ladies I need some encouragement after miscarriage

tmdugger
tmdugger Posts: 132 Member
edited September 26 in Motivation and Support
I have been eating poorly for the past 5 days, bed rest for 3 days...and I have no motivation to get back on track. I began having symptoms of a miscarriage on thursday, but I had an iud thought nothing of it til my iud came out and more and more symptoms....drs say I could have been a couple months along. I feel so guilty for not even suspecting. I'm really depressed and all I've done for several days now is sleep and watch television. My husband doesn't want to sadden our family, but I just don't know who to talk to about it. I know I'm not alone...I tried searching the threads for miscarriage, but I got overwhelmed by the pages of results.

Replies

  • steph1278
    steph1278 Posts: 483 Member
    Sorry for your loss. I have been where you are and it sucks, but you have to let your feelings out. Holding it in is not helpful to anyone. And don't blame yourself. Miscarriages unfortunately happen, but it wasn't because of anything you did or didn't do. Hang in there. It will get better.
  • 3ur3ka
    3ur3ka Posts: 230 Member
    I'm so sorry! I've had 2 miscarriages.. If you want to talk about it, feel free to add and pm me. It's hard, but you'll get through it, hon.
  • MJKing2
    MJKing2 Posts: 177
    I can't even imagine what you are feeling right now. I am so sorry for your loss and I agree that you need to get your feelings out. We are here for you if you need us. If you would like to friend me please feel free. I do have 2 children of my own and I cannot imagine what you must be going through.
  • Jamiemielke
    Jamiemielke Posts: 40 Member
    I am so sorry for your loss. I have never gone threw that, but I can imagine how it feels..Just remember how far you have come with your weight loss. You will get back on track when you are ready..Good luck

    sw..252
    cw:213
    gw:160
  • phassie
    phassie Posts: 14
    I am really sorry for your loss. I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts. And I really hope all will work out in the long run to fulfill your dreams for the future. :flowerforyou:
  • Shannoncore
    Shannoncore Posts: 135
    I have been there too i lost one at 20 weeks back in Dec of 2009 and it really sucks. exercise really helped me pick my self up. it gave me goals again. and it got me healthy again both mentally and physically so we could try again.
  • sassylilmama
    sassylilmama Posts: 1,493 Member
    I went through the exact same situation. Like you never suspected since I had the iud. I had a really hard time as well, you need to find someone to talk to about it. Let yourself grieve.
  • eed_bookworm
    eed_bookworm Posts: 58
    **hugs** That is hard to take. I'm sorry for your loss. You need to take your time to grieve and to realize it is not your fault. With IUD in, the pregnancy should not have started and there probably is no way to remove an IUD to save a pregnancy that has begun. :frown: I hope you feel better soon.
  • angp7711
    angp7711 Posts: 324 Member
    I just wanted send you a hug. I k ow that there isnt anything that I can say that will make you feel any better but I thought I would pass along my story. My first pg was a miscarriage and I got pregnant while on birth control. Eventhough it wasn't planned it didn't make the loss any less. Take some time to pamper yourself and yes allow yourself to grieve. Sometimes having something else to obsess about helps. Maybe you put some serious focus on taking care and loving your body.

    Hugs
    Ang
  • Bridge_CG
    Bridge_CG Posts: 429 Member
    I am so sorry for your loss. I couldn't imagine your pain. My sister-in-law had three miscarriages before she had Tristan, now a wonderful thriving 3 year old- and Logan now a tank of a 5 month old.

    It will get better. Your heart will heal with time. It's a child you loss, and like I said before, I couldn't imagine how you're feeling. Don't blame yourself.

    If you need anything you can add me as a friend and we can have chats.
  • lindsschou
    lindsschou Posts: 24
    so sorry for your loss.
  • bethrs
    bethrs Posts: 664 Member
    I think this has to be one of the most difficult losses. It's hard to talk about and other people usually don't know what to say or may say the wrong thing. I am so sorry that this is happening to you. I know it's hard not to feel guilty, but I promise you did nothing wrong here. Think of the person how you can usually count on and think about telling them. Friends and family are there to share our burdens, not be protected from them.

    If you don't have someone in mind, you might want to consider talking to a counselor or a clergy member, or even a support group. There are people out there who can understand and support you through this. This is a truly tough time, try to forgive yourself for your grief and for taking as much "you time" as you need. Take care of yourself and try to do the things that make you feel healthy and at peace. Feel free to friend me if you like.

    Again, I am so so sorry.
  • NicolCook
    NicolCook Posts: 489 Member
    Have been in the same boat as you. It was the hardest thing I have ever experienced in my life. I was an emotional wreck. :cry:

    I say, let yourself grieve. It is natural and necessary.

    Know that you are not the cause, you are not responsible......just remember you do still have to take care of yourself and get some exercise when you can.

    I am so sorry for your loss and i hope you can gain some happiness soon.

