Talk to your kids!

MissGeorgiaPeachy · April 2011

I'm sure many of you have had discussions with your children about health and nutrition and why it's important to eat healthy and exercise, etc... but please make sure to talk to them about how everyone is different and not to make fun of anyone who may be larger or smaller than them, even if it is unprovoked and don't even joke about YOUR body because your self-image also rubs off on them and they think it's not acceptable to look like you.

Yesterday I overheard my four year-old nephew telling the little girl across the street who can't be much older than 8 years old... "You have a BIG BELLY!" (she was in a two piece bathing suit) and you could just see the hurt all over her little face. It took me way back to elementary and high school and he and I had a looooong, agonizing (for him) discussion about other people's feelings and how it is hurtful when you point out their differences.

I don't think he meant to hurt her feelings because he's not that type of child. I don't think he understood what he was saying (He does now!)... I think he was just repeating what he hears his parents and grandparents saying. His parents are both overweight and I'm sure they talk about their own bellies or jokingly make comments to their kids after dinner about theirs. Actually, his mother calls his father "fat" all the time and thinks it's funny. It's not. It's teaching them that it's ok to make fun of others and that is NOT ok.

I'm sorry if this wasn't a well thought-out post... I wanted to post quickly and get it off my chest!

Mistykelly · April 2011

I get what you are saying! It is important to talk to them while they are young! Not only help them on not hurting others but help them be healthy.

Msaip · April 2011

My sister in law is 9 and she makes remarks that im fat or i have a belly. She calls her brother fat too. one of these days imma rip her pudgy butt off the couch! I aint the only one with a belly!

kayemme · April 2011

did anyone talk to the girl about self-esteem?

greeneyed84 · April 2011

Oh yeah, kids are very perceptive. If they see adults doing it they will think it's ok. I have a son and 2 daughters. I tell them everyday how beautiful and great and smart they are.
I do not talk about my weight in front of them and i show them to eat healthy by eating healthy myself.
I also have talk with them about people, that everyone is different and beautiful in their own way. It's hard but i know it's the right thing.
I want them to be kind to other people.
The other day my son's classmate (he's 5), a girl, was talking to him and i guess he doesn't like her much so he said "you're not my friend". I was shocked! I told him, it's ok, not everyone can be your friend but you have to be nice to people regardless.

JMJohnson1005 · April 2011

I am glad you heard him say this and were able to talk to him about it!

concordancia · April 2011

did anyone talk to the girl about self-esteem?

I agree - it may be rude to point out other people's differences, but we should each be proud of our own differences!

Kids, especially around pre-school and kindergarten are still observing the world and it is healthy for them to notice differences. It is not healthy for them to start judging people for their differences.

Codepink · April 2011

Its crazy what kids get into there heads these days. I would toss my tv, but I'm totally addicted to the food network. My step-daughter is 5 and she is constantly spouting stuff from her other home. I'm terrified of the affect it will have on my little one. She thinks that high heels are sexy and that brown hair is not as good as blonde. (I'm a natural brunette....) I try to talk to her but its hard.
I hope you helped your nephew, and I hope I can keep up with your example!

*Good vibes* for you!

fitmom4ever · April 2011

I just had this happen yesterday at the playground with my 3 yr old daughter. She asked me right in front of another little 4 yr old girl "Why is her tummy so fat?" I was so shocked at her words and the hurt they could cause that my first reaction was just "Rachel! That's not nice to say!" Thank goodness a nice grandmother was nearby and heard and explained to her that everyone's body is built differently and that's just how we are made, there's nothing wrong with having differences, they are what make us special. Later on last night, after I had recovered from the shock and embarrasment, I had a longer discussion with her about other people's feelings and how we need to be careful with what we say.
Kids her age don't mean to be hurtful, and have no clue that what they say can cause so many problems in the long run with self-esteem, etc. But I agree, it is important to talk to them and teach them about all sorts of differences and tolerance of other's differences.

rfcollins33 · April 2011

Way to go, Mama! Sounds like you took control of that situation! Nice job. I know how it feels as well and do not want my son to be the taunter or the tauntee! Thanks for sharing!!

MissGeorgiaPeachy · April 2011

did anyone talk to the girl about self-esteem?

No, unfortunately I was the only one who heard it. I made him apologize to her, but I don't know her parents well enough to talk to them about what happened. I can only hope that she went home and told them about it and they talked to her. It's tricky talking to someone without overstepping your boundaries.

ican♥and♥iwill · April 2011

I talk with my daughter, who is 5, about this all the time. She knows we are all made differently, tall or short, round or lean, bu regardless of how we're made, we're all beautiful and special in our own way.

I do it, not so only so that she doesn't hurt someone else's feeling, but so that she can accept and love her body the way it is.

I've always been a chubby girl, unfortuntely my daughter has the same physique. But she knows her round belly doesn't make her less beautiful than someone who doesn't have a belly. She also know I work out regularly to be healthy - not necessarily to be skinny - but HEALTHY.

I understand your post 100% and I know exactly where your words are coming from. Kudos to you for talking to your little man.

runnermel · April 2011

I so can relate. I was asked this past weekend by a 5 yr old if I was pregnant as she touched my belly. I just smiled and said "no" and then she responded with "oh....so you have just been eating a lot lately huh!" I nearly died. her response told me she understood exactly what she was saying. so, I mentioned it to her mom, in a very friendly way, told her I didn't want the little girl to get in trouble (mine would have been in trouble for sure!) but that I thought she might want to know what happened so she could talk to her.

welll--the mothers repsonse was priceless. she just laughed and said, "she she says that to people all the time. She loves to touch people's bellies and ask them that". wth?????? and there is the problem.......I was just stunned. then, the mom begins telling everyone else at softball fields the rest of the day about it so that everyone could notice my belly. talk about a long day!!

my poor daughter got a good reminder about these things on the way home.

