I want to love my body but it's so hard.
shadowharuka
Posts: 92 Member
When I started my first major weight loss journey at the beginning of 2013, admittedly while I said I was doing it to lose weight, it was actually because I didn't like my body and I wanted to be skinny. I said I was trying to be healthy but really all I was concerned with was looking "hot". My whole life I was the chubby girl. Not that I was ever THAT big but family and friends both made fun of me for my size. Societal standards also taught me that I was disgusting. But the thing is, you can't make a dedication to long lasting weight loss via a motivation of hating your body. I think, if anything, others ridiculing my body just made me eat more, because some times that was how I dealt with stress. I started doing pilates, and eating 1500 calories a day and I got down to 150 pounds and I still thought I was fat even though all of a sudden everyone started telling me I looked good. I gained a little bit of the weight back during the school year because I really just didn't have time to exercise. I noticed that people were more friendly with me when I weighed less.... I had more friends, and my family complimented me and told me I was beautiful much more often. But I still wasn't happy. I wanted to be 130 pounds, a weight that I haven't been since I was probably a 5'4 11 year old girl. I'm 5'6 and 19 now...so I've realized 130 is probably an unrealistic goal. But I sure hate how people treat me seems to depend on my pants size. I gained mass in my thighs this summer because my physical therapy made me gain a lot of muscle but then all of a sudden my mom started saying my thighs were too big and such... yes they did get bigger but with more muscle. But also my cellulite became more visible too, so I guess that means I gained some fat, or maybe the muscle is just pushing on the fat cells? All I know is that I want to feel good about myself and not hate my body. But I also don't want to have to obsess about being a certain size to do so. I want to love my body as it is now but it's so hard when I hear dissatisfaction from all the people in my life, so how am I supposed to like my body? But at the same time.... I know that I will never have a healthy relationship with food if I don't. I truly want to love the body I am in now and I think that it will help me in every aspect of my life and I just don't know where to start. I know I need to lose weight too and unfortunately I see that as stress rather than an opportunity to be healthy. I know I want to live a long life...and I want to be attractive. I want to love my body and while other people shouldn't matter I hate getting the negative feedback from all my friends and family. I suppose my family and friends are just being honest with me but I just feel horrible when they tell me I look like I've gained weight or that I don't look good right now. Does anyone have any advice?
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Exercise! No mention of exercise beyond physical therapy putting on muscle! Seriously, what is your feeling about exercise? How much do you do naturally? What do you *feel* like, when you're not thinking about how what you look like in the mirror shapes up to your expectations of how you should look? Do you feel strong, robust, full of life? No, then exercise is the key. Concentrate more on that! It will, given dedication, make you feel so much better than simply trying to slim down through diet.
Your family and friends do not sound like good influences when it comes to your weight! Actually, they're terrible, imo.
When you say you may have unrealistic goals, well that's a recipe for misery and failure. You already know this! What you are having trouble with is how to feel great and be healthy without negative body image. If you want people to notice and respond to you, dealing with the body image issues is way more important. Really. You'd be shocked to discover how much its all in the mind. Also, forget skinny. Some people suit skinny well but they're the minority.0 -
Ok, and now for a more direct example of how to love your body.
Try, in a quiet moment when you have the time, to empathize with your body. Let your mind focus on how it feels. Be aware of it, beyond what you *want* it to be and more towards what it *needs*. Is it tired, stressed, demanding, etc? Be generally kind towards it. Listen. Maybe there are things you would like it to be that its not. At least acknowledge that you might be wrong about that. You might not be, too. Work with it. Be careful not to treat it like a slave. Its trying its best. Really.
Can you conceive of someone with the same body as you who would also feel full of confidence and like their body, if their circumstances were different? If the answer if yes (which it normally is) then acknowledge how much of this is a *mental* thing.
Your body wants to feel healthy and strong. That's how it makes you feel good, yes? Then what does your mind want? That's another much bigger and more complicated area to examine.0 -
I have a similar thing with my girlfriend having a bit of "Fun" with my weight. And I really don't like it very much. Thing is for me though, I live in Thailand and she is a Thai national. There is a different culture over here and to be honest if someone my age is overweight it tends to be seen as a sign of wealth. You have to be rich…you can eat enough to be overweight. So because of that I let it slide and try to ignore it.
