11 year old boy - ?

muth3rluvx2
muth3rluvx2 Posts: 1,156 Member
edited September 26 in Health and Weight Loss
My 11-year old son is about in the 90th percentile for weight-height, according to US growth charts. I'm trying to explain to him to watch his portion controls and carbs (he loves bread, bread & butter, etc) and his father is pretty overweight. Add to that, we're both short (dad and I) so, he is too and every little bit of extra shows. His dad has issues with portion control - and that's where my son is during the week. He chose to move in there for school this year and has subsequently gained approximately 20 lbs. more than he should.

Dad and I have difficulty in conversing about these kinds of things and dad gets pretty defensive - so I'm having to talk directly to my son about it which I hate doing. I'm worried about what that's going to do to his self esteem. But the kids in middle school (next year) are going to be SO MUCH worse than anything I could say and at least, from me, he knows its out of love - not out of meanness. *sighs* I've shown him the growth charts, I disallow him access to his money here to keep him from spending it on junk food (and he needs to learn how to save anyway); I tell him when enough is enough, etc. He doesn't always eat crappy food. Both my kids are food-spoiled. Meaning, neither one of them can stand crappy food. Like all kids, the occasional fast food sounds fun, but half the time when they get it, they don't want to finish it and ask for carrots or cereal or oatmeal instead. hehehehe... I do have to say I love that about them! So, like I said - mostly portion control.

I know alot of boys chunk out at around this age and grow out of it later; but I'm looking at family history, how fast the gain has occurred and watching the amounts he's eating here. I'm trying to prevent early development of poor eating habits.

Does anyone have any further suggestions?

Thanks!

Replies

  • MissMe2morrow
    MissMe2morrow Posts: 96
    Oh goodness, such dilemmas! Not having your son at your house makes it very difficult to help him make better food choices. Maybe a trip to a nutritionist who specializes in children? I'm just thinking they may have a way to really hit home with the possible health risks of being overweight.

    I don't have much in the way of advice, more just empathy for what you must be going through. It's so hard to walk that fine line between education and degrading. Good luck-- I hope there is a parent out there who can offer you some sage wisdom!
  • dave4d
    dave4d Posts: 1,155 Member
    My 11 year old is in the same boat. Last month he weighed in at 192lbs. 2lbs less than I am. I am trying to give him an incentive to lose weight. I have taken him to the gym a few times with me, and I no longer keep junk food around to tempt him. He is down to 186 now, but He needs to lose a lot more. His brothers can eat whatever they want, and stay the same, but he has one of those slower metabolisms, He also is not very active. I'm trying to change that, but getting him more active is a challenge.
  • sylvia1970
    sylvia1970 Posts: 134
    is there any way you can pursuade his dad to take him on an adventure park or do something active each day while he's in his care? perhaps thats the direction you need to go in rather than food based, otherwise YOU, the loving mother is gonna end up being the big bad wolf? expecially if you're ex is being difficult.

    good luck
  • dlaplume2
    dlaplume2 Posts: 1,658 Member
    I would try to encourage him to do a sport. It will help him burn off excess calories and may relieve some stress. If he is not competetive try something he can do at his own pace, like Karate
  • That_Girl
    That_Girl Posts: 1,324 Member
    I wouldn't worry about his selfesteem...he'll have better self-esteem when he starts to lose weight and/or lift weights, etc.

    With my 11 year old daughter, we don't use the words "fat" or "overweight". We say "healthy". This is a HEALTHY weight for you and you eat these foods to be healthy. When I notice her chunkin out (as pubescent people do) we just offer more veggies and salads with protein. Not because she's fat but because we want her to be healthy.

    I teach 5th grade and nutrition is a big subject in my class. Does he understand 'serving size' and what a calorie is? He is not too young to learn how to fuel and care for his body. He only gets one.

    I would talk to the dad. This isn't about the two of you, it's about the child you two created. I know how you feel though, I hate talking to my oldest daughter's father sometimes...but I do it because she's my kid.

    Good luck to you and with intervention now, he can be at a good weight even by 6th/7th grade. :)
  • Bridgetc140
    Bridgetc140 Posts: 405 Member
    I would try to encourage him to do a sport. It will help him burn off excess calories and may relieve some stress. If he is not competetive try something he can do at his own pace, like Karate

    Agree with this! Sports are great and hopefully when his interest in girls begins it will spark an interest in physical shape.
  • That_Girl
    That_Girl Posts: 1,324 Member
    Also, if this is a quick gain, that could be some other problem. Have you taken him to a doctor? I don't mean to worry you but if my child gained 20 pounds quickly, I'd have her checked out.
  • muth3rluvx2
    muth3rluvx2 Posts: 1,156 Member
    Again - he's with dad during the week. Extra curriculars are out of my hands and dad lives 25 minutes away; too long and too far to manage extras on my own time (not that I have any). He's not inactive... I think we all probably put on a little extra in the colder months as well so some will naturally fall over over summer. But 20 lbs in just under a year at 11 is too much and he won't lose all 20 over the summer. In any case, this isn't so much due to activity as food. He's a boy. Trust me, he's out and about and running around every chance he gets. Although now that we're getting into warmer months (finally!), my house is electronic free during until late afternoon/early evening. MUCH better that way.

