Question about wedding etiquette

Juliebean_1027 · April 2011

I am the maid of honor for my best friend's wedding and had originally thought it was my responsibility to foot the entire bill for both the bachelorette party and bridal shower. This wasn't a HUGE deal but I am a graduate student so I'm not exactly made of money. I have since read (in the bridesmaids handbook that the bride-to-be gave to me) that this is something that the entire bridal party is supposed to share. The problem with this is that one of the bridesmaids lives out of state and won't be attending the bachelorette party, and the bride's sister (and matron of honor) won't be attending the bachelorette party either. Is it still okay to ask them to chip in for the cost(s) even though they won't be attending? Just looking for thoughts/opinions from anyone who has been in this situation before. Thanks! :flowerforyou:

RaeN81 · April 2011

I think it might be better to ask those that are attending the bachelorette to chip in/help with costs. As for the bridal shower--if they are coming and helping with the planning it is more than appropriate to split the cost.

jmyers1230 · April 2011

Since there's you as the maid of honor and also the bride's sister as matron of honor, what if you paid for most of the bachelorette party (since the matron of honor won't be attending) and the matron of honor can be in charge of the bridal shower. I don't know if the girls who can't attend the bachelorette party should chip in for that, but you shouldn't be the one footing the bill for both the bachelorette party and bridal shower.

Dippydog · April 2011

My opinion is that if they can't attend, then they should not have to chip in, but if they change their minds and decide to attend, then definately. But......it won't hurt to ask. Good luck.

rklein88 · April 2011

I had everyone who was attending help pay, and the girl who did not attend offered to pay her share, so actually everyone ended up paying. If some people are not going, I would tell them they are not obligated to help, but anything they can help with would be appreciated. Even if they pay less, it will help with overall costs, and that way they can choose not to help if they don't feel they should have to.

CarterGrt · April 2011

People are very different in their attitudes to money. I have done a few bachelor parties. Some people want to pitch in and some don't. I don't think there is any harm in letting everybody know (attending or not) that you are planning the bachelorette party and want to get an idea how much budget you have to work with. Please let me know if you plan to contribute to the night and how much you feel comfortable with.

This way, you get a sense of what you are working with in advance. You might not hear from the non-attendees, which I suppose is fine. One of my friends dads actually gave me a nice wad of cash and he wasn't even going. You just never know.

Good Luck!!! I am sure that if you position it gently, you won't get any flack.

--Carter

TiniTurtle · April 2011

i've been a bridesmaid a few times & will be a MOH for the first time soon & the MOH usually communicates with the bridesmaids about finances so it isn't an unreasonable bill for anyone. ♥ if a girl tells you she really can't afford it though, be understanding. when i was 20 & still in my undergrad & unemployed i was asked to fork over $400 toward a shower & when i said i really couldn't ask my mom to pay that because i was unemployed & had no way to come up with that kind of cash, she asked me not to come to the shower at all. evil MOH baha

) so yeah, communication helps & i'm sure they'll be happy to help you plan these events if you want the help too! & the out of town bridesmaid might want to make the trip to be involved, i always have! good luck & have fun!!!

kianaik · April 2011

For the bachelorette party, probably most of the girls attending will help with costs regardless of whether they are in the bridal party or not.

Juliebean_1027 · April 2011

For the bachelorette party, probably most of the girls attending will help with costs regardless of whether they are in the bridal party or not.

That's kind of what I was thinking since that's how it has been for all of the bachelorette parties that I've attended, but most of the responses I've gotten (from here and from a wedding website) have basically said that it's up to me and the other bridesmaid to pay if the others don't attend. I'm just kind of shocked that it's acceptable for bridesmaids (and specifically the MOH) to just not attend things like this. But that's just me!

brendac72 · April 2011

This just my opinion and what has happened for my wedding & others I have been in. The shower was always thrown by the mother or both mothers and the bridal party pitched in for things and the bachlorette party was the maid of honor but in my case my sister had the party at her house supplied food, drinks, games, and when we went to the bars afterwards everyone who was invited and went split the cost of the limo and all thru in money for a kiddy(or whip) to drink with all night. I think all the bridesmaids should offer to give something whether theyre going or not.

Juliebean_1027 · April 2011

Thanks everybody! I made the mistake of posing this question on a wedding website... I should have known better! My MFP family is MUCH more supportive and helpful! Thanks for all of the opinions and advice! :flowerforyou:

Question about wedding etiquette

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