fer eff sakes

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funky_stripes
funky_stripes Posts: 119 Member
in Chit-Chat
frick! my stupid effing fiance once again has left me home alone on a saturday night. i have told him multiple times in these past few months that i am over the stupid bar scene and that i dont want to be with someone who just wants to drink every other weekend. im so sick of this.
he goes out, tells me oh im just going fer a few drinks ill be home soon, next thing ya kno, hes not answering his texts, phonecalls er anything, i wont see or hear from him till he gets home at 3 in the morning, meanwhile i sit here watching the clock pissed off fer doing it again and again. then in the morning, he doesnt think anythings wrong....i have to pretty much beg for an apology, once i took off the next day pretty much all day just to the gym n what not and he finally got worried about me fer once and was calling, where are you im sorry bla bla bla. i always fall for this im sorry bull****, im done, u mean too much to me, bla bla bla. so what does he do, the next weekend he stays in, so he tricks me. cuz the very next weekend, hes out again.
ugh!
i tell him everytime, once more, and im done. pack ur fukin **** i dont care anymore, im sick of it. and really i am, i texted him awhile ago and said my family coming tomorrow, u can just go somewhere else, pack ur ****, of coarse no answer. we both live with my parents saving fer a house, so he just is buddy buddy with them and make me look like the bad guy, oh let him go out, i dont want to be with someone whos into drinking like that, im over it, i want more in my life, i sit here on the computer fer frikin how many hours all night crying, and EATING. i stuff my fat face cuz im so pissed and upset my hands need to be moving, which is why i started this rant, keep my hands busy so i dont eat anymroe, doubt that'll happen. i think i needa go get a new pack of smokes, so i can smoke my night away instead, im already over how much on my calories and its only 9:30. i wish i could do something to keep me, busy. sorry just ranting.

Replies

  • juliapurpletoes
    juliapurpletoes Posts: 951 Member
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    Move on!
  • cobracars
    cobracars Posts: 949 Member
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    The danger of ranting online is that someone might respond..:laugh:

    I think you've grown, he hasn't.
    Its good he's your fiance and not your husband.
    Life is not a dress rehearsal, make sure you are compatible with him to spend the rest of your life with you sitting at home while he goes out to bars.
    If you don't like that vision of the rest of your life, now is the time to change it. That's brutal, but its the way you made it sound.
    Don't get so wrapped up in wanting a wedding that you lose sight of the marriage that follows.

    By the way, I'm 51 and married for 26 years. My first, her second. Her first was a huge wedding with tons of people. Didn't last. Our marriage was done on a Friday afternoon in a courthouse and she says she is happier than ever in her life.

    Also, You are responsible for you. He is responsible for him. Its not his place to constantly check up on you, and likewise its not your place to checkup on him. I know if I was out somewhere and someone was sending me multiple texts and messages I would think that person is too needy, not comfortable with themselves as a person, and too high maintenance.

    My sister seems to be constantly disappointed that she gets no support from the people in her life to help her achieve her goals. That's because they are HER goals, not everyone else's. If you have a goal that requires my participation in order for you to acheive it, that's not really a goal, that's just trying to use someone else to get what you want.

    You have the ability to be strong, you don't need to wait for him to make you whole. Live your life to its fullest, and if he wants to come along for the ride let him.
  • jesster64
    jesster64 Posts: 109
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    sorry, but why are you angry he is out having fun? Why are you texting him and calling him? You know where he's at. Why the need to call/text him? Go out with your friends. go to a movie. have some fun too. You both are young, get out and enjoy life. Why are you mad he's having a good time. Its not his fault if you don't want to.
  • anewattitude
    anewattitude Posts: 483 Member
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    Can you see yourself the next 30 or more years with this guy???? You are too young for this crap and smoking is not going to solve anything and will ruin your health .Is he worth that?. If you want to distract yourself go for a power walk. The exercise and fresh air will help clear your head.

    hope things get better
  • funky_stripes
    funky_stripes Posts: 119 Member
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    thanx fer the support. i guess ill just wait until tomorrow to "talk about things" once again...like every other time. he just convinces me every time that, thats not what he wants either, he just wants to go out once n awhile and have fun, which is fine, if it was once in awhile but seems like its all the time. or like why cant he just go fer a couple drinks like he tells me, that'd be fine, but not replying to me fer, lets see...7 hours now thats just retarded. like i wouldnt mind going out and having supper n drinks once in awhile, but going to the bars and getting retarded drunk, just seems like that is what 19 yr olds do...not a 25 yr old when we are supposed to be moving forward, saving for a house and then a wedding and kids...like im ready to move forward. not stay stuck here, in one spot. i dont need it, and id rather be alone then being unhappy
  • lady_daraine
    lady_daraine Posts: 61
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    Oh honey. I get it, I really do. I've been engaged once before this (I'm getting married in 2013) and I have to say, if this is important to you, you need to make a decision. If you don't want him to drink, and he won't change, you need to figure out how important it is to you to be with someone who doesn't drink. Do you want this for the rest of your life? You can't make him change. All you can do is take care of you. If he doesn't want to stop, you need to decide what YOU are going to do about it. If it's important enough to you, leave him. If you love him so much you can't, go intervention-style on him. From your rant, you've grown up and you both used to party like this. The problem with starting a relationship with partying is that if one of you grows up, the other might not.
    If he won't stop, are you leaving? You need to decide now before you guys are married. It's much easier to give back one ring than two, as my mother says. And don't just say "yes" to yourself - tell him, and set a "stop-by" date. If he doesn't stick to it, you go and kick his butt out. You need to take care of yourself above all others.

