Success according to others?

BflSaberfan
BflSaberfan Posts: 1,272
edited September 2024 in Health and Weight Loss
I know I've come along way - 187 - 140lbs BUT when I look in the mirror I'm still not happy. I'm 5'2 and would like to lose another 20lbs. Anyways, I get alot of compliments on my weight loss and people tell me I look fantastic. Does everyone say this just to keep you motivated? I'd like honest opinions. I know I look BETTER, but fantastic? I'm not buying it.

Probably doesn't help that my boyfriend would tell me I wasn't fat when I obviously was fat, so now how do I believe him when he says I look hot?

I'd like honest opinions - not looking for compliments

I'm 5'2 140lbs 36-29-39. I think another 20lbs would do me good, and maybe then would look "fantastic". What do you think?

Replies

  • mageepilot
    mageepilot Posts: 289 Member
    I think you look great! And what a wonderful accomplishment. But you don't look happy. So if you're not happy and you feel like you should keep going - then you should. Good luck!
  • ambie35
    ambie35 Posts: 853 Member
    I say screw your boyfriend if he called you fat !
    If YOU think you need to lose another 20 pounds to be happy then do it for you!
  • Angela4Health
    Angela4Health Posts: 1,319 Member
    I think you should only care about what YOU think. Do you feel comfortable in your own skin? Do you feel hot and sexy? Also, are you at a healthy weight? If you answer yes, then don't worry about what anyone else thinks. It's all about you. I do think people mean it when they tell you they think you look fantastic though. Losing 47lbs is a LOT! You should be so proud of yourself.
  • BflSaberfan
    BflSaberfan Posts: 1,272
    lol amber you misread my post. He would tell me I WASNT fat, when I clearly was. To make me feel better about myself. He didn't have the heart to tell me I was fat....so now when I ask he says he thinks I look fine at the weight I am how do I believe that?

    I know a big problem is I base my happiness on my appearance on how others perceive me.
  • Angela4Health
    Angela4Health Posts: 1,319 Member
    I say screw your boyfriend if he called you fat !
    If YOU think you need to lose another 20 pounds to be happy then do it for you!
    Her bf said she wasn't fat... not that she was.
  • bmontgomery87
    bmontgomery87 Posts: 1,260 Member
    People are saying that because they truly mean it. Thats a lot of progress that you've made. Keep working towards your goal.

    It is a great motivation and I love hearing compliments from people.
    And I agree with you on the basing how you feel on how others perceive you, I'm the same way.
    I want those compliments to boost my self confidence.
  • helenium
    helenium Posts: 546 Member
    So many times I've heard people say "just another 10 lbs. Just another 5 lbs". I'm worried when I get to my target weight I will myself not concentrate on the bigger picture but obsess over every inch of healthy fat and say the same things.

    When we see ourselves in the mirror every day and constantly live with ourselves gradually changing, it's hard to drop the 'I am fat' image in our brains. We don't see what's in the mirror, but what we saw in the mirror pre-diet. This self-image distortion is something to be wary of.

    I'm not saying you shouldn't lose another 20 lbs - I'm just saying you've GOT to complement your own objective views on your body with some subjective measure. I suggest asking someone honest about your appearance (your boyfriend doesn't seem to fit the criteria. Maybe a family member?), or taking a trip to the doctor's and asking him/her what a healthy weight for you is (perhaps while wearing a big fluffy coat so you get his/her honest opinion!).

    Just bear in mind that there might be something more fundamental going on, and even after you've lost that 20 lbs you might think "Oh, just another 5." - before you know it you're being unhealthy. Food for thought.

    Good luck, and hope you make a decision you are entirely happy with.
  • tinareet
    tinareet Posts: 126
    I know its annoying with the bf thing, Im sure if I was 300lbs, mine would still say I was hot and sexy, its cz thats truely what he sees if a sexy beautiful woman. i think you look good, but if you still feel 'fat' maybe try and tone up a bit more, do plenty of strength training and up your protein, I think once you see and feel the muscles forming you will feel a bit better about yourself, and you maybe able to still lose inches.
    Good Luck hunni.
    Xxx
  • BrianJLamb
    BrianJLamb Posts: 239 Member
    187 to 140 is huge. And you look great. That being said, there is always room for improvement, always something more we can do. My fiance is 5'2" and about 123. She is pretty thin. I think you would probably be happy 10 to 15 lbs lighter than you are...but that is it. You have some boobies in your profile pic...don't risk em.

    The people telling you that you look great are being honest and are speaking on their opinion. They are also comparing you to how you looked at 187. The weight loss you have experienced is tremendous. Recognize that a large percentage of the population would not have been able to accomplish what you have.

