Anxiety is getting the better of me.

jjdiggy · October 2014

Now, I've had anxiety since way before I started loosing weight, and it's the main reason why I started - however more recently (even after loosing) it's getting pretty bad again. I'm not asking for any remote diagnosis because this is something I am looking to consult with my doctor,but what I do ask is that you could give me some support, some advice, something to show me signs of hope.

I started at 232lbs and I'm currently about 185lbs. I am a snacker - and a constant one at that. I managed a whole 5-6 months of clean eating with no McDonalds, chocolate or candy and barely any fast food. However more recently I haven't been able to stop eating these things. I am literally eating away at my insecurities. I am always hungry and forever craving the things which I suddenly ditched through the first stage of my 'eating clean'. Don't get me wrong, they're good, but look at what I'm doing to myself; all of what I did was practically worthless; and to add to it - I don't even feel any better for loosing this weight.

I'm still fat, and yes you may not agree in my comparison photos..but I am - the shirt and mirror just distort my figure. I am forever feeling like I need to impress the public with what I wear, how I groom myself and such - and it doesn't help that I've started speaking to a girl (who I'm actually starting to have feelings for). I stopped exercising a while back because I just don't have the energy or motivation to do so. I hate myself, I really do, and I hate the way I look. I don't even know where I'm going with this...I just have no hope. I'm just suddenly coming extremely depressed and anxious again for no particular reason other than because of the way I look. I hate my face, my flab, my figure, my features - everything. I'm forever being compared to my attractive, fit and healthy cousins - or my friends who are regular gym-goers. I hate walking with them because I'm the largest of them all. I hate clothes shopping because nothing suits me, nothing fits right. I've a habit now of breathing in without realizing, and it's something I don't even notice that I'm doing - and if I do breath out - I look extremely overweight. I just...hate myself.

I don't even know what I'm asking for. I just need some form of advice, to help me see the possibilities. Proof that thing king of thing really is worth all this pain and suffering and constant anxiety.

Jack

sllm1 · October 2014

You look great. I might suggest talking with someone (doctor, therapist) about your anxiety and body image issues.

Liftng4Lis · October 2014

You need to go talk to a professional. One should not "hate" themselves. Furthermore, looking at your before and after, you're correct, I'm not going to agree with you, as you are NOT fat.

jjdiggy · October 2014

sllm1 wrote: »

You look great. I might suggest talking with someone (doctor, therapist) about your anxiety and body image issues.

Yes, that's something I intend on doing.

galprincess · October 2014

I suffered and still do suffer with body dismorphia , its a battle I have everyday I am a uk size 10 yet cannot get rid of my size 14-16 clothes as I still see myself as that size.

It is getting better and it comes with time (14 years ) im what you might describe a fatter person in a smaller body and like you I am prone to snacking.

My advice would be to talk about it this is vital and I commend you on your post you are very brave also drink water lots and lots and another thing I do is if I feel like snacking (I don't always realise) I will plan in advance so chopped up fruit and yogurt or vegetable sticks etc or cheese string etc. Planning is vital just this 1 thing will make a big difference it all starts with 1 small step at a time but you will be ok.

Don't beat yourself up you've done incredible and ok you might not be at your final destination but your further than when you first started be proud of that. Battles are there for everyone just yours is with yourself definitely talk to someone and you will be ok.

Kalikel · October 2014

Get therapy, for sure.

If the problem is mental, changing the physical doesn't solve it.

You deserve to feel better about yourself and your life, so go work on that. Good luck!

SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage · October 2014

Ugh. Anxiety. I've struggled with it for years. It was at its worst when I was obese, but it does still pop up every once in a while.

Talking to someone about it will help. But these are the things I do to help myself during an attack:

-talk myself out of the ensuing anxiety attack. I can feel it coming, I know the signs every single time. I've gotten pretty good at talking myself out of them. Common things that run through my mind which are totally irrational but feel real at the time, such as heart attack and allergic reaction. I tell myself that I'm fine and these things are not happening, it's just mental. Take a few deep breaths, find a quiet space to be alone for a few minutes and focus on breathing and pushing out the attack.
-I squeeze HARD on the spot between my thumb and finger. I was told long ago this is a pressure point. I don't know if it's true but it seems to help distract me.
-exercise. OMG this has helped me so much. I don't know if it's the endorphins or the distraction, but it works.
-cut down on caffeine. If I have too much coffee, I can count on an anxiety attack.
-medication. Last resort for me is sublingual Ativan (dissolves under my tongue). If I'm really struggling, I take one and 10 mins later I'm good. I rarely take it anymore, but if I don't have the prescription in my purse, I will have an anxiety attack because I don't have the meds (ridiculous I know).

Ultimately, getting in a better spot mentally about your body will help you, but you have to figure out a way to deal with the attacks in the meantime. Best of luck to you

Anxiety is getting the better of me.

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