How Do I Stay Focused Despite Adversity?

bfrice1
bfrice1 Posts: 62
edited September 2024 in Health and Weight Loss
Okay, this isn't a pity party. My mother is terribly ill (she lives with my son and I). To be honest, not entirely sure she'll make it through the summer. But this is a good week - she's up and about, on her feet and functioning (yay!!)

Now, having said that, I'll tell you that over the past few weeks, I really just didn't care about losing weight. At all. That doesn't mean I don't want to lose it - that's always in the back of my mind. I just didn't feel like I had that added mental energy to redirect brain power to, say, a proper shopping list. We've had mad and cheese, greens with sweet meat, corn bread, cake, cookie crisps, donuts, you name it. As for the daily food diary, I haven't thought about it until, say , day before yesterday.

So my question to you all is this: How do you stay on your game when every day feels like tomorrow will be the worst day of your life?

Is it compartmentalization? Is it yoga? Meditation? Can do attitude? What works for you, specifically, each one of you? I'm sure you all have a lot of different answers, and I'm open to anything.

Or am I spinning my wheels? Should I put my weight loss on hold for now and come back to ti? I mean, this week feels like I good week. It started out with banana pudding, but really, it was a tiny helping. And I actually ate salad last night!

Any and all feed back will be appreciated.

Replies

  • road2peachtree
    road2peachtree Posts: 294 Member
    Never being in your shoes, it's hard to say exactly what to do, but perhaps any bits of advice will help.

    I'm sure dealing with a sick parent is harsh especially if they are not doing well at all, but neglecting yourself might make the situation that much worse. Forget the losing weight part all together. Feeding your mind body and spirit with the proper nourishment is what will keep you through this situation and many more. If you pull the focus off of losing the pounds and just put it on centering your mind & spirit, and feeding your body the good things it needs you may move past "every day feels like tomorrow will be the worst day of your life".

    For me when things get stressful I release it through working out. Especially Tae Bo--punching is always good. LOL Sometimes I'll just focus on what has bothered me that day or why I'm upset and just work it out until all I can do is lay on the floor. Food is my cruch so I have to make myself do something in the opposite direction and fitness is it. Doesn't mean I won't eat but at least I got it all out and got my mind off of things.

    I hope it all works out for you and don't forget to NOT neglect yourself and what you need. Those around you need your care, but the most important piece is you.
  • Katbaran
    Katbaran Posts: 605 Member
    My thought to you is to just do the best you can. Try to make some wise choices when you eat and enjoy the time you have left with your Mother. My Dad is not well. He was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer this past Wednesday. He doesn't live with us, he is still with Mom (and she has COPD and emphysema) so its not quite as close to me as having him living with us.

    Try not to think of it as all or nothing. (I read your profile.) Just try to do the best you can. I know that in the coming months I will eat stuff at Mom and Dad's that I shouldn't. Food that will blow a whole day's worth of calories with even a small serving. Would I speak up and refuse to share what will be some of the last times with Dad? No way. If he wants a big, ethnic meal, I'll take a smaller portion. I would never even think to refuse--weight loss goals or not.

    As for your other question: I try to clear my mind of the reality of my Dad's impending death. I compartmentalize, I guess. I just put it aside for a while. It always sneaks out and I think about it a bit each day, but I try to tell myself to just enjoy the time we have left.

    I hope this helps. I hope you can find a comfortable place to be.
    Kathy
  • PJilly
    PJilly Posts: 22,293 Member
    Wow, this post takes me back a couple of years when my dad was terribly ill. I completely understand how you're feeling. I didn't do a very good job of taking care of myself back then, particularly my eating. It was just a couple of weeks after he died that I found MFP and made the commitment to eat right to take care of my health, partly as my way of honoring him and his life. He is still my inspiration every day. In hindsight, I could have been taking better care of myself during his illness and probably would have felt better then, so I think it's worth the effort now. I wouldn't focus so much on weight loss as health. I hope that helps, and I wish you, your mom, and all of your family the very best. Much love to you all. This can be the hardest of times, but it can also be a wonderful time for sharing and loving. I can barely see through the tears to type this. I still miss my dad terribly, but we both knew how much we loved each other, and we had no unfinished business. That is precious and priceless to me.
  • Ely82010
    Ely82010 Posts: 1,998 Member
    We are all different but for me it is control. There are many things in life that I can not control or avoid, such as personal or family health problems (my brother is ill too), things that go wrong in the house or around me, financial problems, or society and family in general.

    BUT, I can control what I put in my mouth, how healthy I eat or live, how much I exercise, and how I deal with what ever life throws (or takes away) around me.

    So I choose to buy, cook, and eat healthy food, to keep my weight under control, and to exercise as much as I can. This kind of control and determination gives me power and strenght to deal with what ever crap life sends my way.

    I wish you good luck and a blessed Easter!
  • racergirl1991
    racergirl1991 Posts: 422 Member
    From someone who's been there...take it one day at a time!! You can only do what you can do and expecting more is setting yourself up to fail. Keep healthy foods in the house, make sure you take time for yourself each day so you dont get overwhelmed (I used to take a 20 minute walk each day) and make all the memories you can. You can't change what will happen, but you can choose to make it the best time it can be.
  • VixFit2011
    VixFit2011 Posts: 663 Member
    After losing the best employer I've ever had, who died at 46 years old, and business closed so I'm out of work at age 65, I turned to a lot of sweets, got more reclusive, and stopped the little exercise I was doing. Now that I'm here at MFP, I've found wonderful people to support me and I have a super physician who motivated me.

    Never give up hope. Things always have a reason for happening and we always have lessons to learn no matter how small or big. You can do this.....all of the things in your life will make you stronger......one day at a time.
  • dlf0001
    dlf0001 Posts: 20 Member
    My advice would be there is so much in life that one can't control... focus on the sense of achievement that you could get by making the decision to eat and shop healthy, eating in moderation, and maintaining a healthy lifestyle.

    It IS within your control. It just takes commitment.
  • bfrice1
    bfrice1 Posts: 62
    Thanks to everyone who responded - I don't feel so overwhelmed now. Thank you all!
  • bfrice1
    bfrice1 Posts: 62
    @racergirl1991:

    I just did 15 minutes of yoga. I don't why it didn't occur to me to just take 15-20 minutes for myself each day - I feel much better than I did this morning. Thanks for the tip.
  • junebug523
    junebug523 Posts: 196
    Just take it one step, one moment, one day at a time. Do what you can handle. Make the changes and choices that are best for you at whatever moment you find yourself in. Take care of yourself, and take care of those you love. Breathe deeply and focus on what you can control, instead of agonizing about what you can't.
  • noltes2
    noltes2 Posts: 202 Member
    You will lose focus. We ALL lose focus for one reason or another. You're situation is very difficult and I'm glad you have come to MFP to ask for advice, that shows you still are fighting for yourself. When you lose focus and make mac and cheese because you are just too tired for anything else, own it, and think about what you can do better next time. Next grocery shopping trip don't buy mac and cheese, buy a lower calorie quick meal - Healthy Choice Steamers are a better option and 350 calories. Keep protein bars on hand for when you are so drained you don't want to prepare anything else. Myself, I barely cook. But I keep quick food on hand that is relatively healthy and that keep for a long time. Keep Uncle Toms instant brown rice on hand, canned organic black beans and high fiber tortillas and cheese. You got yourself a healthy burrito that will keep you full for several hours and you won't feel guilty about it.

    We all mess up, this is okay and part of lives. Just try to focus on not beating yourself up and learning from your triggers. Keep short exercise videos in the house so when you can't make it to the gym you can get your heart rate up for 20 minutes here and there.
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