What's therapy like?

cranberrytape · October 2014

I think I need therapy. I've always had some really bad self-esteem problems and my attempts to lose weight have only made it worse. I've started going through cycles of restricting my calories to 800 or lower, then binging, then attempting (and failing) to throw it up, then giving up on weight loss altogether until something happens that triggers my motivation again.

I feel like a complete failure if I can't meet my goals, if I eat too much, if I don't push myself hard enough during workouts. I'm constantly paranoid that other people are thinking about my weigh, laughing at me behind my back. I wonder if my friends gossip about how fat and ugly I am and I'm terrified that someone is going to take my picture and post it online to mock me because I've seen it happen to other fat people. You'd think someone who hates themselves so much would have better control, but I don't, and that's why I hate myself. Sometimes I feel so defeated and hopeless that I think about suicide, although I'm not seriously suicidal and do not have any intention of hurting myself.

I know I need help. I know that I'm never going to lose weight, be healthy, and look the way I want to look if I don't take care of my self-esteem problems. But a part of me feels like I don't belong in therapy. I feel like I don't have any real problems and I'm just making excuses to be fat and gross, and I get scared that my therapist will think I'm pathetic and judge me secretly, even if they pretend to care.

I guess I just wanted to ask, for those who've done it before... What is it like? Does it help at all? What kinds of things do you talk about?

suppakana · October 2014

I've never been to therapy myself, but I have friends who have - the biggest piece of advice they ever gave me about pursuing therapy is that if you think you need to go, and you have the means ($$ not an issue), go. It helps. It helps in varying degrees, in that you get out of it what you put into it. You need to help your therapist help you.

Later on, if you think you're doing better and want to stop going to therapy, at the minimum talk to your therapist about it... One of my friends mentioned that at one point she felt really well - she stopped going to therapy for a month and, well, crashed after that month.

Reading over what you've written, you've taken the first step towards helping yourself - admitting that you need help. The hardest part is done. I'd make an appointment with your primary care and get a referral to a therapist [who is accepting new patients and your insurance]. That way, too, your primary dr. will be aware of what's going on if something comes up in the future.

DaFibble · October 2014

Yes, I've done therapy before. Not for the same reasons.

All of us could use some decent therapy. All of us. There is no one, no matter how well accomplished or content, that couldn't benefit from some well targeted therapy. I definitely agree with the previous post. If you can get it, do it! Just go for it.

There are times when its more crucial than others. By the sounds of things this is one of those times for you, for sure. Your weight issue is a major issue for you right now, so get some help with that, regardless of whether you are overweight or whatever. There is no way of telling from your profile what your weight so its hard to know what the situation is. Regardless, use any resource you have offered, including therapy. If you don't I guarantee things will get harder later. Just use it, if its offered. Use everything.

Your calorie restrictions are scary, so yes, that is an issue. Brutal and totally unsustainable. Your body will take over and FORCE you to eat more calories unless you choose a more balanced diet. You'll never lose being so aggressive with a calorie deficit, unless you become seriously mentally ill as part of losing. Don't do that. Seriously. It will hurt everything you love, or just maybe everything that cares about you, because you might not care much about yourself if self esteem is a thing (for all I know). Please don't do that. You'll regret it later.

This is massively in your favour: You are 20 years old. Your body can adapt, grow and change massively within the next decade or two. You could lose weight, put on muscle, grow brain tissue – anything you want! If you start to adopt healthy habits of course. It won't take too long if you stick to realistic expectations and work with how you are without going overboard. Its hard work but totally worth it. Your future happiness depends on making good decisions now.

Go to therapy. Its not going to be the same as another persons experience because its a very broad field. Chances are the worst that will happen is you won't find any use in it and give up.

cincysweetheart · October 2014

Just to offer a different perspective…. I have done therapy a few different times in the past for various reasons. In each case, it seemed to help for the first 3-4 weeks, then after that, I felt worse when I left the office than I did going in. And in one case, the reason I had started going was for major depression and suicidal thoughts… so feeling worse when I left than I did going in? YIKES!

Therapy can work great for a lot of people. If you've never tried and you have the means to do so … it's worth a try. But therapy isn't a guarantee. I've had better luck finding help outside the mental health profession.

