Diet sabotage?

kimpoe81
kimpoe81 Posts: 14
in Health and Weight Loss
Ok maybe I am being a little sensitive here, but I feel like my friend is trying to sabotage my diet. The first thing she said when I told her I was starting my diet again was, "Why? U are already pretty and If u become super skinny all the guys we know and ones we meet will all see U and wont even notice me" I said lol yeah right plus the guy you are with totally adores you. Anyway long story short so first she orders things that I love, and she barely even likes. The other day she orders one of my favs, she doesnt even really like mushrooms but orders the chicken mushroom pasta that I adore, and then procedes to pick off all the mushrooms and put them on her napkin where they get thrown away. Second three days ago comes over with four HUGE chocolate cupcakes and says I need to take them cause they will just get stale at her house cause she made too many. The next day when she came over and saw them gone she smiles and asked if I had already eaten them all, I said no my mom took three home. Smile gone, she gets mad and says she gave them to me and it was rude of me to give them away. Mom actually took all four but was not about to tell her that. So today we are going out agan and I have my salad picked out cause she said she really wants to try the Asian pizza that I would get everytime we go to this little restaurant. She would NEVER try it when I got it in the past, said she really doesnt like asian, too much ginger, way too salty, blah blah. Ugh. Am I crazy? Cause it seems to me that she is just pushing buttons, forcing food on me, and I get to watch her pick apart my fav foods while munching on veggies. IF this keeps up we are gunna have a serious talk. Does anyone think this sounds like sabotage, or am I just really being too sensitive?

Replies

  • AGirrl
    AGirrl Posts: 29 Member
    Oh my, not to b rude, but I think your friend is jealous b/c you have succeeded to do sth she either couldn't carry out herself or she feels intimidated by your display of free will, as strange as it sounds. Why would she do that? I wonder what kind of friendship you have... She fears that you are somehow superior than her, and you have to be "degraded," since she feels more comfortable w/ your previous habits. Does she have any weight issues?
  • dakotababy
    dakotababy Posts: 2,407 Member
    ABSOLUTELY that screams sabotage 100%! Goes out of her way to order something, then picks off the mushrooms! Gets mad at you for giving away cupcakes?! I would consider you re-evaluate this so-called "friendship." You either need to 1 - sit down and have a serious talk with her. Be prepared for excuses/minimizing or projection here and/or 2 - begin to separate from your friend.

    Maybe try inviting her to the gym? to go on a walk? see how she responds. DO NOT give into this, you need to set clear firm boundaries and start "weeding out" the people in your life that are going to make this harder on you than it already is.
  • kimpoe81
    kimpoe81 Posts: 14
    She has literally no weight issues. She's been small all her life. The type that can eat anything and stay little. The only issue she has is with her "beauty". She thinks she's not good looking and she is. She hates her teeth though and I don't blame her cause they aren't straight, but that's really it. We had a good friendship, just don't know why she's acting like this all of a sudden
  • kimpoe81
    kimpoe81 Posts: 14
    We have been friends for over a decade so not being her freind isn't an option. I'm just going to have a serious talk with her and hopes she sees that what she is doing is hurtful and hopefully she will see that and change. I'm hoping she's just blind to what she is really doing and I can enlighten her.
  • kimpoe81
    kimpoe81 Posts: 14
    I'm just glad I'm not crazy and was being too sensitive. Like looking at things too closely and seeing faults where there was none. Couldn't just brush it off anymore
  • kimpoe81
    kimpoe81 Posts: 14
    kimpoe81 wrote: »
    I'm just glad I'm not crazy and was being too sensitive. Like looking at things too closely and seeing faults where there was none. Couldn't just brush it off anymore

  • kimpoe81
    kimpoe81 Posts: 14
    Lol didn't mean to quote myself my phones acting up.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    kimpoe81 wrote: »
    "Why? U are already pretty and If u become super skinny all the guys we know and ones we meet will all see U and wont even notice me"

    is your friend 14?

  • kimpoe81
    kimpoe81 Posts: 14
    Lol, no unfortunately she's 29
  • harveyj_88
    harveyj_88 Posts: 64 Member
    I'm sorry but if she was a real friend she would be supporting you all the way through your diet
  • shall724
    shall724 Posts: 18 Member
    I'd call her out on it. Just tell her she should know your dieting and the next batch of cupcakes she brings over will unfortunately go in the trash. I would also tell her
    "no" to hanging at restaurants until you have met your goal. I wouldn't care if she gets mad either. >:)
  • Hell_Flower
    Hell_Flower Posts: 348 Member
    To be honest - she was at least upfront with you about her jealousy when you said you were back on the diet. That thing about all the guys liking you because you'll be skinny...at least she said that, it makes it so much more obvious.