    TG - I like your language choices. I tend to be blunt and sometimes forget to frame things in a more positive light. Thanks for the reminder! :: hugs ::

    I don't know what they're teaching. I don't see his work or anything now. :-( And of course, he's getting to an age of non-disclosure so I don't get much verbally from him either. Sucks.
  • That_Girl
    That_Girl Posts: 1,324 Member
    My mom used the words Fat, Gross, Big, etc...it just stuck with me.

    I hated it and had an eating disorder until my early 20s.

    So, I use the word healthy. I don't care if she's 100 pounds as a woman or 200...as long as she's HEALTHY and active.

    And I make sure she gets active daily. Her dad, though, he would say she's getting chubby or chunky or fat (probably to her face as wall) and I hated it. She is ELEVEN. Her body is changing, as is your son's. I'm glad she lives with me now, whew. Sorry to vent there lollll :)
  • That_Girl
    That_Girl Posts: 1,324 Member
    Maybe if you can't talk to your ex, email would be better? You can voice your concerns of your son's weight/height ratio, etc. That's what I do. I don't think I've heard my ex's voice in months, but I email when it concerns our daughter.

    Also, how tall is he? My daughter thinks she's fat, but she's perfect proportionate at 4'11 and 98 pounds.
  • danipals
    danipals Posts: 143 Member
    I can't tell you how much I worry about this subject! My kids are all different. One is not interested in eating at all and is quite thin, the other two love to eat and are thankfully quite active as well as having a tall father! I am the one with food issues and desperately don't want my daughter to go through the same thing! She loves to eat and I don't want to make my issues hers but I worry. I completely agree with language being important. We also discuss "healthy" and "kid portions". I have the kids look at portion sizes and we have various size bowls depending on portions. (Tiny 1/2 c bowls for nuts/trail mix and smaller bowls for cereal than came with my dishes.) They were discussing fitness at school last week and my daughter wanted to weigh herself. I told her that the number isn't important but it matters if she can play hard and run down the court in basketball, go on long rides with her dad, run with me...etc. and that I think it is great that she has muscles and is strong but that we want to keep her that way and that eating junk doesn't make her feel well, makes her hungry sooner, etc.

    I am curious though if you said he is in the 90th for both height and weight. Then that doesn't seem very out of proportion. My youngest is off the charts for height and in the 80th for weight. He honestly has a bigger bone structure than his skinny older by 2 years brother and outweighs him by 2 lbs. He's way more active and muscular and I am not at all concerned about it. Just holding their wrists up to eachother shows how much of a difference in build two brothers can have!

    I think you are in a horrible postition in dealing with an ex. If he was home you could play basketball with him outside (I always feel badly for whoever gets me on their team!). Maybe if he had a goal to train for while he's not with you. Would he consider signing up for a 5k with you? Then he might be encouraged to run at his Dad's to get ready for the race and it would be something special for you to do together?

    On the other hand, the weight gain in a year is upsetting. Could you bring him to your doctor and have him/her have a discussion? I know they do it all the time and have the verbage down pat! Good Luck!
  • muth3rluvx2
    muth3rluvx2 Posts: 1,156 Member
    Sorry - I wasn't clear. Weight to height ratio - meaning his weight is in the 90th in relationship to his height. He's short but he's more than chunky. Kid's got some pretty worrisome fat rolls and cellulite on his stomach. Lord, please do not let him take off his shirt for any reason while at school next year! :sad:

    I try not to use fat or chunky but I do use overweight, I show data and say he needs to lose 20 pounds to be healthy. I explain that there are 15 year olds keeling over from heart attacks now. I have conversations about whether or not I'm being mean and why I tell him these things. God, I know it hurts his feelings to hear it. I KNOW that and I hate doing that to him. But I'd hate to sit back and watch him grow less and less conscious of his health and wellbeing in denial of reality and not wanting to do anything about it.

    He's so defiant too... he asked if he could go to the breadstore today for orange juice (it's literally right through my fence in my back yard); I gave my 8 year old some money since his brother already had a couple of bucks. I told him NO JUNKIE CRAP! Orange juice - and I want a receipt.

    What do they come back with? Honey buns, fruit pies, orange bug juice, soda............................ Ugh. Think I'm going to trust him to do that anymore? His dad lets him have Dr. Pepper, Mountain Dew (the new one too.. the hyper caffeinated one), and god knows what other crap. I am NOT okay with children and soda; but if you're gonna' do it once in a while, for cryin' out loud, at least make it caffeine free! Nope. Not daddy. **bangs head into wall** I'm totally undermined in this and I know it. :explode: But what kind of mom would I be to give up? :noway:
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