Feeling rude :(

NikkiDerrig386
NikkiDerrig386 Posts: 1,096 Member
edited September 25 in Food and Nutrition
My bf has never had to loose lbs EVER. He randomly works out and stops. Well last minute I went to his house and they were having dinner and asked me if I was having dinner there. I said no. They were having steak, potatoes, and other sides thats were very unhealthy. My BF got mad and said that was rude. I lost 3 pounds and want to loose more and it was my off day. Have you ever been put in this position or fought with a BF/GF because of your health goals? It seems to me that if your partner has never had the same goal they do not understand the hard work it takes!!

(Hmm sorry guys this prob should of went in the support section)
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Replies

  • melsinct
    melsinct Posts: 3,512 Member
    I don't let losing weight stop me from eating with others. You could have had a little steak and potato and avoided the unhealthy sides.
  • thkelly
    thkelly Posts: 466 Member
    I don't let losing weight stop me from eating with others. You could have had a little steak and potato and avoided the unhealthy sides.

    exactly..one meal isn't going to kill you or wreck your week of eating healthy
  • Flyntiggr
    Flyntiggr Posts: 898 Member
    Yeah, not sure what the issue is? Steak is actually rather lean and not bad for you? Could you have had a little and avoided the sides?
  • hroush
    hroush Posts: 2,073 Member
    It's all about quantity. I don't let me trying to lose weight get in the way of eating what I want, it's all a matter of how much.
  • NikkiDerrig386
    NikkiDerrig386 Posts: 1,096 Member
    Its not that it stops me from eating with others. I just save that meal for a different day. I always eat with them. Also they were not expecting me so its not like I was eating there to begin with.
  • TiffanyW1014
    TiffanyW1014 Posts: 599 Member
    I agree with the above. I say you can't avoid life!! But on the other hand my husband will say things like "go ahead and eat it" or "you know you want another piece" and I will say NO! He thinks I look great being down the 72 lbs that I am but I feel that I have atleast 30 more to go so it is hard but he understands. Good luck!!
  • Mairgheal
    Mairgheal Posts: 385 Member
    I don't let losing weight stop me from eating with others. You could have had a little steak and potato and avoided the unhealthy sides.

    That's what I would have done. Or if it would have been something really outrageously fattening (which I wouldn't consider this dinner was), I would have thanked them but tell them I'd eaten already before I came out.
  • ZebraHead
    ZebraHead Posts: 15,207 Member
    I say stand your ground. It's not that you couldn't eat. It's that you chose not to eat. Big differnce. Rude?? Time for new boyfriend...
  • NikkiDerrig386
    NikkiDerrig386 Posts: 1,096 Member
    Also they force feed me. I couldnt just eat half and a little bit of somehthing. His mom (i love her to death) will guilt me into eating more or put more on my plate. I knew that meal would prob come close to 1000 calories (not exagerating at all). SO I would rather save it for another time.
  • NikkiDerrig386
    NikkiDerrig386 Posts: 1,096 Member
    I say stand your ground. It's not that you couldn't eat. It's that you chose not to eat. Big differnce. Rude?? Time for new boyfriend...

    My bf is great. If I felt he was being a jerk or rude I would say something. I wouldnt dump someone for calling me out if i was really being rude.
  • JustMichelleB
    JustMichelleB Posts: 290
    does your bf still live at home?
  • Achoooo
    Achoooo Posts: 130
    I'm the same way, I refuse to totally give up certain foods or events that require food that might be bad. I will eat smaller amount and workout more.
  • NikkiDerrig386
    NikkiDerrig386 Posts: 1,096 Member
    does your bf still live at home?

    Yes we both do. Moving out after the summer.
  • JustMichelleB
    JustMichelleB Posts: 290
    Ugh, that's a tough one. Guess you'll need to learn to set limits with his mom/family regarding what you will eat. No one should be able to "force" you to put food in to your mouth.
  • DaniJeanine
    DaniJeanine Posts: 473 Member
    I understand what you're going through 100%!!!! My boyfriend knows that I make special arrangements around food--for example, he wants me to go to happy hour & dinner with him and his friends after work, but they're going to a pub that only serves unhealthy food and I had to tell him that I wasn't going to eat there. So, we made a deal that I would eat my own food and then meet them there afterwards. So even though he doesn't "get it", he respects it. I stay in shape by planning my "cheat" day (which will be tomorrow) and eating healthy on the rest of the days. I feel like one of the ways people gain weight is by always giving in to that random, unexpected steak dinner. You were strong for saying "no thanks" and I think you did the right thing for you. He needs to support you in that too!! :-)
  • ErinBeth7
    ErinBeth7 Posts: 1,625 Member
    I would say its not rude to say no as long as you're not refusing every time. Theres always a good balance. Like others have said, if you're going to eat with his family then use good portions. Eat more protein than carbs.
  • ZebraHead
    ZebraHead Posts: 15,207 Member
    I say stand your ground. It's not that you couldn't eat. It's that you chose not to eat. Big differnce. Rude?? Time for new boyfriend...

    My bf is great. If I felt he was being a jerk or rude I would say something. I wouldnt dump someone for calling me out if i was really being rude.

    Sorry I've got little respect for anyone who's in my face about my sh1t and just assume others feel the same way. Life is too short to stay with mean people. Today it's this next it will be something else. But sorry for butting in. :flowerforyou:
  • NikkiDerrig386
    NikkiDerrig386 Posts: 1,096 Member
    Ugh, that's a tough one. Guess you'll need to learn to set limits with his mom/family regarding what you will eat. No one should be able to "force" you to put food in to your mouth.

