Not weight related, but a problem

Atlantique
Atlantique Posts: 2,484 Member
edited September 26 in Motivation and Support
Saturday I went to my mailbox and found a note from the MARRIED man across the street asking me out for coffee, he says because he never 'sees me out'. Well, no, he wouldn't. He is a married day laborer and I am a single woman with a graduate degree. I highly doubt we'd ever run into one another out and about. ;) We'e only ever crossed paths because we own property within a few hundred feet of one another.

I have barely spoken to this man in the years I've owned this house. So no, I have not somehow 'encouraged him'. I can't even recall the last time we spoke--it's been over a year at least.

I know his marrriage is a mess. The cops are called over there a few times a year. There are many loud fights between him and his wife in the driveway which do not attract the police but do wake me up in the middle of the night.

I am so f*ng pissed off that he left me this note that I can't even describe it. If he didn't live across the street and wasn't connected to the cops by family, I'd tell him exactly what I thought of his shenanigans. But I do own this house and he is connected to the establishment. I'm an outsider, which basically means I wasn't born here (yes, it's that sort of town).

So what do I do? Ignore? Send the note to his wife(I'd so love to do that)? Tell him off? Keep in mind that I DO have to live here.

Replies

  • xraychick77
    xraychick77 Posts: 1,775 Member
    so what..you're better than him because he works for a living? ugh
  • legacysh
    legacysh Posts: 464
    Kindly reply that you cannot accept his offer and leave it at that.
  • aflane
    aflane Posts: 625 Member
    No. She's better than him because she doesn't want to screw around with a married guy. He's looking for a quickie, and is too danged lazy to look farther than across the street.

    I say give the note to his wife. Let her know what he's up to.... or what he's TRYING to get up to.
  • LG61820
    LG61820 Posts: 372 Member
    Not sure if you're upset because he's married or because he's a day laborer. . . BUT I'd just ignore the note. If he mentions it to you just act like you don't know what he's talking about.
  • HelenTheKitchen
    HelenTheKitchen Posts: 383
    Not sure if you're upset because he's married or because he's a day laborer. . . BUT I'd just ignore the note. If he mentions it to you just act like you don't know what he's talking about.

    Pretty much what I was gonna write.
  • iamhealingmyself
    iamhealingmyself Posts: 579 Member
    so what..you're better than him because he works for a living? ugh
    omg really?
    Her point was they travel in totally different circles how could they possibly "cross paths" other than by chance that they live near each other.
  • humblemonkey
    humblemonkey Posts: 576 Member
    so what..you're better than him because he works for a living? ugh
    i was wondering this too...its funny you made it a point to state his socioeconomic status in comparison to yours....you live in the same neighborhood, how different could your lives be?? I mean...money-wise...
  • Ash10Dent
    Ash10Dent Posts: 75
    Not trying to be rude but do you think you're better than him because he's a laborer and you're a college graduate? Because that's what it sounded like..which is very rude. Other than that I don't know how you don't knock him out for having the nerve to ask you out when he's married!! lol. I would def give the note to his wife, but that's just me. Like you said you do have to live there..
  • jenbusick
    jenbusick Posts: 528 Member
    Seems to me this is a person with whom you do not want to be involved in any way. So, I would tuck the note away (not throw it away... you never know...if he continues to be a problem, this is evidence toward a restraining order) and completely ignore the matter. If you give it to his wife, you're suddenly not only involved in his messed-up (to the point that the police are frequently called!) marriage, you've taken sides. You're across the street, and that can't be avoided, but in all other possible ways I would run very far away from this.
  • zooflute
    zooflute Posts: 50
    I think it's technically illegal to stick a note in a US mailbox if hasn't been sent via the post office, too (not that I'm suggesting you call the cops or anthing).

    I had a "would be" stalker in my neighborhood once. Similar situation: going through a divorce and looking for company. He turned up practically on my doorstep, walking a dog he had said earlier that he never walks. I turned around and went back to my house right away, and have successfully not engaged in any conversation with him since.

    Ignore the note, and if he approaches you, be minimally polite (but unfriendly).

    I can understand why you're pissed: this guy is presuming that since he never sees you out that you must be as lonely as he and therefore you'd want to hang out with a married guy with domestic issues. And it's extra creepy that he's just across the street.
  • Atlantique
    Atlantique Posts: 2,484 Member
    so what..you're better than him because he works for a living? ugh
    omg really?
    Her point was they travel in totally different circles how could they possibly "cross paths" other than by chance that they live near each other.

    Thank you. No, I have no issue with people who 'work for a living', as I do myself. Half of my siblings have hourly jobs as well--not all of us went the college route. And only one of my parents went to college. So no, it's not a 'snob' issue, thank you very much. This man and I live in the same neighborhood because I bought the house on one income and he bought it on two incomes(you know, his and his WIFE'S)--this is not an unusual situation for single professional women, nor is it lost on Mr. Unhappily Married. But we do not have the same 'hangouts'.

    My point was that the neighbor and I don't have many opportunities to 'see each other out', which was this MARRIED man's feeble excuse for hitting on me.

    And just in case it is NOT clear--the big issue here is that this F8ckwad is MARRIED. I wouldn't be any more receptive to a MARRIED Ph.D's advances.
  • jenbusick
    jenbusick Posts: 528 Member
    Not trying to be rude but do you think you're better than him because he's a laborer and you're a college graduate? Because that's what it sounded like..which is very rude. Other than that I don't know how you don't knock him out for having the nerve to ask you out when he's married!! lol. I would def give the note to his wife, but that's just me. Like you said you do have to live there..

