Self-hate tips?

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Replies

  • culo97
    culo97 Posts: 256 Member
    Oh. I thought this thread was going to ask for tips on how to be really hateful and mean to yourself. How to come up with high five worthy self put downs.

    I have a lifetime of experience to share.
  • jaggerjia
    jaggerjia Posts: 51
    Read the book "Buddha's Brain" by Rick Hansen. It's less than $20 on many websites and bookstores and is available on ereaders and audio book if you prefer either of those. It had a PROFOUND impact for me!
  • setaylor86080
    setaylor86080 Posts: 210 Member
    Personally the thing that has helped me the most is to measure myself. I do it every month. That way although I might hate what I see in the mirror the numbers don't lie. I go down inches every time I have done it. I know I am getting thinner even if I cant see it all the time. I hope that helps
  • Stripeness
    Stripeness Posts: 511 Member
    TL;DR - change your self-talk. You DO have a choice!

    My adult daughter and I had the exact same feeling. And as we lost our first 5 and then 10 lbs, it actually got WORSE! I forget which one of us mentioned it, but we had a good laugh together. It's like, I've done all this work, and I'm still in this HORRID place! I joke that I want to have my 60-lbs-lighter body NOW on a sort of loan, where I have to keep doing the work. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I'm being honest here.

    I was seriously angry for a while over this, and angry AND embarrassed about that!

    What finally worked was a change in attitude. I asked myself how things are different when I'm at a normal weight (for me). I'm a little more active, a little more careful with my appearance, and I'm not constantly sniping at myself about how I look and how I'm a failure if I overindulge in food or don't workout to the point of feeling queasy.

    Then I thought about WHY I want to lose weight - and it has more to do with *feeling good* when I do stuff - being able to jog up stairs without huffing & puffing, for example. Sure, looking good is a nice added benefit, but the key for me (YMMV) is how I *feel*. I live in my body, but don't often look at it!

    I decided to (as much as possible) quit looking at myself for now. I haven't covered up mirrors or anything, but I'm just kind of tuning out beyond what's needed for applying makeup, for example, or checking hem evenness. I resolutely refuse to focus on what I don't like. It's unproductive to look for 6-pack abs right now, for example. So why cut myself down? How does that help?

    Instead, I focus on who I *AM* - an active healthy person. So I have been walking and hiking - now up to 10+ miles! I'm *improving* my eating habits because that's just part of being healthy, right? Nothing radical, just trying to make sure that carb macro includes some veggies and fruits (I kid you not).

    I know it sounds weird, but it's a little like learning some dance steps. Instead of trying to control every movement of every limb in *this specific sequence,* sometimes it works better to just let go, move, and let your body sort it out. Often, it DOES!

    I'm not the speediest person at this weightloss thing...but I can say that I have not had one single "yo-yo" experience since making this psychological adjustment. I have faith in who I am, and the little changes are sticking and adding up over time. And I'm MUCH healthier now than when I started, too. I like that a LOT.

    Am I *excited* about how I look yet? No. But I was damned happy to see 4 clothing sizes drop, and it's gotten a lot easier over time to not pick apart my appearance. We all have control over how we talk to ourselves, and if you realize the conversation is negative, figure out a way to change it.

    HTH
  • dressandtights
    dressandtights Posts: 9 Member
    It's okay to hate fat, and it's harder than people say to separate hating your fat from hating yourself. I often end up piling on MORE self-hate because I'm aware of my self-hate and feel like I should be "stronger" and more enlightened than that. My opinion? Some of us are just more negative thinkers, and I don't think that's always a bad thing. In many ways it can be a sign of intelligence. You're under no illusions about your body, and that's something you can use to keep yourself accountable and succeed.

    As far as feeling a little less self-hatey in the meantime, I have to agree with other replies that pouring your energy into fitness will make you a lot more comfortable in your own skin. I keep a lot of fat in my middle section and breasts, so I understand how you feel when you're sitting and all you can focus on is your stomach rolls and body folds. When I exercise rigorously in the morning and eat light meals, my body immediately feels more comfortable. My anxiety goes down--part of the cause of negative thoughts about my body--and I find I can actually focus on things other than my body. Push yourself physically in your exercise routine to see how hard/fast you can go. You may find you're stronger than you thought and that can give you confidence to step up your routine. I'd also recommend spending a good time stretching your body out after workouts to feel more comfortable and release tension.
  • fallenangel316
    fallenangel316 Posts: 16
    Someone once taught me a trick when i was in the same situation as you. At first i thought this was stupid but after about a month it started to work and now i love who i am regardless of what others say..

    Every morning - WITHOUT FAIL - get up, look into the mirror and say to yourself "i am beautiful, i am aweome and i AM worth it". that's it.. nothing else. Don't add anything like "yeah right" just say that sentence and smile and walk away. Even if you don't believe it just keep doing it.. everyday. Eventually you will believe it cause you are beautiful, awesome and worth it.