    I know where you are coming from with this. I have dropped from 197 to 165. At 5'8"ish, I feel that I still have another 10 to 15 lbs to lose. My fiance is telling me that she thinks it is 5 lbs tops. Everyone tells me how thin I look, but I see my jiggly gut in the mirror. I know what I have to do.

    Assess your goals and motivations weekly or biweekly. Don't set a number, set a look, a feeling...and go for that.
  • meggonkgonk
    meggonkgonk Posts: 2,066 Member
    It's all about perspective- coming from where you came from, you now look incredible especially to people who have only known you overweight. I am coming from and heading to a similar place (5'3" started 182, down to 140ish woudl like to be 125-135 area) and I get compliments all the time. I believe them My boyfriend thought I was attractive before- there is more to being attractive than your body. Your BF meant it when he said you werent fat, because to him, you were just you. And now you looks hot to him. Smile, accept and maybe even bask a little.

    It also doesnt help that it seems you are probably over critical of yourself. You can look hot and fantastic regardless of the number on the scale. It's great to have goals, and good to be honest with yourself on how you look and feel and where you want to be, but that doesnt mean that 1) your goal is where you will look your best 2) that you can't be hot in the meantime.

    You see your imperfections much more than anyone else ever will- It's kind of like when you have a zit on your face or something- it seems GIGANTIC and distracting to you, but people aren't really paying attention to it- they have their own zits to worry about.
  • tinareet
    tinareet Posts: 126
    You see your imperfections much more than anyone else ever will- It's kind of like when you have a zit on your face or something- it seems GIGANTIC and distracting to you, but people aren't really paying attention to it- they have their own zits to worry about.

    Best advice I have seen all day :D
    XXXX
  • melaniecheeks
    melaniecheeks Posts: 6,349 Member
    I had the great pleasure yesterday of meeting an old boyfriend who hadn't seen me in 5 months. During that time I've gone from 159lb to 140. (And I'm 5' 2" as well)

    The look on his jaw-dropping face when he said "God you look fantastic!" was obviously genuine. Enjoy the compliments where you get them!
  • Bviera
    Bviera Posts: 106 Member
    I'm 5'2", 148 lbs., and when I tell my boyfriend that I went to lose 15 lbs so I can have a hot bikini body in the summer, his response is, "you already have a hot bikini body." It's not true, but it's so sweet, that I don't really care. He loves my whether I'm 180 or 130 and that makes me feel good. REGARDLESS, I still want to feel better about myself and shed the weight and tone up. I don't do it for anyone else, I do it for myself. I don't consider myself fat, nor am I necessarily unhappy about how I look, but I know I could be even happier and healthier and fitter.

    So, yes, you do look fantastic. And a 40 lbs loss is nothing to scoff at. But in your eyes, you could still look better. So keep working on it. Take the compliments graciously, smile and say thank you, feel good about yourself, and continue working to get where you want to be. Take people's comments on how great you look as a motivation. You've come this far and you know you can go even further.
  • isabelk
    isabelk Posts: 153 Member

    Probably doesn't help that my boyfriend would tell me I wasn't fat when I obviously was fat, so now how do I believe him when he says I look hot?

    When people say "you're not fat" and you know you are overweight from a medical standpoint, then you know what they are saying is "I don't associate you with the negative stereotypes I have of fat people' or 'you are not 'obese' and 'fat' is a synonym of obese.'

    When your boyfriend says "you're not fat" he is saying, "I love who you are AND I accept you and love you, you are BEAUTIFUL." So, keep that one, he's a keeper!

    You sound like you've got some exercise experience and you've come so far, that I wonder if you are really seeing the 'new you' in the mirror. Maybe you still see the old you?

    There's only one picture for 5'2"/140, and it doesn't really show much:

    http://www.cockeyed.com/photos/bodies/heightweight.html

    But I think it's rare we see what real people look like in pictures where we know their height and weight.

    You might be resetting your goals and moving the goal posts in your mind, and that might make you disatisfied with where you are now and impatient with your admirers for not sharing your vision. You've worked hard and you probably do look pretty hot right now. I hear you, you want to be smokin'! Take the kudos for what they are, though. You do deserve them.

    You may not be at the point you see in your head, but that doesn't mean you're not hot. I know some people hesitate to buy new clothes when they are not yet at their goal, but I think you might benefit from some hot-person-clothes right now. It might help you see yourself in a new light! Maybe just some, ahem, victoria's secret items (I've heard it boosts morale).
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