Finding new problem of 'being ridiculed'~advice please

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luv_lea
luv_lea Posts: 1,094 Member
in Motivation and Support
Lately I've been finding a problem of being ridiculed, or almost looked down upon for wanting to watch what I eat & exercise so much. To be honest, I'm not the most over weight person, but not the most under weight either! According to the BMI calculator, I'm on the end side of the 'healthy' box for my height, weight, and age.

I have my reasons for wanting to make a better lifestyle, and don't feel at all like I'm obsessed with it or that I'm making unhealthy choices.

Yesterday someone asked me if I was becoming anorexic after declining cake at my nieces birthday. When going out to dinner with new friends last night, I felt like I got so many funny looks for ordering the 'skinny' margarita. (every other girl at that table was overweight) Constantly everywhere it seems like people are like...'gahh, you seem obsessed' or 'why are you doing that?!'. Given, most of these people could care less about exercising, or even worse-what they put in their mouths!! Yet find it so easy to ridicule me for me being conscious of my health! (okay, mini vent there...I'm done. haha)

I guess I'm to a point of being so frustrated with it, and tired of feeling like I'm the one doing something wrong in these scenarios. Has anyone had similar experiences; advice?? Many thanks.
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Replies

  • Pandorian
    Pandorian Posts: 2,055 MFP Moderator
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    It'll happen, people don't like "seeing" how easy it really is to make healthier choices. But if they're new friends and you're feeling ridiculed just for hanging out and making your own choices maybe some new new friends are what's needed :P

    I DO still have a piece of cake at birthday parties, I just take 1/4 or less of what I used to take as a normal serving of it.
  • Slayer66
    Slayer66 Posts: 265
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    I just ignore it because in the end im going to be happier, and it is a lot easier to tease or ridicule someone then to commit to trying it themselves, because I find most that say anything to me need it more than me =)
  • bethany675
    bethany675 Posts: 44 Member
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    So we all know that men lose weight faster than women right? Well, my 'someone' has been right along with me sweating like crazy to my cardio binge that I am hoping will help me lose some weight. When I realized I needed to do something different in the FOOD category he was the WORST critic. Even my kids were more supportive than him. I am of the idea, at this point in my life, that if he or anyone else doesn't like it...I don't care. I'm going to do for me! You must keep your goals at the forefront....Needless to say, my food changes have enabled him to lose over 30 pounds in 90 days. Isn't that great for him? Perhaps your positive choices will rub off on your family & friends. Otherwise, you have the sweet revenge of an amazing body and then they will want to know what you did to get it. Good luck and keep believing in you!
  • sunshine79
    sunshine79 Posts: 758 Member
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    Tell me about it! Like you I'm neither very other weight or super thin, I only want to lose 14lbs (have lost 5 already) and people just don's seem to be able to understand why I want to trim down. Even good friends of mine roll their eyes and say I'm obsessed. I'm not, I just want to be in the best shape I can be and right now I know I'm not at my best. Plus, I also love the feeling I get from eating well and being active.

    I've decided that I just have to ignore those who are rude or try to put me down. I've also learned not to really talk about my weight loss desires too much to others and this has helped too - it's a shame I have to hide it though as for me this is m new way of life and not a 'diet'.
  • not_alone
    not_alone Posts: 17 Member
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    You are going against the culture of the USA when you elect small portions or the lower density foods. Here in the good-ole US of A, we're about bigger, better and cheaper! It's like anything else we do for health. Health for its own sake will bring all kinds of condescension and sidewards looks. Now fitness for a good AMERICAN reason, like sports, running a triathlon, or interviewing for American Idol is different. That's OK (according to the culture). Or, if you have a disease like diabetes - that would be OK too. But if you are just making healthy choices for yourself, it will make everyone around you guilty---ashamed---and angry (in that order).