If you choose to try it… go in totally, 100% honest from the very beginning. Put all your cards on the table. Don't feel like you have to come up with answers that you don't have to try to impress, or try to hide the "ugliest" parts of yourself. Be upfront about any hesitations or questions you have. Don't let someone try to make you out to have more problems than you really do… make them stay focused on the issue you came in to discuss (all of us have some unhealthy thoughts and behaviors… but if it's not causing problems for you in your life and you don't see it as a problem… it's NOT one. Don't let them try to tell you it is).

consideritdonemi · October 2014

I try to be more of a positive thinker and aim to learn from my mistakes so as not to repeat them. At times when things have seemed difficult and I couldn't seem to see the forest for the trees, therapy worked wonders for me. A good therapist offers lots of perspective. Seriously, I love it and would love to go in at least once a month or every couple of months for 'maintenance'. But with a limited budget right now, I do more personal development articles and books. A good church (or spiritual literature) is a great reinforcement for the spirit as well.

HAS415 · October 2014

PrismaticPixel is absolutely right. I did that to my body. I'm 5' 10" and started out at 278 18 months ago. I dieted all the way down to 142. I would have loved to stop going but my trainer stopped me and brought me back up to, well, 160, but I float usually between 155 and 160. He wants me at 165. I have a serious mental block about 160, I had one about 150 and sort of fought through it but when I near 160 I freak. And I fear because I went your route cranberrytape. I started out starving myself. Lived on just a salad a day, that's it for like 2 months or so. I was losing about 20 lbs a month. Then exercise became an addiction. An obsession. I'd exercise 3 -4 hours a day. Then I had a hysterectomy the end of July and was banned from the gym. So I'd walk the boardwalk in search of answers to my problem I'd go around and around and around until sometimes Id log 10 miles in a day. My trainer stopped me from any exercise until I get to 165 because I can't put it on. I am running into blocks both mentally and physically. The food goes right through me. Please, for the love of GOD don't go this route. If anything good can come out of my story, it's to teach people what can happen when you don't listen to your trainer and doctors. I've yo'yod in the past 3 times. I always gain it back. I swear to GOD I'm not going to let that happen this time. But I just have to let this obsession go with diet and exercise. I miss the natural high of seeing the scale go down. Of walking that 10th mile. Just of the challenge. I do like being thin. When I see women who look like I used to I have anxiety attacks. I have anxiety attacks in the grocery store. I sometimes wonder if it's worth it. People say I need in patient rehab. I don't know what to think any more. Honestly, I think I look eh ok, maybe a little thin on top but still need work on the bottom. It's all one crazy nightmare. Please do it the healthy way. Don't end up all confused and conflicted like me. Good luck, hun. Stay healthy.
143.

La5Vega5Girl · October 2014

i have never been to therapy for weight loss or eating issues but i have been in therapy for most of my life for other reasons. it is HARD. you have to WORK. you have to be committed to digging deep and doing the painful processes involved. no matter your issues, it comes down to trying to get to the core of who you are. it has left me in tears more times that i care to remember, and it has torn me into pieces. but the best part is - those pieces get put back together into a WHOLE YOU. it's a PROCESS, not a one-time event. be prepared for the long-haul...but so worth it. HTH

AglaeaC · October 2014

The reason you start therapy is usually quite simple to explain, in a few words, but what happens when you're in the hands of a good therapist (one who "consults" rather than pushes their own agenda) usually opens lots of other stuff if there's something in a knot elsewhere.

I went to a psychologist because of problems in my studies (techniques, etc.), but it ended up being about my personality as a whole. And I learned about mindfulness and other things that have changed the course of my life completely. It drained me beyond description but that was because he was fully booked so if I wanted to make progress I had to face fears etc. in between sessions. Which I did.

I'm grateful for having had the guts to go talk to someone and now I'm an eternal self-improver by choice. Shoving things under a carpet won't do anyone any good and I believe that as long as I can become a better person, I owe it to both myself and my surroundings. My humble two cents.

zoeysasha37 · October 2014

Personally,I think you should give therapy a try. Seriously. you probably have an eating disorder, so talking to a professional would be a good idea.
To Answer your question, therapy for me (I don't have an eating disorder, but do have some anxiety issues) it was a very simple process. I went once a week and spoke to the therapist , we tried to get top the bottom of why I felt the ways I did and then tried to figure out ways to solve the issues. For example, the therapist will offer suggestions on how you can work on the issues your having.
Many Towns have free or low cost help available, for those that don't make a lot of money. So look into what your community offers and see if there's somewhere you can go to talk with someone.