    Worked for me hopefully it will work for you.
  • I_Will_End_You
    I_Will_End_You Posts: 4,397 Member
    For some people, positive thoughts, reinforcement, whatever....keeps them going. For others, it's the opposite. Maybe you can use those thoughts to your advantage and change it. I'm the same way. I wasn't overweight at all, but I was wasn't happy with myself. I'd look in the mirror, think "you look like *kitten*" and that was my motivation. It doesn't have to sabotage your goals if you don't let it.
  • pplastics
    pplastics Posts: 135 Member
    When you find yourself being internally negative, ask yourself this question:

    Would I treat someone else the way I treat myself?

    If you would say those things to your best friend, your spouse, your child, then it might be helpful or constructive criticism. If not, maybe you need to remind yourself that you deserve better.
  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,834 Member
    OK so I’m looking for real advice.

    You have SOOOOOO come to the right place then.
  • lemurcat12
    lemurcat12 Posts: 30,886 Member
    This may seem trite, but for me it honestly is always learning to appreciate what my body can do, which means focusing not just on losing weight, but on physical fitness. Both this time and the one other time I lost a good bit of weight (I did maintain for quite a while), as well as the other times in my life I've been exercising regularly I found that there came a time when I just became more confident in my body (I may not have thought it was super great, but I didn't care so much, I was happy with it and what it could do). It usually happens relatively quickly after I start making some progress both in losing weight and, more significantly, in making fitness improvements.

    In particular, both times I lost weight I found (and maybe I'm just lucky) that I was quite a bit happier with myself at the same weights that had distressed me when I'd been at them before. Part of this was feeling more in control, because I was in the process of losing, and part just the comparison, of course, but a huge part was knowing what I could do, the fitness aspect.

    I also find that focusing on fitness makes me less worried about a particular look and more interested in longterm improvement and functionality, and also seems to affect what looks good to me. Like I'm definitely positive about athletic bodies generally, with a much broader range of sizes than I would have considered appealing back in my early 20s when I was 125 and thought I was too fat (and really could have been more fit).
  • Lose30x30
    Lose30x30 Posts: 7
    This thread was fantastically helpful, thank you everyone - I've reached out to a few of you, but feel free to add or message me, too.
  • ToughHippieChick
    ToughHippieChick Posts: 698 Member
    I just recently decided to love myself.
    I realized that by hating myself, I was being a self-absorbed negative person. It's a shame that I wasted nearly 40 years being an egocentric debby downer, because I'm really pretty dang awesome. :laugh:
  • VeganAmandaJ
    VeganAmandaJ Posts: 234 Member
    This is exactly what I do! I tell myself to "stop!", I'll even say it out loud, IF I'm alone, of course. I then find positive things to tell myself. It'll take time and I'll keep fighting the negative neuroglogical nancy's.
    I think you are caught in a cycle of "negative self talk". Try to gain control of it by telling yourself "Stop!!" When these thoughts start. Then have a "rational reply" ready to substitute and tell yourself, like, "I am working on changing this and it is Okay that it will take time". You might want to look into Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, self-help books. Negative self talk is an expanding cycle that will continue to bring you down, if you don't learn techniques to deal with it. Good luck and I am sure you are lovely!
  • newhealthykim
    newhealthykim Posts: 192 Member
    The Feeling Good Handbook by Dr. David M. Burns. It changed my life and my outlook on life.
  • Madame_Goldbricker
    Madame_Goldbricker Posts: 1,625 Member
    I've found I'm currently struggling with the way I look.

    I know I've lost the weight by the scales, my clothes, people constantly telling me. But I seem to be finding it hard to reconcile the imagine in the mirror with the one in my head. It's nuts but last year I lost 14lbs here (regained it on holiday - keto water weight). I actually felt "thinner" then than I do now? And I've lost that again AND 3st one top!

    I guess before I just looked at the overall picture of myself and dismissed it because I didn't like it much. Now I seem to be focussing & nitpicking on all the different parts of me in turn. It's pretty surreal.
  • likitisplit
    likitisplit Posts: 9,420 Member
    http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/1102508/mfp-fitspiration

    Check out this thread. Make your own.
  • AllieLosingIt
    AllieLosingIt Posts: 150 Member
    I read a thing the other day that stuck with me. It might be helpful.

    Stop obsessing over what your body is while you're changing it, it's changing and worrying about it won't do any good. Instead, focus on what your amazing body can do, that's what's important.
  • TheFitHooker
    TheFitHooker Posts: 3,357 Member
    I can honestly tell you, I have been there. I hated everything about me, or so I thought, but came to realize the thing I hated about me, was my weight, my body, the way I seen myself in the mirror. I had to find 1 thing, anything about myself that I liked or loved. It was my eyes, I have beautiful hazel green eyes, they are still my most favorite thing about me. I focused on them, once I learned to love something about myself, I could than begin to learn to love myself, it takes learning to find 1 thing about yourself, who you are or anything about you, to love, just to learn to think more positive about yourself. You can't change your mind if you are hating on yourself.

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