Children with ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder )??

Oh Lizzy my heart goes out to you. I have no doubt you are amazing mother.

My son who is almost 10 has ADHD and been diagnosed as having such since 5. I seriously thought he had ODD when he was little got kicked out of daycare after daycare for fighting. I eventually had to leave my job as there was no one to take care of him for me so I could work. At 21/2 he was tested as being developmentally delayed and got special preschool services but that didn't go well for him or his teachers. Finally said if no one can handle him I will have to be the one to figure it out and worked on him at home until kindergarten. They wanted to place him in "special" classes in K, but I said that he was at least average IQ, but behavior may be another story and I was working very hard with him at home- to please give him a chance. Wouldn't you know the day I discovered my son was actually gifted is the day he got OSS (out of school suspension) for kicking the principal in the legs and tearing up her pantyhose:blushing:

I'm NOT a licensed psychologist, but psychology is what my degree is in, and the more I studied the more I realized there is more than one way to do this. What finally worked for me is one comes down to 2 things: Positive rephrasing and reinforcement (ex instead of saying "Eat your dinner or you are not getting any cookies" I learned to say "Sure you can have cookies soon as dinner is over." Or "I love it when you use your inside voice" instead of "Shut up! You're loud") and secondly CONSISTENCY. And that is the hardest one. I know. BUT it is soooo important to let him know everything has cause and effect and it's HIS actions that guide the outcome. I have learned to never ever make an empty threat or a "punishment" that I am not willing to carry out. In fact I prefer to think of discipline as means to "correct a misbehavior" and in thinking in that way you tend to eventually keep both your and their held more level.

Oh goodness I could seriously go on and on and in fact will probably post more later, but feel to message me too. Just know you are not in this alone. And more so, know you ARE a wonderful mom and your son is blessed to have you! In time you guys will work through this

I am a educated in child development and psychology though not my current field. What I have to suggest has helped tremendously w/all of the children I worked with. It's consistency and discipline to a degree that most parents don't take it. It's why these kids often (not always) thrive in institutional or school settings. It's not an easy thing to live an EXTREMELY organized and planned life but the results are amazing. Anxiety decreases as they can relax in an environment where they ALWAYS know what is coming next and what it expected of them. Conflict is greatly reduced and it will allow some peace into your household. For example, dinner: same time, same plate, same seat, same menu (like same meal EVERY Monday) and be as repetitive as possible. Even what you say and when you say it in relation to everyday activities (like, warning we are leaving the house in 5 min. for the school bus and please get your shoes one, said exactly the same way at the same time every day). You could try these extremes with one issue at a time. Personally I would try it Mon.-Fri. mornings before school, a tough chaotic time but a short enough time to be able to streamline. It will take about a month to show improvement.

THe timer is a good idea, also other things you can do that will take away you having to tell your child what to do or not to do. It helps put the ball in his court and takes you out of the loop a bit, so there will be less confrontation. I used timers and I used schedules, the began with pictures then after old enough we didn't need pictures, but I made it very clear what exactly was expected, and what the reward/priveledge was in doing so. generally the video games/computer was the best incentive for most my kids, but mostly for my son who was diagnosed with Adhd and Bipolar. As mine got older and showed an interested and ability to negotiate and make choices, then I certainly allowed for that to happen, but once the schedule/contract was made then that was what needed to be followed. We had family meetings every Sunday, and that was when things could be discussed and renegotiated.

My 8 year old is diagnosed with ADHD and ODD. Quite frankly, I am exhausted. He wears me out. I am exhausted and all of the conflicts are destroying my marriage.
Does anyone out there have strategies to suggest in dealing with a child that says 'no' first and thinks about it later???
It is effecting every aspect of his life, including school.
I am very afraid that if we don't get a handel on it now, I will have a juvinile delinquent on our hands by the time he is a teenager.

Any and all suugestions are greatly appreciated :flowerforyou:

I really wish I could offer you some magical answer that will make this bearable for you. But all I can do is offer my support and sincere understanding for your situation.

My 6 y/o daughter was diagnosed with ADHD and ODD when she was 5, shortly before she turned 6 they did the hours of testing to test for disorders in the Autism Spectrum. The day she started 1st grade we were given a diagnoses of Pervasive Developmental Disorder, Probably Asperger's Syndrome.

I have yelled, begged, pleaded, cried, spanked, grounded, taken things away, given her chores, made her do exercises, used behavior modifications... EVERYTHING under the sun, and still just gone to bed and cried, beyond frustrated, with the same thoughts and fears that you have expressed.

All I can say is hang in there, don't give up. Ask about "play therapy" My daughter is doing it and it does seems to be having an affect on her "thinking before doing" issues, not a HUGE affect, but an affect lol. We've also started using a little oven timer. "In 10 minutes, when this timer goes off, it is time to put those toys away and get in the shower." Seeing it, having something visual in front of her, and giving her time to adjust to the idea of transitioning from one thing to another seems to help!

My14 year old son is ADHD and ODD. He has been on Ritalin for a few years. It helps a little. Hes on RISPERIDONE for the ODD. Hes been on it for about 2 years .This medication has changed our lives ! Now hes just your regular rotten teenage boy !
Even his school is finaly happy . I now only get the phone calls from school every 6 months or so. It used to be every second day. I really enjoy the time I spend with my son now. Sadly it wasnt always like this. I hope that someday soon you both can be happy.

Oh Lizzy my heart goes out to you. I have no doubt you are amazing mother.