    Welcome to the club here, it's a safe place to connect with like-minded people!
    -Not_alone
  • luv_lea
    luv_lea Posts: 1,094 Member
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    So we all know that men lose weight faster than women right? Well, my 'someone' has been right along with me sweating like crazy to my cardio binge that I am hoping will help me lose some weight. When I realized I needed to do something different in the FOOD category he was the WORST critic. Even my kids were more supportive than him. I am of the idea, at this point in my life, that if he or anyone else doesn't like it...I don't care. I'm going to do for me! You must keep your goals at the forefront....Needless to say, my food changes have enabled him to lose over 30 pounds in 90 days. Isn't that great for him? Perhaps your positive choices will rub off on your family & friends. Otherwise, you have the sweet revenge of an amazing body and then they will want to know what you did to get it. Good luck and keep believing in you!

    Wow! That is great for him. haha. Way to go!!! And very true. That's what I keep trying to tell myself. My family is the worst!! (outside of my house-my bf and son are very very supportive). I've tried/hoped my habits would rub off on some of my family, but it's just not happening. & your right, an amazing body will be a sweet revenge, but I've even had problems there too. Jealous, snarky remarks about 'skinny her' while everyone is hating me in my bathing suit. Grr.! Well do something about it then! haha
  • aimee0515
    aimee0515 Posts: 67
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    They are jealous that you are taking control of your life and making positive changes and they don't have the motivation to do the same in their life. Remember...misery loves company. Ignore them and do what makes YOU happy. I have a friend that takes her food scale to restaurants with her...lol. I say do whatever it takes to stay on track.
  • TourThePast
    TourThePast Posts: 1,753 Member
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    Tell me about it.... I hate going out with people who just stuff ridiculous amounts of food down their gullets - who are invariably way overweight, and who and have the nerve to criticise me for making healthy choices. Oh yeah, and who then complain about putting weight on. We're not talking about asking special food to be prepared here, just me I picking healthy stuff off the menu and not eating desserts.

    How do I deal with it? I do try to be kind. I just remember how good I feel, now I can do things I couldn't even think of doing when I was unfit and clinically obese, and try and feel sorry for them. They may be hurting my feelings right now, but in the long term they're doing themselves a lot of damage.
  • WolffEarl
    WolffEarl Posts: 379 Member
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    Here it what I am thinking; First of all it seems unfair that it tends to happen to women so much more, always having to defend their food choices, both good or bad. Us men just blissfully go ahead and eat whatever (healthy or otherwise) and hardly anyone raises an eyebrow.
    Secondly it strikes me as very ironic how on the one hand we all pride ourselves as individuals (following our own drummer, etc). but how at the same time when we make better food choices how many around us want to coral us right back into the "be like me, eat like me" corner. I think many folks somehow feel threatened by others doing something right, maybe afraid of being left behind.
    Anyway, my response would be: "Dear friend, are you worried that if I do not eat this cake, this extra slice of pizza, this regular drink, that somehow harm will befall me?"
    or "Dear friend, when in the distant past, human beings first evolved, our organs adapted to the consumptions of nuts, berries, fruits, roots, occasional meats, fish, maybe even some seeds from time to time. However, sugar rich, fat- ladden, aritifically flavoured cake did not show up until quite recently in human evolution. And yet, surprisingly enough, humanity survived. And so shall I" (all said with great sincerity).
  • luv_lea
    luv_lea Posts: 1,094 Member
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    Tell me about it! Like you I'm neither very other weight or super thin, I only want to lose 14lbs (have lost 5 already) and people just don's seem to be able to understand why I want to trim down. Even good friends of mine roll their eyes and say I'm obsessed. I'm not, I just want to be in the best shape I can be and right now I know I'm not at my best. Plus, I also love the feeling I get from eating well and being active.

    I've decided that I just have to ignore those who are rude or try to put me down. I've also learned not to really talk about my weight loss desires too much to others and this has helped too - it's a shame I have to hide it though as for me this is m new way of life and not a 'diet'.

