Purina Diet

Anna_Banana
Anna_Banana Posts: 2,939 Member
edited September 2024 in Health and Weight Loss
**Purina Diet*** *Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dogchow for my loyal pet, Sheriff, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkoutline when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and havelittle to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I wasstarting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably
shouldn't,because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming outof most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way thatit works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simplyeat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionallycomplete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have tomention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled withmy story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dogfood poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an IrishSetter's *kitten* and a car hit us both. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he waslaughing so hard. Wal-Mart won't let me shop there
anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in theworld to think of crazy things to say.

Replies

  • Anna_Banana
    Anna_Banana Posts: 2,939 Member
    **Purina Diet*** *Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dogchow for my loyal pet, Sheriff, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkoutline when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and havelittle to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I wasstarting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably
    shouldn't,because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming outof most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way thatit works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simplyeat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionallycomplete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have tomention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled withmy story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dogfood poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an IrishSetter's *kitten* and a car hit us both. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he waslaughing so hard. Wal-Mart won't let me shop there
    anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in theworld to think of crazy things to say.
  • Renae_Nae
    Renae_Nae Posts: 935 Member
    :laugh:
  • Fab140
    Fab140 Posts: 1,976 Member
    :laugh: :bigsmile: :laugh: :bigsmile: :laugh:

    That's awesome.....
  • chrissyh
    chrissyh Posts: 8,235 Member
    That is the funiest thing I've read in a long time!
  • soup78
    soup78 Posts: 667 Member
    that's a classic....:happy:
  • mommared53
    mommared53 Posts: 9,543 Member
    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Oh my word, you are so hilarious!!!!!! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    Oh wait a minute I thought you looked awfully young to be retired. I looked at your profile and you're only 34. You were just telling a joke. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Duh Betty!!!! Silly me, so gullible! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • Anna_Banana
    Anna_Banana Posts: 2,939 Member
    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Oh my word, you are so hilarious!!!!!! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    Oh wait a minute I thought you looked awfully young to be retired. I looked at your profile and you're only 34. You were just telling a joke. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Duh Betty!!!! Silly me, so gullible! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    LOL:laugh: Yeah, I age gracefully.
  • cecilsmom
    cecilsmom Posts: 41
    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • tithen_loth_nim
    tithen_loth_nim Posts: 5
    LOL.. I've heard that so many times!

    BUT... the sad part is, its not actually a joke. Hundreds of Thousands of Seniors in Canada and the US cannot afford to feed themselves off their Pension. Dog and cat food IS nutritionally complete, so the buy that and eat it. It makes them sick over time and they can actually die.

    It got to the point in one of the grocery stores I worked in, we knew which Seniors we could and couldn't sell pet food to! We had four Seniors Home with in spitting distance (not kidding, they take up a whole street!), and over 60% of our patrons were elderly.
  • jamerz3294
    jamerz3294 Posts: 1,824 Member
    So AB, what would have happened if they ate cat food instead? Would they get into a cat fight? :wink: :laugh: :drinker:
    catfight-5.jpg
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