support not coming from "best friend"

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Replies

  • ChelDM
    ChelDM Posts: 145
    This is your "best friend"?
    Maybe you need to look to your enemies then for support.
    Trade her in.
  • jojokacz
    jojokacz Posts: 13
    Well stated! We are battling for our health and for someone not to care or get irritated by you improving your health has something seriously wrong with them. I would have to say that she probably doesn't even realize how she sounded. Just curious, did any of your other friends tell her to "go suck an egg", an excellent suggestion!
  • chezmama
    chezmama Posts: 396 Member
    I have learned with my best friend never to do "friend" business on facebook. Things blow up far worse than they really are because communication takes place without facial expression or vocal intonation, which adds a great deal to communication. That said, your facebook is your place to expess yourself. You need not cater it to anyone elses whims. I think if I were in your shoes I would gently tell your friend in person how you felt when she posted that and that you intend to keep doing what your doing and she can do whatever she needs to do from there, whether it is to hide your posts, defriend you or be a good friend and support you efforts. It seems to me that where facebook is concerned, any statement that begins or ends with "still love you..." is best left said in person or not said at all. I think you may be on to something when you talk about her own issues. Change is hard. I would be very careful how you address that part of it. I think whatever you tell her, though, should be done in person and not through facebook. I love facebook, but it has opened up a whole lot of unchartered territory where communication is concerned.
  • tryinghard2012
    tryinghard2012 Posts: 419 Member
    Your best friend? You sure?
  • mgreen10
    mgreen10 Posts: 229 Member
    honestly, i don't know how linking this to FB works...but if every time you update your workout or calories it shows up in your FB feed as it does here...that would be pretty irritating. especially since FB is not a weightloss community like this is. i think that kind of stuff belongs here, not there, not publicly to people that don't care. I think she did it tactlessly, but she has a point.
  • Kminor67
    Kminor67 Posts: 900 Member
    This is why I didn't link my FB and my MFP. And frankly, if they're not gonna be supportive, it's none of their business!
  • ratkaj
    ratkaj Posts: 166 Member
    honestly, i don't know how linking this to FB works...but if every time you update your workout or calories it shows up in your FB feed as it does here...that would be pretty irritating. especially since FB is not a weightloss community like this is. i think that kind of stuff belongs here, not there, not publicly to people that don't care. I think she did it tactlessly, but she has a point.

    Well put!
  • qtpiesmom
    qtpiesmom Posts: 394 Member
    maybe she doesnt understand that your MFP and facebook are linked. I think being that you guys have been friends for so long, be honest with her, tell her how her statement felt and about the link between the two. Also that You would love for her to support your changes your making.
    Maybe something more is going on in her life right now and not saying that what she said is ok just maybe something else is underlying, something that she also needs your support for.
    Most times friends dont mean to hurt and sometimes it isnt about what they said its something else

    Go talk to her and see
  • doodles80
    doodles80 Posts: 59
    I wanted to tell her not to read them or simply use the "unfriend" button on the page if she doesn't like the posts! Otherwise, man up and do something about it if she's not happy with the way she looks!!

    Thoughts?

    Yes yes yes - do it. Its obvious that she is jealous and I see what she posted on her status as a bit of a public humiliation for you. If she was any kind of friend she would have had a quiet word if it bothered her that much...not put it on Facebook for everyone to see.

    I'd post her directions on how to hide a post on your status, addressed to her just as she did - see how she likes a taste of her own medicine.

    Her lack of support is astonishing. Its not your fault that you are doing something about your weight and she is not. Keep it up, gorgeous!
  • Ambria0516
    Ambria0516 Posts: 62
    Facebook is a tool that we use to let people know what is going on in our lives. I have been very private about my weight loss and do not post to FB about it, but I feel like I constantly talk to my BF about it. I just think you friend needs to get real and be more supportive. I have said to my best friend "I am sorry that I constantly talk about my weight loss, but it is very important for me to be healthy again" She totally understands and is supportive. I would talk to your friend about how much her comment hurt you, holding it in and acting like nothing happened is only going to make things worse. Maybe she was having a bad day and was eating McDonalds at the exact moment she read how you burned off 500 calories, lol. Don't hold it in though.

    Good Luck and continue posting on FB, after all that is what it is there for!
  • nehushtan
    nehushtan Posts: 566 Member
    honestly, i don't know how linking this to FB works...but if every time you update your workout or calories it shows up in your FB feed as it does here...that would be pretty irritating. especially since FB is not a weightloss community like this is. i think that kind of stuff belongs here, not there, not publicly to people that don't care. I think she did it tactlessly, but she has a point.

    This was my thought as well. FB updates are pretty trivial but I would think if all my MFP updates were going to my FB wall it would seem like I was flaunting my program by posting every tiny little thing. Probably your friend does not understand that your MFP posts are automatically sent to FB and so she may imagine that you are shoving your weight loss & exercise & calories burned in everyone's face night and day.

    Hopefully you can both talk it out. All the best....
  • aset132
    aset132 Posts: 91
    honestly, i don't know how linking this to FB works...but if every time you update your workout or calories it shows up in your FB feed as it does here...that would be pretty irritating. especially since FB is not a weightloss community like this is. i think that kind of stuff belongs here, not there, not publicly to people that don't care. I think she did it tactlessly, but she has a point.

