Green with Envy

acarroll74
acarroll74 Posts: 7
edited September 25 in Motivation and Support
Here's a little history. I have been struggling with losing weight for about 3 years now, going on and off diets, joining several gyms, buying all kinds of workout systems and equipment....to no avail. I begged my husband to walk with me or ride bikes to keep me motivated. I suggested we do something other than go to the bar. (alcoholic drinks = bad and lots of empty calories) 4 months ago, my husband decides he is going to lose 30 lbs. I was really skeptical because he dismissed any of my attempts to get him to work out with me and he loved big home meals.

Well, he started working out 3 times a week and counting his calories. Then he started running the other two days during the week, for a total of 5 days. His workouts and calorie counting started taking priority over everything. He looks different, he acts different. He wouldn't eat dinner with us anymore because he was in the basement working out. He stopped going out and he didn't want to eat at restaurants anymore. All he would ever talk about was calories and what he did in his workout, and a plethura of other health related topics. Frankly it started becoming annoying. At first I tried to do it with him, but he surpassed me so fast and didn't bother to slow down to let me keep up. He lost 30 lbs in the last three months! I finally gave up.

On Sunday, he spends all day cooking health meals for himself for the week. And the energy. It's like living with the energizer bunny now. He doesn't understand that I'm tired. Recently he's been making comments like, "you always start things, and don't follow through", "why are you so tired", "how many times did you work out this week", and my favorite, "do you really need to eat that". Now that he's back to his highschool body, I feel left behind and very insecure. I have recently started to resent him for it. I know that I am really upset with myself, but he doesn't make it any easier for me. He has to make comments about everything anyone is eating, telling everyone how many calories are in there food! I have resorted to acting annoyed everytime he brings up his fitness and telling him "no body cares, keep it to yourself".

Now instead of getting in shape because I want to, I feel like I have to. This is causing such a stress on me and on our relationship. I don't even want to be around him, because it is a reminder of just how much of a failure I am. I've been struggling for 3 years to do what he did in three months and I am supposed to be happy about it? Well, I'm not. I really hate feeling so jealous and annoyed by his success. Can anyone out there give me some advice on how to look at this differently, or how not to feel anger and envy over this?

Replies

  • AggieCass09
    AggieCass09 Posts: 1,867 Member
    Take a deep breath. Now, think about three things about yourself that you LOVE and that you are proud of. This list is very important to show you that you are awesome and you can do whatever you put your mind to. Next, think about three things that you would like to do/experience/feel/be/etc. as a healthier-version of you. These things will serve to keep you motivated on your fitness journey.

    You must do this for you, not for your husband. Men will always lose weight faster than females, its just a fact of our metabolisms. Focus on you, why do YOU want to be healthy? (energy, feeling better, looking better, living longer, etc.) Now come up with a plan to get there. Make sure it includes tracking everything you put in your mouth. For exercise, start small at maybe 4 times a week at 30 minutes each time. Pick an activity that you like (zumba, yoga, or running perhaps).

    Whatever you do write it down and put that written plan where you can see it as a constant reminder of why you are doing this and what you are trying to achieve. I'm here for you if you need it!
  • 143sunflower
    143sunflower Posts: 56
    Welp!!! You made the first step by joining MFP.....your weight loss will not happen if you're doing it because he's doing it (although it might be a good motivator)...you will lose only if YOU want to. Once you start your journey and he sees you are serious about losing, perhaps he will stop making comments and encourage you and who knows maybe even workout with you....start by cooking healthy meals for the both of you.....or when he cooks ask him to make enough for you too. Some people say things to try and motivate you...when in fact it can be hurtful.......baby steps...baby steps and before you know it you will running....literally.....hang in there..
  • kcanoni
    kcanoni Posts: 31
    It's a completely natural feeling to be jealous of someone that seems to have no problems getting to where you have been dying to get to in terms of weight loss. And even trying to convince yourself that everyone is different cannot get rid of the monster. However, especially when it comes to men and women, we lose weight completely differently. Our bodies require completely different things than men's. I know it doesn't help any now, but you will lose the weight you want to lose because you will do it on your own.
    Maybe now your hubby will be more willing to go on those walks or physical adventures with you which could be good for not only both of your health but for your relationship as well. And maybe telling him that you are frustrated with how easily the 30 lbs came off him might make him more cognizant of how he is acting around you.

