Biggest bridesmaid at the wedding.
carleylouise
Posts: 15
Hi all,
I just need to come on here and vent! So I've been asked to be a bridesmaid for a friend. I knew she was going to ask me and to be completely honest I've been dreading it. She isn't getting married until August 2016 but I have over 70lbs I would like to lose. I'm hoping this is do-able as my sister seen my friend recently at an Aqua class we all usually go to together, I wasn't there as I have been battling off a chest infection for the past month! I missed one class and my friend decided to go to that one I didn't go to. She explained to my sister she was happy she was back exercising and then said ' We need to get your sister back considering she's going to be a bridesmaid, she needs to lose some weight.' My sister was completely shocked at what she had just heard and didn't speak to her much after. My sister has just told me. One class I miss and I need to get back into it apparently! She hasn't been for months! It makes me so mad that she would even say that! Then again, in a way she's helped me. I am now more determined than ever not to be the biggest bridesmaid at that wedding! I have 683 days until they say I do and 683 days to lose 70+lbs! I love this girl to bits but sometimes because shes 5 foot and petite she thinks everyone else has to be too! Argh! Am I over reacting? I want to lose weight for myself as I feel disgusting but this has hurt my feelings so much.
I just need to come on here and vent! So I've been asked to be a bridesmaid for a friend. I knew she was going to ask me and to be completely honest I've been dreading it. She isn't getting married until August 2016 but I have over 70lbs I would like to lose. I'm hoping this is do-able as my sister seen my friend recently at an Aqua class we all usually go to together, I wasn't there as I have been battling off a chest infection for the past month! I missed one class and my friend decided to go to that one I didn't go to. She explained to my sister she was happy she was back exercising and then said ' We need to get your sister back considering she's going to be a bridesmaid, she needs to lose some weight.' My sister was completely shocked at what she had just heard and didn't speak to her much after. My sister has just told me. One class I miss and I need to get back into it apparently! She hasn't been for months! It makes me so mad that she would even say that! Then again, in a way she's helped me. I am now more determined than ever not to be the biggest bridesmaid at that wedding! I have 683 days until they say I do and 683 days to lose 70+lbs! I love this girl to bits but sometimes because shes 5 foot and petite she thinks everyone else has to be too! Argh! Am I over reacting? I want to lose weight for myself as I feel disgusting but this has hurt my feelings so much.
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Replies
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Dont worry. Weddings are over-rated anyway0
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Hi honey you can do it!
Im working towards getting my weight off for my sisters wedding in December next year. She's just told me that her and her other half booked it. I've got along way to go but I know its doable. It's doable for you too!
Youll be there and you will sparkle at your friends wedding
I wish you all the luck in the world.
Feel free to add me we can do it together xx0 -
Use this to get your motivation going. Maybe you won't lose all the weight, but you can sure lose a good chunk of it. Don't delay, get going and you'll be happy you did, wedding or not. I wish you all the best, and try to be the bridesmaid with the most beautiful smile on her face. 0
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Sometimes our friends mean well but it comes out insensitive. I'm sure your friend had good intentions when she told your sister about you being the bridesmaid and you all working out more. The weight loss goal sounds like a reasonable time to lose the weight. Just make small goals, track your food, buy a food scale and measure accurately, exercise and you will see the changes you want to see.0
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Aww it's just tough love babe! I'm sure she had good intentions at heart And you don't look "big" by the way! You've got plenty of time to lose weight safely before the wedding, do it for you!
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Don't let it hurt your feelings, brides-to-be are notoriously tactless, she's in wedding mode and thinks everyone else should be too.
Never lose weight for anyone else. Do it for you, and you alone. You can definitely lose 70lbs in nearly two years - you wouldn't even need to lose a pound a week! That's totally achievable! Good luck!0 -
Hi There!
It does seem really rude that she said that, I have recently gotten married and I didn't ask my friends to be my bridesmaids expecting them to change, I asked them because they are the people that I love and wanted them to be part of my day.
You could look at this as a positive in that she asked you regardless and wants you to be part of her day perhaps? Perhaps she didn't mean it to sound so awful, could it be that she is more worried about your health than your appearance? Perhaps not considering the context of her statement.
As far I as I can tell you have a couple of options:
1. Confront her, ask her why she said it, question her motivation in saying it
2. Take it on board, use it to fuel your own motivation and really show her
I would do the latter but then I'm all about bottling it all up - not healthy really! ha ha!