    I have dated him for 11 years she/they arent rude. Actually thats why I eat more bc she is so freaking nice and persistant that I feel bad. She takes pride in her meals so saying no would make her think it wasnt good or I didnt like it. If she knows I am coming she will make veggies for me but she wasnt expecting me so it was not a good day to eat dinner there. They just dont eat as healthy as my family so even if there are veggies she makes a butter sauce to go with it.
  • DaniJeanine
    DaniJeanine Posts: 473 Member
    Also they force feed me. I couldnt just eat half and a little bit of somehthing. His mom (i love her to death) will guilt me into eating more or put more on my plate. I knew that meal would prob come close to 1000 calories (not exagerating at all). SO I would rather save it for another time.

    --Oh, and I deal with this too. He has a big Italian family (like mine--that's how i ended up being a chubby kid!! lol) and his mom gets legitimately OFFENDED if I don't stuff my face. She thinks I don't like her food unless I eat everything on the plate. I'm sure your bf and his family are awesome--just be sincere when you explain your goals to them and they'll get it ;-)
  • oceanrose78
    oceanrose78 Posts: 133 Member
    You know what? I do refuse all the time. I'm sorry, I can sit down with people and enjoy a meal while eating food I prepared. If someone tells me that they can 'eat anything' and not gain weight, I sweetly smile and say 'but not health' I am tired of people not realizing how unhealthy our Western diets are and not trying a little bit to fix them.

    But, as I get older, I get more outspoken - not a good thing perhaps but it is what it is. They can deal.

    Don't feel bad about your choice to not eat a meal that would have harmed you, instead be nice about it but explain, I'm sorry but I'm on a strict diet for my health and these foods aren't allowed. Period.
  • NikkiDerrig386
    NikkiDerrig386 Posts: 1,096 Member
    I say stand your ground. It's not that you couldn't eat. It's that you chose not to eat. Big differnce. Rude?? Time for new boyfriend...

    My bf is great. If I felt he was being a jerk or rude I would say something. I wouldnt dump someone for calling me out if i was really being rude.

    Sorry I've got little respect for anyone who's in my face about my sh1t and just assume others feel the same way. Life is too short to stay with mean people. Today it's this next it will be something else. But sorry for butting in. :flowerforyou:

    No your not butting in you just dont know my relationship so no hard feelings. I more wrote this for people who diet with naturally skinny partners and the things you have to deal with while staying healthy. :drinker:
  • That_Girl
    That_Girl Posts: 1,324 Member
    I don't have inlaws. WOOT!
  • NikkiDerrig386
    NikkiDerrig386 Posts: 1,096 Member
    I don't have inlaws. WOOT!

    LMAO!! I can not compain what so ever. I wouldnt trade them for the world!! She never butts in our business and she is the nicest woman I have ever met. His whole family treats me with respect. Also when I am not dieting, her food is amazing!!! I mean I can not even eat cookies anymore bc she has spoiled me so bad with her baking!

    X-mas Cookies + winter = 10 lbs this winter lol
  • koosdel
    koosdel Posts: 3,317 Member
    I usually just say something really gross and kill everybodys appetite.

    It never gets old.
  • NikkiDerrig386
    NikkiDerrig386 Posts: 1,096 Member
    I usually just say something really gross and kill everybodys appetite.

    It never gets old.

    lol I bet the inlaws lovvvvve you! jk :blushing:
  • amyvic4686
    amyvic4686 Posts: 13
    Ugh, that's a tough one. Guess you'll need to learn to set limits with his mom/family regarding what you will eat. No one should be able to "force" you to put food in to your mouth.

    I have dated him for 11 years she/they arent rude. Actually thats why I eat more bc she is so freaking nice and persistant that I feel bad. She takes pride in her meals so saying no would make her think it wasnt good or I didnt like it. If she knows I am coming she will make veggies for me but she wasnt expecting me so it was not a good day to eat dinner there. They just dont eat as healthy as my family so even if there are veggies she makes a butter sauce to go with it.

    I'd say it's fine to refuse. They obviously know that your trying to lose weight and they respect that, and your boyfriend should respect that too, by making you a healthier(?) option when they know you're going. I'm totally with you, because I'm the same. I would feel even ruder staying and then leaving the food in case they were offended.
  • ka_42
    ka_42 Posts: 720 Member
    I'm such a planner... so if someone wants to mess up the dinner plans that I made for myself the night before... I get annoyed. If I were in your spot I would assume since you didn't have "plans" to have dinner there already your saying no shouldn't bother him. For all they knew you could have already had dinner. Sometimes a little white lie is necessary in those situations. He/ his parents might not understand how strict you feel you need to be and take it as your feeling too good for their food or something :)
  • annameeks00
    annameeks00 Posts: 46
    I would have to say I am with ya on this one. While i dont let my diet affect going out with others and such, I get a little grrr'd when it upsets the plans I have and food i have prepared. If I am going to loose the weight i wanna loose then I plan every meal ahead of time. So I dont truely have the left over calories to spend if someone up and surprises me.

    Same way with the gym. If I plan to go to the gym and people get mad at me for not doing something else then oh well :)
  • sunnny218
    sunnny218 Posts: 16
    Thats a tough one. Is his family aware of your fitness and diet goals? If so, then its not unreasonable to want them to support you in your efforts.
    I have similar disputes with my husband from time to time. He wants pizza hut every Friday.......ewww! He is super in shape, and is even training for an ironman this fall. Since this is his one vice, I usually let him get what he wants and I try my best to eat something else. Its hard to maintain when he brings it home though!
  • hamiltonba
    hamiltonba Posts: 474 Member
    Could you lie and tell them that you already ate dinner?
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