Eating Disorder Frustrations

First of congratulations for taking that step to recovery I know it is hard trust me. But now you need to look at the BIG picture....you know this casues damage to your body beyond what you can see and know. Therapy is good...loosing body parts is not. And I know I don't need to tell you anything you don't already know. Stick with this site, continue therapy if you can, and take one day at a time. You can do this the right way...instant gratification is just that instant.....best wishes to you!!!

:flowerforyou:

dd

You know how many calories a day you should eat so try to make sure you eat all of them. Easier said than done but if you record them faithfully then you know when you are cheating. Just like when we cheat and eat too much. If you record it then you cannot lie to yourself.

:flowerforyou: welcome.

I can relate to you on many ways as a former model and former fitness model in a world where back in my day (the 90's) you could be considered fat at a size 5 and a 23 inch waist and told to loose 10 lbs!
But I digress... That said, toss the scale. Instead get you a pair or GOAL pants or dress or whatever. Then also buy the next size down and use those as your guideline every month. So you never get smaller than your goal and you can also track that you are losing weight but are not a slave to the scale. My biggest fear is going back to my own obsessive exercise which now they say is also a form of anorexia or just keeping myself so busy I didn't have/make time to eat.
Plus you have to love your curves. They will be gone soon enough. and if you are planning on becoming preggos, get some therapy or a support group. You don't ever want to htink of the wonderful and unique changes your body will make as a Mommy to be as anything but BEAUTIFUL. Not fat but wonderful and perfect for the way God needs you to be to have a lovely healthy little baby. Pregnancy has a lot of worries but weight gain should not be one. Who wants to look like Nicole Richie pregnant. That was just scary and so sad. Have fun and good luck and have fun making those babies. That burns a lot of calories too!:devil: :blushing:

:happy: I thougt i was the only one going threw that i had lost all the way down to 200 and i started back eating and now am at 303 what do i do with out getting sick and starving my self cause its not healthy.

As of right now, by medical standards im not anorexic, but that is the lifestyle i've had for a little less than a year, with strange eating patterns my whole life, and i cant get out of it. Im losing more weight, and my family is worried about me. But I just cant bring myself to eat more than 250 calories a day, and when i eat that much, sometimes i just end up purging it. I HATE when people jokingly say "ohh i ate too much, I better go purge" then they laugh. Because in reality, girls with that problem (that i have sometimes) we cant help it, we hate to do it, but we have to do it. And we feel like crap afterwards. The little food i had yesterday, i threw up, and it made me so weak that i fell asleep for two hours afterward. I felt too weak when i woke up, i didnt want to move. I cant sleep. I have to weight myself all the time.
I've caught myself thinking one more than one ocassion; this is pointless, its just food, its not going to hurt you. Where are you going with this anyway? then Im also thinking; DO you want to get fat? Do you want to go up a jean size, and watch your legs accumilate more filth? Do you want to feel full all the time and have your period?
It's a love hate relationship i guess? thats an understatement. I feel worse about consuming 100 calories all at once than I do failing a test.
Sorry for the autobiogrophy.
I guess im just saying, I deal with it by starving myself more, and letting it get worse, and let it control me. I cant get over it.

I didn't go the anorexic route; try bullimia . . .

Luckily, I was seventeen and still living at home, eventually my parents caught me and made it too difficult for me to hide it, and I stopped.

Since then, I've realized that I'm not the only woman in my family whose dealt with this: my aunts, my sister, and my cousin all have had a some form of eating disorder.

Even though I know how badly I hurt my body, I STILL struggle on my "fat days" to keep from shoving a finger down my throat. I would agree that you never really recover from an eating disorder; you are always recovering, just as a former alcoholic is always recovering. HOWEVER, don't let it get you down. If I'm feeling like I need to puke up all the food I've binged on (yes, sometimes I still binge; I've taken the purge step out, and it's one step at a time, right?), I remind myself that one off day won't make me swell up like a balloon and just to stick to my normal healthy eating plan the next day. And actually, for me, the calorie counting really helps - it puts things into perspective to realize that even if I've gone over my diet, I've probably just eaten the right amount of calories to maintain my weight. Of course, if it gets REALLY bad and I desperately want to purge, I tell my fiance about how I'm feeling and he helps talk me out of it. Keep letting that boyfriend of yours help you out; it sounds like he's doing a great job.

Finally, I totally understand what you mean about not feeling comfortable eating the "extra" calories you've earned through exercise. I really have to work to convince myself that it's okay to eat more than the minimum calories recommended for a day when I don't exercise, because that crazy bulimic part of me starts to freak out and tell me I'll never lose the weight if I eat more than 1200 calories. If your eating disorder ever gets like that and tries to mess with your head, just tell it to SHUT UP. You're beautiful, period, no matter your size.

Best of luck, and congratulations on being healthy!