    She does sound like she's trying to sabotage you a little bit, but if you've been friends for 10 years, it's not something worth losing that over. Ask her if she's happy or what she wants to do...if she wants to go to the gym with you, or go get a manicure or something. She's clearly projecting her own insecurities, which while a little childish, is life. It's certainly not worth losing a decade long friendship for. Go out, get drunk, talk about it.
  • AGirrl
    AGirrl Posts: 29 Member
    kimpoe81 wrote: »
    She has literally no weight issues. She's been small all her life. The type that can eat anything and stay little.

    Well, here's your answer. She can't tolerate that you will have perfect body. AND teeth, I imagine. She sees you as a rival. I know (trust me!) that the journey you have started will be strenuous, so be ready for huuuge obstacles. Even friends can be... Well. "Sabotaging," using your own vocabulary. Your life has just started. You will meet great people that share your interests, you will find out so much more about health and mind-altering lifestyle!

    On the positive side, you must be doing everything right if people notice changes! Whenever we change patterns/appearance fiends/family are forced to accept this change, often unwillingly, hence the "hurdles."
  • Beckilovespizza
    Beckilovespizza Posts: 334 Member
    dakotababy wrote: »
    ABSOLUTELY that screams sabotage 100%! Goes out of her way to order something, then picks off the mushrooms! Gets mad at you for giving away cupcakes?! I would consider you re-evaluate this so-called "friendship." You either need to 1 - sit down and have a serious talk with her. Be prepared for excuses/minimizing or projection here and/or 2 - begin to separate from your friend.

    Maybe try inviting her to the gym? to go on a walk? see how she responds. DO NOT give into this, you need to set clear firm boundaries and start "weeding out" the people in your life that are going to make this harder on you than it already is.

    I agree that it sounds like your friend may be a bit jealous of your success, take this as a compliment and as suggested maybe ask her if she would like to join you with healthy eating and fitness. Maybe explain that you want a lifestyle change and to be healthier and although you appreciate the gesture of cupcakes maybe you could do manicures etc for each other as little gifts instead of food. Tell your friend that if you both go on the healthy journey together you can both be hotties!! Failing that i'd reconsider your friendship. Saying all of this, me and my bestie are trying to get healthier together and sometimes totally sabotage each other, we figure if we do it together no-one will notice if we put weight on lol!
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 18,207 Member
    I see a fair few "omg, my friend is sabotaging me!!" posts on MFP and it's usually a total overreaction, but I have to say your friend actually sounds like she's being a real cow about the whole thing. Call her out.
  • Railr0aderTony
    Railr0aderTony Posts: 6,803 Member
    spongebob-imagination-o.gif

  • consideritdonemi
    consideritdonemi Posts: 88 Member
    Life's too short to deal with people like this. I once had a friend tell me way back when that she doesn't like when she's not the center of attention (with guys and had a boyfriend to boot). People who are ugly on the inside should be avoided for your own positive progress and sanity. Get fit, get hot, and get more supportive new friends.
  • karenj_m
    karenj_m Posts: 215
    You've been friends that long? Like others said --- just call her out on it!
  • kerrilucko
    kerrilucko Posts: 3,852 Member
    I don't know if it sounds like sabotage, but at the very least she's not being supportive of your choices. Some people like to keep others down so they can feel superior and if that's what she's doing then she's not your friend. You need to talk to her and see what's up and if it doesn't change you need to rethink the friendship, no matter how long you've been friends. Friends should be supportive of one another. And if she has valid reason to disagree with your weight loss then she should be talking to you about it.
  • leggup
    leggup Posts: 2,942 Member
    You sound absolutely insane and absolutely made for each other. So, first off, she said she's insecure about you losing weight. Okay. Immature wording on her part, but easy to talk out with her.

    You went to a restaurant with her and she ordered your favorite thing and then picked out the mushrooms. This is sabotage how? Why weren't you eating your favorite thing? Why do you care what other people eat? I am pretty sure at some point in my life I have ordered someone's favorite dish and then picked out the olives (I hate olives, I love nachos. This is my life). What she eats has nothing to do with you.

    So then she made cupcakes and said that she didn't want to keep them in the house. You didn't have to take them. If you do accept a gift from someone, it's rude to tell them you gave it away, unless you say it right from the start. "Here are cupcakes!" "Oh, I can't possibly eat all these. I can take them to my coworkers though." "No! I want you to have them!" "Okay well if you give me 10 they'll just get stale at my house instead of yours. How about you just give me 2 and see if you know someone else who will eat them."

