How do you get over the guilt!!??

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Hemis_mom
Hemis_mom Posts: 193 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
So to make a long story short I had been until FRIDAY on a sugar free yeast free diet (per my doctors request). The diagnosis was a systemic yeast infection (this is a controversial diagnosis as my regular doctor said she had only heard of this in severely immunocompromised patients of which I am not) I also do not suffer from any localized infections (supposedly they are living in my gut). So on February 14th after one last weekend of eating whatever I wanted to (including pizza and gelato) I started my journey. Up until FRIDAY I had not cheated knowingly ONCE. I have dutifully eaten my fruits, veggies and meat for almost 2 months and exercised pretty regularly (although not intensely) . I feel fantastic I have lost almost 20 pounds and feel more confident because of the weight loss because I feel like I have been trying to lose weight FOREVER and this was the first time I have been THIS successful this quickly. I also feel like my blood sugar is more regulated and do not have the roller coaster effects of high blood sugar than low blood sugar (I am not diabetic and my blood sugar tests are always fine but I FEEL these ups and downs despite my test results coming out fine very time). I ate horribly before lots and lots of high sugar and processed foods. The last few days I have been CRAVING something different something sweet. I tried eating fruit that didn't curb the craving I just wanted something different something sweet I was and am so sick of this really restrictive diet (which in addition to yeast and sugar also eliminates milk products and vinegar which eliminates many condiments like mayo and even mustard). So I broke down and on Friday had a bun with my chicken sandwich (I only ate 1/2 but still), yesterday I ate out at a restaurant and had mashed potato (which I am sure had whole milk in it) and today I ate a whole wheat blueberry muffin sweetened with maple syrup. The problem is I feel SO GUILTY and down on myself. So my question to my MFP pals is: How do you stop beating yourself up after you 'cheat' or 'fall off the wagon'---Also to anyone who has been on a restrictive diet as mine how do you stay SANE. I almost cried yesterday in the bakery at BJ's I feel like I am losing my mind. I also am beginning to doubt my diagnosis which is not helping me stay on the straight and narrow. I know that from here on out I will eat differently. I know sweets will be a once in a great while thing. I hope to never put white rice, white bread, corn syrup or white sugar (in large quantities) in my body. I want to eat more protein, more fruits and veggies and WAY less (if any) processed foods. I want to cook more and go out to eat less. I want my life style to change BUT I don't want to feel so deprived all of the time and I don't want to cry in the bakery section of a grocery store or feel like I would KILL for a piece of apple pie with ice cream. How do you find a balance? Thank you in advance for your thoughts and comments!! They are much appreciated by this MFPal!! Happy Easter everybody! I think another thing that is making me frustrated is I have hit my first plateau no weight loss in 2 weeks and actually I have gained a pound in those two weeks GRRRRR
Kendra

Replies

  • beckajw
    beckajw Posts: 1,738 Member
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    Don't feel guilty. I can't really tell you how to get over the guilt. I've been there. But this time around, I'm doing something different. I'm cheating on purpose. One meal each week, I eat whatever I want. I love that meal. And I can stop myself from eating junk the rest of the week, just knowing that I can have a hot fudge sundae (or whatever) at that meal.

    It has really helped me. It helped me to get over the guilt and it's helped me to stay on track.

    I have also found that switching it up seems to stimulate weight loss. I don't weigh in the day after my meal, but once I started doing that, the weight started coming off faster.

    In prior diets, I also found that after a day of eating really badly, the next week would usually be a good loss.

    It shouldn't be a habit, but this is supposed to be a lifestyle. Think of the skinny people you know. They almost all eat junk once in a while. It's making that junk a treat that makes this a healthy lifestyle.
  • patty6473
    patty6473 Posts: 24
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    I used to feel guilty about bad food choices, even if I was only having a bite, a taste or half. But, I decided that since I am not just dieting, I am making a lifestyle change, it is not feasible for me to assume that never again will I ever eat a chocolate chip cookie because it has 230 calories in it (fresh baked) So now, I allow myself, in moderation, whatever I want. Don't get me wrong, I still stick to my diet and calorie goals. But allowing myself those little sweet treats only helps me to stay strong 99% of the time. We are having a HUGE family dinner today for Easter. I didn't ask the menu, but I am sure there will be tons of foods that I shouldn't eat. In the past, I would not have even gone if I thought I couldn't stay strong and eat well. Now, I prepared myself for this big meal by exercising harder and eating better all week. I know that taking one day off will not erase all the hard work I've done for the past four months.

    So, if you are dying for sweets, Have some, just do it in moderation.
  • fteale
    fteale Posts: 5,310 Member
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    I don't understand what there is to feel guilty about. You are the only person who your diet affects, so there's no logic in guilt towards yourself. Do you feel guilt if you stub your toe, or get sunburn?