    Good luck and keep up the good work because you WILL reach your goal!
  • Sigra
    Sigra Posts: 374 Member
    You're defiantly NOT a failure just because you take longer to do something - you're simply working at your own pace.


    I'd remind him and yourself that everyone's body is different, and while he may have been able to find his place in the sun with 1 try, you're still looking for yours.

    Don't look at it as though you're falling through on something - think of it as though you're still climbing the stairs to find what works for you! - I went through a 2year struggle for weight loss and while I always felt that group activities were best for me I could never find anyone to work out with, or a program that was within my budget until now.

    Sure it took 2years, but I'm there (hopefully). - It's much like a smoker. Some people can quick cold turkey, others have to ween themselves off of.
  • FinalOutrage
    FinalOutrage Posts: 77
    It sounds like you both should seek relationship counseling. As far as the a-hole attitude that comes with men getting in shape, that will usually pass over time. As far as losing the weight, you have to do it for yourself. It's good to have some perfect motivation for why you want to workout - For your kids? Is there a career that you want that requires you to be in certain shape? Just to feel good on a day-to-day basis? These are things you will have to tell yourself every single day you wake up for the rest of your life once you decide to take a step in the right direction.

    Most importantly, you can always talk to us at MFP. We've got your back 100% of the time.
  • meredithfetters
    meredithfetters Posts: 5 Member
    Um... WOW! Well, if my fiance did anything like that I would throw a fit! I can't believe he had the audacity to be completely "blinded" at first and then BAM! get all Tony Little on you! Now, here's some food for thought... Do you think for the last three years he was listening to you "wanting" and "wishing" a new body and to lose weight and he didn't want to put forth the effort himself to help you (I don't know your husband, so I don't want to make any rude or mean accusations...) so he finally got tired and just "did it" to show you that it's not thaaaaat hard... even those guys are prone to lost weight "easier" than women... so to speak. And so now he's throwing it in your face that he did it in three MONTHS and not three YEARS. You see what I'm saying? Maybe make this an inspiration to kick it up a notch and just blow off some steam and the gym or workout?
  • myinneroasis
    myinneroasis Posts: 6
    Hi Hun,
    I am seeing this through your eyes and there is no doubt I to would feel insecure about it. For one, I do know that guys always seem to take weight off much easier, so don't beat your self up over that. Its frustrating because you wanted to have him do it with you and because he choose to start and kinda leave you behind makes you a little resentful. I guess if I was you, I would use it as the leverage you need for motivation. Instead of getting upset about it, take it with a smile and do it together! It is much easier when you support each other and have each other there to help when you aren't feeling like.. a bowl of veggies and chicken breast are really what you want to eat. If you can, I would train with him... This is truly what you have been wanting for the last 3 years and now is your chance to jump on it and appreciate it. Don't worry if he loses faster or not, it will come for you with dedication. Then you will feel confident and ready for the day!
    One thing I know is easier said than done is not to be envious of him for his achievements. You want to support him and show him that you acknowledge his hard work. Just as you will want him to do for you.
    Keep that love and lean on each other. The process is much more fun that way. I also feel the change of life, as in the dinners and training etc. might be frustrating at first, but continuing to eat the same way and not train will only continue the current cycle. So the change is a good thing. Its just hard to accept sometimes because there is a sense of comfort in what you have now.
    Keep you head up! I will help you if you'd like??. I actually am just about finished with my personal training courses. And I am a freak about nutrition. I am starting my personal challenge today to get back to my lean summer self. So I have some weight to shed.
    I love to have someone hold me accountable and if you are the same I can help hold you accountable and we can check in once a week to help motivation. I truly believe that accountability is a giant hand holding you back from that brownie or skipping the workout. Hang in there woman. You'll get it!!
  • acarroll74
    acarroll74 Posts: 7
    Thank you all so much for your comments. They were so nice to read. It is such a relief to know that others can understand where I am comming from. :)
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