    The Asian pizza thing, again, sounds like you caring too much about what other people are doing. Does your logging really never leave you any room for eating the foods you want to eat? It sounds like you're jealous that she's not watching what she's eating and you resent that she can eat things you like.

    I def. thought this was a tween/troll post until I clicked the OP's username.
  • mizroxy13
    mizroxy13 Posts: 466 Member
    I would definitely say something to her. That's not cool at all and it sounds like she needs some therapy to help her with her own issues(Legitimately. Not being sassy.)

    You do you and keep rockin' it and use that frustration productively! :)
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
    The Asian pizza thing is odd but who knows, maybe she just changed her mind and decided to try something she's never had before? Maybe she just made a fuss before because she knew you liked it and didn't want to take your food? If you want to know why she ordered it, ask her. None of us can tell you why she did it.

    I agree that the other things may just be you being oversensitive. While her initial comment was obviously strange, it doesn't mean that everything she does regarding food is a way to hold you down. So what if she ordered that dish and took out the mushrooms - that's her choice. While I don't think it was rude of you to share the cupcakes (once they're in your possession, you can do whatever you want with them), maybe next time just be honest and refuse them or if you take them, tell her you'll give them to your Mom or bring them to work to share. Maybe she'd rather give them to someone else if she knows you're not going to be eating them?

    It sounds to me like for some reason you can't be totally honest with your friend (because you're afraid to hurt her feelings or something) and it's time for that to change. Big lifestyle changes can affect relationships of any kind but it can help a lot to keep communication open and honest on both sides so you're not overthinking things.

    Best of luck!
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
    Yeah she seems to be trying to sabotage you, but really, you can lose weight and eat more than veggies. It's not her fault you're totally depriving yourself either.
  • LoneWolfRunner
    LoneWolfRunner Posts: 1,160 Member
    This is why I don't have friends. Too much work. Not worth the drama.
  • activefatgirl
    activefatgirl Posts: 107 Member
    I have a friend who is bigger like me and I can totally relate to you. The only suggest I can give you is not to tell her your plan... I learned this with my friend. The cup cake thing for me would have rocked. I would have told her I ate them all, I had one and then they were gone! Am I Lying... YEP, is she sabotaging me... YEP, its a win for me and a fake win for her... Oh man I can see her devil smile now.
  • Liftng4Lis
    Liftng4Lis Posts: 15,151 Member
    LoneWolfRunner wrote: »
    This is why I don't have friends. Too much work. Not worth the drama.
    laughs!

    OP, you need to have a talk with your friend. If she is truly your friend, she will remain so, if not kick her *kitten* to the curb!
  • amusedmonkey
    amusedmonkey Posts: 10,330 Member
    Ignore her attempts. With such people I usually just pretend what happened didn't happen and move on. Or better, bank for that pizza/cupcake/mushroom pasta. Eat the whole thing until she has this evil satisfaction grin on her face, and you have this "I just had a food I love" grin on yours, and then keep her wondering why you're still losing weight and looking better every single day while falling for every single one of her "evil plans of sabotage". :innocent:
  • La5Vega5Girl
    La5Vega5Girl Posts: 709 Member
    kimpoe81 wrote: »
    We have been friends for over a decade so not being her freind isn't an option. I'm just going to have a serious talk with her and hopes she sees that what she is doing is hurtful and hopefully she will see that and change. I'm hoping she's just blind to what she is really doing and I can enlighten her.

    what does the length of your friendship have to do with anything? i ended a 20+ year friendship. if you are being mistreated, and you say something and it isn't corrected, move on. life is too short.

  • amusedmonkey
    amusedmonkey Posts: 10,330 Member
    La5Vega5Girl wrote: »
    kimpoe81 wrote: »
    We have been friends for over a decade so not being her freind isn't an option. I'm just going to have a serious talk with her and hopes she sees that what she is doing is hurtful and hopefully she will see that and change. I'm hoping she's just blind to what she is really doing and I can enlighten her.

    what does the length of your friendship have to do with anything? i ended a 20+ year friendship. if you are being mistreated, and you say something and it isn't corrected, move on. life is too short.

    I'm really baffled at the number of people on here who just suggest ending all kinds of relationships with a snap of a finger. Being a jealous friend (and admitting it) is not a deal breaker (unless it is a big deal for OP). It's a personality defect. Custom built friends do not exist. We all have our kinks.

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