    Feeling guilt suggests you in some way abdicate your responsibility for your body and are letting someone else down by your actions. You aren't. This is only about you. What you choose to do is up to you alone, and affects nor bothers anyone else.
  • agent300
    agent300 Posts: 73
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    i agree with the previous posters. there is no logic with the guilt. if you are truly making a lifestyle change you need to incorporate some of the things you love within your daily calorie allowance to stay sane. i have had had significant weight loss success until i stopped depriving myself.
  • tammydspice
    tammydspice Posts: 102
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    ohhhhh the guilt!! For me I don't know if it will ever go away. It has been a life time of guilt, of self punishment, either by eating everything in sight and then feeling guilty, or after eating everything in sight not eating at all for days on end. I wonder about my sanity sometimes. I do not do this anymore, I eat wonderfully now!! But I still have guilt sometimes, if I go outside of my plan at all I want to cry, it causes stress. I was in a 2 week funk about 2 weeks ago now, and I am just getting over it.

    I wonder if a diet so restrictive as the one you are on can last. Can you modify it a little so you can live a little without making yourself sick? At least if you plan for a treat or 2 you won't feel so awful about yourself. I don't know, blind leading the blind here, or guilty leading leading the guilty!!

    Best of luck to you. I hope you can find a balance!!
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
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    Do you have any idea how/when you'll incorporate yeast or sugar back into your diet? Like will you ever be able to have it again? I'm asking because my theory is this: If you can't maintain this standard for the rest of your life, you are going to "cheat" and even fall off. You might even sabotage yourself and start eating it often. I feel the same way about strict diets and pre-planned/packaged meals. If you can't maintain it forever, it's a fad, not your lifestyle and you won't stick to it. Maybe I'm wrong though.

    So maybe you need to work on an exit strategy to this strict diet and monitor what you CAN eat, starting with yeast. Work with your doctor to find your maximum allowance before it becomes a problem for you. Then you will know where to draw the line. Right now, you have an unsustainable standard set.
  • gypsybeke
    gypsybeke Posts: 12
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    Everything in moderation, as they say. I had to convince myself of this as well: It is ok to have mashed potatoes or a muffin--once in a while. If you keep completely denying yourself these things, then your weight loss journey will not be a true life change. One day down the road you will wallow in pie and/or just be miserable as you gaze miserably into bakery windows of things you force yourself not to eat. Either way it leads to dreary sadness. Lighten up on yourself. :) Say, "I've eaten really well all week, and now I am going to have some peach cobbler!"

    I also found that after eating healthy for an extended period, I didn't really want a lot of sugary or fatty things. When I used to be able to eat a whole box of mac and cheese myself, I can now stomach only a little bit because my tastes have changed. I think it is also because I stopped denying myself these things, so when I ate them I wasn't like a little gremlin sneaking off to binge in the corner; I could actually enjoy what I was eating and appreciate it for what it was.

    One perfectionist to another, it will be ok. Just let it go. :)
  • Hemis_mom
    Hemis_mom Posts: 193 Member
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    Thanks for all of the wonderful comments!! They are much appreciated!!

    I don't think this restrictive diet is a forever thing but some people do have to do it for 6 months to a year (I have lasted only 2) before 'cheating' I am going back to the holistic doctor on May 16th so hopefully we can discuss some of these issues (like how to add things back in without the fear and guilt)

    Thanks again for your comments!!
  • Marcus_E
    Marcus_E Posts: 124
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    Don't feel guilty about a thing. Ok, in your mind you had a small hiccup, but at the same time you shouldn't even be thinking that at all. I can't comprehend what you have been through on the diet, as I've never been on one like that. I was told many years ago to reduce/cut-out my intake of dairy and wheat, but totally ignored it. I'm sorry but there's certain foods that I refuse to live without.

    Humans all have different levels of tolerance to certain foods and dairy and wheat are two of these, which (according to scientists) our bodies don't handle very well. Personally I would have got a second opinion, but I would also have looked towards allergy testing or even going to a Chinese herbalist, but I have to say - good on you for sticking to and going through the motions.

    Never feel guilty about something you shouldn't. You've already achieved and accomplished so much, that a few 'naughty' foods here or there are not meant to be a guilt trip, but a small enjoyment.

    I felt flat all yesterday, so treated myself to a Domino's Pizza.. I loved it, sooo much.. Then I added the food into my diary and almost fell off my chair. I had no real idea exactly how much calories etc I had consumed in ONE meal. Do I fell guilty about - ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! But what do I feel - I feel that I cheated a little bit, I fed some cravings, but I also realised that next time - I need to find something else to eat - or instead just order the smaller size or eat less slices. Will I order one again? Most probably - I like them - I just need to make it work within my intake and make sure I get off my *kitten* and burn it later..