As long as you don't turn this into any sort of self loathing I think you move past it and use it as motivation.
I'm sorry your feelings were hurt and I would be the same, take the positive spin and use it for yourself!
P.S. My Husband has a real knack of making me feel a bit crap about my diet and progress, unintentionally of course and I use that as a 'I'll show him' mantra when I'm exercising and choosing food!
Good luck and you can do it!0 -
Your sister should not have told you that. What good did it do you to tell you. Your friend probably meant well and don't think it was fair to repeat the conversation. You have quite a while to get the weight off so take it slowly and don't be too sensitive. If your friend asked you to be bridesmaid she obviously values you as a friend.0
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On one hand, I'd say brush it off and chalk it up to early Bridezilla.
On the otherhand... if she's being bridezilla ALREADY, do you really want to be a bridesmaid? It shouldn't matter how much weight you need to lose. If she wants you in the wedding, it should be because you are who you are.
That said, even though I've never had the honor of being in anyone's wedding party, including both of my siblings... I'd probably tell her, sorry, I'm not interested and then lose the weight before the wedding anyway.0 -
You have a really good amount of time to get your weight down so you can do it gradually and sensibly so that the weight will stay off. You have a goal to work towards which should really help and keep you motivated!
I am sorry your friend was insensitive, I don't think you are over reacting at all, I would also be hurt.
You can do it 0 -
Have you told her in the past "I don't want to be the biggest bridesmaid.." or other phrases like that? If so she may have thought her conversation with your sister was perfectly in line with your desires... It was still crappy, but people don't always think... Let it go, there are plenty of things worthy of your time and attention, this one just isn't.
I was in a wedding where I was definitely the biggest bridesmaid (red dress in profile...) The next largest girl was a size 6... I was a size 14-16 at 5'2", when she asked me to be in the wedding, then I got pregnant. I asked her to get out of the wedding since she had 11 other bridesmaids, but she was the maid of honor at my wedding and couldn't turn her down when she said how important it was for her. By the wedding I was 9 months pregnant... In a candy apple red dress... I remind her often how much I must love her... Years later when she was pregnant swollen and feeling like a blob, she apologized crying for making me do it... We had a good cry/laugh over that!0 -
If it helps, I've lost 72lbs in 200 days, so it is possible 0
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+1snowflake954 wrote: »Use this to get your motivation going. Maybe you won't lose all the weight, but you can sure lose a good chunk of it. Don't delay, get going and you'll be happy you did, wedding or not. I wish you all the best, and try to be the bridesmaid with the most beautiful smile on her face.
just set a goal to lose 1lb a week from TODAY.
less he said/ she said
and just do it for yourself.
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i'd use it as motivation, then once your at a weight your happy with, get your revenge, when going for the dress be as awkward as you possibly can be grinz.
Revenge is a dish bittersweet but i find it to my liking
ROFLMAO0 -
I also give The Bride the benefit of the doubt. The Bride always wants what is best for all the people in the wedding. Wait until you see The Bride at the bridal shower, rehearsal dinner, dress selection, etc... then you will understand. The clash between the fantasy running in their head and the reality of putting on the wedding will have her in tears more than once before this process has been completed. Time to leave The Bride to her fantasy and talk about reality.
70lbs in that amount of time is totally doable. Enter your weight loss as 1 lb per week into MFP and let's get started. Note: This weight loss is totally about you. Here are a couple of thoughts about getting to your goal.
1. Get someone else to do your weigh-in once a week. This has really worked for me. My Fitness gal at work has me show up in gym clothes once a week for a weight-in and a discussion. You can also check with your doctor's office. They are normally quite happy to do your weigh-in. The being accountable to an outsider for my weight has worked wonders for me.
2. You have to make a change in your diet. All other things being equal, simply logging all your food, water, and exercise into MFP is a great first step. As someone noted, I play MFP like a game. I try to get with-in 100 calories of my target every day.
At this point, you are actually done. Weight loss is all about the calorie deficit. If you log faithfully and keep within your limits, you will lose weight.
However, fitness is not simply about weight loss. You have to add the second part of the equation which comes down to moving more. I have set myself a goal of 7 x 45 minutes of cardio each week. What I didn't know when I started was the exact form. I started with walking on the treadmill and changed over to bicycle riding.
