Family... sigh.

skinnyjeans13
skinnyjeans13 Posts: 179
edited September 26 in Motivation and Support
Everyone on my dad's side of the family is overweight. When I saw them yesterday I ignored this comment but now I can't get it out of my head. Not the words, but the tone, "You've lost weight. Are you even eating?" I replied, "I'm eating more now than I ever have."

I was met with eye-rolling and laughs. It's like they DON'T want me to lose weight. They want me to stay fat with them forever. My parents are divorced and have been for 15 years. My mom was exactly my weight until she was 25 (which is how old I am now) and then she went on Weight Watchers and dropped almost 100lbs. She is still the fittest and hottest 56 year old out there (in my opinion!)

However, she told me that when she lost the weight (my parents were newly married) my dad's sister and other members of the family made fun of my mom and called her anorexic and didn't understand that you can lose weight in ways other than starving yourself.

I know they've all been struggling to lose weight their whole lives, but I don't want to lose weight and be happy and then come home and have comments made as if I'm wrong for doing it... it's so backwards and I just keep hearing their voices in my head taunting me for losing weight... It's so weird and FRUSTRATING!!!

Sigh, I just needed to vent.

Replies

  • crystal10584
    crystal10584 Posts: 334
    tell them to shove it.
  • tammyquinnlmt
    tammyquinnlmt Posts: 680 Member
    Some people just choose to be unhappy with their bodies and resent anyone who tries to improve their own. I would just let it roll off like water on a duck's back and do what you know you have to do!
  • RunChinni
    RunChinni Posts: 149 Member
    tell them to shove it.

    ^Amen.

    If you are happy and doing it the healthy way, the others can go milk an ant! :)
  • SandyLee1961
    SandyLee1961 Posts: 133 Member
    Tell them, "I'm not trying to get thin - I'm trying to get healthy. You do want me healthy don't you?" (I got the response from another post, don't remember who wrote it, but it's great!). Don't let them get you down. And don't argue with them, cause that's ALL they want. Just smile and ignore :)
  • bouldert
    bouldert Posts: 225 Member
    they are just jealous and envy you and sad they don't have thte tools you have to get it done
  • arwensb
    arwensb Posts: 275 Member
    tell them to shove it.
    Exactly!

    You say that they have all been struggling to lose weight their entire lives. Obviously they haven't been trying very hard or they would understand your healthy choices.
  • ToniRee
    ToniRee Posts: 13
    I also deal with the same thing. It drives me nuts. My sister is the worst at doing this, because she is now much bigger then me. Ugh.
  • breakingthecycle
    breakingthecycle Posts: 225 Member
    I dont think there is much you can do to change their mindset. Just know that you are doing the right thing and dont spend too much time trying to 'figure them out'. Your mind and spirit will thank you for it. :-)
  • anthony438
    anthony438 Posts: 578 Member
    Just know that YOU are not the problem here. Since there's no way to stop them, just try to be flattered by their envy. :wink:
  • Melis25Fit
    Melis25Fit Posts: 811 Member
    I am usually a very kind person. My husbands family is generally thrilled with the fact we're both trying to get healthy. Once when they were visiting his parents took us to Perkins for breakfast. I ordered an egg white omelette w/ veggies one piece of whole wheat toast and fruit. -- His mom ordered this bacony-creamsauced based dish. When she was like, Melissa, that's not enough for you, here have some of mine. I politely declined. She offered once more during the meal. Once again I declined. She was like, well it's just so good, how can you NOT? I said because I'm very concious of all the FAT and CALORIES (extra empasis on these words) that are in that food, and thats not something I like putting in my body.

    That shut her up. The truth hurts sometimes.
  • Madmumlee
    Madmumlee Posts: 25 Member
    Yes, tell them that you are implementing healthy eating with some moderate exercise to be healthy as you want a long and happy life. Tell them how much more energy you have now and how things have got better (eg. dry skin gone etc).

    What you need is a friend to be around when they visit who praises you and comments on how much better you look.

    They are definitely jealous!
  • pftjill
    pftjill Posts: 488
    Vent away. I hear this all to often. It is sad really that people have this opinion. It is mostly because they want it, but don't want to put the work in to do it. You keep it up. If you need motivation or positive feed back you will get it in large supply here!!! Keep it up girl. You are saving your own life and hopefully your family will eventually follow in your foot steps because you and your mother are great examples.
  • bethvandenberg
    bethvandenberg Posts: 1,496 Member
    Misery loves company. My inlaws are all very overweight as well. It takes self preservation to better yourself. You need to learn its not what others are saying about you it's about what you're saying about yourself that matters. It's hard to hear negative things but one must remember that those peoples comments don't control you unless you let them. Sometimes when people say things to me and I notice that it's bugging me I get on the treadmill or ellip or bike and leave them behind as I go forward. I walk away from them in my mind and soon my focus is back on me and what I can do to make myself the person I want to be. I have Winnie the Pooh tattoed on my body b/c he doesn't let other actions/words/etc. bother him. He says ...."oh bother" and moves on. It took me a long time to realize that the only person I can control is me. I can't be worried about others. :) Hang in there and leave those nasty thoughts with those people who said them.
  • WildFlower7
    WildFlower7 Posts: 714 Member
    tell them to shove it.