    I hope that helps, but seriously - don't bash yourself up. If you've come this far, you've done great already. I would suggest to go back to the DR and re-do the tests to see what impact this has had, but then also consider finding someone else to get that all important second opinion.. Keep your head up and keep smiling - life's good :happy:
  • Sigra
    Sigra Posts: 374 Member
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    I'm just not guilty about what I eat. You're always going to have that moment that your SO or friends/family want to go out somewhere to eat, and as much as you try to eat 'healthy' you will most likely be still consuming something you don't want to. Everything in moderation - as long as you're not going right back and binging on the items you should be staying away from, having them once in a while shouldn't turn you into a spiral downwards - one meal isn't going to ruin the entire month that you've been doing great either!

    Just make sure to know - once in a while you need to give into those cravings(though it might be different because of a yeast infection?).

    Know your limits!
    Make sure to exercise off the excess food you ate!

    Hope you get better :) And grats on your journey so far!
  • nanaBeth55
    nanaBeth55 Posts: 24
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    Kendra, there is no logic to the guilt but I do understand because I've been there. In the past, I've been on restrictive "diets" and I too would do very well for a while and then, as if I went crazy, I'd just grab the prohibited food and cram it in. It was as if I had to hide it when in reality no one was around or even cared!

    The difference this time? I'm not on a diet. I'm attempting to change bad habits and relearn good eating habits. People who are "naturally" thin don't "diet" and I've seen some a dear friend (who's always been thin) eat like a lumberjack! Difference? She doesn't do it as a habit but on a rare occasion. That's what I'm shooting for instead of forever restricting myself. I am finding that when I allow myself to eat what I want, I am CHOOSING to eat in a healthier way - more fruits, less processed foods AND no longer eating out every meal!

    Reading about your sugar problem, it sounds like me! Have you ever been tested for hypoglycemia? My blood sugar tests were always good too until I requested my doctor to do a 5 hour fasting test. Results - I have hypoglycemia which means if I eat too many carbohydrates especially simple (sugars) without protein and fats to balance, my blood sugar will drop down to low. During the test, it dropped to the lower 40's and my doctor was appalled because he'd never considered low sugar!

    Your roller coaster feeling with sugar sounds like me before I learned to avoid sugars especially in the mornings. I can't eat like some people - cereal in the morning is a killer! Two hours after eating cereal in the morning and I'm shaking and feeling weak because of my sugar dropping. If you've been avoiding sugars - sweets, breads, muffins, etc. and haven't had problems with sugar drops, you probably are hypoglycemic as well.

    Please, please forgive yourself. Work on changing your attitude...you're not on a restrictive diet - you're changing your lifestyle to benefit your health.

    P.S. A third opinion isn't unheard of!! If you doubt the diagnosis, go to another doctor...Good luck! Best wishes on your journey!
  • nancymmorris
    nancymmorris Posts: 310
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    I thought I was reading my own story. I have been yeast free since Feb 4th. I have my good and bad days. When I make a bad choice I just tell myself it is behind me and my next chioce is going to be a good choice. One bad choice is not going to hurt you. It is when 1 turns to 2 and 2 turns to 3 and so on and soon you feel out of control. It is not hard for me to not eat yeast because it makes me so sick, but sugar is another story. I went 6 weeks with no sugar and then I started having small amounts on occasion. I will send you a friend request and you are welcome to look at my food diary for ideas. Would love to be able to support each other.
  • fitterpam
    fitterpam Posts: 3,086 Member
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    It's important to realize that you were put on the restrictive diet for a reason - it's obviously working because you feel way better. I'm on a similar diet (no sugar, no wheat, little dairy). Since I've been on it, I've had more random infections than I had before - but I still think it's doing it's thing.....it's the bad bacteria fighting for its life that is causing the infections.

    Here's the thing though - you will slip up. It's about restricting the number of times you do and the frequency of the slip ups. If you're like me, you feel guilty about the first one but then every subsequent slip becomes easier and easier and before you know it, you're having the "treats" every day. I've slid down that slide more than once or twice....I know I feel better when I try and avoid the sugars and the sugar spike foods (I too have perfect blood sugar when tested, but feel the highs and lows of the foods I eat....I'm Insulin Resistant....which means my body overreacts to sugars and boosts up the insulin unnecessarily. It will eventually lead to the insulin receptors wearing out and I will then transition to diabetes)