Elsie_Brownraisin · October 2014

It depends on the type of therapy, because there are several. For example, cognitive behavioural therapy and counselling are very different. However, given your relationship with food and self-esteem, you may find it more helpful to seek therapy with someone qualified and experienced in this subject. As an example, I work in an NHS therapy clinic in the UK, but we don't see clients with eating disorders - the eating disorders team have their own specialist therapists.

I have had cognitive behavioural therapy to manage a mental health condition and it was very, very helpful. I had low self-esteem and binge ate when I was unwell (but this was not a stand alone issue and I don't binge and purge or do it when I'm not depressed) and at the end I felt I had a measure of control over these things. It was a case of looking at how and why I did things, to challenge some of my beliefs about myself and the world and how to prevent relapses or identify when things are going wrong and put some things into place so I had more of a say in my treatment. I still use the techniques 2 years later and have sucessfully nipped 2 potential episodes in the bud before they got very bad.

Not sure where you live, but if you have subsidised or free health care in your country, check if they offer any services. If you go private, the websites of the professional bodies that govern the particular type of therapy should be able to provide you with details of local therapists who are fully qualified and up to date with their training and professional development. They may also list what areas they specialise in and some may offer a sliding scale for payment based on your financial situation. There may also be local charitable organisations that offer treatment.

Hope things improve for you soon. Unfortunately, therapy is not a magic wand and it may take time to find a therapist you are happy with, or possibly be on a waiting list if you are using health services, but you are worthy of treating your body and mind well. And it helped me massively.

Tiamo719 · October 2014

For starters, make sure you get therapy specifically designed for your problem. Also, in my years of experience with therapy, when I get an overweight therapist, I quit after the first visit.

I believe there are nutritionists that are therapists as well. I went to one back in 2008 and lost 30 lbs!

You need to be patient with weight loss. That's the first thing you need to learn. Not easy, I know.

LadyFaile · October 2014

Therapy is very cathartic when all the pieces come together. For it to be successful you need to find a therapist that you are comfortable talking to openly and honestly.

I remember going to therapy as a child and it was a complete waste of time. I didn't have a good rapport with the therapist and I didn't feel safe talking with her about everything that was going on. There is no way that therapy could be successful for me given the situation.

On the other hand, as an adult I realized that I needed to go back to therapy when my marriage was falling apart. This time I got referral from my EAP (employee assistance program) to a therapist that I've been seeing for six years. The first three appointments were covered by the EAP and because of my diagnosis, my medical insurance has covered subsequent appointments making it very affordable. I feel completely comfortable with this therapist and can talk freely with her. Occasionally I hold back on talking about something, but it is because I'm not ready to talk and has nothing to do with our working relationship.

She helps to provide perspective on my thoughts, letting me know whether my reasoning makes sense or if there are some additional factors that I need to take into account. When I'm having troubles handling life and need an adjustment to my medication, she's able to give me a gentle nudge to let me know it's time to talk to my doctor about adjusting it. It's really nice having someone outside of my life that I can talk to and help me work through what's been going on and what's on my mind.

I hope that helps you.

RodaRose · October 2014

Find someone who is trained in Dialectical Behavior Therapy

blossomingbutterfly · October 2014

I can say that finding a therapist that you connect with is the most important thing. You will talk to the therapist and be honest and truthful in your sessions. That will ultimately benefit you the most.

JoRocka · October 2014

PrismaticPixel wrote: »

All of us could use some decent therapy. All of us. There is no one, no matter how well accomplished or content, that couldn't benefit from some well targeted therapy. I definitely agree with the previous post. If you can get it, do it! Just go for it.

[snip snips snip]
Go to therapy. Its not going to be the same as another persons experience because its a very broad field. Chances are the worst that will happen is you won't find any use in it and give up.

seriously- All of these things.

everyone should go to therapy for at least 6 months-
1.) because everyone really needs it in some way or another.
2.) it's really cathartic- it's a great space to decompress and recenter yourself.
3.) if everyone was going- there wouldn't be such a horrible negative stigma attached.
it's NOT for crazy people- it's for people. and everyone should go. perfectly adjusted people (whatever that is) need therapy too.

What's therapy like?

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