    Lastly - drop those cigarettes! It's not worth it to kill yourself slowly, by eating or smoking! Go out for a walk, clean your place up, take a bath - you can do a lot of other things. Find another way to occupy yourself while you think this out.
  • jesster64
    jesster64 Posts: 109
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    You're 25, the whole worlds ahead of you. Don't sweat the small stuff. Once you own the house and have the kids, the bar scene is over. You do everything for your kids and there's always something to do around the house. I'm 46, married 20 years. I'm happy because I got all that bar stuff out of the way years ago. I was ready to settle down. Go out and enjoy yourselves. Enjoy being 25, time goes by so fast.
  • funky_stripes
    funky_stripes Posts: 119 Member
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    lol i smoke anyways, but ur right i should be able to find something else to occupy my time, which is why i sit on this site, reading message boards and blogs all night lol, for inspiration and to keep me busy. its too cold out fer a walk right now lol i already did a pilates video. which i also wish there was just a chatroom on here to get to know my friends and whatnot.
  • funky_stripes
    funky_stripes Posts: 119 Member
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    im only 22, hes 25. lol. well if he was here i would tell him, hey lets go bowling, or to a movie er something...but nope, and im ready for the next step, i just dont know if he really is or not, he says one thing and does another....
  • jesster64
    jesster64 Posts: 109
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    your happiness should not be dependant on anyone else. Do what you want to do. Do what makes you happy.
  • anewattitude
    anewattitude Posts: 483 Member
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    lol i smoke anyways, but ur right i should be able to find something else to occupy my time, which is why i sit on this site, reading message boards and blogs all night lol, for inspiration and to keep me busy. its too cold out fer a walk right now lol i already did a pilates video. which i also wish there was just a chatroom on here to get to know my friends and whatnot.



    if its too cold outside for a walk do some push-ups! It will get your heart rate up and you will feel stronger because it works your muscles. Then you will have enough strength to push him out the door! lol...k.... kidding.. but seriously doing something heart pumping will help elevate your mood. Pilates is goo too though but it sounds like you need more at the moment. Hope it all works out for you!
  • NoAdditives
    NoAdditives Posts: 4,251 Member
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    What exactly is that bothers you? Is it that he's drinking, or is it that he's having fun without you?

    When my husband goes out, I don't care what he does. As long as he's not hooking up with other girls, he can have all the fun he wants. He can drink, stay out all night, it doesn't matter. Neither one of us gets much free time since we're both in school and we have two little kids. So if he goes crazy with his friends, that's fine. I don't even care if he goes to strip clubs. And if I had friends he'd feel the same way. (A few months ago we moved to Albuquerque. He's got a bunch of friends from when he used to live here but I'm still trying to make friends with their wives.) We enjoy our time apart as much as we enjoy our time together.

    If it's the drinking that bothers you it may be time for a change. But if it's that he doesn't stay home with you that bugs you so much, you need to find something to do without him. Go out with your friends, go to a movie, etc. Don't expect him to spend all his free time with you. You should both have social lives independent of each other.
  • jesster64
    jesster64 Posts: 109
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    22!!! Go out and have some fun. Its saturday night. 22 only comes once in life. ENJOY IT. Don't waste your time stressing, smoking, and eating. At 22 life is an adventure. Your fiancee can come along for the ride or get left behind. You can't change his behavior, change yours. Get together with some friends. Do things you want to do. Sitting at home hating him does nothing but wastes your time. He's the one out having fun. You're the one at home calling and texting. Turn that around. Before long you'll be in your 40's, mortgage payments, kids college tuition due, and the car starts making noises.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,121 Member
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    So much good advice here! It's your call.

    Can you live with it?
    Are you needy?
    Is he worth it?

    It's your life. You can't change him. You can only change 1.) Yourself 2.) How you react to what he does.
  • AngelsKisses75
    AngelsKisses75 Posts: 595 Member
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    You are the only one that can decide what you will and will not allow in your life. You cannot control his actions, but you can control yours. Now you get to decide which path to take because many lay ahead of you.

    I am also an emotional eater, and used to smoke like that too. You don't need us to tell you that is self destructive.

    'Do what you feel in your heart to be right - for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't.' ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

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