woman only please I need some help!

PearlMarie_3gen_11484
PearlMarie_3gen_11484 Posts: 272 Member
edited September 25 in Chit-Chat
I have been on this journey for a year now. I have lost forty pounds on my own and twenty seven with the help of mfp and I continure to go down. Here is my problem...I don't want to have intercourse. I don't want it at all. My husband is getting mad at me and I don't know what to do. I have not strayed or anything of that nature. I don't know if it's stress, or things of that nature. We have been together for nine years, and we've never had a problem like this. We have two boys. It just seems like I could go with out it forever. I have never had this problem before. I am suppose to have surgery next year. Could that be a part of it?

I really could use your help on this one ladies. any suggestions? Please it would really mean a lot.

*Note* I'm 27 years old
thanks Pearl.

Replies

  • spacecase76
    spacecase76 Posts: 673 Member
    if there are no medical reasons to make your sex-drive low, the relationship is okay....then fake it til you don't have to anymore.

    Not fake O...but, the more you have sex, the more you want sex...
  • MirandaJayne
    MirandaJayne Posts: 600 Member
    I'm going to message you privately.
  • Nailrep
    Nailrep Posts: 966 Member
    Might be totally unrelated to your weight loss. How old are you? Could you be in the beginning stages of menopause? Are you under more stress than usual? Depression? Could any medication you take be an issue?

    Any number of things could be going on. Get a dr appt scheduled with your gyn. You might just be low on iron - which could make you too tired for sex.

    Probably nothing serious at all.
  • miss_jamaica
    miss_jamaica Posts: 376 Member
    Bump.
  • jenniefromtherock
    jenniefromtherock Posts: 80 Member
    Hormones!! Not sure how old you are but if approaching menopause your hormones could be out of balance. Best to see your doctor!
  • ljhk
    ljhk Posts: 6
    Might be totally unrelated to your weight loss. How old are you? Could you be in the beginning stages of menopause? Are you under more stress than usual? Depression? Could any medication you take be an issue?

    Any number of things could be going on. Get a dr appt scheduled with your gyn. You might just be low on iron - which could make you too tired for sex.

    Probably nothing serious at all.

    agreed! Hope it gets better!
  • LovingMe19
    LovingMe19 Posts: 380 Member
    Maybe you could try new things to attempt to spice it up a little. Get a book with new positions, or consider toys. Have sex in a new place. I know sex can get boring and feel like a chore when its the same routine over and over again. So spice it up and try something new!
  • Sauchie
    Sauchie Posts: 357 Member
    I had this issue myself. For me it was a thing were I was more uncomfortable with my body then I was when i was 40 pounds heavier.... I did a at home spa day and felt better after a pedi/ mani after my workout and felt more like me. I think when we transition within our own skin we see ourselves change and get a little stressed at how our spouse would react. Good Luck
  • whodatgrl
    whodatgrl Posts: 111
    I am a nurse in an OB/GYN clinic and see this just about on a daily basis. I can offer a few suggestion's, tips, etc and would help if I had some more information, not sure how much personal female health info you would like to put out here, feel free to msg me or add me as a friend.
  • iamhealingmyself
    iamhealingmyself Posts: 579 Member
    menopause issues aside changing your diet will affect your hormone production. I'd say talk to your doctor and check levels first. print out your food diary for Dr to review too as there could be something you're not aware of causing problems.
  • ThatDollSally
    ThatDollSally Posts: 473 Member
    I'm in no way a physician, but I find sexuality intersting so I've watched a lot of documentaries on the subject and something I've learned is that often when people don't wnat to have sex it's about something that has nothing to do with the sexual drive. When there is stress or some form of physical ailment the body will conserve energy by taking it from the unnessessary functions (like intercourse) to use it where it's needed. Have there been major changes in your financial situation? Are you worried about health problems? These are questions to ask yourself, you may find the answer there.