1. I picked up a Fitbit Zip to keep track of how much I move each day. A good goal is to try for 10k steps in each day. If I don't do the bike, I try to hit the 10k steps. Note: 10k steps normally means that I have to take one of my 45 minute movement periods as a long walk. Weather has turned perfect for walking.
2. Aqua class is an excellent form of movement. Very low impact on the joint and the resistence of the water works for exercise. I totally support keeping up this activity.
3. If you need to, find something you enjoy. Something you like is always better than something you simply do.
If you wish, add me as a friend. I've dedicated myself to trying to log stuff into MFP for 1000 days straight. That means I will be logging until after the wedding is over.
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Hi,
The one thing you must do is get over the feelings of being hurt by your friend's words, she probably wasn't trying to be hurtful, after all, she spoke to your sister (if she was being spiteful, she wouldn't have said it to your sister, I'm sure) because as long as you're feeling hurt by the seemingly innocent comment from your friend, you are going to struggle, because every time the weight loss journey gets tough (and it will get tough from time to time - there's no point in lying about it, weight management is not easy) you are going to feel resentment towards your friend, for saying those horrible things about you, and possibly end up resenting her for it, which won't make this journey any easier.
If I was in your position I would talk to your friend, tell her you have been told what she said, tell her it hurt your feelings, but it is OK and that you are trying to do something about your weight, that way, when the going gets tough, your friend can kindly remind you why you're doing this; she can actually be instrumental in your weight loss journey - utilise her words, treat them as an affirmation "I am doing this to get fitter and not be the biggest bridesmaid at the wedding...." or something like that (it's your journey, you decide on the words to suit your needs).
You can do this, so long as you put your mind to it and knuckle down, the wedding is 22 months away; so set yourself a plan, work out the amount of kilograms you want to lose and divide then by the amount of weeks, or months you have got until the wedding, that'll give you some indication of how doable this is for you....
I wanted to lose 12st (76.2kg) in 2 years, but looking at the total loss made is seem impossible, so I divided my total loss by 24 (the amount of months I gave myself to achieve my weight loss target); therefore I needed to lose an average of 7lb (3.2kg) a month, which sounded very doable and gave me confidence to at least try - my 24 months will be up on the 13th of November and I only have 3.75lb (1.7kg) left to lose to achieve my goal and I know that I can do it, despite my recent setbacks (there have been a few personal issues getting in my way, but life has a habit of doing that) because I know that I set myself a realistic target right at the beginning.
I hope this helps you and makes you feel like you can do it - because you can.... feel free to add me if you want someone to chat to or offer some friendly advice and support.
Good luck, you'll be a stunning bridesmaid, I'm sure xXx0 -
If you've been dreading being a bridesmaid, back out now. It's a lot of work and can be a pain even when you're 100% enthusiastic.
Your sister should not be spreading he-said-she-said crap. Let her know that she has the option of standing up for you or letting things go, but she is not your rumor messenger. Tone doesn't convey, intention does not convey, and it's really immature to spread that sort of thing.
Go back to your aqua class when you can and enjoy it.
As for the weight loss, you actually have a really feasible goal. I went from 215 to 165 (50 lbs lost) in 9 months/255 days.0 -
yep good that you are starting now vs other threads where they want to lose in 30-90 days.
Best wishes on your WOE.0 -
My thoughts - whatever motivates you to get going and keep at it!!
Nearly 5 years ago, when I decided to finally get the weight off, I announced it to my family and my brother just rolled is eyes and said "here we go again". While he was right, I'd done several different diets with no success, it still ticked me off and motivated me to prove to him that I WAS serious this time around. During the first couple of years, when I'd hit a plateau and get discouraged, I just had to think of him and my determination was bolstered.
I'd encourage you, at some point, to find your own motivations though (health, mobility, etc) as this may not last the whole way through. Do this for you!
Good luck and take care0 -
britishbroccoli wrote: »If you've been dreading being a bridesmaid, back out now. It's a lot of work and can be a pain even when you're 100% enthusiastic.
Your sister should not be spreading he-said-she-said crap. Let her know that she has the option of standing up for you or letting things go, but she is not your rumor messenger. Tone doesn't convey, intention does not convey, and it's really immature to spread that sort of thing.
Go back to your aqua class when you can and enjoy it.
