Feeling kind of low...

I'm on my 2nd week of the 2nd phase of Insanity. I've been getting up early and getting the workout in before work each morning. But today, I just couldn't do it. I'm so tired.

Maybe it's a pre-menstrual thing. But physically and emotionally, I'm just beat right now. I feel guilty about everything I eat - and the more I try to restrict, the worse I am when I venture off into things I shouldn't be having.

I'm not in bad shape. I suppose I couldn't be if I've got this far into Insanity. (5'-5", 123lbs -- up 2 pounds from last week) My goal is to get down to 116. But I'm hovering at about the same place even though I'm killing on the workouts. It just makes me wonder, thinking ahead, if I want to get to where I want to be - AND STAY THERE - am I always going to have to be pushing this hard? And if I can't keep the pace, it's like all the work right now is for nothing. And I'm just plain going to hate myself.

Sorry to be such a downer on a Monday morning - but maybe if I get this out - I'll clear my head enough to push forward.

I'll do the workout this evening when I get home. Maybe it'll be good to change up the time. Even though mornings are hard for me I haven't missed a day in the 6 weeks I've been on the program so far. I won't start now.

As far as food - that's an ongoing battle. I have to eat to do the workouts - and maybe I'm not eating enough. But I've got some historical issues with food that I need to resolve.

Once upon a time, if I wanted something 'bad' - I'd have it and just not have anything else the rest of the day. I'm also trying to break out of habitual grazing. I realized that I was never really sure how much I was taking in because I was nibbling and pinching and not ever having real meals.

It also sucks that I feel like I can't date or go out with friends/family because I can't in good conscience eat the things that are served in most places. Yes - I know I could do salad - but it still feels like punishment that's most easily avoided by not going out and watching others enjoy things I can't have.

I want to feel strong, fit, and healthy - but not constantly deprived and tired. If anyone has any suggestions to offer, I'd appreciate it.

Thanks - T.