    You can set it for different info to be posted. I link it. Only my total calories burned and whether or not I'm over or under my food goal post at the end of the day. Not so bad and I get tons of encouragement.
  • doodles80
    doodles80 Posts: 59
    You can reply to her by saying, "Please stop being a b*tch. P.S. I still love you, but please stop."

    Love this option too! Hahaha!
  • rebecky27
    rebecky27 Posts: 842 Member
    Wow, jealousy and guilt may have taken over your best friend's common sense. I link my FB to MFP, but only a couple of updates like weight loss and exercise log. I did feel that too many things were going over to FB and could see that it could get annoying.

    I've actually gotten some messages and comments on my FB that I have inspired and motivated some of my friends too...that in itself makes linking them so worth it!!

    If your friend is annoyed by your mfp updates showing on fb, she doesn't have to block you....she can simply block the mfp posts. On one of your MFP posts, there will be a little "X" on the top right corner of that post. (It will only appear if you hover your mouse there). When she clicks on that "X" she will have the option to block all of your posts from her newsfeed, or just those coming through the MFP feed.

    Sorry she's not supportive of your new lifestyle! Maybe she'll come around! Good luck!
  • annacataldo
    annacataldo Posts: 872 Member
    I havent linked the two sites cuz id get irritated at someone else for posting alot about a certain topic.. like one of my friends posts everyday, or every couple days, several posts about politics. I dont care about politics! It drives me nuts!

    If im making good progress, I go on FB and post "lost 10pounds and counting", but I dont think that all my friends would appreciate seeing every time I excercised, or everytime i weighed in, or everytime I did anything, everyday, all day long.

    Its not that she doesnt support you Im sure, shes just getting annoyed that there are so many posts about the same thing, over and over again, day after day after day with no break.

    I think she has a reason to be annoyed! Although she couldve gone around this a lil bit better way, I completely agree with her.

    She did not say "I dont support you" so dont change her words.
  • girlruns
    girlruns Posts: 344
    I used to use the Nike + and had that website linked to facebook. It started to irritate ME to see my status all the time. Especially since it was always "Sarah ran x number of miles, in this time, with this pace, at this time in the morning". I felt like people didn't need to know that I was waking up at 5am to do something most don't do no matter what time of day it was. AND like someone else mentioned, I don't think a lot of people knew that that was automatically done by Nike + and I wasn't going on and posting that myself. I eventually unlinked them.

    That being said, it really sucks what she did. I recently had my 'best friend' say "I'm going to punch you in the face, you are so thin". Nice, huh? I agree with others that you need to talk to her in person and find out what the deal is.

    But here on MFP, we all say WAY TO GO!!!!
  • karimiller
    karimiller Posts: 22
    Thank you all so much for the words of wisdom! It's sad that I get more support from my pals on MFP than I do from my best friend of 12 years. There's no way I'm going to stop posting about my weight loss because I'm damn proud of what I've accomplished! I've also been told by several nutritionists and health experts that it's good to make your weight loss goals public. It helps keep you accountable and motivated!

    This is what I posted on her status:

    "I've been working my *kitten* off the past two months, and I'm really proud of myself. I have a lot of friends on here who have been supporting me through the fitness challenge. I'm sorry that I couldn't count on your support as my best friend."
  • doodles80
    doodles80 Posts: 59
    Good for you for standing up for yourself.

    Now await her reaction - if she apologises all good but if she starts getting angry I would advocate not rising to an arguement.
  • lizvanb
    lizvanb Posts: 66 Member
    This is what I posted on her status:

    "I've been working my *kitten* off the past two months, and I'm really proud of myself. I have a lot of friends on here who have been supporting me through the fitness challenge. I'm sorry that I couldn't count on your support as my best friend."

    Very mature, well said. Good for you!
  • karimiller
    karimiller Posts: 22
    I do agree with some of you about the frequency of MFP postings on FB. I only had it linked so that calories burned and pounds lost showed up, but I changed the setting today to only show when I lose weight, which should only be once or twice a week at most.

    Any time I post a status update about my fitness challenge (which is only once or twice a week at most anyway), I have a lot of friends comment with encouraging thoughts, which keep me motivated. I've also had friends mention that my posts have helped motivate them as well.

    I like the recommendation to let people know how to block the MFP feeds, but in my opinion, I have every right to continue to post (occasionally as I've been doing) about the fitness challenge and the work I've done. I never do it in a bragging way, and I'm proud of myself for what I've achieved. And plus...it's MY page, and no one is obligated to be my FB friend. I just never thought my best friend would put me down the way she did.

    Thank you again for all your feedback! Regardless of which side you're on, it's helpful to hear your opinions!
  • beckymike36
    beckymike36 Posts: 105 Member
    personally I feel that you can post whatever you want on facebook, I hate when ppl make fun or discourage us from posting things on FB.....if you don't want to read ppls updates then don't look!!!! Or unfriend them.....simple as that!!! That is a total pet peeve of mine!
  • aset132
    aset132 Posts: 91
    Your fb page is about you and you do have every right to post whatever you want. Keep it up and congrats for doing such a great job!
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