support not coming from "best friend"

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  • TLC1975
    TLC1975 Posts: 146 Member
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    I'm speechless but yet not surprised...I couldn't imagine my best friend saying any such thing, but I have had other "friends" comment.
    I feel for you, it's a hard position to be in, but you're right she is totally jealous and needs to be told how it made you feel. She may not realize how hurtful her comment was, she needs you to tell her for sure, that way you give her the option to own up to her feelings about herself and do something about it, and apologize for making you feel that way. No matter who it is, dont let anyone make you feel that way...you are doing a great job and ppl in ur circle should be supporting you.
    good luck and keep posting your progress, if ppl have a problem with it, it's their problem!
  • boku70
    boku70 Posts: 80
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    I haven't been very public about the dieting weight-loss piece of what I'm doing now, but I have been posting pretty regular Facebook updates on my bike-riding. I was concerned that I might be boring people a bit with it--and, in fact, have cut back--but people have actually been really kind and supportive, and a lot of the guys at work say that, far from being sick of it, it's more inspirational than anything: it may end up motivating a few of them to get off their butts, as well. (Especially now that the weather's turning.)

    My point is that even if your friend is being a *****, don't be surprised if a lot of people are enjoying your posts, even if they're not actually mentioning it.
  • jlewis2896
    jlewis2896 Posts: 763 Member
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    You can reply to her by saying, "Please stop being a b*tch. P.S. I still love you, but please stop."

    LOL. Seriously though, that's not cool of anyone, especially a close friend to say/do. I agree with the person who said to tell her to hide the posts if it bothers her so much.

    LMAO!!!
  • beckymike36
    beckymike36 Posts: 105 Member
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    ohhh my, it is unfortunately human nature to be jealous of another's success, this is the society we have. I would ask her to go out for coffee with you and tell her how much it hurt you to see that (especially as her status!!!!) She might take your updates as rubbing it in that she's fat and your skinny :)....I would not at all take this personal.....it is her issue not hers. But you def need to let her know you need more support or she can take a hike.....you have no room for negativity in your life!! Please please keep us posted on what happens because I too have a few friends I would like to take for coffee lol. Add me if you want.
  • lizvanb
    lizvanb Posts: 66 Member
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    You can reply to her by saying, "Please stop being a b*tch. P.S. I still love you, but please stop."

    :laugh: Right on...
  • beckymike36
    beckymike36 Posts: 105 Member
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    not yours oops
  • ChunTingO
    ChunTingO Posts: 225 Member
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    no worries she is fighting her own insecurities and taking her frustration out on you. I love my best friend she has been so supportive for ten years and we learned to communicate if one of us is feeling that little pang of jealousy. Its just talking to her face to face but if she doesnt listen then that is on her. Its one thing to know someone for years but if they are not being a true friend then is that what you really need in your life?
  • brneydgrlie
    brneydgrlie Posts: 464 Member
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    1) She should have sent this to you as a PRIVATE message, NOT a status update, and you should tell her so.

    2) Tell her (nicely) that she can block your posts if they bother her.

    3) Get on with your life.

    4) You are doing a fantastic job! :-)
  • NoelleW
    NoelleW Posts: 30 Member
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    Ick that is lame:( Question though...is she a super sarcastic person? I posted something once on a friends wall that read: Dude...if you don't stop talking about all your Fashion Week escapades I am going to unfriend you"...SHE UNFRIENDED ME.

    She was in New York having a blast and I was only meaining to say that it looked like she was having a great time and I was JEALOUS!

