unlovable

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BunnybeeJG
BunnybeeJG Posts: 344 Member
edited October 2014 in Motivation and Support
I don't think that my bf really loves me...im too fat
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Replies

  • starjulia
    starjulia Posts: 22 Member
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    Sounds like you need a new boyfriend then
  • Jennloella
    Jennloella Posts: 2,286 Member
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    Yeah, why is he your boyfriend?
  • BunnybeeJG
    BunnybeeJG Posts: 344 Member
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    The only men that want a big girl have a fettish. He hasnt out and said he hates me but...how can someone hate fat people and love someone who isnt thin
  • EmpireBusiness
    EmpireBusiness Posts: 333 Member
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    blazepurr wrote: »
    Spot the twelve year old

    Either this or she has a really unhealthy perception of herself. The bf is irrelevant if she doesn't love herself.
  • missiontofitness
    missiontofitness Posts: 4,074 Member
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    Lose 150 pounds in one day by dumping him.
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
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    BunnybeeJG wrote: »
    The only men that want a big girl have a fettish. He hasnt out and said he hates me but...how can someone hate fat people and love someone who isnt thin

    Because no woman on this site who has lost significant weight has had a partner who loved her at all sizes?
  • missiontofitness
    missiontofitness Posts: 4,074 Member
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    Alatariel75 wrote: »
    BunnybeeJG wrote: »
    The only men that want a big girl have a fettish. He hasnt out and said he hates me but...how can someone hate fat people and love someone who isnt thin

    Because no woman on this site who has lost significant weight has had a partner who loved her at all sizes?

    Yep..
    I definitely disagree with the fetish bit. Some people prefer certain body types. Some do fetishize them. But that doesn't mean that every larger/fat woman is being fetishized by her significant other.
  • BunnybeeJG
    BunnybeeJG Posts: 344 Member
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    Im just having a bad night. I usually keep the lot of this bottled up I just... should not have posted. I guess I just felt the need to say something. I don't think that he wants to hear it ... my bipolar is bad tonight.
  • 0torque0
    0torque0 Posts: 362 Member
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    BunnybeeJG wrote: »
    Im just having a bad night. I usually keep the lot of this bottled up I just... should not have posted. I guess I just felt the need to say something. I don't think that he wants to hear it ... my bipolar is bad tonight.

    you have nothing to apologize for. bottling it up doesn't help a whole lot. talking about it is good if it leads to a change for the better.
  • BunnybeeJG
    BunnybeeJG Posts: 344 Member
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    0wmaque0 wrote: »
    BunnybeeJG wrote: »
    Im just having a bad night. I usually keep the lot of this bottled up I just... should not have posted. I guess I just felt the need to say something. I don't think that he wants to hear it ... my bipolar is bad tonight.

    you have nothing to apologize for. bottling it up doesn't help a whole lot. talking about it is good if it leads to a change for the better.

    I had a momentary lapse in judgment I thought this site Was one of those where people aren't terribly mean ...unfortunately it's still an online portal and the promise of anonymity seems to make it okay to be mean to somebody. no I'm not 12 no I don't hate myself not really I just needed to vent I guess venting to strangers sometimes is easier. Ive been with him for 8 years I just am starting to feel like maybe..Some of the comments he makes whenever there's another person that is big...that maybe Im disgusting too
  • 0torque0
    0torque0 Posts: 362 Member
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    BunnybeeJG wrote: »
    0wmaque0 wrote: »
    BunnybeeJG wrote: »
    Im just having a bad night. I usually keep the lot of this bottled up I just... should not have posted. I guess I just felt the need to say something. I don't think that he wants to hear it ... my bipolar is bad tonight.

    you have nothing to apologize for. bottling it up doesn't help a whole lot. talking about it is good if it leads to a change for the better.