    No, she was simply making the point that she hasn't encouraged this; that their lives are so different that their paths never cross even by accident. Go easy!
  • suzooz
    suzooz Posts: 720 Member
    I would ignore the note. If the fights are bad enough for the cops to be called, then I don't think this is a situation that you want to be involed with.
  • alexbowser
    alexbowser Posts: 322
    Definitely keep the note, but ignore his proposition (I wish it was as easy as just giving it to his wife). You own your house, getting involved in their situation will only end badly.
  • Atlantique
    Atlantique Posts: 2,484 Member
    Thank you to everyone who offered advice instead of deciding that I posted about a personal problem simply to start a 'class war'. I appreciate the advice and will consider it.

    And I will hope that the rest of you feel better about yourselves sometime soon and can learn to see the forest for the trees. I'm really amazed that you could take a q about a married man hitting on his single neighbor and turn it into a question of snobbery. If you are all supporting infidelity, perhaps that interpretation makes sense and I was foolish in thinking that we ALL thought that marriage was a commitment. Oh well--live and learn. ;)
  • Zeldamoon
    Zeldamoon Posts: 3 Member
    I see red blaring lights saying stay AWAY. He's being BOLD and very arrogant. Very scary in fact. Also this is probably a glimpse of what's causing issues in the marriage. I would be careful and keep and eye on your yard/garage etc. Keep eye on your blinds too.
  • GigglesLovesLife77
    GigglesLovesLife77 Posts: 3
    I would keep the note, let it be, and if he boths you anymore you will have the note for evidence. I would let it go for now. He can stay across the street with his messed up marriage and hopefully he will assume you said no! I would not give the note to his wife because it will just make you involved in their life. His wife will probably think you are trying to get with her husband. She might take it the wrong way. So just let it go for the first time! If it continues, then I would involve the police, so what if he knows them, you have evidence, don't forget to mention he put it in your mail box!
  • christinekojack
    christinekojack Posts: 96 Member
    so what..you're better than him because he works for a living? ugh
    i was wondering this too...its funny you made it a point to state his socioeconomic status in comparison to yours....you live in the same neighborhood, how different could your lives be?? I mean...money-wise...
    Just what i was thinking!!!!!
  • suzycreamcheese
    suzycreamcheese Posts: 1,766 Member
    just ignore it and ignore him
  • Mairgheal
    Mairgheal Posts: 385 Member
    Just ignore it, don't even bother replying. You're making it a far bigger deal than it is. He's a chancer, that's all.
  • tinareet
    tinareet Posts: 126
    keep the note in an envelope with the date and time you received it and then put it to the back of your mind and forget about it. hes obv just trying his luck, but no doubt this is probably the main reason he has arguments with his wife, so stay clear(not that you probs thought otherwise LOL). But he may have a temper on him, so if anything else happens towards you or there are further notes, you have this note as evidence just in case.
    Xxx
  • fuzzymel
    fuzzymel Posts: 400 Member
    Keep the note just in case he causes future problems (I sincerely hope that he does not).

    Do not talk to him about it. Its only going to encourage him. Ignoring him should be enough for him to get the message.
  • Natalie0506
    Natalie0506 Posts: 163
    I think that the problem that a lot of people are seeing is that you made a point to talk about what you and he do for a living, instead of simply stating that you travel in different circles. It came off quite snobby. If your issue was truly that he was married, what he does for a living would never have been mentioned.

    That being said, I would ignore the note for now. Tuck it away in a safe place just in case. One little note isn't a huge deal, and maybe, in his own strange way, he's just trying to be friendly. Especially since, as you put it, you are an "outsider". He could just be trying to make you feel welcome. I have no idea how long you've lived there, so I can't say for sure, but then, none of us can.
  • zeeeb
    zeeeb Posts: 805 Member
    i wouldn't pretend it doesn't exist. seriously that is the biggest cop out ever and i can't believe how many people suggest to pretend like it didn't happen. then you are just asking for trouble, he's going to be thinking he has half a chance...

    go and knock on his door, and tell him that you aren't interested, and are happily married thank you very much, and if he attempts to try again, then tell his wife.

    and, also, i don't like the way you say "he's a labourer" and "i'm a graduate"... i don't know where you are from, but in my life i associate with graduates and with labourers, and i don't feel any need to judge a person on their job. I know alot of tradies who get their hands dirty every day and they earn alot more money than alot of arrogant suits who like to look like they earn alot, but really don't.
  • pmorrison101
    pmorrison101 Posts: 72
    I too would ignore the note but keep it. If it happens again I would consider a restraining order against him.
  • PoleBoy
    PoleBoy Posts: 255 Member
    Umm... am I being more socially backward than usual?

    It seems like he's just saying "we're neighbours, and we never even chat"

    I'd reply "Sure, I'd love to go for a coffee with you and your wife"
  • starboardzor
    starboardzor Posts: 312
    I'll have to agree this message came off as pretty snooty. But regardless, I'd ignore the note. I'd probably be pretty amused if I recieved a note like that to tell the truth. Especially if the note is nonthreatening. I would NOT give it to his wife. You never know the mental stability of people and that might be what makes either one of them completely snap. So unless the notes continue, I would leave it alone.

    Although if they're waking you up in the middle of the night then it is your business and you should continue to call in your complaints.
  • dlaplume2
    dlaplume2 Posts: 1,658 Member
    I got what you meant.

    I think I would just ignore the note. I don't think sending it to his wife would be of any help. (I would really want to do that) I think if he had the nerve to do that and his marriage is on the rocks, it is probably not the first time he's done it and she probably already knows.

    It sad that neither one of them can grow up and either work it out or move on. It's hard to watch in silence, which is what the neighbors often do.

    Just ignore it, if he makes any further attempts, I would just flat out tell him you are not interested.
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