Children with ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder )??

Lizzy,

do you have him medicated? Normally, not a first suggestion I go with as I'm not fond of kids and medication if at all avoidable - BUT this sounds pretty severe.

I work in an elementary school in the behavior room. We try to give them ALOT of positives when they earn, in hopes that they will want that positive attention. Maybe trying small things that he can earn? We are also very consistent with them. If he has a behavior that you dont like, make sure you treat him the same way every time he does it. The same consequence each time. And getting angry will just heighten his anxiety, so try to keep cool (which can be hard to do), but dont give in when he does something he shouldnt. Is he in any kind of therapy? Sometimes talking about how he's feeling can help too! Good luck!

I think Suzy12 had a pretty good answer....

Anyways, I've been diagnosed with ADHD, schitzophrenia, bipolar, OCD and major depression (believe it or not, all of those things!).... Medication and CBT have helped me tremendously (specifically the anti-psychotics).

In regards to children, I personally know that medication isn't always the way to go - like Suzy said, I would seek counseling first....

Hope that helps a little - best of luck!

My 8 year old is diagnosed with ADHD and ODD. Quite frankly, I am exhausted. He wears me out. I am exhausted and all of the conflicts are destroying my marriage.
Does anyone out there have strategies to suggest in dealing with a child that says 'no' first and thinks about it later???
It is effecting every aspect of his life, including school.
I am very afraid that if we don't get a handel on it now, I will have a juvinile delinquent on our hands by the time he is a teenager.

Any and all suugestions are greatly appreciated :flowerforyou:

I really wish I could offer you some magical answer that will make this bearable for you. But all I can do is offer my support and sincere understanding for your situation.

My 6 y/o daughter was diagnosed with ADHD and ODD when she was 5, shortly before she turned 6 they did the hours of testing to test for disorders in the Autism Spectrum. The day she started 1st grade we were given a diagnoses of Pervasive Developmental Disorder, Probably Asperger's Syndrome.

I have yelled, begged, pleaded, cried, spanked, grounded, taken things away, given her chores, made her do exercises, used behavior modifications... EVERYTHING under the sun, and still just gone to bed and cried, beyond frustrated, with the same thoughts and fears that you have expressed.

All I can say is hang in there, don't give up. Ask about "play therapy" My daughter is doing it and it does seems to be having an affect on her "thinking before doing" issues, not a HUGE affect, but an affect lol. We've also started using a little oven timer. "In 10 minutes, when this timer goes off, it is time to put those toys away and get in the shower." Seeing it, having something visual in front of her, and giving her time to adjust to the idea of transitioning from one thing to another seems to help!

May I add this - my parents learned from NAMI that in order to help me, they had to help themselves first and foremost (or they wouldn't be able to help me at all)....

So, I would get all the support for YOURSELF that you need at this point (whatever that may mean)!

Take it easy..

Ouch, Lizzie. But it's okay - it's not a zero tolerance district, obviously, or he'd be expelled. And frankly, alot of 8 year old boys would do something like that so don't worry about whether or not that's "normal". It is. Boys love weapons and they love to show off their "toys". Even grown up boys.

Okay, so I don't think a chart is helping either. I've *never* had much luck with those things. They just don't mean anything to the kid unless it's very concrete, like "I ate my veggies at dinner!" and you can't be that detailed with every single thing in life.

You *have to be* extraordinarily consistent and firm. Make up a set of house rules the he can see easily and make him aware of consequences. I'm not fond of spanking but yes - I use it when I feel like it's really necessarily. But it's a last resort. Do NOT LET HIM DEFY YOU EVEN ONCE! He knows your boundaries and limits as well as school's. He's going to keep pushing it because that's the nature of ODD. To see how far he can break the rules; which also means he knows he can.

I think the timer is a GREAT idea. And, give him an incentive AND a negative consequence ahead of time. "In 10 minutes, you need to clean up your mess. I'll reset the time for another 10 minutes and if you get it done before it goes off, I'll give you an extra 10 minutes of tv before bed; but if you don't, then you'll go to bed an extra 10 minutes early". and then follow through. You gave him his warning and time to consider what he wants to do. If he doesn't comply, inform him that bed will be 10 minutes earlier and then give him less time to clean up his mess with a more immediate consequence if he doesn't comply - such as sitting in time out for the same amount of time. If THAT doesn't work, then I'd warn that a good solid butt-thump is the last consequence, in ADDITION TO the time out and early bedtime (these are obviously just examples).

BE CONSISTENT. And talk to him about his choices AFTER the immediate consequence; have him reason through the process through inquiry. "So, what happened that you got time out today? How did you feel about that? What could have been done differently to have avoided time out? Would you have enjoyed more tv time? What do you think you'll do next time?" and be sure to give him a hug and kiss to reassure that you still love him. ALWAYS address behavior, not the child.

"That was not a nice thing you just did!" vs. "You're not being a nice boy!"

My kids know they have alot of wiggle room with me, but they also know when I'm not kidding around and I'll not hesitate to open up a can of whoop-*kitten*. For my younger, he knows when I start to count, he'd better comply long before I get to three. At that point, he's already been duly warned adn knows he's on his last leg. My older.. hmm.. well, he's a different story. Not ODD but on some days, you'd think so.

I hope some of this helps. :: hugs ::

Gosh I really feel your pain and wish I knew you to give you a hug. Just dont give up....NEVER GIVE UP ON HIM!

My now 20 year old was diagnosed with ODD, ADD and is developmentally delayed. It was a long road....I looked into getting him medication when he was about 11 or 12 - and it was a huge difference. I had really been against getting him on meds before this, but it came to a point when I needed SOMETHING to change! I am fortunate enough that he is very shy, so he does not speak up or act up out in public or at his work (he now works full time in a factory)...but he saves it for home. He did act up at school sometimes when he was younger. It is hard, he does exactly the opposite of what he should do, or what you would like him to do. He doesn't listen when you suggest something or ask him something. It is better now than when he was younger, but we still have daily conflict with him - just much easier to handle.

I was called to the school many times when he was young....he once threw his shoe at a teacher and threw the chair....this is what made me look into the medication. The school even had a police officer come talk to him once - but seriously, he was not even slightly scared of the officer! He couldn't have cared less.

I say all this and at the same time, I honestly would not want him any other way. If he was any different - he would not be "my Eric".....As I said, he now works fulltime, and worked really hard in high school to get a full diploma - he was the only one in his special needs class to do so last year! High school was much better for him than grade school was all around - he was very well behaved. Probably because he really wanted to be in the "regular classes" and we told him that was a priveledge....he did not like being in his "special needs" class.

My suggestion, is find someone for YOU to talk to as well. I went to counselling several times, more just so I could have someone to talk to that I did not feel would judge me....way too many people just looked at my son and assumed - "what a bad mom!"...it was the counsellors who would remind me I did everything I could - the best that I could. It was exactly what I needed when I was feeling like we were going backwards instead of forwards.

You really need to stay strong, and be consistent!

Feel free to message me anytime!


Elle

Most of all, the lesson I learned the hardest, he is YOUR child. People will say SO many things about medication, make you feel guilty for using it, make you feel guilty for not using it... WHATEVER it may be. He is YOUR child.

So many people made my decision to put her on medication EXCRUCIATING for me. And that IS NOT FAIR. Like this isn't already hard enough?

Trust me when I say NO ONE wants to medicate their children. No little girl has ever said "when I grow up I want medicated kids!" And if any of you are those people who are against using the meds, then that is FINE, but PLEASE have enough respect for the parents who are going through this to NOT make them feel bad for using them!

ok... off my soap box now