JPayne53 · April 2011

This touched me in a tremendous way.. my daughter is very large for her age, she is 17 months and according to the doctor she's as big as a large 3 year old.. his words were and I quote mind you "she's huge".. broke my heart to a million pieces, I hurt for her even though she is not able to understand anything about it at this point... Everyone IS different, she is not an unhealthy child in terms of obesity... yes she IS overweight according to "charts" for other children her age, but when you put her height into play, she is an average healthy little girl.. Understanding the parents is also key.. her father is 6'3" and 250 lbs. he is not overweight and works out consistently... She has her daddy's genes!

MissGeorgiaPeachy · April 2011

welll--the mothers repsonse was priceless. she just laughed and said, "she she says that to people all the time. She loves to touch people's bellies and ask them that". wth?????? and there is the problem.......I was just stunned. then, the mom begins telling everyone else at softball fields the rest of the day about it so that everyone could notice my belly. talk about a long day!!

What a horrible person! After the first time the child should have been told that is NOT ok! It's not funny at all! That just proves my point right there. She thought it was funny so her kid thinks it's funny and does it for the attention. I'm sorry you had to go through that!

abundy81 · April 2011

I hear these things too. I teach elementary PE, and I have kids say things like that sometimes. I always remind them of my "Be Kind" rule and explain how everyone is different in different ways. Sometimes I even hear kids say that about themselves! Especially right now while I am doing the required Presidential Challenge Physical Fitness tests. I have kids ask me if they did well with a test and I usually just tell them that if they did their best, then they did well for THEM. When I first started teaching, I would measure height and weight of the students before the test (always individually, and away from others). Now I believe that job is unnecessary for me and if a kid is over weight or even under weight, they don't need me to tell them, they already know.

concordancia · April 2011

I hear these things too. I teach elementary PE, and I have kids say things like that sometimes. I always remind them of my "Be Kind" rule and explain how everyone is different in different ways. Sometimes I even hear kids say that about themselves! Especially right now while I am doing the required Presidential Challenge Physical Fitness tests. I have kids ask me if they did well with a test and I usually just tell them that if they did their best, then they did well for THEM. When I first started teaching, I would measure height and weight of the students before the test (always individually, and away from others). Now I believe that job is unnecessary for me and if a kid is over weight or even under weight, they don't need me to tell them, they already know.

Kids don't necessarily need to know how they compare to others, but they do need the facts. And some of them may need a reality check on the under/over weight even (I would be more concerned about that in middle school, though). Being kind and supportive does *not* mean sheltering them from information! Do you have this information from the previous year? You could let them see how much stronger they are (and if an elementary child isn't stronger than the year before, I would think that would be an issue), rather than comparing them to other students.

abundy81 · April 2011

I do not compare the kids to each other. I do though have to compare them to the national and state standards and to the President's Challenge Standards. They usually end up comparing themselves to each other on their own. I test the kids twice a year and all the scores go on a card that stays with them all four years. They love seeing how they have improved from year to year.

concordancia · April 2011

Oh, that is different from what I understood from your first post. Sorry.

kamk16 · April 2011

I do child care in my home so am around 6-8, 3 and 4 year olds everyday. I don't believe he said it in the meaning of she was fat or looked bad he is four he probably was just noticing and pointing it out kids that age don't realize until we teach them that it hurts people's feelings to say things like that. I know I have heard the you're not my friend here at times and we try to use it as a learning experience. Glad you could talk to him about it. Like someone else said it would be nice to to be able to say something to the girl trying to aleveate some of her hurt feelings.

kdouglas11 · April 2011

What concerns me with most of these posts is that we are not taking into account the feelings of the child who has asked the 'unacceptable question' or had an 'unacceptable comment' When you scold a child, you are diminishing his self esteem and his curiousity.

Instead of saying something like 'that's not nice!' we should focus on the differences and celebrate them. 'Yes, her belly is different than yours, isn't it great the God makes us all differently. I think she is beautiful!' That way you address the child's curiousity, don't harm his self esteem or squash his curiousity, and you build the self-esteem of the child the curiosity was directed towards.

Remember it's nature for children to be curious and to point out differences. Yes, sometimes it can be hurtful but handled correctly, both children can come out of the situation feeling good, and understanding social rules.

concordancia · April 2011

What concerns me with most of these posts is that we are not taking into account the feelings of the child who has asked the 'unacceptable question' or had an 'unacceptable comment' When you scold a child, you are diminishing his self esteem and his curiousity.

Instead of saying something like 'that's not nice!' we should focus on the differences and celebrate them. 'Yes, her belly is different than yours, isn't it great the God makes us all differently. I think she is beautiful!' That way you address the child's curiousity, don't harm his self esteem or squash his curiousity, and you build the self-esteem of the child the curiosity was directed towards.

Remember it's nature for children to be curious and to point out differences. Yes, sometimes it can be hurtful but handled correctly, both children can come out of the situation feeling good, and understanding social rules.

Thank you - your post address my issues with some of the responses. I think we still need to talk to children about what and when comments are appropriate, but without passing on our own insecurities.

Talk to your kids!

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