As for the weight loss, you actually have a really feasible goal. I went from 215 to 165 (50 lbs lost) in 9 months/255 days.
Yeppp. It's not just buying an expensive dress you'll wear once and sipping wine and dancing. If you're dreading it, consider why you're dreading it, and if you can handle the pre-wedding meltdowns, the making and re-making of centerpieces, helping to foot the bill for the bachelorette party and bridal shower, and otherwise being a part time wedding planner for pay that consists of a plate at the wedding and hopefully an open bar. If not, step down now and ask to go as a guest.
In the meantime, just stay focused on your weight loss goals, and don't let that comment bring you down too much. 0 -
You should lose the weight and outshine the bride! Seriously though, forget her. She obviously has her own issues. Is she shallow or is she worried about your health? I have a friend who is pretty overweight and diabetic and she doesn't take care of herself properly. That concerns me because of her health. That being said, I tell her that not her sister. And I encourage her.
I definitely think your goals are doable in the time before the wedding. Keep logging your food and eating at a deficit. Continue going to Aqua class. Water exercise is great for strength and weight loss! Don't be afraid to try new things.
You have made a terrific first step just getting on here. Don't give up. The first week is, seriously, the hardest. At least it was for me.
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Hi,
The one thing you must do is get over the feelings of being hurt by your friend's words, she probably wasn't trying to be hurtful, after all, she spoke to your sister (if she was being spiteful, she wouldn't have said it to your sister, I'm sure) because as long as you're feeling hurt by the seemingly innocent comment from your friend, you are going to struggle, because every time the weight loss journey gets tough (and it will get tough from time to time - there's no point in lying about it, weight management is not easy) you are going to feel resentment towards your friend, for saying those horrible things about you, and possibly end up resenting her for it, which won't make this journey any easier.
If I was in your position I would talk to your friend, tell her you have been told what she said, tell her it hurt your feelings, but it is OK and that you are trying to do something about your weight, that way, when the going gets tough, your friend can kindly remind you why you're doing this; she can actually be instrumental in your weight loss journey - utilise her words, treat them as an affirmation "I am doing this to get fitter and not be the biggest bridesmaid at the wedding...." or something like that (it's your journey, you decide on the words to suit your needs).
You can do this, so long as you put your mind to it and knuckle down, the wedding is 22 months away; so set yourself a plan, work out the amount of kilograms you want to lose and divide then by the amount of weeks, or months you have got until the wedding, that'll give you some indication of how doable this is for you....
I wanted to lose 12st (76.2kg) in 2 years, but looking at the total loss made is seem impossible, so I divided my total loss by 24 (the amount of months I gave myself to achieve my weight loss target); therefore I needed to lose an average of 7lb (3.2kg) a month, which sounded very doable and gave me confidence to at least try - my 24 months will be up on the 13th of November and I only have 3.75lb (1.7kg) left to lose to achieve my goal and I know that I can do it, despite my recent setbacks (there have been a few personal issues getting in my way, but life has a habit of doing that) because I know that I set myself a realistic target right at the beginning.
I hope this helps you and makes you feel like you can do it - because you can.... feel free to add me if you want someone to chat to or offer some friendly advice and support.
Good luck, you'll be a stunning bridesmaid, I'm sure xXx
You have done such a fantastic job and this advice is spot on!
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Your sister shouldn't have shared that with you. It may be a bit of a motivator, but you're already motivated to lose the weight an be a gorgeous bridesmaid. All your sister accomplished was to make you sad and angry.
One of my kids informed me that her friends said I was the only mom in the class who looked like Garfield. That was 2+ years and 74 lbs ago, but it hurt and it still hurts. Of course my daughter didn't realize that she was sharing anything hurtful (she was 6 years old at the time), but it just made me not want to participate in any school events because I knew the kids were watching and judging me.
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Thank you all for your advice - I am more motivated than ever and my weight loss officially starts today! 10.11.14 ! Currently weighing in at 229lbs!0
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I was the biggest in my best friends wedding as well. I was so upset but especially as we tried on dresses and I was in the plus section while everybody else was in another section. I kept telling myself that I was going to lose weight before the wedding but that was 5 years ago and I'm still about the same size. My advice is if you really want to lose the weight do it for YOU and not just for the wedding. That was my mistake. Now I have my priority's straight and I'm starting to lose weight again.0
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