    The most important things are to be honest with your husband about how you're feeling and to see a doctor about what's going on. This sexual disfuction may be a sign of a more serious health problem that you won't know about unless you get checked out.
  • losethechalupa
    losethechalupa Posts: 51 Member
    Hi,

    There could be a # of reasons. I too had this problem for awhile a few years ago. My husband and I have been together for 13 years, no children, generally happy people, no major stressers. I ended up being diagnosed with PCOS and low on vitamin B! My ob gave me a few shots of B12 to boost my deficit, prescribed regular exercise to boost harmones and now I am taking a super B complex supplement that I got at walgreens. I have slowly gotten back to normal. I started out "forcing" my self (for lack of a better word) to have sex and the more I had it, the more I wanted it. I'm happy to say I no longer have to make it a point to do it and my sex drive still isn't as high as my husbands, but 3 to 4 days a week, we are a pretty happy & sexually satisfied duo. Def check with your doctor.
  • WinKitty
    WinKitty Posts: 119
    Depression?

    This is why I didn't want it, and any pressure he's placing on you isn't helping. I was lucky enough that my DH was extremely patient with me, and we made a deal that even if I didn't want to have sex, I could at least give him a dirty-talkin' HJ (tee-hee!) when he asked. Minimal effort on my part, but caring and affection that he needed on his part (no pun intended). Maybe you could make some kind of arrangement like we did.

    I can't speak enough to how much stress that can put on you and your marriage, and I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope it's just a phase and you get it figured out soon.
  • IndependentMe
    IndependentMe Posts: 182 Member
    Weight gain is usually a result of many things, but depression can be one of them. Lack of interest in sex could be caused by many things. Loss of interest in things in your life that you feel you "should" be interested in are a sign that you should speak to your doctor. With weightloss there could be changes in your hormonal balances, and other key body elements. Talk to your doctor,, it is the best place to start.
  • AngelicaDulas
    AngelicaDulas Posts: 196
    Are you taking birth control? Or have an IUD? I notice with myself that when I am on birth control, my sex drive is lower and it takes more to get the mental excitation going. Something to do with the hormonal changes. I think that you should also sit down and have a serious conversation with your husband and tell him that You do LOVE HIM! and it's nothing to do with him, you just need to figure out what is going on. (as long as this is true of course!) Maybe you should see a Dr. Also, I know it can be easy to fall out of love. The trick to making a happy marriage last is that both people don't fall out of love at the same time. Is your husband doing things to make you feel fulfilled and loved? Check out this website, it might help you to uncover some issues you aren't aware of:

    http://www.5lovelanguages.com/

    Look through the whole site. This has really made a difference in how my husband and I get through the lulls. it takes WORK from both sides, you can't coast and expect that it will all be ok. Good luck.
  • taletreader
    taletreader Posts: 377 Member
    OK, wow, that's a sensitive topic. It's understandable that you wouldn't want to go into great detail.

    There are two issues here, which are intertwined:

    - Your currently low sex drive (for lack of a better term - that's how I'm understanding it), which is almost certainly temporary and/or fixable. It may be of physiological or psychological origin, and be more or less caused by your very significant body changes. This may be something that just gets back to normal on its own or that needs help. Here's what you could do: sit down with yourself and think about whether you think it's something mostly in your mind, or has your physical response changed? How do you feel about physical closeness and affection? The entire part of sex that happens before / after the intercourse part? Is it a question of getting to a new equilibrium with your body or are you at a loss or completely out of it? You're not saying what kind of surgery you're expecting, but I've had acquaintances telling me that after for example, a hysterectomy their way of sexually relating to their partner had to be explored anew.

    - Your husband being mad at you. That, in my very humble opinion which you're free to reject, needs addressing urgently. He needs to accept where you stand -- physiologically, emotionally, medically -- and yes, maybe your way of being intimate needs adjusting. Can you sit him down and tell him -- whatever it is? It really depends on whether you think it's something that needs medical attention and also on how much and what kind of physical closeness you like right now. In my value system, tone partner to be mad at the other for not wanting sex is quite simply uncalled for. This is a path you are going down together and you owe each other a supportive attitude.

    One thing, too, you may want to seek medical advice or counseling about the first issue, and if is becoming a persistent issue in your relationship, counseling as a couple. Do not hesitate to ask an experienced medical professional (experienced in sexual difficulties! not every family doctor is) for advice.
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