I di tend to agree with the comments above that you are having more of a psychological battle than anything else. Look at your body and try to *kitten* the best your can POSSIBLY expect to be with your body type. Then look again and assess the best you can realistically be. Once you ahve done that work towards the best realistic body slowly by setting SMALL goals. Acheiviung them and setting another SMALL goal. Each one is a triumph. Sooner rather than later you will be well on the way to a happier state of mind because while acheiving all your smaller goals your body will begin feeling better and better all the time and this will, in turn, relieve the mental stress you are suffering from.
Slowly but surely one step at a time.0 -
To take a different tact… Learn to separate yourself from your body. Your body is one part of you… it is not YOU. Learn to love YOU. Often when we look in the mirror for a time, we can pick apart our appearance. You have a good nose and a pretty face, but you don't like your hair (just an example). You can start looking at yourself as a whole in the same way. You can like X,Y, and Z about yourself, but not like your body. That's okay. Because when we like our face, but not our hair… we can go about changing it, but we're doing it from a mindset of improving ourself… not self-hatred because we're so ugly. It can work the same with your body. Once you can learn to love you, but not your body… then you can work on changing it but it will be from a mindset of self-improvement, not self-hatred.
When you can do it from that mindset… then you will be more able to recognize those improvements and fine tune them (my hairstyle is looking better, but I still don't like the color) to get the results you want. Eventually… as you learn to love YOU… and you are able to start making those positive changes in the areas you don't like… your self-esteem goes up little by little and you'll get to the point where you can love your body.0 -
You need to find that love for yourself within you, and as hard as it is, try and ignore the negativity. I have a family that is the same way. A mother that actually seems disappointed when I lose weight because she wants me to be heavy like her. Sometimes when I lose more weight, I tell her hoping for some encouragement or positivity, but then I realize she won't change. As someone told me once, "you can keep returning to that same well but it will always be dry." So I've learned not to depend on and seek out her praise so much. I am making positive changes and doing something for my health. What others think shouldn't matter. It's a work in progress. I still struggle with my body image and worrying about what others think, but it's getting easier with time. I hope you're able to do the same. By the way, we ALL have things we don't like about our bodies. Try to focus on and emphasize the things you do like.0
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cincysweetheart wrote: »To take a different tact… Learn to separate yourself from your body. Your body is one part of you… it is not YOU. Learn to love YOU. Often when we look in the mirror for a time, we can pick apart our appearance. You have a good nose and a pretty face, but you don't like your hair (just an example). You can start looking at yourself as a whole in the same way. You can like X,Y, and Z about yourself, but not like your body. That's okay. Because when we like our face, but not our hair… we can go about changing it, but we're doing it from a mindset of improving ourself… not self-hatred because we're so ugly. It can work the same with your body. Once you can learn to love you, but not your body… then you can work on changing it but it will be from a mindset of self-improvement, not self-hatred.
When you can do it from that mindset… then you will be more able to recognize those improvements and fine tune them (my hairstyle is looking better, but I still don't like the color) to get the results you want. Eventually… as you learn to love YOU… and you are able to start making those positive changes in the areas you don't like… your self-esteem goes up little by little and you'll get to the point where you can love your body.
^^This. Definitely this.
You as a person consists of much, much more than just a shell of a body. I found peace with myself when I just stopped worrying about how I looked. Surprisingly, it became much, much easier to focus on my health when my appearance wasn't an issue.
Look within yourself, focus on your personality traits which you and others appreciate, things/skills you are good at in general and you may not love yourself, but you can start to like yourself.
Good luck!0 -
This is hard. I know it is. I struggle with this on a daily basis. I am one of those "Pretty Faces" that has some cute head shots, but thats it. From the shoulders down its Bleh!
I suffered from depression for this very reason. I felt that I had to hide behind a profile picture that showed only my face for the longest time because that was the only way that people would like me and even consider talking to me. Of course if I didn't love myself then how could anyone else?? I was the one who dodged pictures, or if my family wanted group photos I would hide in the back for that classic shoulders up view.
No one ever told me that I was too big or needed to lose weight, but thats probably directly connected to the fact that I didn't see many people. I usually just hid in my room. Going shopping for clothes was the most miserable chore. I hated events that required me to wear dress clothes, and almost considered being unemployed for the rest of my life so that I didnt have to purchase business casual clothes. Give me a tshirt and baggy pants forever.