    (((((HUGS)))))
  • spcopps
    spcopps Posts: 283
    I have also been in your shoes. My first was 8 years ago before I had my oldest daughter. 4 years ago I had an etopic pregnancy which resulted in a DNC. The etopic pregnancy was actually a twin pregnancy and I had to abort the egg than implanted in the fetus because the other was in the tube and they couldn't remove the "un normal egg" without removing the "normal" egg. A year after this one I got prego again...and again with twins and had another perfect pregnancy. It is hard and a lot of people will say "at least it happened early" or "at least they weren't born then died" but it still felt like a death to me, regardless of when it happened. Remember it is OK to grieve because regardless of rather you KNEW you were pregnant before or not, you KNOW now and it is a loss. I hate to say this but if you want to talk to family about this I would have to go over my DHs head and talk to them. Maybe HE doesn't want to burden them with this but maybe YOU need to be comforted by family. I don't know anyone in my family who would have rather me NOT told them and it's not fair of your DH to want you to mourn your loss by yourself. that's what family is for!! I'm not sure if you want children in the future or not but look at my history and if you do you can see that it can still happen.
  • Irene8509
    Irene8509 Posts: 381 Member
    I can't even imagine how you feel right now. There are many different stages you will go through in your loss and I am afraid you must go through them in order to heal. Saddness, anger, frustration, fear and yes even peace. Know that time is the thread that brings about understanding. You are in my thoughts. Take care of yourself.
  • Asomething
    Asomething Posts: 61 Member
    Ditto sotting.
    Let it out & be sad & cry. Let go of the guilt, I know you can't help feeling it but this is NOT your fault!! Hugs to you!!
  • adalton6
    adalton6 Posts: 204 Member
    So sorry for your loss sweetie! I can not imagine the pain you are in. I have never been through that but I am here for you if you want to talk. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Let yourself greive and not hold it in. I find it helpful if I have gone through something I cannot find the right person to talk to is write it all out!! It will get easier with time but take it easy for a little. You will know when the time has come to go back to things!
  • 1southernchick
    1southernchick Posts: 301 Member
    Sent you a message sweetie!
  • steph6467
    steph6467 Posts: 54 Member
    Oh, I'm so sorry. I lost a baby to miscarriage 7 years ago. It hurts very badly in the beginning. There is nothing you could have done differently and even if you didn't have an IUD you may have miscarried anyway. Please allow yourself to grieve, it's completely natural and understandable. I think you should definitely tell close friends and/or family members who have shown themselves to be compassionate and loving in the past.

    As far as your fitness goes, treat yourself kindly. Feed yourself nourishing and healthy foods. Your body and heart needs to heal. No need for vigorous exercise right now, Take walks if you can, or maybe some gentle yoga?

    It does get better, but it takes time. There are some great books on miscarriage that were very helpful and comforting to me when I was going through my loss. Take it easy and be good to yourself.
  • suzooz
    suzooz Posts: 720 Member
    I am so sorry for your loss -- I cannot imagine what you must be going through. I am saying a prayer for you and for your family.

    God Bless -- and feel free to contact me if you want to chat.
  • IdaBetances
    IdaBetances Posts: 79 Member
    I am so sorry for your loss. We are here to support you. My sister had a miscarriage about a year ago. And last Friday she had the beautiful girl on my profile pic. I love this quote because it's just perfect : "Tears are God’s gift to us.  Our holy water.  They heal us as they flow." So cry all you need to cry, we will be the shoulder you need in this difficult moment. Then come back strong!!!
  • janemartin02
    janemartin02 Posts: 2,653 Member
    sorry for your loss.Give yourself time to grieve.There`s lots of support here.take care of yourself.
    jane
  • maserati185
    maserati185 Posts: 263 Member
    **big hug** My gosh. I noticed you mentioning blood loss a couple days ago but I had no idea. You did not do ANYthing wrong. I'm not just saying that to be nice. Try to not think that way because women who KNOW they are pregnant can easily miscarry. It's pretty common in the first 3 months. It is okay to cry and feel down. This is a major thing to have experienced. Maybe you could talk to your husband and reconsider talking to family. It might be something positive for you to have their support. ? You definitely need some love and support and strength from others right now.
  • liveinbliss
    liveinbliss Posts: 108 Member
    I am truly sorry for your loss! Having had two miscarriages of my own I understand the guilt and regret that goes along with it. You really do need to give yourself time to mourn and heal. Getting back into the swing of exercise should be done only when you feel ready. Take care of yourself first and foremost. If you start to feel like you want to do something, some nice walks will keep you active without straining yourself. feel free to message me or friend me if you would like someone else in your support system.
  • KansasGal
    KansasGal Posts: 268 Member
    I had a miscarriage when I was three month along. It is a hard thing. For the first week after it actually happened I didn't want to do anything. I took the week off of work and stayed home and was an emotional wreck. It has been four years and I still get emotional thinking about it. The pain doesn't ever completely go away it just gets easier to deal with.

    No one can tell you how to get over it and what to do. You have to make those decisions. If you do not deal with it then it will make it even harder day to day.

    Give it time and soon you will be able to go out and continue your day to day. Grieving it is a healthy process. Don't give up! Start slowly with going out with friends.

    Good luck!
  • annkavalam
    annkavalam Posts: 2
    Hey peeps, been looking for a forum on this topic. I've lost 5 babies over the last year and half and have pile don weight with every pregnancy. Just lost the last one a coupel fo weeks ago and have decided I want to get back into shape and fight the depression. Would love to hear how people have coped..
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