    I don't really talk about it either because it seems to bother people. And your right, it is sad! I guess ignoring is the best way. Otherwise, the response in my head could probably end up starting some nice fights, and I don't want that.
  • Teri1026
    Teri1026 Posts: 6 Member
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    The same thing happens to me at work..people will actually almost get mad if I turn down something or say something like " ohh one brownie isnt going to kill you" thats NOT the point. Just let them say and think what they want. Dont let it affect you in the slightest. Sometimes I think people get kind of jealous and angry that they think they can say whatever they want. Blow it off...the haters are EVERYWHERE! good luck girl!!
  • luv_lea
    luv_lea Posts: 1,094 Member
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    They are jealous that you are taking control of your life and making positive changes and they don't have the motivation to do the same in their life. Remember...misery loves company. Ignore them and do what makes YOU happy. I have a friend that takes her food scale to restaurants with her...lol. I say do whatever it takes to stay on track.

    Love this! That is awesome! :) Thanks
  • K1Teacher
    K1Teacher Posts: 324 Member
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    My husband had this issue regarding drinking. He doesn't drink at company functions and used to always get teased for his decision because everyone else was getting drunk. That continued for a while but then they just got used to it and now they don't say a word. It's no big deal. I think you'll find the same true with your friends - keep making good choice and they'll soon stop saying stuff. In all honesty it's just jealousy - they wish they could make better decisions themselves.

    Good job and keep it up!!
  • hewhoiscd
    hewhoiscd Posts: 1,029 Member
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    People will go to great lengths to get their sugar/chocolate/caffeine/whatever fix. Even at the expense of their own health, they will still eat food that is bad for them.

    Sounds like an obsession on their part to me...
  • EDesq
    EDesq Posts: 1,527 Member
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    Just ignore them. If you know what you are doing and it is healthy, do what is good for you. However, sometimes when a person feels negative about others, body language and attitude allows that to come across. You did not speak very kindly about people you maybe consider friends/acquaintances. In fact in here you "ragged" on them, that may be coming across when you are with them and they may feel defensive.

    I was checking out your food diary and I truly do NOT believe that what you eat could ever make you a "snob." You must be one of those people who can eat anything they want and not gain a pound; Now folks would be jealous of that. My sister was like that, she could eat 3-5 pieces of chicken, steak, candy, pasta, chips, ice cream...and never gained a pound. I would almost starve to lose a pound...that changed as she got older.
  • edorice
    edorice Posts: 4,519 Member
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    People will go to great lengths to get their sugar/chocolate/caffeine/whatever fix. Even at the expense of their own health, they will still eat food that is bad for them.

    Sounds like an obsession on their part to me...

    Interesting way of seeing it. People announce that I'M GOING TO GET DRUNK. Or that they can't wait to over indulge because it's their birthday, it's the weekend, or it's April. That does seem twisted to me too.
  • supergirlpw
    supergirlpw Posts: 16 Member
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    a year from now when you are super healthy and thin, look and feel great....the tune will change! everyone will want to know how you did it and how they can be like you!
  • kimeister
    kimeister Posts: 212
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    I've dealt with this since I started my weight loss journey in January, but to be honest, I'm used to dealing with it for years with vegetarianism. People feel guilty eating what you choose not to, for whatever reason, and they combat their feelings of guilt by doing whatever they can to make themselves feel better. Sometimes this is at your expense. Adults like to believe that peer pressure goes away after high school, but the truth of the matter is that it doesn't, the source only changes with age.

    Just keep rolling along with what makes you feel good. The more confident and comfortable you present yourself to be with your choices, the less you'll see this until it eventually goes away. It may take longer for some to catch a clue than for others, but it will happen. Hang in there!
  • marci355
    marci355 Posts: 292
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    Jealousy. Good ol' green monster rearing it's ugly head!! Aren't other women fun? Blow it off! You're a gorgeous woman.
  • YogaRunner
    YogaRunner Posts: 652 Member
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    I just sent this to you as a friend request message, but figured I'd share it here too.
    What happened to you and others reminds me of my favorite Marianne Williamson quote,

    "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

    Do not play small. Shine. Do what is right for you so that others may shine too. Those who ridicule you are reminded of the fact that they must face their own inadequacies and would rather bring you down than face themselves. It's ok if they make choices different than yours, but its not ok if they ridicule you. You have my support and many others here. Keep shining girl, keep shining.
    Risa

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