What did i do to deserve this?

bdewitt92
bdewitt92 Posts: 8
edited September 25 in Chit-Chat
So if you have read my last post about how my relationship has gone downhill and how he told me i wasn't being the gf i should be etc etc. Well yesterday he came over and said he didn't want to talk about what happened he just wanted to forget about it and move on. and after getting the opinions of my closest guy friend i decided to go along with what he wanted and instead of talking about how hurt i was by what had happened and fixing our problems we watched a movie and went to bed. We hardly spoke and i felt as though i was sleeping next to a stranger. Today was better. He called me from work a few times and we laughed and it seemed like things could start getting back to normal. At night he calls me before he goes to bed (he goes to bed before i do most nights) to say goodnight and tonight he told me he didn't plan on calling me since he wasn't much of a phone person...

I feel like something is up...like he's cheating on me and instead of making me think that he is cheating he makes me feel bad and accuses me of cheating to take the focus off him...
I'm not sure if maybe i'm just crazy or what but something isn't right, i feel it.
Advice?

Replies

  • jborski79
    jborski79 Posts: 8
    Well who cares if he wants to forget about it and move on!!!! If you can't tell him how you feel and how he makes you feel or how he hurts you, he seriously isn't worth it. Communication is very important in a relationship and if he closes off the lines to communication, then there is no relationship.

    I don't know that he's cheating but something is definitely up. Either he's having doubts, or the relationship is getting very serious and it's scaring him.

    you have a big decision to make. Maybe some time apart will make him realize what he's missing and he'll come back, or it will make you realize what you aren't missing and you'll move on. I know it's hard, but you shouldn't be treated that way. Just my opinion.

    Good luck!!
  • sbear867
    sbear867 Posts: 249 Member
    Go with your gut and try to question yourself. Some things just aren't meant to past forever
  • 48fan
    48fan Posts: 12 Member
    A woman's intuition is usually spot on. You need to find someone who puts you first ALWAYS. They are out there; trust me. :flowerforyou:
  • justann
    justann Posts: 276 Member
    You already know the answers.....
  • anewattitude
    anewattitude Posts: 483 Member
    Listen to your gut on this one and don't let him walk all over you! You are better than that and you deserve to be treated with respect. The fact he didn't even want to talk about the fight shows he is only thinking of himself. Love can make us turn a blind eye to things because we don't want to face the truth. If your best friend came crying to you with this exact scenario what would you tell her? If I'm right, I would guess you would tell her to ditch that guy if he doesn't treat her the way she should be treated! I don't know you or your boyfriend or your actual history together but what I do know is life is too short to surround yourself with people who make you miserable and hurt you. Hold your head up high and walk away from that jerk! ( at least he is being a jerk at the moment) If he truly loves you and is sorry for his actions then he should get down on his knees and BEG you to take him back. Then you can decide if he is really worth it or not! Never, I mean NEVER let a man ( or anyone for that matter) make you feel like you deserve anything less than what you do!


    Best of luck.
  • McPenguin
    McPenguin Posts: 67
    Advice - confront him, then walk away. No, scratch that. RUN. The head games are exhausting and never ending with some people. He seems to be one of them. I had a boyfriend that did EXACTLY this kind of stuff to me. His name was Patrick, but my husband and I currently call him "Dip****" as a nickname, whenever he comes up in conversation. He would take the focus off HIS problems by telling me something 'bad' about me, or that I was doing wrong, or that I needed to improve in myself.

    I literally drove myself nuts trying to be a better girlfriend for him. I drove my family and friends nuts too.

    In the end, it was HIS problems that he was hiding that were the problem. One was severe alcoholism that he'd managed to hide for a long time, and the other? I thought he was cheating too... turns out he wasn't cheating with another woman... his tastes lay elsewhere and he was using me for cover because he didn't want to come out of the closet. The day after he didn't show for our wedding, I found him at a local motel, drunk, wearing women's clothing, watching gay porn, and found a receipt that showed he'd cleaned out our bank accounts for booze. THOUSANDS gone.

    Worst feeling was that I NEVER knew, never had any warning bells. He was a great actor. And when his facade would crack, he would pick a fight with me, or accuse me of cheating, or say I was gaining weight, or that I wasn't treating HIM properly. It made the focus on me, so I couldn't see his problems. He'd tell me he loved me, but then introduced me to his re-hab counsellor as his "friend" (yes, I was stupid enough to stay after I found out about the alcohol problem. I was "in love" and didn't know the worst was yet to come out).

    So, if you love yourself, RUN. Find out what his deal is if the curiosity will bother you, but DON'T for a minute believe this is YOUR problem. Don't try to be the "GF you should be"... and DON'T bury the problem to make things more comfortable. The situation isn't "comfortable", because it's still bothering you!

    You should listen to your gut on this one... you are definitely NOT crazy.
  • bdewitt92
    bdewitt92 Posts: 8
    Again thank you all for the feedback. I feel so stupid for complaining about my problems to complete strangers but it's the only way i can get raw feedback. My best friend loves my boyfriend but, he always tells me I'm more important to him than any guy i date and if any of my boyfriends hurt me that he'll always be there to kick their a**. Rob (my best friend) and i are very close but, i know that as my best friend he will of course take my side in things. However, he has basically told me the same things all of you have. I'm not crazy, i know that more each day. I'm spending the weekend with Joe (my boyfriend) like i usually do and i'll keep the updates coming. Anyone who wants to add me please do! I need all the support i can get. I'm probably going to start blogging this instead of posting on the message boards. I feel like i'm one of those girls who is afraid to leave even though she knows she should...i'm exactly where i swore i wouldn't be after the last a**h***. I don't know want to leave yet but i'm getting closer...if things are horrible this weekend i'm going to have to start rethinking my plans with this guy :frown:
  • Natalie0506
    Natalie0506 Posts: 163
    *hugs* Relationships are tough. However, with the crap he's doing, it's not okay. In a relationship, you don't get to just forget about what happened. You have to talk about it and come up with a solution. My husband and I have been married for 5 years, together for 6, and we've had our share of problems. But we work through them. It may take a few days to be calm enough to talk about them, but we do talk. We apologize, and THEN we move on because a solution has been made. If you suspect he's cheating on you, he most likely is. Men don't behave like that unless they're hiding something.
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