binging...

tinareet
tinareet Posts: 126
edited September 26 in Health and Weight Loss
hiya,

I have previously had anorexia and this in the past 2 years led to bulimia which over the past year has turned into binge eating. I am trying not to binge and have managed 9days since what I class as going a bit extravagant and probs about a month since a serious binge. I'm very proud of myself. However, I can tell when a binge is coming on, its like a sixth sense, I'm trying to resist, but resisting just seems to make it so much worse in the long run. I feel one coming on today. I have already included one mars bar and ate it already, but I feel like I need another 1 or 2 and the weight watchers crumble that calling my name from the freezer draw for dessert on top of my normal sorbet.

Everyday I plan what I'm going to eat, and take my lunch and snacks with me to work and know exactly whats for dinner and dessert, I have a large breakfast. I do all this to stop me bingeing in the evenings and I include daily small treats to stop me from feeling restricted and that sweets are okay in moderation. I also plan when I'm going to exercise and eat those calories back through out the day instead of eating them straight after my evening workout.

I supose I just want someone to tell me its okay, go on have a binge, one day wont hurt.....blah blah, but i don't want to see all the minus reds in my food log reminding me that I'm a failure.grrrrr, stupid body/mind.

Xxx

Replies

  • SGartz
    SGartz Posts: 57
    Step away from the Mars Bar missy ;)

    Kudos for not binging for a while! To be fair, if you have had 9 good days then why not treat yourself? Just keep in moderation.
    Don’t be too hard on yourself!!
  • LindsayChick
    LindsayChick Posts: 129 Member
    Way to go on your success so far!! You can do it. I think what helped me was having my diary public on here -- I knew I'd be really embarrassed if I had a binge in there. Also, I really try to keep all the candy, cookies, cakes etc. out of the house. I know that's hard -- especially b/c my husband loves that kind of stuff. Either way, it's better for both of us. I think you are doing a great job packing healthy lunches and snacks.... and planning those ahead of time. I've also tried to distract myself and do something else when I want to do mindless eating. I try to take my dogs on a walk when I feel that coming on. Even though it's just a 10 minute walk around the neighborhood, it really seems to help.

    Hope this helps. Keep it up! ;)
  • kimbaclay
    kimbaclay Posts: 81
    Mine was yesterday! Crisps is my weakness! I always want a packet when i used to smoke :sad: Be strong! :bigsmile:
  • tinareet
    tinareet Posts: 126
    the thing is I dont even like mars bars!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GRRRRR
  • fifibox
    fifibox Posts: 69
    the thing is I dont even like mars bars!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GRRRRR

    sunds like ur very analytical and organised.r u stil in counseling since ur eating disorders? discovering the cause for emotional eating or control culd be just what u need, so that 1 day u might eat 2 marsbars, but u wudnt even realise itand beat urself u and obsess about it cos ull be free f whatever it is causing u currently to obsess about it. thats what ii recon anyway :-)
  • SeasideOasis
    SeasideOasis Posts: 1,057 Member
    You've gone through a major up-road battle. A very very close friend of mine in high school (well, honestly, I was in show choir and performing arts, so more than one) that went through a very similar stage progression with eating as you are. My advice is...Pat yourself on your back for managing this long without completely binging!!! I dont think a lot of people understand the full scope of eating disorders unless they either a.) had one themselves or b.) know someone very close and was there for everything they were going through (even picking them up in the middle of a performance when they passed out and collapsed, for example).

    In your situation, if you honestly feel that binge coming up, maybe workout a little extra (just another 30 minutes, nothing crazy...even a walk). This way, you won't feel bad when/if those totals go red. I think its wonderful that you are confronting this issue head on, and you deserve some pretty amazing credit for that. Eating disorders, on all levels, are some of the hardest to get over, and I think you are doing a great job to getting back on a healthy track.

    Keep your chin up and take things "Day By Day".
  • tinareet
    tinareet Posts: 126
    the thing is I dont even like mars bars!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GRRRRR

    sunds like ur very analytical and organised.r u stil in counseling since ur eating disorders? discovering the cause for emotional eating or control culd be just what u need, so that 1 day u might eat 2 marsbars, but u wudnt even realise itand beat urself u and obsess about it cos ull be free f whatever it is causing u currently to obsess about it. thats what ii recon anyway :-)

    I am extremely analytical. It annoys the hell out of my bf. Nope no counselling, I had counselling when I was younger but that was because I was under 18 and the could give it to me for free because of the anorexia. As I'm not underweight or fit any real ED's the doctors wont even consider me for counselling and unfortunately I cant afford it. I know its stress related, self esteem related and also delayed trauma if that makes sense. Like I had an argument with my BF over the weekend, and now its kinda sorted now I'm wanting to binge.

    Xxx
  • kimbaclay
    kimbaclay Posts: 81
    Maybe its the sugar fix you are needing? Try getting some gum or sugar free sweets?
  • tinareet
    tinareet Posts: 126
    its not a sugar fix, because if the chocolate wasnt available I would have crisps, cheese, whatever is available, and my fav binge food when I'm at home is oats, bowls and bowls of oats, but that really comes from my bulimia days.
    I feel like a total lunatic, its like theres actually the angel and devil sitting on each shoulder, and because I'm so indecisive I never choose which to choose.GRRRR. Ohwell. New day tomorrow ay?
    Xx
  • kimbaclay
    kimbaclay Posts: 81
    Ohwell. New day tomorrow ay?
    Xx

    Keep your chin up :flowerforyou:
  • tak123
    tak123 Posts: 32 Member
    I understand what you're going through. I'm about the same weight and have the same goal. I'm a binge eater too. I'd like to say a recovering binge eater.. but I take it one day at a time. I know what you mean when you say you can feel it coming on. I can too. You want to resist so bad, but it's like one second you're in control, and the next it's like ah, to hell with it! You said you want someone to say sure, go ahead, it's just one day! Well, I'm not gonna say that. Because I wouldn't want someone to say that to me. Yesterday I had an urge, I was feeling really down and sad, and I almost gave into it. I just ate dinner, then I got up and ate some salami. Then I stopped and walked into a different room -away from the kitchen- and did some crafts, put on some music and I honestly didn't even think about eating while I was doing the craft. And I went to sleep without eating anything else. Right now, I think DISTRACTION is the way to beat this thing. The more you do it, the easier it will be. That's just what worked for me, I hope it works for you.
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