My son who is almost 10 has ADHD and been diagnosed as having such since 5. I seriously thought he had ODD when he was little got kicked out of daycare after daycare for fighting. I eventually had to leave my job as there was no one to take care of him for me so I could work. At 21/2 he was tested as being developmentally delayed and got special preschool services but that didn't go well for him or his teachers. Finally said if no one can handle him I will have to be the one to figure it out and worked on him at home until kindergarten. They wanted to place him in "special" classes in K, but I said that he was at least average IQ, but behavior may be another story and I was working very hard with him at home- to please give him a chance. Wouldn't you know the day I discovered my son was actually gifted is the day he got OSS (out of school suspension) for kicking the principal in the legs and tearing up her pantyhose:blushing:

I'm NOT a licensed psychologist, but psychology is what my degree is in, and the more I studied the more I realized there is more than one way to do this. What finally worked for me is one comes down to 2 things: Positive rephrasing and reinforcement (ex instead of saying "Eat your dinner or you are not getting any cookies" I learned to say "Sure you can have cookies soon as dinner is over." Or "I love it when you use your inside voice" instead of "Shut up! You're loud") and secondly CONSISTENCY. And that is the hardest one. I know. BUT it is soooo important to let him know everything has cause and effect and it's HIS actions that guide the outcome. I have learned to never ever make an empty threat or a "punishment" that I am not willing to carry out. In fact I prefer to think of discipline as means to "correct a misbehavior" and in thinking in that way you tend to eventually keep both your and their held more level.

Oh goodness I could seriously go on and on and in fact will probably post more later, but feel to message me too. Just know you are not in this alone. And more so, know you ARE a wonderful mom and your son is blessed to have you! In time you guys will work through this

We're totally on the same page. That was another inquiry/suggestion I was going to make - get him tested for gifted. Many ADHD kids are. These days it's called "twice exceptional". In your case, it'd be thrice. :-) Sometimes, this gives enough fodder for positive reiforcement, feedback and esteem so as to help counter some of the negative behaviors. Another thing that helps: a sport; something that requires discipline and self-control. The most immediate recommendation I can come up with is a martial art. :: hugs :: you already know you can PM me anytime. MUAH!!

Thank you thank you thank you!!!

So yeah, both of my boys have been tested and are gifted. Which makes them harder on the teachers (to keep them engaged.etc )...
I try to work with the teachers and keep communication always open.

Where I fall short is exactly where you are all suggesting. Scheduling. I I have never been a routine kind of person. Michael is like me and goes with the flow, but I guess dylan can't handel it the same.
I mean things happen in the same order for am rush and bedtime....just not necessarily at the same time. And the idea of having weekly menus, frankly just kills me....
but I will do anything at this point.
I think starting small will be the key for me. I am going to focus on AM and PM schedules.

Thanks once again. You are all great people and have great ideas!!!

I don't think you have to "planned menus" ahead. But just try to make things into "routine" so he knows what is expected from him. Example: before going outside with the kids at school I closed the lights and asked them to put the toys in the boxes and then when they are done they have to sit down and rest on their arms. Everytime. Everyday. I repeated the same directions. So it became routine. It made them less stressed. And they started to feel as they are the ones handling the situation (not me!). The thing is usually those kids don't handle changes (going from playtime to mealtime) really well so you have to ease up changes by making a soothing transition that remains the same. For some it's listening to music, for some it's doodling, etc.

It did my heart good to see all the people who posted on this. My youngest was diagnosed with ADHA & ODD when he was 6 and actually at the time it was a relief to know that it was a medical condition and that we wern't bad parents.(our other child who is 2 1/2 years older was wonderful so we knew there was something going on.) We got him into therapy and to a phychiotrist and on medication and got him special help at school etc... then at 10 he was diagnosed with diabeties. By now his school wanted to pawn him off on a special behavorial school. We were at our wits end. We did everything that the dr.s were telling us to and our boy was still struggeling. It breaks your heart when you see the wonderful kid he can be yet he never gets invited over anywhere or has friends to play with and his little selfconfidence keeps getting erroded by all the negative things he hears about himself.
Well there is light at the end of that long dark tunnel. One thing that his Dr. had always told us was that he would eventually out grow a lot of this.And Praise God last summer he did a lot of maturing and we had an aide put in place at his school to just work with him and head off any bad behaviors before they got out of hand. Much to everyones pleasent surprise he has done wonderfully well. We found the right combo of medications and it is amazing at what a happy sweet kid he is now. We no longer have to go to the dr & thearpist every week but about evert 2-3 months! His aide says she rarely has to head off any behavior and he has several friends he interacts with daily.
When this all started my husband and I were reluctant to put him on medication but I tell you what...It saved our familly. That and a lot of hard work and a ton of love. Seek help with an experienced Dr. it can make all the difference.
I wish you and your family the best of luck.

Tell me about it ahh its so stressful, im holding off on the meds and my son is so hyper all the time, he hardly ever sits down still and just now me & my husband got in an argument just a while ago cause my son jumped on the counter top & knocked down a crate of glass bottles and a huge mess of glass everywhere. it was a split second thing i was feeding my 7month old when he jumped up there. and thats just one of the many things he does. i wish i could give you advice but im looking for advice like you. im know how you feel though .... i forgot to mention he got a knot on his fore head a month ago when he ran straight into a pole and his school called CPS on me & they sent me to the doctor to check it. the doctor sent a fax to cps telling them it was accidental & no signs of abuse. Even though thats cleared up, cps still comes sometimes to check up & its stressful & i feel like i have to worry if he gets a bruise again cause then the school will make a big deal of it again. i have enough to deal with & then this just adds on

Oh honey I feel you. Im not sure what CPS is but it sounds like our DCFS(Dept. of Child & Family Services). Because of all the tantrums and screaming he does/did here at home and at school, someone filed a comlpaint and DCFS had to follow up. Of course after meeting us and seeing his medical background and knowing that we were seeking help they had no findings but it's scary just the same.