Wow, I say give her a piece of your mind. Everyone has a right to their own opinion, but on FB u can hide updates if u people post something (like farmville) many times. That was totally un-cool of her, and she made it sound like you're bragging or something. Rude! Friends don't do that..0
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You can reply to her by saying, "Please stop being a b*tch. P.S. I still love you, but please stop."
LOL. Seriously though, that's not cool of anyone, especially a close friend to say/do. I agree with the person who said to tell her to hide the posts if it bothers her so much.0 -
As your best friend, you'd think she'd be your #1 supporter. Sounds like she's not doing so hot in that department. High possibility she's jealous b/c she sees your weight loss success and she's not doing anything about hers. Or that she feels you're in the spotlight and nobody is paying her any attention. Either way, if she's your best friend, you should be able to talk to her about what she said. If there's nothing she'll do to change it, she probably doesn't need to be your best friend. Good luck.0
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That is so tough! I know how you feel, I have some friends that are the same way. Like they're just trying to get me down about myself or something with their comments. It is really hurtful, even if you don't usually take that stuff to heart. Just coming from someone so close makes it hurt more
I would just send her a message telling her that her statement bothered you. Your status updates are supposed to be what YOU'RE going through right now, how YOU fell right now. If fitness and nutrition is what's on your mind, then by all means you should be able to post about it! It's not like you're bragging, you're just telling the world what you're going through. Isn't that what everybody's status's are about? I hope that she would understand
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I agree that telling her (in a nonthreatening way) to hide them if she doesn't want to read them. Kinda like "Well did you know that you can hide posts from people you dont want to read?"
Does she say anything like that to you in person or just on facebook? If she doesn't say anything like that off of facebook then I would talk to her and tell her or ask her to hide the posts. If she does say stuff like that then it's time for a sit down to explain to her that she's hurting you.
Either way, you should be proud of your accomplishments. Keep it going!0 -
I think this happens a lot to us girls.... It could be a lot of things but maybe it isnt something as serious as jealousy. People like to be surrounded by those that are "into" the same things as them. So, maybe she just isnt into the fitness scene.... doesnt really give an excuse to bust your bubble though... It def stinks that she is not being supportive but maybe you could suggest to her that she should hide you in her newsfeed until your competition is over b/c its something really important to you and posting your achievements encourages you to work harder. I wouldnt read too much into it and just focus on all of the positive people around you. Good luck on your competition by the way and keep up the hard work
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Bingo! I block most apps, as I find them annoying. I do, however, appreciate the encouragement I get via the posts.I'd point out the spot where she can hide your posts if she wants.
Maybe in a blanket status update -- not a specific wall post or message to her -- you could say something to the effect of...
"I appreciate the encouraging responses to my workout/weight loss posts. It's been a big part of my motivation. If, however, you find them annoying, please feel free to block them."0 -
I agree with CassieLEO. If it were me, I'd post my own status saying something along those lines. You can do whatever you want.0
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:huh: WOW. I don't even know what to say to that one. My first guess would also be that she's jealous (I know that sounds petty but usually it's true). She could hide your posts or....I don't know, IGNORE THEM. I know she's your best friend, but take it from someone who has had a parade of sh*tty best friends, it's not worth it to keep stuff in like that. Facebook is a public place where people can say/do whatever they want (within reason, obviously). And it's not like you're just there gloating like "OMG I'M AWESOME, LOOK AT ME GO." It's linked to your MFP account, it's automatic.You just so happen to be kicking some serious butt right now. Definitely confront her about it.
If anything, people will read her status and see it as petty, childish, selfish. And obviously people DO care that much, because everyone else seems to be supportive. Keep doing what you're doing, she'll just have to get over herself.0 -
I'm speechless but yet not surprised...I couldn't imagine my best friend saying any such thing, but I have had other "friends" comment.
I feel for you, it's a hard position to be in, but you're right she is totally jealous and needs to be told how it made you feel. She may not realize how hurtful her comment was, she needs you to tell her for sure, that way you give her the option to own up to her feelings about herself and do something about it, and apologize for making you feel that way. No matter who it is, dont let anyone make you feel that way...you are doing a great job and ppl in ur circle should be supporting you.
good luck and keep posting your progress, if ppl have a problem with it, it's their problem!0 -
I haven't been very public about the dieting weight-loss piece of what I'm doing now, but I have been posting pretty regular Facebook updates on my bike-riding. I was concerned that I might be boring people a bit with it--and, in fact, have cut back--but people have actually been really kind and supportive, and a lot of the guys at work say that, far from being sick of it, it's more inspirational than anything: it may end up motivating a few of them to get off their butts, as well. (Especially now that the weather's turning.)
My point is that even if your friend is being a *****, don't be surprised if a lot of people are enjoying your posts, even if they're not actually mentioning it.0 -
You can reply to her by saying, "Please stop being a b*tch. P.S. I still love you, but please stop."
LOL. Seriously though, that's not cool of anyone, especially a close friend to say/do. I agree with the person who said to tell her to hide the posts if it bothers her so much.
LMAO!!!0 -
ohhh my, it is unfortunately human nature to be jealous of another's success, this is the society we have. I would ask her to go out for coffee with you and tell her how much it hurt you to see that (especially as her status!!!!) She might take your updates as rubbing it in that she's fat and your skinny....I would not at all take this personal.....it is her issue not hers. But you def need to let her know you need more support or she can take a hike.....you have no room for negativity in your life!! Please please keep us posted on what happens because I too have a few friends I would like to take for coffee lol. Add me if you want. 0
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You can reply to her by saying, "Please stop being a b*tch. P.S. I still love you, but please stop."
:laugh: Right on...0 -
not yours oops0
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no worries she is fighting her own insecurities and taking her frustration out on you. I love my best friend she has been so supportive for ten years and we learned to communicate if one of us is feeling that little pang of jealousy. Its just talking to her face to face but if she doesnt listen then that is on her. Its one thing to know someone for years but if they are not being a true friend then is that what you really need in your life?0
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1) She should have sent this to you as a PRIVATE message, NOT a status update, and you should tell her so.
2) Tell her (nicely) that she can block your posts if they bother her.
3) Get on with your life.
4) You are doing a fantastic job! :-)0 -
Ick that is lame:( Question though...is she a super sarcastic person? I posted something once on a friends wall that read: Dude...if you don't stop talking about all your Fashion Week escapades I am going to unfriend you"...SHE UNFRIENDED ME.
She was in New York having a blast and I was only meaining to say that it looked like she was having a great time and I was JEALOUS!
It was my fault. What I meant was not what I wrote, and sometimes humor and sarcasim get lost in translation. If you are brave and patient, ask her if that is what she really meant to say? Good luck.0 -
I understand. I had the same problem with my closest friend in the area I live. It is heartbreaking and hurtful. She is jealous. Which can be normal. I know there are times when I feel jealous of someone too. But the difference is she should never have said those things. People do care and it is a very hard yet rewarding time for you. She should understand and if she's having a hard time she should come to you and not post publicly on fb. I had to distance myself from my "friend" I don't ignore her and I'm never mean, but I don't call her near as much as I used to. That separation was the best thing I could have done. It's more important to me to change my life and become a better and healthier person than it is to worry about her feelings. If she's a true friend she'll realize what she has done and come around, if not then maybe it's for the best.
Good luck to you and your contest! And don't stop sharing your progress on fb. The people that do support you make all the difference!0
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