can I do anything??

Options
bigmamma3
bigmamma3 Posts: 134
in Health and Weight Loss
My oh has a bmi of 48 and I'm worried about him. but can you help someone who doesn't want to help themselves? He is very threatened by me losing weight and thinks I will leave which is not true and says he wants to change but makes no effort. we have always eaten differentmeals as I have never liked burgers and fast food but he seems to try and sabotage my diet lately by buying me chocolate ect.

I love him whatever he is like butI'm so worried about his health and his drs have said he won't make it far past 30 and it scares the me to death! its also starting to rub off on they kids like if I say only one sweetthey say bit daddy doesn't just have one.

so is there anything I can do or do I have to just face it that there is nothing I can do?
sorry for rambling I'm just worried!

Replies

  • DKBelle
    DKBelle Posts: 585
    Options
    well it might sounds weird, but I would cheat in a way that he wont realize :P I would cook for him daily and use whole wheat stuff from the flour to the bread. It is not much effort to cook and it is already making a big change as it is a healthy food that you serve him instead of letting him eat burger. Try it it's worth to give a try. Also face him the sad reality, that he might get a heart disease or else worst that he dies and on the other hand let him face if he does not change his kids will be growing up without their father !!! Let's see what he tells. If you need advice on fast and easy cooking let me know :)
  • believetoachieve
    believetoachieve Posts: 675 Member
    Options
    You cannot force change on someone who doesn't want it. To "sneak" around is deceitful and wrong as well, and makes you no better than him (albeit for different reasons). If he doesn't want to change, then forget him. Improve yourself and your health, so that when he kicks the bucket you're there for your children.
  • DKBelle
    DKBelle Posts: 585
    Options
    I think if it the person is someone who you love you cannot just give up on :) Of course I agree that you cannot force change, but you can still do some without the other notice. My love was also bigger when we met simply cause he had a bad habit eating mostly rice with red meat and his cholesterol got really high, but when I started to use whole wheat flour and make bread and pasta out of it and brow rice instead of white he lost weight and also his cholesterol got low. He didn't even realized that I changed some stuff in the kitchen :P Also after a while I told him and started to cook more stuff from white meats like turkey, chicken, fish, if you make pasta and use on the top of it instead of ground beef ground turkey and put the spices you wont even realize what you eat :) or most of the male doesn't :P
  • believetoachieve
    believetoachieve Posts: 675 Member
    Options
    Within reason. But sneaking around to change him without his consent is wrong.

    I lived with someone who was obese, in the end I needed to end the relationship, because his bad habits were going to kill him AND me. He was not going to change - had no desire or drive. Ultimately it came down to me accepting his lifestyle (and potentially falling into it), or moving on and being healthy for myself. Yes, I loved him. But that was a sinking ship and I bailed. Now I'm perfectly healthy and very athletic. Last I checked, he is now even heavier, unemployed and living with his family again.

    Point being: no, you shouldn't give up. But don't sneak around, and don't delude yourself into thinking that change might occur when it's likely that it won't. Your health (and sanity!) is the most important.
  • DKBelle
    DKBelle Posts: 585
    Options
    True it is not the nicest thing to do, but if you love that person:) !i It is only my opinion, and I say this only cause people can change, so he also might realize after if he looses some lbs that he feels better can move around with his kids and he might appreciate it. People usually deny things till they realize something bad happen to them.Everyone is different and live things differently, but there is a chance that it might work if not at least his partner would feel better herself that she tried everything and move on after. I would blame myself forever if I knew that I could have changed something, but never tried:))) BUT again everyone is different! Cheers :P
  • Pebble321
    Pebble321 Posts: 6,554 Member
    Options
    Unfortunately you can only control what is going into YOUR mouth - short of putting him in a headlock :smile: , you can't stop him eating a burger or other unhealthy stuff.

    What you can do is cook healthy family meals so you and the kids are eating well - but if he chooses something else I think the best option is just to let him do that. but don't talk about it. Nagging him is unlikely to help, sweettalking probably won't either - so my best suggestion is to lead by example. Don't talk about it with him, and make it not negotiable with the kids - this is what is for dinner. If they question what he eats, then the answer is that daddy is grown up so he gets to choose. They'll be able to choose when they are bigger, in the meantime you are cooking them yummy stuff! I would make an effort to cook stuff they'll like, and make sure you include some desserts and treats in small portions.

    I would wonder if there are all kinds of issues for him (scared that by you doing well, he will look worse etc), or maybe a need to feel in control of something, even if it is what he chooses to eat.
    Good luck!!
  • ValerieSW
    ValerieSW Posts: 32
    Options
    My BMI is currently 57. My OH tried and tried to get me to do something about my weight, but every time he tried to tell me I couldn't have something, it just made me more determined to have it. Something along the lines of feeling like 'I'm an adult and nobody can tell me I can't have something'. I had to change my own mentality before I could accept what I was doing to myself. I have the added problem that my husband is 9 years younger than me so I really need to get fit to keep up with him! I hate it that I'm holding him back because I can't do things that he wants to do. I'm also keeping myself back from doing things that I love, for instance just over the weekend I was saying to him that I'd love to go on a rollercoaster again, but right now it's something that I wouldn't be able to do. So basically, HE needs to come to the realisation that he is killing himself slowly, and he needs to make changes so that he will be there for you and for his children.
  • Sezmo83
    Sezmo83 Posts: 331 Member
    Options
    You can't force him to change, he's got to want to do it. Have you tried pointing out healthier alternatives of the things he does like to eat? Does he know the kids are picking up on his bad habits? It's a tough one. My dad is the same way and nothing is convincing him to lose weight. He has a ton of health problems from his weight but still carries on eating the way he does. My mum worries sick about it but there's not a lot she can do about it.

Categories