I also worked my butt off and got down to 228. I got comfortable and turned one "cheat meal" into another string of excuses. Then I ballooned again to 251. The cycle returned... coupled with a cancer diagnoses and 2 motorcycle accidents leaving me out of commission for 3 months, the depression got really bad. I felt as if I was never going to be able to get back on the wagon and that I would just continue to get bigger and bigger.
I don't know what clicked, and I don't know how I got there.. but I finally decided that hiding was a waste of my time. I look the way I look, and there is nothing that I can do about that immediately. By that I mean, there is no magic pill that works overnight. If I wanted to change I would have to dedicate myself. I decided that I have to not necessarily LOVE my body, because that's impossible at this point, but I can accept that this is where I am at now. I had to make my goals my JOB. I no longer allowed excuses.
When you have a job or a responsibility, you have to do tasks to get to a result. At a job, you have to work to get paid. Monday through Thursday is draining, annoying, and dragging butt, but why do you do it? To get paid. That end result. I decided to apply that same concept to my body. I have been given a task, take this body and make it perfect, ideal, healthy, and everything that I want. It isn't easy, but you aren't going to get paid sitting around doing nothing. I made plans. I sat down and made a workout plan. Sure I can call in sick once in a blue moon, but after 2 or 3 times, I get fired. Make it part of your schedule. Instead of working 9-5, you work 9-6. That includes your hour of exercise, you aren't done until it is done.
I don't know if the same thing would work for you, but it did for me. I am on day 10 and I lost 3.8 lbs last week. I did have a little splurge last night, but I am back on track today. If people want to tell me I am overweight or my thighs look big, that's okay. They can judge me till they are blue in the face, I am working on fixing that. I have dedication and motivation.. unlike them, I am doing something to better myself.. they are rude, and probably always will be.
You can add me on here if you want extra support. I am dedicated and I post daily so hopefully I can help you.0 -
wow that made so much sense, you are so right as from tomorrow my schedule will include an hours exercise, looking at things from a different angle is so positive and work is work it has to be done to get results!0
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I found I needed to love myself now. Not when I lose 5, 10 ,20 pounds but today. You need to look at yourself and accept your body for what it is even with the flaws. Genetically some of us will have bigger hips and thighs even if under weight. The only thing we can do is exercise to keep it firm and muscular. Just remember you are incredible at any weight.0
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Your not alone in feelingall of this. I have always felt like the ugly girl, even when i 95 pounds and graduating high school. I wore baggy clothes to hide everything and as medical issues have come along the past few years i have slowly gained weight. I worked by butt off and got back to a size i was happy just to have some personal issues come up and i got depressed and gave up.
I have had to hcange my mindset and do whatever i have to, to make myself healthy and happy. If i get the feeling of being sexy (for the first time ever) thats just a bonus. Im not going by a certain weight as a goal, instead i am basing it off of when i feel good.
My sister is very heavy and i have tried to get her to join all this with me, but its strictly something you need to do for yourself.
If your friends and family cant be supportive in a way you need, then focus on this site and we will all help to keep you motivated.
You are not alone by any means.
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I struggle with this same problem. I tried for years to lose weight and then all of a sudden something clicked and I lost 45 pounds in 2012. I've kept the weight off but I still have my stomach that i want to get rid of. and because of that I get so down on myself. I know that if i cleaned up my diet again i would be fine. When i originally lost all that weight I was very strict with myself and didn't allow the sweets, only once in a while, however now that i've been staying at the same weight i've begun to fall back into my old habits. I think "oh i'm working out, i can have that candy bar after lunch" but i can tell in my waist that I'm not the same. The scale may be the same but my shape is different. I want to love my body but I can't seem to convince my mind. I think for me it's because I feel like i've failed myself time and time again.
I remember how i felt great when I lost all the weight and everyone was saying how i looked so good and they admired my dedication to my workouts and sticking with my food plans. I felt on top of the world. NOW i feel like it's just another thing i do, like a job. I don't have the sense of accomplishment.0 -
What kind of people make negative comments about someone else's body? This is really not appropriate behavior for either "friends" or family.
The next time someone makes a negative comment about your body, pause, look them directly in the eye and say, "That is an extremely rude thing to say. I would prefer that you stop commenting on my body."
You shouldn't tolerate bad behavior from your family, friends or strangers.0
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