    I had a momentary lapse in judgment I thought this site Was one of those where people aren't terribly mean ...unfortunately it's still an online portal and the promise of anonymity seems to make it okay to be mean to somebody. no I'm not 12 no I don't hate myself not really I just needed to vent I guess venting to strangers sometimes is easier. Ive been with him for 8 years I just am starting to feel like maybe..Some of the comments he makes whenever there's another person that is big...that maybe Im disgusting too

    i'm sorry that anyone makes you feel bad whether it is someone you know in real life or online. But on the bright side, we only know about three sentences of your life - which doesn't define you. And you bf's opinions, good or bad, does not define who you are either. i get the venting thing, like a talking to a bartender, cabbie, priest, etc.
  • cakebatter07
    cakebatter07 Posts: 814 Member
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    BunnybeeJG wrote: »
    0wmaque0 wrote: »
    BunnybeeJG wrote: »
    Im just having a bad night. I usually keep the lot of this bottled up I just... should not have posted. I guess I just felt the need to say something. I don't think that he wants to hear it ... my bipolar is bad tonight.

    you have nothing to apologize for. bottling it up doesn't help a whole lot. talking about it is good if it leads to a change for the better.

    I had a momentary lapse in judgment I thought this site Was one of those where people aren't terribly mean ...unfortunately it's still an online portal and the promise of anonymity seems to make it okay to be mean to somebody. no I'm not 12 no I don't hate myself not really I just needed to vent I guess venting to strangers sometimes is easier. Ive been with him for 8 years I just am starting to feel like maybe..Some of the comments he makes whenever there's another person that is big...that maybe Im disgusting too

    Aww hun I definitely get wanting to feel attractive to your partner. I mean who doesn't? It's totally normal. If you're worried maybe you should have an honest conversation with him about your body and how he feels about it. But also show him that you are working hard towards a slimmer and healthier version.

    Also do some other things that make you feel more attractive, like getting your nails done, buying something cute, or taking a bubble bath. Attractiveness is much more than a size!
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
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    Gotta say, I'm sorry you're feeling bad but you can't lambast people for being mean when you posted all of 3 sentences, one of which was actually pretty insulting to larger ladies and their loving partners. No one here is psychic, and you didn't exactly present as someone with a 3 dimensional issue.
  • chadya07
    chadya07 Posts: 627 Member
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    you should tell him what you think, telling us wont give you a true answer.

    i used to have a friend, not a boyfriend but a friend, who would say "oh my god" whenever he saw an obese person. one day i turned to him after a particularly rue response and said really, what do you think of me if she is hideous? he said "you arent fat" keep in mind i weighed 260 lbs at the time.

    i am not sure exactly what that means. i still cant really figure it out except that i guess people see people they love through rose colored glasses.

    personally i would tell him how it makes you feel when he makes comments about other people that look similar to you. and if you dont feel good about who you are, try to change what you can, or learn to love what you cant change. positive self talk might be a good start. dont ever say things like "i am too fat to love" or "nobody could love a fat woman like me" when you do, you make it so. and not only that but think about this. if you say those things about yourself it is no better than he saying them about someone else. it is the truth that you see too, enough to speak aloud.

    perception may need some adjustment.

  • beccaheiser
    beccaheiser Posts: 12 Member
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    I was really skinny when I met and started dating my boyfriend. Fast forward 4 years and gaining 100lbs, our love life isn't the greatest, but I'm making changes. He still loves me no matter what my size. I think the unattractive part isn't that he doesn't like fat girls. I think he doesn't find you attractive anymore because you don't find YOURSELF attractive! Try starting to really love yourself and get comfortable in your own skin. If he STILL has issues with you, then you're not the problem- He is!
  • BunnybeeJG
    BunnybeeJG Posts: 344 Member
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    cakebatter07 wrote: »
    BunnybeeJG wrote: »
    0wmaque0 wrote: »
    BunnybeeJG wrote: »
    Im just having a bad night. I usually keep the lot of this bottled up I just... should not have posted. I guess I just felt the need to say something. I don't think that he wants to hear it ... my bipolar is bad tonight.

    you have nothing to apologize for. bottling it up doesn't help a whole lot. talking about it is good if it leads to a change for the better.