    It was my fault. What I meant was not what I wrote, and sometimes humor and sarcasim get lost in translation. If you are brave and patient, ask her if that is what she really meant to say? Good luck.
  • aset132
    aset132 Posts: 91
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    I understand. I had the same problem with my closest friend in the area I live. It is heartbreaking and hurtful. She is jealous. Which can be normal. I know there are times when I feel jealous of someone too. But the difference is she should never have said those things. People do care and it is a very hard yet rewarding time for you. She should understand and if she's having a hard time she should come to you and not post publicly on fb. I had to distance myself from my "friend" I don't ignore her and I'm never mean, but I don't call her near as much as I used to. That separation was the best thing I could have done. It's more important to me to change my life and become a better and healthier person than it is to worry about her feelings. If she's a true friend she'll realize what she has done and come around, if not then maybe it's for the best.
    Good luck to you and your contest! And don't stop sharing your progress on fb. The people that do support you make all the difference!
  • ChelDM
    ChelDM Posts: 145
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    This is your "best friend"?
    Maybe you need to look to your enemies then for support.
    Trade her in.
  • jojokacz
    jojokacz Posts: 13
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    Well stated! We are battling for our health and for someone not to care or get irritated by you improving your health has something seriously wrong with them. I would have to say that she probably doesn't even realize how she sounded. Just curious, did any of your other friends tell her to "go suck an egg", an excellent suggestion!
  • chezmama
    chezmama Posts: 396 Member
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    I have learned with my best friend never to do "friend" business on facebook. Things blow up far worse than they really are because communication takes place without facial expression or vocal intonation, which adds a great deal to communication. That said, your facebook is your place to expess yourself. You need not cater it to anyone elses whims. I think if I were in your shoes I would gently tell your friend in person how you felt when she posted that and that you intend to keep doing what your doing and she can do whatever she needs to do from there, whether it is to hide your posts, defriend you or be a good friend and support you efforts. It seems to me that where facebook is concerned, any statement that begins or ends with "still love you..." is best left said in person or not said at all. I think you may be on to something when you talk about her own issues. Change is hard. I would be very careful how you address that part of it. I think whatever you tell her, though, should be done in person and not through facebook. I love facebook, but it has opened up a whole lot of unchartered territory where communication is concerned.
  • tryinghard2012
    tryinghard2012 Posts: 419 Member
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    Your best friend? You sure?
  • mgreen10
    mgreen10 Posts: 229 Member
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    honestly, i don't know how linking this to FB works...but if every time you update your workout or calories it shows up in your FB feed as it does here...that would be pretty irritating. especially since FB is not a weightloss community like this is. i think that kind of stuff belongs here, not there, not publicly to people that don't care. I think she did it tactlessly, but she has a point.
  • Kminor67
    Kminor67 Posts: 900 Member
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    This is why I didn't link my FB and my MFP. And frankly, if they're not gonna be supportive, it's none of their business!
  • ratkaj
    ratkaj Posts: 166 Member
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    honestly, i don't know how linking this to FB works...but if every time you update your workout or calories it shows up in your FB feed as it does here...that would be pretty irritating. especially since FB is not a weightloss community like this is. i think that kind of stuff belongs here, not there, not publicly to people that don't care. I think she did it tactlessly, but she has a point.

    Well put!
  • qtpiesmom
    qtpiesmom Posts: 394 Member
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    maybe she doesnt understand that your MFP and facebook are linked. I think being that you guys have been friends for so long, be honest with her, tell her how her statement felt and about the link between the two. Also that You would love for her to support your changes your making.
    Maybe something more is going on in her life right now and not saying that what she said is ok just maybe something else is underlying, something that she also needs your support for.
    Most times friends dont mean to hurt and sometimes it isnt about what they said its something else

    Go talk to her and see
  • doodles80
    doodles80 Posts: 59
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    I wanted to tell her not to read them or simply use the "unfriend" button on the page if she doesn't like the posts! Otherwise, man up and do something about it if she's not happy with the way she looks!!

    Thoughts?

    Yes yes yes - do it. Its obvious that she is jealous and I see what she posted on her status as a bit of a public humiliation for you. If she was any kind of friend she would have had a quiet word if it bothered her that much...not put it on Facebook for everyone to see.

    I'd post her directions on how to hide a post on your status, addressed to her just as she did - see how she likes a taste of her own medicine.

    Her lack of support is astonishing. Its not your fault that you are doing something about your weight and she is not. Keep it up, gorgeous!
  • Ambria0516
    Ambria0516 Posts: 62
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    Facebook is a tool that we use to let people know what is going on in our lives. I have been very private about my weight loss and do not post to FB about it, but I feel like I constantly talk to my BF about it. I just think you friend needs to get real and be more supportive. I have said to my best friend "I am sorry that I constantly talk about my weight loss, but it is very important for me to be healthy again" She totally understands and is supportive. I would talk to your friend about how much her comment hurt you, holding it in and acting like nothing happened is only going to make things worse. Maybe she was having a bad day and was eating McDonalds at the exact moment she read how you burned off 500 calories, lol. Don't hold it in though.

    Good Luck and continue posting on FB, after all that is what it is there for!

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