    I don't allow myself cheat days - this is a lifestyle change, not a diet. So far, I've removed processed foods, low quality meats and glucose from my diet. I'm working on wheat (I'm onto Rye now which is a more GI friendly version and have starting moving to Spelt & breads made of other grains). For me - it's about making sure that I stay away from a diabetic diagnosis as long as possible. If you schedule cheat days, then on the other days that you slip, you'll have no recourse. At least if you only do it once or twice a month, without planned cheat days, you'll be better off in the long run.....but after a cheat you have to get super strict again to avoid falling down the slope.
  • KarieRod
    KarieRod Posts: 15
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    I was told to think of my body as a toilet... when you eat you need water to flush it out. When I eat something off my food path, I drink a full bottle of water (16 oz) usually right away. I am- A. flushing out the deliciousness from my body (lol) and B. getting 2 more cups of water on my daily count, no matter how many I've had already. Good luck! Karie
  • jacquerd
    jacquerd Posts: 121 Member
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    .
  • autumn5gabby
    autumn5gabby Posts: 48
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    Thats a good question!
  • encrusader20
    encrusader20 Posts: 1
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    I know I just posted this on my blog, but I wanted to post it on yours as well...

    In my opinion (not as a doctor, but as your sister, so take this for what it is) it is OK to cheat occasionally if the cheat is not hurting you, or causing you to go down a physical and emotional spiraling staircase. Do not feel guilty about it if you do cheat!! Guilt leads to soooo many unhealthy things, it is NOT good for you. Emotions play such a huge part in diet choices, and if you are feeling guilty, it will just lead down a spiral of bad emotions which will lead to more cheating and more bad feelings, and so on... Guilt is such a lose-lose situation. There is no benefit of feeling guilty. If cheating causes you to be sick (like the soy burger) do not do THAT cheat again. I'm not just saying this b/c I want to cheat too, I'm saying it cause I know how HARD this diet is, because I am right there doing it with you!!! You have done AWESOME on this diet and you have NOTHING to feel guilty about. I am SO PROUD of you and how awesome you have done. If that blueberry muffin w/ syrup didn't hurt you, GOOD!!! I love you, and all I want is for you to be happy and healthy. I'm here for you for support and whatever you need.
  • jacquerd
    jacquerd Posts: 121 Member
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    Don't feel guilty. I can't really tell you how to get over the guilt. I've been there. But this time around, I'm doing something different. I'm cheating on purpose. One meal each week, I eat whatever I want. I love that meal. And I can stop myself from eating junk the rest of the week, just knowing that I can have a hot fudge sundae (or whatever) at that meal.

    It has really helped me. It helped me to get over the guilt and it's helped me to stay on track.

    I have also found that switching it up seems to stimulate weight loss. I don't weigh in the day after my meal, but once I started doing that, the weight started coming off faster.

    In prior diets, I also found that after a day of eating really badly, the next week would usually be a good loss.

    It shouldn't be a habit, but this is supposed to be a lifestyle. Think of the skinny people you know. They almost all eat junk once in a while. It's making that junk a treat that makes this a healthy lifestyle.

    This is good advice. A LOT of people have a scheduled cheat day so that they don't feel deprived. Try not to over do it, but if you do, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again. I also agree that it does seem to jump start the weight loss again. Strange, but it does. As long as you don't have serious repercussions from it (healthwise), I think you're okay.

    I also agree with you about the possible misdiagnosis. I am fairly knowledgeable about this stuff. I am all about nutrition and I think doctors are to quick to misdiagnose. I personally feel that if you eat food the way nature intedended them you are better off. Shop the perimeter of your store and avoid processed foods. :) So, there is my 5 cents. :)
  • budderfli9
    budderfli9 Posts: 9 Member
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    I was on LA Weight Loss 5 years ago, and quit- ironically on Easter of 2006. I had Easter candy, a lot of it, and I felt so scared to go in and get "yelled at" that I didn't go. I didn't plan to drop out right then and there, but I just never ended up going back. And then gained back 30 pounds. Because of one discretion!! Restricting yourself too much (or letting someone else restrict you so tightly) will inevitably make your quest impossible. You have come a LONG way, you are doing better than 99% of the people whose diet was changed per doctor's orders. Look how many people have said, "Yeah my doctor keeps telling me I need to stop smoking... eating carbs... drinking pop..." And on and on. Your doctors are very likely holding you in the minority, few people follow these modified diets and end up being "yelled at" by their doctor for months and years. This is a journey, not a destination! Even famous actors and models admit to letting themselves cheat here and there. Now that I am doing this on my own, I do let myself cheat. (Sometimes a LOT!) And I have noticed that for the most part, that one day mixed in here and there doesn't effect my weight loss. I am still losing just as fast!! I've actually heard of diets that make you eat off track every 4th day or something, they call it a carb dump and it's supposed to reset your body.. or something. All I know is, if you beat yourself up over a what I would consider a very small discrection, you will only set yourself up to fail. Consider it like setting the reset button. You doodled all over your etcha-sketch, and every once in awhile you need to give it a little shake! Be proud of yourself, you're doing great!

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