    Agreed^, lol. Your not alone, I was called anorexic by a family member 2wks ago, and then was asked if I was seriously still trying to lose 5 more pounds?! (which I am not anymore) Anyway I'm small but far from anorexic (this comment was also made by someone overweight who is a yo-yo dieter) I know she didn't mean it to hurt my feelings so I didn't get offended by the comment, but I can understand how it just kinda bugs you after the fact. Don't let it get you down, negative comments like that stem from jealousy, that's all. Turn that comment into something positive for you. Whenever people talk (and their gonna do it when their jealous) I don't get mad anymore, It flatters me, and that makes me work even harder to be healthier and more fit...it's fuel to my fire. I actually thank the negative people now and the "talkers" for giving me all of the motivation they have, to be better for me.
  • anulle2009
    anulle2009 Posts: 580 Member
    They are just upset and jealous that you finding the motivation and power in yourself to change YOUR life style screw them!! I am sort of upset with my family because so far Ive lost a good amount of weight since having my daughter and just yesterday my one sister says "you look good" but unless i ask no one else not even really my hubby says much. but I use my daughter as my motivation.
  • FearAnLoathing
    FearAnLoathing Posts: 4,852 Member
    Why care what they say,you have to live for you and do the things that make you healthy and happy.If they want to make comments about you starving yourself make comments about them stuffing themselves
  • MeggieMae22
    MeggieMae22 Posts: 40
    Try not to let them get to you. Some people don't even realize what their doing is hurting you, and sadly others do, and they just don't care.

    It's not them who are trying to be healthy it's YOU.

    You just keep your head up, and keep up the great work your doing. :)
  • broadsword7
    broadsword7 Posts: 411 Member
    tell them to shove it.

    Ditto to that! This is YOUR adventure, your challenge, and your life, not theirs. I am a believer that deep down inside of all of us, we all know the right path. Some of us choose to ignore it, some of us choose to follow it, and some of us choose to make our own. It's very nice to have people around who believe in you and support you (and who let you support them). I try to share my life with those who are that way and ignore the rest, family or not.

    Keep on going!
  • TourThePast
    TourThePast Posts: 1,753 Member
    Yeah... Hearing that must really burn.

    Trouble is, both your mother, and now you, are living examples of how they have failed to lose weight, despite trying. Obviously they know how fat they are, and are unhappy about it, otherwise they wouldn't keep trying (and failing) to lose weight. Every time you lose a bit of weight, it must rub it in how often they've failed. Probably because they try to lose weight by starving themselves, or by eating slighly smaller portions of junk food.

    It may even be that they are so ignorant of the basics around nutrition that they are (misguidedly) concerned and are thinking "if we couldn't lose weight by eating basically nothing, she must be starving herself to the point of making herself ill"

    Whatever, I bet that once it's clear that you are still healthy and are still losing weight / keeping it off as your mother has done, they manage to start being a bit nicer about it.
  • lfondots
    lfondots Posts: 216 Member
    It is a shame when people you expect to be the ones boosting you while doing this are so negative. Just remember you are doing it for you. I had told some relatives that I had lost a little weight but my biggest goal was cutting my meds for diabetis and high blood pressure in half. The relative said to lose weight 'just don't eat'. Really???? How horrible to say that and in front of my teenage kids that should not be hearing that since it is so bad for you. I tried to tell everyone this is a lifestyle change and I'm getting healthy and it isn't a 'diet' (such a bad word today). Some people just don't get it and never will. Congrats on doing so great!!!
  • cghiggins518
    cghiggins518 Posts: 48 Member
    went through the same thing. it hurts a lot that after all that work you have people dragging you down. i say ignore it but that is easier said then done. just look at all the support you have here. the comments will give you the motivation to get through this.

    after tonights game i will buy you a Boston Bruins jersey! :)
  • Angie80281
    Angie80281 Posts: 444 Member
    I feel ya, my mom's the same way. She never hesitated to point out how much weight I'd put on, but now she's very pessimistic about my weight loss. When I mentioned needing new pants (after dropping 15 pounds), she told me not to throw out my old ones because it's only a matter of time before I gain it all back and then some. Gee, thanks for the support. Don't let them get you down. You know you're serious about it and going about it the right way, and that's all that matters.
  • scarnall2
    scarnall2 Posts: 18
    It's amazing how many family members or friends disregard how important taking care of yourself can be. Don't get frustrated with them, get determined. I think you losing weight makes them feel like they are failing. I'm not sure why people try to bring down a healthy life-style? Could it be their own guilt? Keep up the good work! Turn their negative into a positive! Use their negative energy to feed your fire. Find your eye of the tiger! Motivation is a powerful thing.
  • skinnyjeans13
    skinnyjeans13 Posts: 179
    Wow, thank you all... It helps to know I'm not the only one who has been made to feel this way or who has dealt with family members making ignorant comments!! It's just hard, because I don't want to be rude or point out that they've failed in their "attempts" but I do have to learn to stand up for myself.

    I appreciate all your comments and suggestions!! :) I'm going to keep going no matter what, because though I have these family members making negative comments I have many more who are supportive and I have all of you!! Thanks again, it really helps!!
  • TourThePast
    TourThePast Posts: 1,753 Member
    It's just hard, because I don't want to be rude or point out that they've failed in their "attempts" but I do have to learn to stand up for myself.
    That's the hardest part - not taking the very easy route of being unkind to someone obese who has just hurt your feelings.

    Sometimes I wonder whether we try too hard... I am probably never going to say it, but I like the idea of looking them up and down and saying "Are you absolutely sure you want to get into a discussion about which of us is abusing our bodies?" :bigsmile:
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