    I had a momentary lapse in judgment I thought this site Was one of those where people aren't terribly mean ...unfortunately it's still an online portal and the promise of anonymity seems to make it okay to be mean to somebody. no I'm not 12 no I don't hate myself not really I just needed to vent I guess venting to strangers sometimes is easier. Ive been with him for 8 years I just am starting to feel like maybe..Some of the comments he makes whenever there's another person that is big...that maybe Im disgusting too

    Aww hun I definitely get wanting to feel attractive to your partner. I mean who doesn't? It's totally normal. If you're worried maybe you should have an honest conversation with him about your body and how he feels about it. But also show him that you are working hard towards a slimmer and healthier version.

    Also do some other things that make you feel more attractive, like getting your nails done, buying something cute, or taking a bubble bath. Attractiveness is much more than a size!

    It just feels like no matter what I do its not working. No matter how little I eat how healthy I eat how hard I work out. . Nothing. Im so frustrated with this. Ive been fighting it since I was a kid and I thought deep down it would get better. It is not helping to feel like the one person I love unconditionally. ..might not feel that way
  • runningforthetrain
    runningforthetrain Posts: 1,037 Member
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    There are some meanies. But, sometimes people respond too quickly without a lot of info. There are plenty of nice people here too. I would suggest talking to him about your feelings. I would also think long and hard about whether you are happy with a man who makes judgmental and harsh comments about other people.
  • runningforthetrain
    runningforthetrain Posts: 1,037 Member
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    Also -- you are thinking very negatively. You mentioned bipolar. You may not be able to control your bad thoughts. Make an appointment to see your MD.
  • cakebatter07
    cakebatter07 Posts: 814 Member
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    BunnybeeJG wrote: »
    cakebatter07 wrote: »
    BunnybeeJG wrote: »
    0wmaque0 wrote: »
    BunnybeeJG wrote: »
    Im just having a bad night. I usually keep the lot of this bottled up I just... should not have posted. I guess I just felt the need to say something. I don't think that he wants to hear it ... my bipolar is bad tonight.

    you have nothing to apologize for. bottling it up doesn't help a whole lot. talking about it is good if it leads to a change for the better.

    I had a momentary lapse in judgment I thought this site Was one of those where people aren't terribly mean ...unfortunately it's still an online portal and the promise of anonymity seems to make it okay to be mean to somebody. no I'm not 12 no I don't hate myself not really I just needed to vent I guess venting to strangers sometimes is easier. Ive been with him for 8 years I just am starting to feel like maybe..Some of the comments he makes whenever there's another person that is big...that maybe Im disgusting too

    Aww hun I definitely get wanting to feel attractive to your partner. I mean who doesn't? It's totally normal. If you're worried maybe you should have an honest conversation with him about your body and how he feels about it. But also show him that you are working hard towards a slimmer and healthier version.

    Also do some other things that make you feel more attractive, like getting your nails done, buying something cute, or taking a bubble bath. Attractiveness is much more than a size!

    It just feels like no matter what I do its not working. No matter how little I eat how healthy I eat how hard I work out. . Nothing. Im so frustrated with this. Ive been fighting it since I was a kid and I thought deep down it would get better. It is not helping to feel like the one person I love unconditionally. ..might not feel that way

    Well you don't want to eat too little. Just make sure you are tracking accurately, because you might be eating more than you really think. And if you don't already I would suggest starting to lift too. A lot of women on here have had great results with that. I feel you though, I've been around the same weight for such a long time, but I've been so lazy with everything and always get off track after a few weeks.

    You should really have an honest conversation with your boyfriend about how you feel. Honestly is very important with relationships.
  • runningforthetrain
    runningforthetrain Posts: 1,037 Member
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    ^^^ Nice one!

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